Max Payne: The Movie: The Trailer: The Hilarity.
(Embedded version beneath the cut. Because you shouldn’t ever have to leave our ever-lovin’ URL, oh no you shouldn’t.)
Hmm. If Marky Mark’s trying to restore his broken reputation after The Crappening, he’s perhaps picked the wrong Semi-Ironic Action Film With Inexplicable Angel O’Death Cameo for his next project.
Admittedly, it evokes the games’ knowing super-cheese, but, well, doesn’t seem to have translated terribly well back to the celluloid the games originally pilfered from. It could work, in a Grindhouse kinda way, but the trailer… No. Yeah, it’s a Youtube-friendly giggle in and of itself, but my problem is I tried to picture that approach spread over two full hours and saw only brain-ache. I am a hopeless cynic, of course.
Thanks to “the_incredible_bohemian” for the tip. Which is certainly something I don’t type every day.
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I actually have some hope for this one.
Also, I’m assuming that the scenes like the one with the Winged Death Angel (or whatever) are a replacement for those parts of the game where Max was either tripping on Valkyrie or having those screwed up nightmares.
*Film Spoilers*
Everyone worried over the angels in the film… trust me, they aren’t /really/ angels. They’re drug-induced. Vlad isn’t in the film but Nicole Horne is.
Man, Luda and Marlo from the Wire. That alone outweighs and angel of death silliness.
I have to be unpopular and say that the trailer was kind of retarded, but retarded in the same way that the game was, which is probably a good sign, as I liked the game. Speaking of retarded: that sentence.
I also thought that Wanted looked like horrible shite, but it turned out that Bekmambetov managed to maintain the unironic, adolescent lunacy of Millar’s comic (which was the important part, I think). I only hope that the hilariously self important tone of that trailer is misrepresenting the overall tone of the film in the same way.
We need some new category or sub genre to stick all this stuff in; Sin City, Max Payne, every other second rate actioner since Max Payne came out. Another name to make sure it all stays the hell away from proper film noir and stays there.
Slo-Mo and Body Count noir? Teenage male noir? “I saw Daffy Duck/Jackie Gleason taking the piss and thought that was better than the real thing” noir? “I thought it was just high contrast visuals and tortured voice over” noir?
Something like that. Hey it might be fun, but I can see half these youngns these days going back to the classics and finding with horror that high speed was rare; it’s all emotional and talky and subtle with lots of layered meanings and double entendres instead of a whole lot of tortured and inappropriate similes; and death is taken pretty seriously, to the point that a body-count doesn’t need more than a hand’s worth of digits (unless there’s a bomb or something).
Movies that rely more on stories and believable characters usually just highlight how ridiculously backwards most computer game licenses really are. Or perhaps it’s simply a case of us accepting a very different level of reality (or cheese) in computer games compared with movies.
@RiptoR
Are you joking? The “INDAPENDANT” movie looks just as shitty as the FOX one. Sorry.
~
/kill
That looked awesome. It might be the first videogame movie I enjoy.
OK, another of my most favortist games. Yes Hitman was a ballsucker, but it never made much sense as a movie anyway. But Max Payne? F’ing spectacular. That part in the first one where that dude is calling out demons names over and over, and the TV’s all played Twin Peak’esque craziness? Plus Donnie Wahlberg is a big step up from whats his name in Hitman. Plus you have to look at this like a comic book movie.
Spiderman
Hulk
Batman
Ghost Rider
That Ben Afflack Tripe
They all = cheese. I will agree the angel thing is wierd. Ill pay my money to see this one though
Pulp noir.
Isn’t the movie still rated PG-13? How the hell do you make a movie based on Max Payne and make it PG-13?
And who said the game had awful writing? Some of the quotes from Max and other characters were pure gold & they fit really well within the game’s tone.
The movie is trying to extrapolate on an angle of the games.
Its going to make more overt references to the Norse mythology touched upon in certain aspects of the game. Namely the Ragnarok section.
I think the games are among the best I’ve had to pleasure to play, but the story lines presented in them are the same as many games’, laughably goofy.
What were you expecting from this Alec?
ITT, we base whole movies on a trailer.
“Because Max Payne 2 is one of my favourite games ever”
Is that really meant to be an answer to me questioning your motives behind spoiling the plot for others who haven’t bothered to aquire the script? I never asked why you got it yourself, I only asked why you’d spoil it for others on a public site.. Fail.
Just one thing: it’s written by Shawn “The Shield” Ryan
Screw it. I’m going to go watch Shoot Em Up again. Then, and only then, will I come back and comment on cheesy pseudo-noir-ism action films.
Also. You can’t mess with the wahlbergs, much like you can’t mess with pure gold.
Seems like everyone is very quick to label a film as either either utter crap or pure gold. There’s plenty of room between. While certainly not brilliant, I found Hitman entertaining. And the Resident Evil’s. And Wanted, as well as many of the comic movies. Things I wouldn’t even download illegally to watch like street fighter, mario bros, mortal kombat etc deserve more negative criticism.
