Rezzed, The PC and Indie Games Show. Brighton, 6th-7th July 2012

Rock, Paper, Shotgun

An Online Hello from Hello Kitty Online

By Kieron Gillen on September 4th, 2008 at 11:42 am.

They march. To victory, they march.
It is the end times.

What do you think? I think it looks almost identical to World of Warcraft.

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65 Comments »

  1. 04/09/2008 at 11:46 Ian says:

    *delves into big bag of Gaming Complaints Du Jour*

    FFS WTF DOES EVRY GAME HAV 2 BE BROWN?

  2. 04/09/2008 at 11:47 AbyssUK says:

    London has changed a bit since I was there last…

  3. 04/09/2008 at 11:51 Lazy says:

    I just lost several teeth.

  4. 04/09/2008 at 11:53 liquidindian says:

    My thoughts:

    Ha ha ha look at this gaudy piece of rubbish OH WOW FARMING.

    I mean, who wouldn’t want a Harvest Moon MMO?

  5. 04/09/2008 at 11:54 Theory says:

    My god, those things can speak!

  6. 04/09/2008 at 11:58 SanguineLobster says:

    See, you get into a game like that and wham! the first patch nerfs the sparkly stick and overpowers the smiley scarecrow.

  7. 04/09/2008 at 12:02 kenoxite says:

    I think it looks almost identical to World of Warcraft.

    It’s more like EVE, without the ships.

  8. 04/09/2008 at 12:04 Bobsy says:

    You know, I always thought Hello Kitty was a dude.

    It’s that Mitchell and Webb sketch that does it.

    “You’re… you’re Hello Kitty!”
    “Yes, that’s right. Er… ‘hello’.”

  9. 04/09/2008 at 12:07 SteveTheBlack says:

    Doesn’t hold a candle to Hello Kitty: Roller Rescue. Now THAT was a game…

  10. 04/09/2008 at 12:21 Del Boy says:

    Is that Diablo III?

  11. 04/09/2008 at 12:22 Ian says:

    @ Del Boy: You’ve just been caught out by that colour scheme.

  12. 04/09/2008 at 12:23 Feet says:

    I think this game is cute and lovely and I want to hug it.

    I do not want to play it, however.

  13. 04/09/2008 at 12:28 AndrewC says:

    Hello Groomer.

  14. 04/09/2008 at 12:29 Cynic says:

    The voice over made me fell nauseous.

    The cynic in me thinks that peadophiles are high-fiving each other all over the world.

  15. 04/09/2008 at 12:39 Flint says:

    Good god why do I actually have the whim to try this out?

  16. 04/09/2008 at 12:43 Schtee says:

    Yeah, chilled to my bones by the Hello Kitty voice. Was that the Dome/the O2 I saw for London?

    And yeah, nice to see the words “Massively Multiplayer” used by marketing. Not often you see that any more.

  17. 04/09/2008 at 12:43 shinygerbil says:

    Ayup. That’s new territory for paedophiles, right there.

  18. 04/09/2008 at 12:54 James says:

    They lure you in with the “Oh, they’re so cuddly!” atmosphere and then BAM! Eaten by a Hello Grue.

  19. 04/09/2008 at 13:04 Duncan says:

    They better have a ******* good chat filter on that ************.

  20. 04/09/2008 at 13:11 Andrew says:

    Every game is all space marines and shit now. :(

  21. 04/09/2008 at 13:17 James T says:

    The enemies’ team tactics look phenomenal.

  22. 04/09/2008 at 13:17 Jochen Scheisse says:

    …and I here have an exclusive preview for DOW: Kutehammer:

    http://www.savingadvice.com/images/blog/hello-kitty-amoured-personnel-carrier.jpg

    In stores nanoseconds after Halo Kitty 5

  23. 04/09/2008 at 13:21 monkeymonster says:

    I think I saw a couple of tyranid hiding in the farm. Try training them as a pet! “What do you mean “Eat everyone” that’s not something I can do, do fancy a game or perhaps lets solve a new puzzle”

  24. 04/09/2008 at 13:26 Cope says:

    Oh dear… I forsee a 4chan invasion.

  25. 04/09/2008 at 13:29 aquazombie says:

    This could be it everyone. The WoW killer we are all waiting for. Seriously, I am going to buy this game at least 4 times. Probably gonna play an Ultra Cuddly Killer Bear, or a Supercute Vicious Velociraptor trainer.

