Cuddle Your Cube

By John Walker on October 11th, 2007 at 11:42 pm.

So this is weird. Tonight, in a fit of madness and love, I emailed Valve’s over-harrassed PR wunder-human to demand that they immediately begin manufacturing a Weighted Companion Cube plush toy to add to their range. (While over there, I spotted a prototype Hunter plushie, which was all kinds of cute). And then I find they’ve already confirmed it, via the least official means possible.

PC Gamer report that an email from Gabe Newell was posted on Penny Arcade’s forum, assuring him that cuddly cubes will be out before Christmas. Or as I prefer to put it to everyone who loves me, in time for Christmas.

So if a forum post linked via a blog post (for a magazine that appears to have completely THIEVED our guide for getting That Song from your files without crediting us at all – I’d assume they sourced it from elsewhere as is hugely likely, but then I’d not be able to feel self-righteous) is true, hip-hip: hooray!

Now, the question remains, will they be making plush incinerators?

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61 Comments »

  1. Kast says:

    I… want… one! Scratch that, I want a whole fluffy army of them!

    Question is – how big will they be? Big enough to hold in your hand or life size and seat or pillow like?

  2. Cigol says:

    They’ll call it half-life-sized… I reckon they will be quite small but if I was going to buy one I’d want it to be life-size.

  3. Timbo says:

    Me + Weighted Companion Cube = BFF.

  4. trioptimum says:

    Plush incinerator be damned, I want a plush 1500 megawatt Aperture Science heavy duty supercolliding superbutton.

  5. The unexplained whooping of Gladys McCartney says:

    Headcrab + Weighted Companion Cube = private fantasy

  6. Pentadact says:

    In the words of The Spy, oh please. I’ve had a Counter-Strike sound file as my ringtone for as long as you’ve known me. I was decompressing GCF files before you were born! Which was also before I was born or existed in any meaningful sense! Existence is for pansies.

    PS. Thanks for the link.

    PPS. If anyone’s jonesing for another great song, Ze Frank’s just put out another masterpiece: http://www.zefrank.com/zesblog/archives/2007/10/fer_you.html

  7. Bobsy says:

    No, no, NO! The Weighted Companion Cube should be a minifridge, dammit!

  8. Watcher95 says:

    No,

    The cube should be Solid, Square and Cuddly.

  9. Alec Meer says:

    Oh happy day! RPS is currently Google Numero Uno for ‘weighted companion cube’ searches.

  10. Bobsy says:

    If your WCC is cuddly, how will you ever stand on it to reach out-of-reach places? Huh? HUH?

  11. Betsy Duncan-Smith says:

    Oh happy day! RPS is currently Google Numero Uno for ‘weighted companion cube’ searches.

    You may as well kick off the weighted companion cube slash fiction topic now. It’s only a matter of time. I’ll start.

    I bent over and stroked weighted companion cube. It feels like she sighed a little and relaxed, beckoning me in.

    “I want you inside me,” she seemed to say. If only the weighted companion cube could speak I would have done.

  12. NightShade says:

    Is the weighted companion a girl? Obviously the pink suggests it but a game where you play a lesbian? Jack Thompson will be all over them!

  13. Man Raised By Puffins says:

    “Oh happy day! RPS is currently Google Numero Uno for ‘weighted companion cube’ searches.”

    Congratulations, you’re also number one for ‘weighted companion cube slash fiction’.

  14. roBurky says:

    The weighted companion cube is an inanimate crate with no sexual organs. But that doesn’t mean it can’t have feelings.

    Although it does mean that it can’t speak.

  15. Watcher95 says:

    Bah, it is Solid and it is Square in addition to Cuddly.

    Solid + Square = Condusive to standing on it to reach out-of-reach places.

    Do the math.

  16. roBurky says:

    I decided one weighted companion cube wasn’t enough:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/54947936@N00/1550523497/

  17. Pentadact says:

    Spoiler: The Companion Cube is definitely male. GLaDOS says “But he couldn’t come because you murdered him.”

  18. NightShade says:

    But he lives! He’s in the credits ^.^

  19. roBurky says:

    There’s also cake in the credits. And as we all know, the cake is a lie.

  20. Bobsy says:

    “The cake is a lie” is a lie.

    Also, these are spoilers. Are we allowed to be spoiling?

  21. Thiefsie says:

    Ugh the lack of voice in both Portal and ep 2 is really causing widespread problems.

