Tall-Nut: Here Comes My Man

By Alec Meer on May 5th, 2009 at 10:54 pm.

We have all played Plants vs Zombies by now. And we all have a favourite plant, right? Maybe it’s the triple pea plant. Maybe it’s the sweetcorn catapult that lobs hunks of ghoul-paralysing butter. Maybe it’s the impressively apocalyptic Jalapeño pepper. For me, there is no question. Tall-nut is my super-unit, the answer to all my problems, the nemesis of all zombies. My one true love.


Tall-Nut is Wall-Nut Plus: the least conceptually interesting of all Plants vs Zombies 40-something defensive units, the static wall that has no ability beyond mere delay. Wall-nut is a suicide bomber without the bombing: he is there only to be destroyed in the name of a noble cause. He’s simply absorption, delaying the inevitable. His big bother Tall-Nut, though: brrrrrrr. No-one’s getting past Tall-Nut.

Of all the many units deployed to PvZ’s slightly too repetitive battlefields, the mighty Tall-Nut stands out the most by a country mile. Significantly bigger than anything else in the game, and with an expression that screams only rage, murder and contempt, nothing is his equal. If zombies somehow manage to chomp their way through his hairy chitin skull, you’ve failed – and not because Tall-Nut has some inherent weakness, but because you’re so poor at the game that your last, ultimate defense is too little, too late. Tall-Nut can defeat pogo sticks, ladders, zombie dolphins… You name it, he’s nemesised it. If he falls, it’s only because you’re bloody rubbish.

Tall-Nut. King of all the plants.

I mean, really, read his bio from PvZ’s incredible almanac:

“People wonder if there’s a rivalry between Wall-Nut and Tall-Nut. Tall-Nut laughs a rich, baritone laugh. “How could there be anything between us? We are brothers. If you knew what Wall-Nut has done for me…” Tall-Nut’s voice trails off and he smiles knowingly.”

Brrrrr. Marry me, Tall-Nut.

That stiff, strangely tiny lower-lip, those furious, vengeful eyes, the way he towers beyond anything else on that tile-based grass battlefield: truly, Tall-Nut is a hero for the ages.

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74 Comments »

  1. Baris says:

    So far my favourite has to be Repeater. He may be a bad-boy with a foul attitude now, but I can change him, I swear it!

  2. Stabby says:

    Tags: “horribly confused homoeroticism”

    Haha. Awesome.

  3. Chris Evans says:

    Tall-nut is a true warrior, his kind will never be forgotten!

  4. Z says:

    Tall-Nut is wonderful, until you run into the rock for his scissors.

    Of course, that particular pair of scissors slices through everything. *shudder*

    “If he falls, it’s only because you’re bloody rubbish.”

    Or you’re playing Suvivor: Hard. Oh god, my army is composted…

  5. Ginger Yellow says:

    Oh goody. I’ve only just unlocked Tall-Nut, and I’ve been desperate for something to stop zombie dolphins. I wasn’t sure he’d float on water.

  6. PaulMorel says:

    He looks like angry Stewie.

  7. Z says:

    Ginger: the lilly pad is your friend. I must return to my zen garden.

    BTW, has anyone tried replaying the campaign after beating it? Stupid crazy dude.

  8. Monchberter says:

    Fitting Meer opts for the nut.

    Nurse, the straitjacket…

  9. The Poisoned Sponge says:

    It’s all about the Spikeweed. He’s the hero for all those downtrodden masses, the inspiration for anyone who’s been called a doormat. He’ll let you walk, alright, but he’ll make sure you leave without an arm, or a head, if you spend too much time hanging around. He’s the best friend of the Tall-nut, and he’s the only thing to slow down the Gargantor (well, in his upgraded form, at least).

  10. Patrick says:

    I have to say, the wall-nut is my favourite so far. That chipper vacant smile, the off-center eyes, the way that smile turns to a frown progressively as zombies literally eat his brains.

    The penetrating scowl of the Tall-nut is a close second.

  11. Dozer says:

    PaulMorel said what I wanted to say! so I guess there’ no reason for me to post this.

  12. Filipe says:

    Only halfway through the game, but yeah, never go into a battle without Tall-Nut.

  13. The Poisoned Sponge says:

    Also, reinforce him with a pumpkin and he’ll love you forever.

  14. Film11 says:

    Doom-shroom will put Tall-nut in his place I’m afraid.

  15. The_B says:

    Aw, nuts.

    D’you see what I did there?

  16. Jody Macgregor says:

    Sometimes I love the tags as much as the posts here.

  17. SPLastic says:

    Fun fact: Wall-Nuts serve as a great deterrent at night while you set up enough sunflowers to generate money!

    Imagine a solid line of Tall-Nuts, backed by Repeaters and Catapults.

  18. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    Tall-nut is like a medic with uber all the time, with the stalwart determination of the heavy.

    And when he’s on his last legs, that one single tear…

    Goddam.

  19. Jazmeister says:

    Oh Mr Meer. You hilarious cad, you.

  20. Bigfoot_King says:

    Although tall-nut is the best, wall nut is cuter

  21. Freeks says:

    And IIIIIII~ will always love youuuuu~ …
    Jeah before Tall-Nut I was unhappy, cranky, didn’t know what was missing… Then there he was, tall, strong, the perfect man… Tall-Nut I’m there for you… forever…

  22. itsallcrap says:

    I notice in the screenshot you’re not using the chomper plants right behind the wallnut. I found that to be a winning combination as they can eat zombs on the other side of the nut but always have time to finish chewing the last one.

    Then again, you’ve clearly gotten further than me, so what do I know, eh?

  23. Ginger Yellow says:

    “Ginger: the lilly pad is your friend.”