  26. 04/09/2008 at 13:29 CryingMinotaur says:

    THIS GAME IS NOTHING COMPARED TO STARCRAFT 2! NOTHING!!

    (Jochen, that must be coming out right after the Hello Kitty Patch for Soulstorm: http://www.exlibrismortis.org/ExLibrisnewSistersArmy.html)

  27. 04/09/2008 at 13:29 Diogo Ribeiro says:

    i’m in ur mmorpgz
    hoarding ur hugz ^_______^

  28. 04/09/2008 at 13:35 Jochen Scheisse says:

    Oh god, yes! It will be 4chan territory. In the end, there will probably only sweaty pedos and the /b/ crowd exchanging lolicon pictures under girl aliases, while all the real little girls play Sims 3 or something.

  30. 04/09/2008 at 13:36 Mike says:

    Anyone ever seen the cartoon version of Hello, Kitty? It was basically a thinly veiled lesson in how to be a Good Child, including “Listen To Your Parents Whilst On Public Transport” and “Rules Are There For A Reason, And That Includes The Park You Disobedient Feline, You”

    I can only hope this lives up to the dream.

  31. 04/09/2008 at 13:48 Disco Fever says:

    @Hogni Thor: This. So much.

  32. 04/09/2008 at 13:54 Kazz says:

    I heard it has the depth of Eve, can’t wait for this!

  33. 04/09/2008 at 14:04 Ian says:

    I for one intend to sell every other game I have so I can devote all my time to this.

  34. 04/09/2008 at 14:39 Valentin Galea says:

    I for one welcome our new Hello Kitty MMO overlords!

  35. 04/09/2008 at 14:40 Rudolf says:

    1) i want the teletubbies to do the german synchro voiceovers
    2) what better way to evade game critics than targeting babies? They just look at the “cute” colours, right….right?

  36. 04/09/2008 at 14:46 Bobsy says:

    Haha. I like the Hello Kitty Millenium Dome. Will there be a Hello Kitty Peter Mandleson inside?

  37. 04/09/2008 at 14:58 television priest says:

    This will only be worth playing when it is driven by the awesome power of the cell processor.

  38. 04/09/2008 at 15:00 Sam says:

    Nuke it from Orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  39. 04/09/2008 at 15:02 phuzz says:

    I think I need to go stare at some week old roadkill just to get my cuteness threshold back down to normal levels again.
    Oh, and isn’t this free?

  40. 04/09/2008 at 15:06 18Rabbit says:

    Why were there no US cities listed in the sparkling tour of major cities that sparkle and are magically right next to each other? Des Moines is easily as sparkly as Paris.

    Will HKMMO (which sounds more badass than the actual name) implement the trophy system too?

  41. 04/09/2008 at 15:10 Geoff says:

    Ooh, a perfect excuse to deploy the following image:
    http://onastick.net/sitz/images/

  42. 04/09/2008 at 15:23 Pirate0r says:

    What? no “Hello Kitty Island Adventure” game?

  43. 04/09/2008 at 15:32 Grill says:

    Looks awfully similar to Disney’s surprisingly good and awfully-safe joke-’em’-up MMO Toontown, which I remember reviewing Back In The Day, but with many more minigames. Is Toontown even still going?

  44. 04/09/2008 at 15:39 Arnulf says:

    Suddenly I’m craving marshmallows.

  45. 04/09/2008 at 15:55 davidalpha says:

    I’d play this before WOW

  46. 04/09/2008 at 16:10 Servitor says:

    I need to play this.

  47. 04/09/2008 at 16:59 Noc says:

    Oh, man, this thing sucks. Samri Digital doesn’t care about the real Hello Kitty fans. They’ve completely dispensed with the spare, minimalistic style that made Hello Kitty so great to begin with, and replaced it with a stupid, mainstream clutter-fest designed to pander to the lowest common denominator.

    Hello Kitty is about hugs. But you can’t hug anybody in this game! They’ve taken the Hello Kitty name and shat on it because they don’t care about the fans, and just want to use the name to sell a bunch of stupid minigames to consoletard kids who’ve just come from playing their Wii.

    . . .

