Little Plastic Men: Foosball Maniac Demo

By John Walker on April 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 am.

Their heads don't reach the ball!

While RPS’s understanding of foot-to-ball can be best summarised by this cartoon, we do have a slightly better grasp of foosball. First of all because it’s so much more fun to say. And secondly because all the little men have been brutally wedged onto a metal pole, like a giant’s scrawny kebab, and are then spun around and around, forced to hit the ball with their suspended heads. And yes, spinning is totally allowed. This is somewhat recreated in a new indie demo of Foosball Maniac from Hungarian team, Cybertron BT.

I’m not sure the word “maniac” has ever been more inappropriately applied. Foosball Maniac is a sedate and sensible recreation of the table-top ball-bashing, the demo offering you games against the easiest two players. It’s nicely realised, the poles automatically assigning themselves to your mouse as the ball comes near, and then instinctively controlled, either by swishing the mouse about to kick, or hitting a mouse button to punt the ball. But that’s it. It’s a super-simple game, decent physics, minimalist controls, but perhaps lacking in alien attacks and a laser-dicso foos-to-ball mode. Ooh, you know what they should do? A setting where the action is obscured by a barely translucent sheet of scratched, cracked perspex, for ultimate realism. Oh! And an ability to grab the stub of your opponent’s pole so when he tries to move it he can’t! Or bash it so it stabs him in the groin. Seriously, I should be doing R&D for these things.

The demo‘s second character gives you a half-decent game, by which I mean half-bad too. His defence isn’t impressive. If you want a better challenge, you’ll have to fork out the ten bucks for the full version.

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19 Comments »

  1. Mister Yuck says:

    If I can’t nut a guy for being better than me, then there’s no point to foosball.

    Until they add netcode to nut a guy (maybe with the disc drive?), this is not worth a download.

  2. Feet says:

    Played real foosball on holiday in Zanzibar against a bar waitress, and she completely owned me and my wife, 2 v 1.

    True story.

  3. bmfof says:

    Hey there.. didn’t know were to put this so here is it:

    [Not in a thread about a foosball demo, that's for sure. Email us at contact@rockpapershotgun.com - Ed]

  4. Dan Harris says:

    “…against a bar waitress, and she completely owned me and my wife, 2 v 1.”

    All of the best anecdotes end with this.

  5. Ian says:

    I’ve given up on ever being any good at table football.

  6. Gap Gen says:

    I’ve seen some high-end foosball players in action, and it is obscene. Apparently they can teleport the ball into the goal, among other things.

    The game should also feature bars that are too bent to use properly, score-bits that are stuck together through years of spilt pints, and a table that is slightly at an angle so the ball rolls towards one end unless you get under it and stick beer mats underneath the legs.

  7. Jochen Scheisse says:

    Spinning is for n00bs, fool!

  8. Gap Gen says:

    Feet: It’s a bit mean for someone to own you at foos on your birthday, of all times.

  9. Cooper says:

    It’s called table football.

    That is all.

  10. Bobsy says:

    It IS called table football, and it’s one of the greatest games that don’t require computers ever. I would have been far, far more productive at university had there not been a table football table in my halls.

  11. Dave says:

    Apparently in Zimbabwe it’s called Slug.

    And really, they cover the tables with perspex? Is that a new thing, or maybe a British thing?

  12. Fumarole says:

    No, foosball is definitely the name. Table football is mundane, must be English I guess.

  13. Katsumoto (jvgp100) says:

    How lovely of you to say so. Allow me to retort: No, it’s definitely called Table Football. I would say “even Wikipaedia says so” but that would be a fairly pointless thing to say, considering etc.

  14. Lorc says:

    Oh wow – table football on the computer. Hmm – would that make it computer table football, or just computer football?

    Foosball you say? Never heard of it. Stop making up words.

  15. Lorc says:

    Oh wow – table football on the computer. Hmm – would that make it computer table football, or just computer football?

    Foosball you say? Never heard of it. Stop making up words.
    Should add great post! Looking forward to reading the next one!

  16. Dave says:

    I’ve known it as foosball since at least 1976. I couldn’t see the table without being held up by my dad, but I did know for certain that it wasn’t called “table football.”

  17. Gap Gen says:

    I do believe that every word that I have never heard of is blasphemy against the very soul of the English language. But then I am very silly.

  18. Lorc says:

    Ok, that second Lorc up there is some kind of spambot.

  19. PAPERGOOSE says:

    see, if you call it table football, then you have, like above, the ridiculous phrase “table football table”, which is just dumb, clearly.

    Foosball, ftw.