    Yeah, I know. I just had a strange (and wrong) feeling it wouldn’t be enough to keep Tally afloat.

  24. Ian says:

    I love how the upgrades look just like their predecessor, but angrier.

    I have yet to play far enough to find the Tall-Nut, but now I’m waiting.

  25. Down Rodeo says:

    Dammit! I managed to tear myself away from this last night but now you make me want to play it all over again. I hope you’re happy.

  26. Z says:

    I just bought the lilypad cat thing. I like it, but I haven’t used it against balloon zombies yet. I pefer keeping a spot open to use a blowflower–that way I don’t have zombies dropping inside my defenses when they get shot down.

  27. Alex says:

    Tall-Nut is as nothing to my mighty SHOVEL.

  28. archonsod says:

    The humble and ever useful Frozen Pea has to be my favourite. A solid line of those guys and the shuffling horde becomes even more, erm, shuffly, giving you ample time to choose which particular means of disposal takes your fancy.

  29. Ian says:

    Yeah, I’m a big fan of the frozen pea too. Bucket-head zombie gonna get to your first plant before you can knock his bucket off? No problem. But a blue in there and he’ll be dead before he’s shambled halfway across the lawn.

  30. Ginger Yellow says:

    Yeah, the Slow Pea is definitely the ever-present workhorse of my garden, but it’s not really sexy. On the other hand, the hypno shroom doesn’t get a lot of use, but it’s dead handy for those American footballer zombies.

  31. Ian says:

    Of course, a well-protected chomper is always a hoot.

  32. Schaulustiger says:

    Have to agree with Ian here, a chomper behind a wall- or tall-nut is a nearly unbreakable defense. At least, with some pea shooters that pick off the rest of the horde whilst the chomper is crunching zombies to pieces.

    Have to go play again.

  33. Z says:

    I just wish fire didn’t cancel ice. Maybe there’ll be enough slowdown to make it worthwhile, because winter melon + gattling peas + torchwood is really tempting.

    But I think I’ve found my new friend: Imitater. My dear, curious french noir master of disguise, letting me roll out 3 columns of sunflowers in 1/3-1/2 the time in survivor mode.

    Why so many? You need to build up a reserve of sun for the later flags. As I build up a surplus of sun, I start replacing them with double sunflowers/rear spikestones (vs. miners)/marigolds+gold magnet (vs. my poverty)/or melonpults.

    By the last wave, I usually have 2000+ sun in reserve and only 2 double sunflowers left.

    Now I just need to beat Survivor: Fog (hard) [ugh] and Survivor: Roof (hard) [shudder], and some of the minigames.

  34. Adventurous Putty says:

    Does the “homoeroticism” tag indicate that we can look forward to more — ahem — gushing articles?

  35. Z says:

    Schaulustiger: Have to agree with Ian here, a chomper behind a wall- or tall-nut is a nearly unbreakable defense.

    Technically, squashes are actually better than chompers–they’ll destroy a dozen zombies if they’re all packed together tightly enough. Impossible to roll them out fast enough, though.

  36. Nick says:

    @Adventurous Putty: Doubtful.. RPS has lots and lots and lots of tags they just put in for amusement in individual posts =)

  37. army of none says:

    RPS, I love you.

  38. Schaulustiger says:

    Technically, squashes are actually better than chompers–they’ll destroy a dozen zombies if they’re all packed together tightly enough. Impossible to roll them out fast enough, though.

    Yeah, that’s why I keep the squisher ready to only use it for special zombies like the bob team.
    I can’t even stop smiling while writing this. PvZ is so hilarious :)

  39. Daniel says:

    I dunno, wall-nut is cooler in his own way. I mean, these zombies beat on him and he just stays there smiling as he cracks away into nothing. I’ve only had one wall-nut break on me. I cried. But then I built another, and he continued his fallen brother’s legacy, so at least wall-nut did not die in anything close to vain.

  40. Theoban says:

    I wasn’t going to buy this game until this post. I don’t really like tower defence games but the characterisation of these nuts and plants has sold me. DAMN YOU RPS.

  41. Jim Rossignol says:

    “an expression that screams only rage, murder and contempt”

    I felt the Tall-Nut’s expression was steely-resolve, which is heightened by the single tear that forms at the corner of his eye when he’s under attack.

  42. Moonracer says:

    I played the demo and wasn’t too impressed, but all this talk is making me think again.

  43. Rei Onryou says:

    I knew I was going to buy it as soon as I saw the music video. Tom Francis’ review only confirmed that. I’ve been holding out, but don’t think I can any longer!

  44. CakeAddict says:

    Well I’ve gotten my copy today and I’ve been hooked since, I shall get that golden trophee *mumbling*
    Anyway my favourite is probably Gattling peas especially if you put a fire in front of it.

    I had a nice combo going in the first (very easy) survival level.
    Twin sun plant -> Mellon -> Gattling -> Fire -> Piranha plant -> Tall nut.
    They certainly got their asses kicked, but then again it was only the first level. x)

  45. Lunsku says:

    I’ll root for Squash at the moment. Wonderful grumpy expression, and always there for the early game squashing that one getting away when I’m trying to build up economy!

  46. Matosh says:

    You name it, he’s nemesised it.

    I never thought I’d see the word ‘nemesis’ verbed.

  47. Rufust Firefly says:

    The Potato Mine won my heart in one of the early movies of the game. SPUDOW. I’ve never really looked at any others.

  48. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    Reading the almanac of plants and zombies is also some cool/quirky characterization.

  49. Rosti says:

    I like to read this article in the light of John’s piece on L4D’s Witch. Who’s next to give into the article-on-game-character-with-emotional-feeling urge, then?

  50. simplicio says:

    My new best friend is the cattail. Homing repeater with aerial attacks included? Woof!

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