Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Here at Rock, Paper, Shotgun, we received an email from someone calling themselves ‘DefinitelyFromBlizzardHonest’, telling us what will be announced at BlizzCon next week.

There have been rumours flying for a while that Blizzard were to be announcing a new expansion pack for WoW, but because a stranger sent us an email, we’re able to post a news story detailing massively exciting new things.

The sequel to World of Warcraft is to be called World of Warcraft 2: Watery Warriors.

The game will be set under water.

Character levelling will be replaced with giving characters prettier hair.

Blood Elves will look more fey again.

Diablo 3 will be first-person, built in the Oblivion engine, and feature voice-activated combat.

There will be no loot in Diablo 3, but the numbers of in-game kittens will increase.

Blizzard are giving all their money to the tiny orphans.

So there you have it. No real reason to go to BlizzCon now, unless you want to dress up as a Murloc and fuck an Orc.