This trailer looks like it stands up pretty good next to the game. I enjoyed the game, thus I probably will be entertained by the movie. Why all the hate people (=
@CannedLizard
I too liked Hitman, at least for the ridiculous Action movie true to its original subject thing that it was.
Also, this looks like it has promise, but why the angels, unless they’re Max’s delusions.
“Also. You can’t mess with the wahlbergs, much like you can’t mess with pure gold.”
yeah i also hear that new new Kids on the Block is incredible also.
Watching it as an action movie trailer. Cool. Watching it as a game adaptation, yeegads. Also – he isn’t scowling anywhere NEAR as much as he needs to be.
MetalCircus says:
@RiptoR
Are you joking? The “INDAPENDANT” movie looks just as shitty as the FOX one. Sorry.
It might look shitty, but I still got good hopes for it.
I don’t think it looks shitty at all btw (that my own opinion and I will not try to force it on you), but that might be because I like such movies.
As long as they put in a good story and don’t try to lure in the masses with too many crappy effects and stuff, I’ll certainly be watching it, no matter what other people say ;)
PS: Where have you read that “indapendant” thing? Or was that just a pun?
Looks good, as long as they keep the noir climax I’m gonna be happy with it. :)
I want Max Payne 3.
:@
It looks like an interesting movie, but it doesn’t look like a Max Payne movie.
As long as they avoid making too many “pain” jokes, it should be fine.
It actually doesn’t look half bad… reminds me somehow to the trailer of Sin City, but being Max Payne, it could use some… less color.
Mark Wahlberg wrinkles his brow. Mark Wahlberg refers to this as “doing an acting”. Mark Wahlberg can’t carry a film, but is good in the background (Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees). Mark Wahlberg’s director can’t afford bullet time so propels Mark Wahlberg through the air in slow motion. Mark Wahlberg film will be shit.
Mark Wahlberg wrinkles his brow. Mark Wahlberg refers to this as “doing an acting”.
So what you’re saying is Hayden Christiensen could learn a thing or two from him about brow-wrinkling?
It’s sad but true: video game movies almost universally suck. My threshold for excitement about them is thus substantially higher than it might otherwise be.
I… I actually liked that Super Mario Brothers movie.
(runs off in shame)
Wahlberg was pretty good in Boogie Nights.
Is… Is it wrong of me that I kinda wish Timothy Olyphant had been Max instead of Wahlberg? And maybe had some time to prepare and not getting dragged in at the last minute like in Die Hard and Hitman?
Aside from that, I’m sure it’ll be amusing. In any case it might prompt ‘em to actually make another Max Payne game of which I’d be willing to suffer through a bad movie.
But… PG-13?
Olyphant was good as Seth Bullock in Deadwood. *shrugs*
Let’s be honest, it could look a lot worse. The trailer actually doesn’t look *too* bad… Even though I don’t recall the angels.
However, what’s with Miss Gash Aplenty laying on the bed like some bizarre Bond girl?
Looks alright. In a, trashy-kung-fu-film-starring-johnny-chan kinda way. At least Marky Mark looks a little like Max Payne compared to the tit who played 47 in Hitman. That was more like Hitman: The Teenage Years.
I thought the guy doing 47 was okay; I just didn’t like the film. “Ooh let’s turn him into a good-guy, that’ll work.”
Brilliant.
Oooooook.
Let me get this straight……
Angels?
WAT
Me and a friend were speculating that maybe the Angel(s) is(/are) hallucinations from V, causng people to throw themselves out of windows and such. We can only hope… Otherwise it’ll be Constantine all over again.
As said on our blog, Wahlberg wasn’t an uninspired choice for Payne. He seems to have the gist of it down.
EDIT: @Solario: Good job with Mr. Quinn. Wait, PG-13?!?!
Why do people try to make themselves seem clever by complaining in an artistic way. You can say you dislike something without sounding like an arrogant stick in the mud you know… Not cool. Any way the film looks ok. I enjoyed Sin City which in my eyes shared may simelarities with the games so if its partly as good as them then i will be happy.
that was not so bad
Oh good god yes. Also worth pointing out that Ryan worked on late-series Angel, which is appropriate if they’re amping up the mythology.
Ugh, so many posts, but from skimming over them, it doesn’t look like anyone has said it yet so – does anyone know the song and who it’s by?
“the flesh of the fallen angels” was a recurrent meme in the max payne games.
Huh, it’s hard to tell isn’t it? How ironic it’s meant to be, I mean Max Paine itself played it pretty straight, but it’s hard to tell if the movie is in on the joke at all.
And an angel? Where the hell did that come from?
The devil is building his army … am I the only one thinking they got the storyline mixed up with Painkiller ?
It doesn’t look as bad as i initially thought it would.
The “angel of death” how you described it, seemed interesting, but could be bad if over-used.
Leeks, it’s not written by Ryan.
He left the project around 2004-2005, and it’s since been written by a newcomer.
I cant wait to see if Mona Sax (Mila Kunis)has her real weapon, the 50 cal. Deasert Eagel, and gets to use it.