    In all seriousness, though, I’d play totally a Harvest Moon MMO.

  48. 04/09/2008 at 18:44 Nick says:

    “What do you think? I think it looks almost identical to World of Warcraft.”

    Thankfully I don’t think there are any Angry Hello Kitty men.

  49. 04/09/2008 at 19:24 Larington says:

    Why hasn’t the sky fallen, yet?

    WHY!?

  50. 04/09/2008 at 19:34 Hobbes says:

    So. Much. Pink. I think my eyes have spontaneously shut down in protest.

  51. 04/09/2008 at 19:52 Cooper says:

    Harvest Moon MMO for teh win. FTW.

  52. 04/09/2008 at 20:03 Esha says:

    The Onion or some serious institution (it doesn’t really matter, it’d be hilarious anyway) need co create a correlation between the average intellect quotient of this game and World of Warcraft when it’s released. I could almost imagine what the end paper would read like…

    Yes, after examining these statistics and immersing myself in both environments first-hand, I can confirm that the inhabitants of Hello Kitty are exponentially more intelligent than those of World of Warcraft, to the power of [insert imaginary number here, because real numbers don’t cut it.

    This is conclusive evidence that the most intelligent internet-goers of our civilisation are those infected with the condition colloquially known as “The Ghey”. For the survival of our race, we only really have two options; we can either eradicate all the munchkins not yet infected, or we can initiate a program to ensure they become infected.

    I would suggest we begin by changing World of Warcraft to World of Lovecraft Carecraft, in which happy “monsters” give confidence-boosting hugs to the inhabitants of this online environment. Experience would be gained by finding new lands, meeting new people and exclaiming “I wuv you!” at them. Swords and shields would–of course–have to be traded in for milk and cookies.

    This would take effect within a few generations, and raise the average intelligence curve of our race as a whole. I realise that this will be a race of mixed hippie/commercialist lovebugs, but what’s worse… that or a race of Conroy Bumpus?

  53. 04/09/2008 at 20:25 malkav11 says:

    There were monsters being thwacked with damage numbers floating up over their heads. IN HELLO KITTY ONLINE! WTF.

  54. 04/09/2008 at 20:53 Raptornas says:

    “I preffered Hello Kitty Island adventure anways”

    Butters. Cute cartoon character, or Prophet!

  55. 04/09/2008 at 21:35 Konky Dong XV: The Lap Dance from Hell says:

    I want to play this. I really, really want to play this. You all joke, but how can you not have a morbid curiosity about this game? I pray it’s not like Toontown and actually copies several of the hardcore MMO tropes. Can you imagine if there is raiding in this game? Or PvP of some sort? Yeah, think on that. It’ll make your brain shit exploding babies.

  56. 04/09/2008 at 21:54 Abe says:

    Is it wrong if I think this looks kind of fun?

  57. 04/09/2008 at 22:58 mike says:

    This is what MMOs would look like if the Nazis had won.

  58. 05/09/2008 at 00:11 CoS says:

    That crap is gold, I bet this game will print money for Sanrio…period. I wouldn’t be surprised if rainbows and sparkles shoot out of the box when you open it.

  59. 05/09/2008 at 02:21 Psychopomp says:

    “I wouldn’t be surprised if rainbows and sparkles shoot out of the box when you open it.”

    THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!

  60. 05/09/2008 at 11:00 maxmcg says:

    Oh Gawd. I can see it now

    “LFG: Playground of slight doom, need fluffy rabbit, DPS and Dungaree spec ‘d Crayon Master”

    Run away!

  61. 05/09/2008 at 12:21 The Hammer says:

    “GORGEOUS ENVIRONMENTS!”

    How did that mischevious penguin ever stomach the muscle to say that? Hahaha.

    Also, where the hell is Big Ben?!

  62. 05/09/2008 at 13:21 Kommissar Nicko says:

    I was going to mention that Moscow looked like the Ice Queen’s Palace in fucking Narnia.

    I want Stalin Versus Hello Kitty.

  63. 05/09/2008 at 22:00 Lameth says:

    I for one welcome our Hello Kitty MMO Overlords…

  64. 05/09/2008 at 23:17 Jesucristo says:

    I hope this game be banned in Germany and Australy

  65. 06/09/2008 at 06:42 I CAPS says:

    I CAME

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