Red Alert 3: “Make-up makes foes ill-at-ease”

By Kieron Gillen on August 23rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm.

Just in case you were in danger of thinking Red Alert 3 in any way was taking itself seriously, in the comments of RPS’ hardcore games critic analysis of the hardcore sex possibilities of the RA3 cast, RotBot wondered why Yuriko Omega wasn’t in the trailer. It’s probably lucky, as with Leigh’s peccadilloes she’d probably have exploded over the possibilities of a Japanese psychic-schoolgirl fighting the previously-discussed armoured parachuting bears. Actually, now I look again, I’m not sure that’s actually fighting.

Assorted you-tube scavenged videos and mocking of youtube commenters beneath the cut.

This is the actual released-by-EA video from their website…

And here’s some Beta footage.

After Yuriko starts flipping engineers in to the sky, skip to around two minutes or so to see some anti-massonry action. Whoever made the video finds it so funny they did it approximately forty times.

And here’s a final snippet of Beta Footage, if your Yuriko Omega desires aren’t sated yet.

Though frankly, I suspect your Yuriko Omega desires will remain perpetually unsated, because she’s a videogame character.

What do people make of the video, well, turning to our Red Alert correspondents picked randomly from the Youtube comments thread, opinion seems to be strongly mixed. “that has to be the most gayest unit EA have ever made…” says Yale professor of ethics Aurora2k, “please burn this game while u at it.” However its enthusiasts are equally strongly spoken, such as renowned polymath TerroR878: “I rushed out Yuriko Omega and owned the nap with her I want to fk her so hard…”.

It’s hard to know what to think. RPS says: Armoured Parachuting Bears.

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45 Comments »

  1. Optimaximal says:

    Sounds a darn sight more interesting that Tanya & her Russian equivalent…

    Lets hope she’s played by Chiaki Kuriyama in the FMV.

  2. Kieron Gillen says:

    I wonder if she ever feels as if she’s been stereotyped.

    KG

  3. Lorc says:

    I’ve been finding the Japa- sorry, Empire Of The Rising Sun units a real turnoff. The psychic schoolgirls, macross fighter-mechs and ninjas fall on the wrong side of the archetype vs cliché divide for me.

    The EotRS anti-tank infantry with LASER DRILL COOLIE HATS confound my puny mortal preconceptions though – they might just be so dumb that they’re brilliant.

  4. Larington says:

    C&C lost something after it started abusing super units.

    Oh, and I can exclusively reveal that, err, someone else has exclusively revealed who is credited as her:
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1198194/fullcredits#cast

    Question is if thats just voice or voice & FMV

  5. Jocho says:

    So how can anything kill her off if she just flips stuff up in the air, has this AoE attack and can move on water just as well as on land?

  6. Octaeder says:

    If you want to try the RA3 beta, they’re giving keys away at http://www.fileplanet.com/promotions/redalert3/

    First come first serve though, so don’t know how long it’ll be around for.

  7. Not-A-Bot says:

    @Jocho:
    Armoured. Bears.

  8. Albides says:

    2nd video, 1:26; “ULTIMATE UPSKIRT POOOOWER!”

    I hear there’s only one thing that can stop her. Tentacle rape.

  9. CrashT says:

    Nice to see EA totally understand their audience.

  10. Optimaximal says:

    So how can anything kill her off if she just flips stuff up in the air, has this AoE attack and can move on water just as well as on land?

    She’s a super-weapon/elite unit – nobody complained that the GDI commando in C&C3 had a rail-machine gun, a jetpack and C4.
    Also nearly every unit in RA3 can travel on land & water…

  11. James T says:

    @Jocho:
    Armoured. Bears.

    Armoured Bears don’t stand a chance. This is a job for Bears with Sniper Rifles.

    Shame she’s a stripper ho type thing, an eight-year-old girl tearing tanks to bits would fit the trope much better. And be a nice Domu homage. And justify a school uniform. …Ut-oh, CHILD MURDER SIMULATOR CORRUPTING OUR KIDS?! COMING UP ON ‘A CURRENT AFFAIR’…

  12. Sucram says:

    EA’s stereo(type) goes to 11.

    or their unit research involved looking at typical characters in Japanese PC games and going ‘Fuwha? Whatever put it in’.

  13. Riotpoll says:

    “My name is Yuricho” drove me insane after the 2nd time I heard it, I fear I will never be able to play as the EotRS!

  14. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    This will be epic if they include a scene where she must fight a headmaster who can shapeshift into an Elder Squid God.

  15. The Poisoned Sponge says:

    The Demon Headmaster? Surely not.