    Luckily Portal was fine for me but EP 2 bugged out but at least by then I knew of the problem, and it was more obvious with alyx just miming to me all the time…

    I just found out my mate was up to level 18 in portal and thinking it was dead boring… then I came to see what he was up to and lo and behold GLaDOS wasn’t talking to him, which of course you have no way ever of knowing that unless you’ve seen someone else play it or heard about it. (Or have captioning on)

    Thankfully I convinced him to fix it up and start from the start again, however I did have to let on that from level 18 he probably still had an hour to go to finish as he was like nah fuck it I’ll just finish it then go through again, but I begged him to start again to actually realise that the game is pretty crap without GLaDOS (and of course the ending would be not much of a surprise)

    This is a pretty widespread bug and a bit of a shame on Valve’s part. I’d hate to know how many people have had portal effectively ruined by it!

    Many people will be none the wiser! There isn’t even mention of it on the steampowered tech support (after my admittedly brief look)

    shame really

  22. Nick says:

    I want a small weighted companion cube to adorn my desktop (as in: the top of my desk in the Real World) and also a PC case version. Or a “skin” for my gamecube.

  23. MPK says:

    I just want a t-shirt that says (please god let this HTML work) THECAKEISALIE

  24. MPK says:

    Poo.

  25. wolf says:

    I made a wallpaper for the companion cube, grab high res + widescreen versions of it at my deviantart page: http://coldwolf.deviantart.com/art/Portal-love-67101524

  26. J says:

    my cube told me his name is Wilson!

  27. Selig says:

    so where will you be able to buy one?

  28. sdpenaloza says:

    Weighted Companion Cube

  29. sdpenaloza says:

    bah it cut my post….. WCC Cube

  30. sdpenaloza says:

    ok nvm it keeps cutting my post, can’t wait till christmas

  31. Evildawg says:

    1st how did your cube tell you it’s name was wilson and if you guys really wanna know something cool look up “easter eggs for portal” and you will find a cool video where a person figures out how to walk through the end sequence video AND go outside with wcc it is AWESOME!!!! actually i’ll just give you the video (love the song lol ~.^) http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8904794562069714159&q=easter+eggs+for+portal&total=8&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

  32. HelenAngel says:

    If any of you are on Second Life, I’m making a weighted companion cube for it right now. XD

  33. Test Subject #567587665798678968907890790789079089078568678578785789689 says:

    W.W.W.C.C.D

    We need wrist bands!!!

  34. Croannick says:

    can ne one tell me how the game ends? i cant finish it because i WILL NOT kill my WCC. WILL NOT!!!!!

  35. Test Subject #567587665798678968907890790789079089078568678578785789689 says:

    You get cake!

  36. hamtax says:

    i wonder if a fleshlight will fit inside of one?

  37. Ging says:

    hamtax, that’s genuinely disturbing!

  38. pcberdwin says:

    it should not be plush.. that’s dumb. should be hard plastic.. maybe have the pink lines light up for your desk. yep.

    they should also make small hard plastic keychains.. or metal ones

  39. pcberdwin says:

    i’ve also been making wallpapers of WCC

    http://berdwin.deviantart.com/gallery/

  40. Test Subject # Liam says:

    OMG W.W.W.C.C.D. WRISTBANDS!!!!

    get on it, valve.

  41. Test Subject #567587665798678968907890790789079089078568678578785789689 says:

    http://lovethecube.blogspot.com/

  42. Bunny says:

    I reckon I could make a passable companion cube plushie out of felt… as practice before I try out softer materials…

    But I’m more tempted to make a cake of one. It is mine and the Mistah’s anniversary, after all…

  43. Dan says:

    lol, Portal was fun :D love the Cube!!

  44. tanda33 says:

    i have plans to make a W.C.C computer case mod

    and i will name the computer GLaDOS

    just to be juxtapositioning

  45. Merlin says:

    Screw a plushie.

    I want a BIG one that I can open and sleep in damnit all!

    And mine’s name is Captain Fuzzles Porkin Bob. ^_^

  46. Flea Jr says:

    Mine was called Crispin, he is my favourite, when you deflect an energy ball with him, he gets singed. a taste of things to come i guess :(

  47. unnamed says:

    whats a companion cube?

  48. Moto42 says:

    Weighted Companion Cube is the most faithful friend you will ever betray.
    Your Weighted Companion Cube will gladly stand between you and an oncoming High Energy Pellet (side effects may include vaporization). Weighted Companion Cube will literally elevate you to a higher, place in life.
    The only thing it would never do, is threaten to stab you.

  49. NothingIncorporated says:

    weighted companion Cube car dice?

    …the cake was a lie :’(

  50. Moto42 says:

    NOOOOOO!!!
    I’m gonna make my own, full size, dense-foam core weighted companion cube.

    Where the hell am I going to find good foam for this?