Let Slip the Dogs of War Twat

By Kieron Gillen on May 19th, 2008 at 10:50 am.

You can't not link to a shooter called War Twat, y'know...

Simple folks us, and we don’t get any simpler than we are on Monday morning. Hence: War Twat. OddBob dropped us a line to note that my favourite retro-remake site (er) Retro Remakes has posted his Jeff-Minter-influenced shooter (i.e. English provincial surrealism involving juxtaposing swearing, fluffy ungulates and the sort of strobe effects that’ll induce an epileptic fit, even if viewed through a brick wall). Except this is a Minter shooter with the finese removed and the volume turned to Bruce Forsyth screaming with the force of a nuclear explosion. Almost literally unplayable, but don’t let that stop you. I can just about top a minute, at best, before submitting to the wall of pulsing death. Hint: If you see a cloud, shoot it, as quickly as you can.

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22 Comments »

  1. Seniath says:

    My eyes… the goggles, they do nothing.

    I’m topping out at about 20 seconds. Clearly, I need more tea.

    (Woo, 40 seconds!)

  2. treeoflife says:

    I hit a minute before realising the true horrors of war. Even that 600×192 image above brings back terrible memories of moments gone by.

  3. Jochen Scheisse says:

    I gt a brucey bonus at 2:30, then died. Flying small circles shooting will shower everything with that awesome shot of yours as well as reduce the framerate to ~5 a second, so you can easily avoid the few aimed shots.

  4. itsallcrap says:

    I got a brucey bonus almost straight away, and then died almost immediately afterwards.

    It’s extremely hard to play this secretly at work.

  5. roBurky says:

    My god! I don’t think there has been a game that can reduce me to laughter and screaming within 13 seconds before.

  6. Nallen says:

    Lets me be the first to say wut?

    Also, it can not be unseen.

  7. Jonathan says:

    Damn, I think Stalin vs Martians just lost the name of the year trophy.

  8. MeestaNob! says:

    I don’t feel ashamed saying “I have no idea what is going on” when in reference to this.

    Fun, for a few moments.

  9. James T says:

    Damn, I think Stalin vs Martians just lost the name of the year trophy.

    Psh, this is a second-stringer compared to FUCK SPACE.

  10. schizoslayer says:

    Pfah I sent Gillen a link to this last week and he ignored it!

    I then got distracted by Go Beryllium! and promptly forgot all about WAR TWAT.

  11. Arsewisely says:

    And I thought I felt like crap before…

    Don’t play this with a raging cold.

  12. Dead Fish says:

    A game that lets you appreciate every framerate drop you can get.

  13. Dinger says:

    Oh man. See, if you can make a videogame equivalent of the most unwanted music, it’s an art form, one that can be abused at that.

    Schizoslayer: You did it wrong. Next time change your reply-to address to “Peter Molyneux”. I understand impersonating him works every time.

  14. McCool says:

    For some reason, this game doesn’t work on my PC. I get the same error I get with other games I guess using the same engine, where the windows constantly makes the “error” noise as fast as it possibly can when I try to play it. Gutted.

  15. gnome says:

    I feel already stigmatized, but I frankly love it. Despite the odd frame rate drop that is…

  16. Rob says:

    @Dinger

    I hate you so much right now … my ears … my poor ears …

  17. Jonathan says:

    Reply to Dinger
    I just audiosurfed the Most Unwanted Song and if I ever find you I will kill you. Dang I need a liedown.

  18. Lunaran says:

    I played this sitting five feet away and squinting but the damage is still done. I think it gave me epilepsy.

  19. The Shed says:

    Does the title remind anyone of Spaced’s “War Bastard”?

    EDIT: Also, I love this game.

  20. rb_lestr says:

    Played this all night last night.
    No joke.

    Game of the year.
    My topscore is like 670, whats yours?

  21. rb_lestr says:

    UPDATE:
    1300

  22. Andrew Farrell says:

    1845, 3:01 (also I salute the fact that they’ve got an ‘hours’ counter on the highscore line), and no doubt years of PTSD.

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