  16. propanol says:

    Score another for EA picking up a classic franchise and totally, totally dropping the ball. RA2 didn’t exactly take itself seriously, but still retained a core of the seriousness that had been present in RA. This is just reducing it to stereotypes and sex, going after the Xbox audience and belittling my intellect.

    My EA hate has just been renewed.

  17. Grey_Ghost says:

    Her constant bickering must get tiring after awhile. With the continuing debacle of “Kane’s Wrath”, I’ve zero interest in actually buying this game.

  18. lukasz says:


    RA was epic. and serious.

    this is just ridiculous.

  19. Gap Gen says:

    I once envisaged an RTS where every unit was some kind of joke, so you mined rocking horse shit to produce chicken launchers and so on. I think this is probably that game.

  20. Andrew says:

    I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Red Alert was serious, but it retained an edge of believability to its hammy storyline and the like. Red Alert 2, for me, pushed too far into the ridiculous, and was a long way from the sublime.

    In fact, C&C and Red Alert were the last two games in the series I actively enjoyed. So RA3 holds no lustre for me.

  21. runningwthszzors says:

    RA2 was pretty hammy, but the campaign scenarios were excellent. A lot of people did really like the RA2 formula, and it shows since EA isn’t going back to the farcical and somewhat more serious RA. CNC3 was more of a reboot back to the original, as opposed to a sequel to Tiberian Sun – I guess EA makes sequels based on popularity.
    Maybe all you guys are too cool to get into a side with anime elements, but I think it’ll be a blast.

  22. Larington says:

    Serious or not, no matter which way you go one half of your potential audience is going to walk away, I know I prefer something with an edge of believability whilst others appreciate, err, farce in a way I suppose.

  23. Azhrarn says:

    well it sounds like they botched up the pronounciation of her name by hiring only americans for the voice acting (i’d have gone for a shorter sharper u, rather than the long american one) other than that RA3 is something i’m looking forward too. It’s a more light-hearted RTS, which frankly I could use right now with every other developer being stuck in “realism-über-alles” mode.

    Sure it changes things up quite a bit, but with the second time travel assassination taking care of the plot twist I don’t see that as a problem. As long as the campaign is fun to play I’ll be happy. (to slow for MP games, I’d just get pwned)

  24. Gap Gen says:

    Didn’t RA2 already have tentacle rape, in the form of mind-controlled squids?

  25. Someone says:

    I played the beta and Yuriko is fucking overpowered compared to the other 2 commandos.

    She is WAY too cost effective.
    If she would cost 10000$ instead of 2000 or 2500, she would still be cost effective ffs.

  26. Radiant says:

    Can we stop throwing around Japanese memes that I don’t know?
    I had to google lolicon because of the article linked above and I really can’t un see a lot of the images.
    Please don’t make me google Domu.

  27. Larington says:

    Yeah, I find the idea that she can throw buildings around a little over the top, even in the star wars universe they’ve tried to stay away from that level of telekinetic (effectively) power, aside from recently where a video for the upcoming force unleashed game has a whole star destroyer being pulled out of the sky, and at least in that case its something hovering through the air rather than a building well attached to the ground. Perhaps her abilities simply need to be units only and that would balance her abilities out at least a bit (For instance she wouldn’t be very effective against base defences like turrets).

  28. KC says:

    to be perfectly honest, yuriko isn’t that bad, you can easily kill her with many things, empty buildings and engineers aren’t going to kill a commando… it only really becomes a problem when they have her well mixed up with other vehicles and units, also one thing will always kill commandos, and that’s the helicopters or aircraft in the game

  29. James T says:

    I had to google lolicon because of the article linked above and I really can’t un see a lot of the images.
    Please don’t make me google Domu.

    Domu’s not dirty. Just scary.

  30. Someone says:

    She is that bad.
    She 1 shot kills any aircraft, even kirovs, you just click on them and she destroys them in half a second.

    So if you have 30 kirovs heading to your enemy’s base and all he has has yuriko, they’re gonna get destroyed.

    Oh and did I mention that the other commandos can’t shoot aircraft at all?

  31. Charlie says:

    To me it looked like it took quite a while for her to kill units, swamp her with them and shes screwed. Plus balancing for a unit like her is easy, if shes too powerful they change a 10 to a 1 and viola.

    I think it looks great! I thought the first 2 Red Alerts were amazing, never really liked the vanilla C&Cs. Plus Tim Curry is cool, im shivering with antici……….. Pation!

