Minotaur Diary, Page 17

By John Walker on December 12th, 2008 at 11:01 am.

Dear Diary,

Day 4 was meant to go really well. I’d had such a good week at the china shop, and profits were up significantly. I’d made enough to bring in some fresh inventory, and we’d launched a new advertising campaign and it was really seeing the customers come in. The store was looking packed with excellent items, and I was rarely serving fewer than two customers at once. They were paying huge prices! I couldn’t have been more delighted. Honestly, it was like the rage had never been a problem.

Then I clipped a shelf.

It’s my damned arms. They’re what got me into trouble in the first place, what always get me in trouble. They’re just slightly bigger than I know what to do with, and with my dyspraxia, sometimes when I turn around I lose track of how close I am to something. Things get knocked over. I just get so mad at myself! If I just slow down, calm myself, and think straight, it’s fine. But when I break something I feel so guilty, I feel so worthless, and I just start to see red.

I don’t see why it should happen to me. I never did anything wrong. I’ve been a decent minotaur – I never asked to be this way. It’s my pervert mother’s fault. That FREAK. What was she even thinking? I mean, seriously. And then my bastard father puts me in a labyrinth because he doesn’t have any parenting skills.

My counsellor says it’s healthy to express my feelings of anger toward my fucked up parents, that I should let it out. SO I’M JUST LETTING IT OUT, OKAY? What’s so damned wrong with that? Why don’t those stupid security guards try being the offspring of a bloody wooden cow, and see exactly how calm they stay? With their fucking arrows, they can all just FUCK OFF. I FUCKING HATE THEM ALL. THEY JUST NEED TO BE SMASHED UP.

After that I don’t really remember very much. Apart from the anger. Still, good job I got that insurance.

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16 Comments »

  1. Schtee says:

    I am at work so shall be playing this later. Is it gleeful?

  2. The Poisoned Sponge says:

    I’m enjoying the balancing act in MCS. When you break one thing you have to think whether you should just say bollocks to the customers and trash the place, or just let the anger go and continue to serve them, ignoring the slowly toppling shelves and the stacks of expensive china.

  3. Kelduum says:

    Forget the customers, I just enjoyed wrecking the place!

  4. Ian says:

    In case anybody’s interested, if you decide those bow-wielding security bastards need a taste of their own medicine and you leap the counter and try to go through the door….

    you sort of plummet down to HELL!

  5. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    I managed to break a million dollar profit by maxing out Speed and Advertising, then figuring out how to touch the requested products ever so gently in order to pick them up without knocking anything over.

    I also didn’t upgrade Inventory, Strength, Insurance, or buy any moves in the “non-violent” run. I actually made a lot more money that way compared to the, er, dozen or so times I’d been trashing the place.

    And it was quite the challenge, too. Aided by the realization that I could pick up two items simultaneously.

  6. Owen says:

    You really are a funny little fella Mr Walker :)

  7. Cooper42 says:

    It’s an interesting game. To get the most points, you have to very carefully run the shop. No matter how much you trash, it won’t beat an excellent shop owner.

    But doing that with the constant teasing of the RAGE, tickling at you as you wander around, watching the oh-so-fragile china…

  8. Steve Swink says:

    ha ha, excellent! The tone is eerily similar to the special guest blogger we had leading up to the release. And I thought we had the exclusive minoscoop…

    http://blurst.com/blog/this-lonely-bovine-1/

  9. John Walker says:

    I think it must be something about playing this game that does it to your mind. I was genuinely on Day 4, and it all fell apart for me, and I thought his diary entry for this day might be funny. Honest I didn’t copy! But spooks, there are a lot of similarities there.

  10. PleasingFungus says:

    Ha! My friend, who I introduced to the game yesterday, had the same experience as you, Ian. Wonder when/if they’ll fix that?

  11. Pags says:

    Minotaur China Shop: So very Zen.

    It must be noted I have not yet cried with joy at MCS. Nevertheless, I expect it to happen soon.

  12. Steve Swink says:

    Ha, I didn’t think you’d copied at all…excellently well written and in eerily similar style is all. What other gaming site, I ask you, would post a blog in first-minotaur.

    None is the correct answer. Awesome.

  13. caesarbear says:

    Anyone have some tips on how to make more profit by honest sales? I get close to 1mil by pure sales, but I can routinely get over a million by rage alone.

  14. Gobywan says:

    caesarbear: I maxed out at 2.5 million through smashing things today (30th overall, wooooo!), and I don’t think it’s possible to do better than that through actual commerce because you don’t get huge multipliers from selling things. Rage is more fun, anyways, especially when you use charge effectively / get lucky and take out half the room in a single dash.

    I wish they’d make seismic stomp effective, though, right now it just tosses already broken debris around but it won’t topple or break anything, despite being the most expensive move.

  15. Cheeetar says:

    What they should have is a sandbox mode, with no highscores, but day after day smashing or serving.

  16. Ian says:

    @ PleasingFungus: They don’t need to fix it… they just need to develop a minotaur version of Hulk: Ultimate Destruction for when you get outside! :D