NSFW: A Beginners Guide To Sporn

By Kieron Gillen on June 18th, 2008 at 5:59 pm.

Yeah, your mum is real proud right now.
You give humanity a creative tool, the first thing a human will do is – well – make a tool with it. Since the Spore demo’s release, it’s become a bukkake wave sweeping the web: comedy pornographic images via Spore. Spornography – aka “Sporn”. Has it reached a climax yet? We don’t know, but we think it’s as good a time as any to stop and survey the lie of the land. And, yes, it’s sticky.

Beneath the cut you’ll find gathered a large selection of the phalluses, the pseudo-sex-acts and general disturbing animated parts of the gamers’ subconcious. For God’s sake, don’t click it at work.

Right – we’re dividing these into loose categories. There’s certainly some we’ve missed – there’s a brilliant missionary position one I can’t find again – but it’ll do for now. If you’ve got a favourite, please, post it in the comments thread and we’ll work it in later.

COITUS
:
X object in Y orifice, and various combinations thereof.




MOBILE PHALLUSES
:
Like everyone else, we predicted they’d be a lot of these. And the prediction was right. What’s most impressive is the number of different ways you can make a cock move.

(The next one will satisfy you if you ever wondered what a large penis would look like when dancing to rubbishy dance tracks)

GOATSE:
The Dark Heart of the Internet, faithfully recreated.

CREATURES WITH ENORMOUS PHALLUS
Look – it’s an animal with an impressively large cock. Noteworth is the variety in size and shape. No person draws a comedy cock in the same way.

(I especially like how the following one licks it and lies his head against it)

(And someone’s overcompensating)

FORLORN, YET DISTURBING, ATTEMPTS TO MAKE HOT WOMEN
As title. Nice try, but… no.

I’m sure Will Wright is very proud of you all.

UPDATE 1: Some further Sporn! Also, if you’re having trouble actually playing the videos, and they’re stopping after 2 seconds, the way I tend to fix it on my machine is closing and restarting Firefox. As in, a clean restart rather than resuming a session. Very odd.

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114 Comments »

  1. mistamatrix says:

    That’s sort of like saying “I don’t really care that you were shot. You see, there are thousands of people a year in Africa that die of diseases. I’m going to allow you to bleed to death.”

    It’s not really like that is it.

    Too many prudes in the world.. what are you actually protecting these mythical ‘children’ from.
    I agree, keep Sporn out of the game (mods will be developed soon enough anyway.). But dont squash people for playing with their toys.

  2. Anthony Damiani says:

    OK, so, who wants to chip in to buy Jack Thompson a copy of the Spore Creature Creator, a “Best of Sporn” DVD and a note saying ‘Please… think of the children?”

  3. Haha says:

    You can’t stop it, nor filter it, it’s simply impossible when you have that much freedom.
    And Yes you will have such creatures in your game or at least creatures that look alike.

    That’s how you end up when you make “Pixar artists” jokes hahaha

  4. CJ McFly says:

    I’ve also had issues with the playback stopping after 2sec in Firefox, and not just when addressing my sporn requirements. My workaround has been to get the “IE tab plug-in” for Firefox then open any site with troublesome embedded content in an IE tab. It means I’m not quite using IE and therefore can sleep well at night.

  5. 13asic says:

    Rule 34

    Nuff’ said.

  6. anon says:

  7. Boysz says:

    where can i download this game from???

  8. The_B says:

    Porn & Spam? This comment thread truly has the entire internet wrapped up in it’s warm, nestling folds.

  9. suchchoices says:

    thread: “KILL ……… ME”

  10. Scarlo says:

    Ha, I think these are quite amusing actually.
    And people don’t worry, these will probebly mostly stay in worlds were they’re welcome, you might get them when you don’t want them if your unlucky though.

  11. Scarlo says:

    But eventually I think spore staff will make sure that these things only stay were they’re wanted,
    But it’s no good to ban people from having them, this game is about freedom.

  12. algi says:

    It freezes after 2 secs on Chrome, too. Hm.

  13. Deni says:

    It’s stopping for me too. I think it’s a firefox bug. Because everything works good in Internet Explorer.

  14. Mistamatrix says:

    hehey!
    http://www.spornography.net is live and working great now, needs loads more contributions though.. I can’t do it all by myself.
    WE have facilities for uploading videos, pictures, embedding videos and sharing .png creature files.

    Please come visit!