  32. Gap Gen says:

    Kane in C&C was great, especially compared to the hammy actors who played in the original’s GDI.

  33. Charlie says:

    It’s all about the ham! But Kane is very cool. bit disappointed as I read that he is not gonna make a cameo in this one :( They are taking out the crossover of the universes apparently.

  34. Eyemessiah says:

    That is some dreadful voice acting.

  35. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    Very dreadful, and that’s not even counting the little nitpick that’s bugging me, which I’ll go into later. If a small localization firm can find a talent agency employing a 50-year-old voice actress who can convincingly portray a teenager (or younger), then a development studio inside a massive corporate empire should be able to do the same. Jennifer Hale, this one ain’t.

    On the topic of pronouncing Yuriko, and many other three-syllable Japanese names where the syllable isn’t a nasal-end sound (as represented by “-n.”)

    You don’t stress the middle syllable. Heck, you’re not supposed to stress *any* syllable. But if you must stress a syllable, then at least stress the first one. You can pass that off as an accent quirk, because the actual accent quirk–the middle-stress–winds up sounding cringe-worthy, even to people who share your accent.

    Well, I guess the annoying bits about the Japanese side outweighs the coolness of the Soviet side for me. Frowns all around, here.

    (Oh, and the 50-year-old voice actress bit wasn’t about Ms. Hale, I was actually referring to Rebecca Forstadt. But most gamers would recognize the former as far as talent goes.)

  36. Psychopomp says:

    The real question is, will I have to use strategy, or will this be “SPAM SOME SHIT HOLMES,” like C&C has been for awhile now…

    Still, Parachuting Armored Bears is the coolest thing ever.

  37. CannedLizard says:

    Coming soon, the thrilling Red Alert vs Nextwave CROSSOVER!

  38. Real Horrorshow says:

    Anyone who thinks RA3 has been raped by EA into being some stupid game made for console kiddies for the sake of profit needs to jump off the anti-EA bandwagon and play RA2 again, ESPECIALLY Yuri’s Revenge.

    Grey hulk mutants who smash tanks apart with their bare hands, sentient dolphins with sound attack, mind controlled squids, double-barrelled supertanks with anti-air missiles, flying saucers, commando units that can teleport across the map and use a ray gun to make buildings vanish into thin air, a campaign mission fought on the fucking MOON, a tank that’s main weapon is LIGHT, robotic spiders, tanks that shoot lighting bolts, soldiers who attack people with their mind, a tank that lifts other tanks into the air using a purple magnetron beam, and tanks with gigantic psychic brains inside a glass bubble.

    EALA is only following the example Westwood theirselves have made for them.

  39. Gap Gen says:

    The real question is, will I have to use strategy, or will this be “SPAM SOME SHIT HOLMES,” like C&C has been for awhile now…

    RA was all about the tank rush. Glorious times accused of being a cheater because my Russian tanks beat an Allied tank force.

  40. theapologist says:

    Anyone working this hard to include Japanese schoolgirls into my games deserve only praise.

    Some sort of EA-wide policy is in order – Dragon Age…HL2: EP3, Left4Dead. Seriously, Jack Trenton take note

  41. Jochen Scheisse says:

    Wow, schoolgirls and mechas. There has obviously gone a load of market research in creating that faction.

  42. Andrew says:

    I think I can actually pinpoint why I haven’t liked Red Alert 2 and won’t even bother playing Red Alert 3. Reading the preview of Red Alert 3 in the latest PCG, and looking at the screenshots, it strikes me that, well, none of this looks even vaguely like an alternate universe 1960s or whatever. All the units look like the terribly generic FUTUROCRAFT that blighted Empire Earth’s ‘future’ ages. What was nice about the original Red Alert was that you were using Yaks and MiGs and all that sort of thing for the ridiculous plotline. Whereas Red Alert 3 has gone all hover-laser-bollocks. Blergh.

  43. Erlam says:

    Anyone from “Shorty McShorts’ Shorts” is fine by me, hahahahahahhhaha!

    Not too sure about this game. Might bargain bin it, though.

  44. Someone says:

    There are MiGs in RA3 too.

    And to whoever mentioned it, RA3 is much less spammy than TW or KW.You won’t win by just spamming 1-2 units.

  45. LionsPhil says:

    Well, if you’re going to kick recent C&Cs, C&C3 (and, by the looks of it, RA3) are just too fast. C&C1/2, RA, and even RA2, seem almost as slow and methodical as SupCom in comparison.

    There’s also the fact that the [voice] acting talent is back down to TibSun standards. “Rubber shoes in motion”, this ‘ain’t.

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