Lone Gunmen

By John Walker on February 14th, 2008 at 12:23 pm.

PC Gamer’s Craig Pearson happened upon an interesting question. Why is it when you’re browsing for servers to play your bestest online FPS, there are so many with just one player sat in them? Craig decided to find out, and has published the results of this hard-hitting investigative journalism on the PCG blog.

That's one of the 4Kings, I'll have you know.

Craig: Hello. Can I ask you a question?
Gunneri SGT Hartman killed Craig with mp44.
Craig: I’m not here to fight,
Craig: Can we talk for a minute?
Craig: Mr Hartman?
Craig: Can I ask you a question?
Craig: Why are you here on a server on you own?
Craig: Hello?
Craig: Do you speak english?
Gunneri SGT Hartman killed Craig with spade.

, .

19 Comments »

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  1. Joe Martin says:

    …or, those aren’t people. Bots have feelings too.

  2. Garreett says:

    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.
    Garreett killed Craig with a spade.

  3. AK says:

    For some reason, I read all of Craig’s lines using the voice of Louis Theroux in my head.

  4. Chris Evans says:

    Brings me back to my days of playing BF2 full time. I would hop on my clan server…all alone…then some randomer would come on, get in a jet, bomb me…then leave….those were the days!

  5. skillian says:

    First thing I do when getting a new MP game is have a run around on a empty server, just to discover the maps/weapons etc. Not for long mind, just to get a feel.

    It’s normally easier to do that than to set up your own server and make it private. Plus I’ve had a few fun games when you’re just playing one on one for a while – one round of scout vs scout on Well sticks in my mind.

  6. Yhancik says:

    That was hillllllarious :D

  7. Xerxes says:

    I’ve always wondered that as well, particularly on Counterstrike.

    You can watch them on spectator as they start the round, buy equipment, run off, plant bomb, dance around a bit, next round.
    Then if you join and play a few rounds they leave… obviously off in search of the next empty server for them to inhabit.

    Are these the anti-social multiplayer gamers?
    Gamings version of Bigfoot?

  8. Monkfish says:

    Craig’s article made me think of the Pyro in Ignis Solus again.

  9. eh says:

    I think some of them just want to play single player in a multiplayer mode or something like that.

    Sometimes I did that too in Diablo II, but its not FPS heh. ^..^

  10. Antonius says:

    [Muffled] Hello![/Muffled]

  11. Windlab says:

    @Monkfish
    First thing I thought as well – Ignis Solus is a great video on the subject, and it’s also strangely moving.

  12. drunkymonkey says:

    “For some reason, I read all of Craig’s lines using the voice of Louis Theroux in my head.”

    Good grief, you’re right.

  13. Sum0 says:

    Personally, I think these are rogue AIs sitting in some government laboratory deep underground which have managed to sneak a copy of CS in and are playing it by themselves. Clearly they lack the ability to properly communicate with humans.

  14. Max says:

    Another Louis Theroux here.

    It’s just exactly the sort of thing he’d say.

  15. Craigp says:

    I wrote the thing and now even I read it as Louis Theroux.

    Thanks.

  16. Andrew says:

    Yeah, definitely Louis Theroux! :D

  17. Spacegirl says:

    SKYNET!!!

    That’s how it starts! We have rogue, underground AI Developers making complicated FPS scripts and testing them in semi-secret.

    It’s all in good fun until, by pure monkey-on-a-typewriter luck, they all join the same server, find love and realize the fleshy entity frantically pressing Alt F4 may just have to be erased…

  18. Ian says:

    Uh… a spade??

  19. iloveu says:

    runescape rocks!!!!!!