It’s always fun to see what relics will appear on Good Old Games next. Plundering the PC gaming archives, they pull out a Duke Nukem 3D or a Stonekeep, and suddenly you’re back in the mid 90s, the blocky graphics and absence of physics are immediately forgotten, and you’re having a damned great time. And then there’s MegaRace. It’s fascinating to see it appearing – one of the most famously terrible games of all time, given new life. But is it really as bad as everyone remembers?
Good grief, it’s so much worse.
MegaRace represented an astonishing step forward for game CGI. It was breathtaking. Not only where there 3D cities through which the camera would sweep, but the full motion video from your host, one Lance Boyle, was a league ahead of the barely recognisable video actors from the previous year’s 7th Guest. It first appeared in 1994, the same year as the even-more-legendary Rise of the Robots, and it achieved the same phenomenon: utterly astonishing graphics, but less game than an empty bucket.
It’s perhaps most famous for the frenetic camp gurning of race host, Lance Boyle. Played by videogame regular, Christian Erickson, the squawking character achieves previously uncharted levels of irritating. As he squirms and waggles his way through the nonsense script, you find yourself increasingly recognising the charisma and appeal of people like Dale Winton and Terry Christian. But by far the most entertaining aspect of Boyle’s introduction is his desperation to assure you that it’s all just pretend.
Painfully influenced by Arnie’s The Running Man, the story is set in a dystopianish future where criminal gangs take part in deadly races. You are the Enforcer, taking part in a virtual reality TV show where your job is to kill all the other players from their evil speed gangs. So you’re not fighting criminal gangs. But they employ criminal gangs. They sometimes even ship them in from other areas for the race. But it’s virtual reality. But… Huh? Anyway, ignoring all that, you’re tasked with shooting at, crashing into, or, er, driving past them to death. Get a big enough lead against one of the other cars and it will explode. Presumably in shame. But oh good grief, whatever you do, don’t think for a moment that the death is real!!!
Perhaps the ratings board had warned developers Cryo that any implications of genuine violence would see them get a higher rating than they wanted, or maybe there was an overruling manifesto at the company that their games must be “family friendly”, because Boyle’s frantic monologue goes to extraordinary lengths to reassure the player that it’s all make believe.
“Here’s the deal: our chosen candidate – and everybody with a death-wish is free to apply, including men and women of either sex – our candidate, who we call, ‘The Enforcer’, gets a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to terminate a whole lotta slimeballs, and there’s nothing anybody can do about it, you see what I mean?! Because it all happening right here on VWBT – where the cops move over and the Enforcer takes over!”
Ooh, that does sound awfully violent, doesn’t it? But wait.
“Wait ’til you hear this! Every time you kill a Pack Leader – and when I say ‘kill’, I’m talking virtuality, not reality, okay? In MegaRace, nobody actually dies. It just looks and feels like it (and that makes you feel a whole lot better about yourself, now doesn’t it?!) – every time you kill a leader, you not only score big time, you also win some major bonus prizes. His personal music CD and his customized car are both yours!”
So assured that you’re not actually killing anyone… Oh just wait a second, look I’m sorry but I can’t let this go. It’s a game, right? No one at any point thought that MegRace, no matter how revolutionary the graphics were at the time, was a live video feed of a real life car crashing race in which you remotely controlled the Enforcer’s car. So of COURSE the death was pretend! Why in the name of crikey did they feel the need to hammer this point so damned hard? Right, I’ll move on, I promise.
Because for all MegaRace’s dramatic presentation, the game’s terribleness was spectacular. The most important thing to know was that at no point do you really race a car. In fact, amazingly, the track is an unstoppable pre-rendered FMV playing in the background. Your vehicle is projected onto it, only capable of sliding from side to side. Occasionally the FMV slows down or speeds up to create the illusion of changing speed, but it’s hilariously clear it’s an illusion.
It’s brilliantly dreadful in every imaginable way. One aspect shouted at you by Boyle at the start is the Thrillometer. This is a gauge on your dashboard that informs you how thrilling your race is for the TV show’s viewing audience. You mustn’t let it drop into the grey you’re told. If it drops in the grey, the audience gets bored, ratings go down. Except it makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. It doesn’t affect the race, your progress, your score – nothing. Never mind that it would be utterly impossible to perform any act in the game that could ever be considered as thrilling by even the most sedentary slug-human hybrid.
It’s not fair to mock it for how poor it looks now. But it’s interesting to note how bonkers our brains were back then, when we’d stare open-mouthed at the extraordinary depiction of a city. We could see regular cities, right? And they weren’t made of jagged blocks, right? Just checking. So you know when you stare in amazement at Far Cry 2’s incredible vistas? We’re not going to believe we thought that was ever possible in a few years time.
It’s worth buying to experience. I swear it. The complete absence of any sensation of being a car, the dreadful collision detection, the absolute lack of any notion of real driving, and of course the finger-chewingly awful Lance Boyle. (I wish no disrespect to Christian Erickson – I’m quite certain none of this is his fault.) MegaRace is unquestionably one of the most dreadful games ever made, and deserves to be heralded for this. It’s a novelty piece, a mutant foetus in a museum of medical oddities. Also, you get the slightly less dreadful MegaRace 2 in the deal!
