By John Walker on October 15th, 2008 at 4:11 pm.
Every week in The Utter News, Rock, Paper, Shotgun brings you the biggest stories in PC gaming, and none of the truth that just spoils it for everyone.
The swelling at Take Two is showing no signs of going down. After bumping their leg in the October fight with Ubisoft, the publisher continued to receive heavy blows without medical intervention, and now looks likely to have got an infection. The bulge is said to be slightly red, and occasionally throb. Take Two is on a course of antibiotics, and spending a fair amount of time in bed, but expected to make a full recovery in time for November’s punch-up with 1C.
The ceasefire at Valve Software is in a precarious position as of this morning, with developers from both sides threatening to restart strikes today should territory infractions continue. The dispute that began over ownership of the main corridor seven months ago, resulting in the Left 4 Dead team taking hostages from those working on Episode Three. Accusations of torture aimed at L4D developers are still being investigated by Amnesty International, while the location of Gabe Newell remains unknown, with both sides claiming to have him locked up in a cupboard.
Peter Molyneux has denied accusations of witchcraft. The allegations first emerged when he was seen flying around on a broomstick and wearing what eye-witnesses described as, “a black, pointy hat with some stars and a moon stuck on it.” Molyneux explained that he was merely borrowing the flying brush from a witch friend, “just to have a quick go.” He has conceded that the hat was his own, and that he made it with some help from his mum. Police investigations continue.
This week’s PC gaming charts have seen a surprise number one entry for Katy Perry. The album went straight to the top of the videogame charts after an error during the final mixing process, which left the songs recorded in the first-person, with a gun bobbing at the bottom. PC Format’s Mike Channell told reporters, “The graphics are amazing, but I can’t get past the boss at the end of track 6.”
And in sports news, the final result between 2K Boston and Ubisoft Montreal was a nil-nil draw, with a rematch scheduled for next Saturday. Tickets will be available from Friday afternoon, but are expected to sell out quickly. Meanwhile the decider between Sony Europe and Sega Of America has been delayed due to a cornerless pitch.
15/10/2008 at 16:17 Ian says:
How refreshingly unencumbered by truth that was. :)
15/10/2008 at 16:18 Pishtaco says:
On the plus side, the site feels faster with the rounded corners on the comments gone. Thanks.
15/10/2008 at 16:19 Bobsy says:
So. Er. World of Goo withdrawal much, John?
15/10/2008 at 16:22 Colthor says:
The pointyness! Every article and comment I read, I feel its sharpened corners poking into my eyes! The horror!
Not really. If Pishtaco hadn’t mentioned it I wouldn’t have noticed.
15/10/2008 at 16:22 Rei Onryou says:
Curse those cornerless pitches. I was looking forward to that match.
15/10/2008 at 16:24 Erlam says:
“This week’s PC gaming charts have seen a surprise number one entry for Katy Perry. The album went straight to the top of the videogame charts after an error during the final mixing process, which left the songs recorded in the first-person, with a gun bobbing at the bottom. PC Format’s Mike Channell told reporters, “The graphics are amazing, but I can’t get past the boss at the end of track 6.””
I actually had quite a laugh at this one in particular. I actually imagined someone ‘playing’ a music CD, and then getting ‘stuck’ on it somehow.
Well done ;)
15/10/2008 at 16:27 Biggles says:
Slow news day?
In other news, I’ve just discovered the : )
15/10/2008 at 16:32 phil says:
This > Penny Arcade (for the most part)
This < http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28288
15/10/2008 at 16:32 qrter says:
Yikes. You guys are a lot funnier when you’re not trying so hard.
15/10/2008 at 16:34 Biggles says:
Hey, whatever happened to the editing period of grace? Also, I’m shit at html it seems. (link is for daily mash, btw)
15/10/2008 at 16:36 phil says:
@Biggles
The Daily Mash; slightly reactionary, terrible photos, but you can forgive them almost anything for stuff like;
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/animals/animals-headlines/'look-at-the-size-of-this-f%2acking-rat'-say-zoologists-20080105608/
15/10/2008 at 16:38 John Walker says:
I assure you qrter, I wasn’t trying hard at all.
15/10/2008 at 16:40 qrter says:
In a strange way, that’s sort of comforting, I think. Thank you.
15/10/2008 at 16:48 Ian says:
Holy crap, I only just saw the title of this…
It’s Mersday the 32nd already??
15/10/2008 at 16:50 phuzz says:
Huh! Nothing about Rockstar North recently putting a man into space.
Biased bastards!
15/10/2008 at 16:59 JonFitt says:
Bravo.
15/10/2008 at 17:05 Ian says:
@ Phil: That Daily Mash story is one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages. :D
15/10/2008 at 17:37 Malagate says:
Lousy Augember, still it beats the last Smarch we had. I hate Smarch, also Mersday is usually crap. Twendsday, that’s where the action is at.
15/10/2008 at 17:38 K says:
So, Peter Molyneux hasn’t denied accusations of witchcraft?
15/10/2008 at 17:51 Gap Gen says:
I’m looking forward to the lawsuits.
15/10/2008 at 18:20 Man Raised by Puffins says:
Suprised they haven’t fired their groundsman yet, the bent pitch fiasco before the Silicon Knights match was enough of a disgrace on its own.
15/10/2008 at 19:06 Ginger Yellow says:
“It’s Mersday the 32nd already??”
I know! Only five days till Martober.
15/10/2008 at 19:19 mandrill says:
What manner of pharmacological enhancement was involved in the production of this post, and where can I get some?
15/10/2008 at 19:43 Smurfy says:
How about The Butter News?
15/10/2008 at 20:23 Brokenbroll says:
Bravo,silly and amusing. Nicely done.
16/10/2008 at 09:31 Aftershock says:
Ceasefire?
Pfft. We all know the Team Fortress 2 team is slowly building up a weapons stockpile..
16/10/2008 at 09:37 Dreamhacker says:
I thought the Take Two story was rather….Freudian.
23/06/2009 at 07:13 MD says:
Why is this not a regular feature!
Seriously you should do more of these, don’t listen to qrter or should I say killjoyter