Related Stories:
I refuse to purchase this game and play it again for fear of destroying my childhood memories.
Another step in John’s quest to destroy all innocence.
Just gotta chime in on the “but MegaRace was my childhood!” I have very fond memories of that game and stealing it from my brother. I knew what this would be about as soon as I saw Lance’s face. Some things will never stop haunting you.
On the fence about buying it and potentially ruining all those memories.
You should start writing a series called “CRYO: A story of hate” and compile all your PC Games reviews and views over your dear French company, it would be an amusing read.
I remember a demo of this from way back.
I had a CD Rom with 101 demos on it (yes; that’s on average 7MB per demo) of which tbhis was one. I remember being amazed by Mega Race – the FMV blew me away. I am prepared to admit that was likely an early bout of naivity.
I am sorely tempted to buyit just to see if I can see why I found the demo so inticing…
The description of gameplay reminds me of those pre electronic screen hand held racing games which consisted of a wind up scroll with the racetrack, cars and obstacles drawn on. Your car was just a plastic car on a slide bar at the bottom that panned from left to right. No score or anything.
@Moonracer: yeah, it put me in mind of the very same thing. Or rather, the slightly bigger desktop versions that were sculpted like the front of a tiny car, with a little wheel and ‘fast/slow’ gearbox. Now there’s a childhood memory.
As for megarace, I remember playing this one as a kid too. Contrary to the general consensus, I recall being entirely underwhelmed once the actual ‘race’ part started, in a “you’ve got to be kidding me” kind of way. Come on people, this was always rubbish. Nostalgia has a lot to answer for.
Wow, this was a fun trip down memory lane. Hey, check out the Wikipedia entry for MegaRace; it shows the box art. Apparently 1994 was still a year that Box Art was totally more awesome than the game itself. “In this future, speed that kills isn’t enough!” WTF does that mean??
Anyway, loved the article, but had a good laugh at this:
You know, as opposed to Grid which is real racing on a real track with no “illusions” involved at all. I know what you meant though. Whenever I play a game like Crysis I think, “Hey, these are real trees! Not just 2D cut outs of trees that spin around as you change POV. Or those other trees that are like two cardboard cut outs intersecting each other.” But then you use a no-clip cheat an you find out that those mountains aren’t real; they are just facades! Oh wait… none of it is real!
@angryhenrik: Thanks! I was trying to remember how I ever ended up with this game. I got it with my Packard Bell too! Remember that really terrible Microsoft Bob-ish thing that came with it? PB Navigator or something? I kept all my games on a digital shelf in my digital library! Wheee! Hmm… that’s how GOG works, isn’t it?
John, I don’t think you convinced anyone who liked this game when it came out that it’s bad.
I can’t wait for your article denigrating that horrible X-Men cartoon that was awesome at about the same time. Nostalgia is just too strong.
elle – that’s my point, though! For about a fiver they could play it and learn the terrible truth.
Acosta – I love that idea, but I’m frightened that former Cryo employees might hunt me down and kill me.
Jim, your mission is to stop John Conn- Walker. Stop John Walker.
Add another one to the list of people who loved this game as a kid. It was so much fun and led to me loving other car-nage games like Interstate ‘76, Carmageddon and so on.
I was once addicted for weeks to a demo of Megarace 2 which had an awesome track and a song I couldn’t get tired of. The full version cured me, and yeah it was like a ‘racing’ conversion of a scrolling shooter.
I would very much love a retrospective piece on Cyberia (on-rails shooting fun) and, of course, Quarantine. I first experienced Megadeath and these two on a demo disc that came with my very first PC…
This was a bit of a trip down memory lane.
I only remember this game as being one of the nominees on Cybermania ‘94: Ultimate Gamers Awards that I saw on TBS when I was 11. I think it was up for Best CD-ROM game, but lost to 7th Guest.
Here’s EW’s overview of the show: http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,304586,00.html
Apparently the very first televised videogames awards show, it was hosted by Leslie Nielsen and Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and was terrible. Geoff Keighley is credited as a consulting producer, too! Somebody should ask him about it.
A bigger list of the random celebrity presenters they used is here: http://www.hollywood.com/tv/Cybermania_94_The_Ultimate_Gamer_Awards/5175158
You’ve got Spinal Tap and Lisa Turtle from SBTB, fresh faces Hilary Swank and Sarah Chalke, who I assume were cross-promoting The Next Karate Kid and Ernest Goes to School, and Dave Thomas. What more could you ask for?
The winners were Best Action/ Adventure: Doom; Best CD-ROM: The 7th Guest; Best Portable Game: Aladdin; Best Art or Graphics: Myst; Best Musical: Xplora 1: Peter Gabriel’s Secret World; Best Sports: Caesars World of Boxing; Best Actress: Grace Zabriskie, Voyeur; Best Actor: Robert Culp, Voyeur; and Best Overall Game (determined by a call-in vote): Mortal Kombat.
I just realised today that Megarace is the reason why, when driving along, a part of me always expects the white arrows painted onto the road tarmack to accellerate my car slightly, along with a strange little ‘powerup!’ sound-effect.