Siege Mentality: Crush The Castle

By John Walker on May 9th, 2009 at 12:21 am.

CRUSH!

CRUSH THE CASTLE! That’s an order, you. What a fun title. I’d type more eloquent and useful things, except my right hand has swollen up like a balloon – seriously, it’s red and puffy and deeply weird. It’s hard to type properly. I’ve put the symptoms into WebMD, and there’s only one suggested ailment: I’m pregnant. So with this rather shocking news, I leave you to play this really rather fabby Flash game which involves throwing rocks at castle-dwelling folk until they all get squished. Perhaps a little too easy, but you can design your own levels too, and you should totally share the best ones with all the other children, below.

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46 Comments »

  1. Theoban says:

    I made a boo boo, collapsed the entire castle, but in doing so made an indestructable bunker for the king to hide in. Tarnation.

  2. Sp4rkR4t says:

    Great game but too short and the editor is crap, I already have the badges on Kongregate.

  3. NuZZ says:

    Agreed Sparkrat. Do. Want. Moar.

  4. gnome says:

    It can be frustratingly inaccurate at times though…

  5. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    I agree with gnome. Catapult vs. castle games are all like that, thought. I haven’t found a single one that gives aiming hints–it leaves it all in one’s own incompetent hands.

  6. Devan says:

    I can’t get past castle 17. All the ammo types seem to fly the same distance (not far enough), so you have to rely on a lucky ricochet to get the king and queen at the back.

  7. Wade says:

    Good for a play through, chuckle, and forget.

    Quite similar (but more fleshed out) to this funky Japanese furniture chucking game: http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/h/hikkoshi.htm

  8. Legionary says:

    @Devan: you need to release the rocks just as the sling touches the top of the screen. That’ll send them on the right trajectory to knock the top of the tower off. A repeat of that will have the rocks skitter across the top and crush the royal family.

  9. Gabanski83 says:

    Completed the game, pretty fun. Could do with some sort of rough aiming devide perhaps though. Maybe sling cow corpses to mark shots, or something.

  10. Matzerath says:

    I think the addition of aiming markers to a game involving launching boulders from a giant trebuchet is the kind of pussyfoot hand-holding that has nothing to do with launching boulders from a giant trebuchet.

  11. Jody Macgregor says:

    I hope I’m not the only person going SKAPLOW and BLARG as I play this.

  12. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    Well it’s not pussyfooting about handholding, that’s for sure.

  13. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    Couldn’t get past the last one.

  14. Jazmeister says:

    Had a look at this a couple of days ago, and it still remembers my progress. My favourite is to go back to Castle 17 with the full armament and try to kill everyone with 1 shot.

  15. Baris says:

    I also quit after my 20-something’th (wow, that’s the Frankenstein’s monster of words) try at the last stage.

    Fun game though, too bad I randomly clicked Gem Tower Defence Chapter 0 while there and lost the last 3 hours or so.

  16. DMcCool says:

    FINALLY managed to beat 17, hilariously my last cannonball bounced off a cannonball already balanced on a single stone pillar above the royalty, landing next to the queen, knocking her over onto her husband, in process killing him. Thats right, I killed the king WITH THE QUEEN.

    So happy right now. Thanks, Legionary.

    Thegionary.

  17. Jody Macgregor says:

    Number 21 has me stumped.

  18. Jazmeister says:

    How’s this one? Use only the single small rock, have as many goes as you like:

    0~f_w:674.1,217.3|f_w:770,216.65|fl_w:723,206.65|c_k:883.35,384|fl_w:820.4,291.25|fl_w:618.35,291.65|fl_w:900.75,278.75|fl_w:546.7,280|w_w:838.35,355.9|w_w:803.65,356.5|w_w:758.35,358.35|w_w:717.85,359|w_w:678.35,357.65|w_w:639.75,356.65|w_w:600,353.35|ws_w:656.7,255|ws_w:696.3,254.75|ws_w:739.7,255.75|ws_w:778.95,255|f_w:601.25,267.25|f_w:832.95,267.6|fl_w:453.85,267.25|fl_w:980.8,268.35|w_s:713.85,138.9|w_s:733.05,140|w_s:715,15|w_s:733.35,15|p_c:725,-71.7|

    Edit: okay, blockquote and code tags don’t help the little gargantuan pastage problem. No idea.

  19. Arca says:

    23 is a pain in the backside. Ridiculously small margin of error.

    That said, going back and nuking 17 in a single shot is fun!

    @Jaz; er, got it in one? Nailed it in the lower stone section and the entire thing wobbled apart.

  20. Physicser says:

    I had a good amount of fun with this on Kongregate a day or two ago as well, and I too obtained the badges. Reading some of the comments (or description) lead me to the inspiration for the game – Castle Clout. Pretty fun (I think I played Castle Clout 3.0, also on kongregate), and very similar, I think I heard someone say that they had the creator of castle clout’s blessing or somesuch to use the same gameplay and whatnot, probably why they are so similar (although, there are significant differences as well).

  21. Jazmeister says:

    I like the easy ones :) How about this one:

    0~w_i:391.65,359.65|w_i:414.1,359|w_i:436.65,358.35|w_i:460.35,360|f_i:427.75,293.65|w_i:391.65,226.65|w_i:411.9,226.65|w_i:435.85,226.85|w_i:458.35,228.35|f_i:423.35,160|w_i:458.35,93.3|w_i:434.75,93.3|w_i:411.65,93.3|w_i:391.65,93.3|f_i:426.3,28.3|w_i:458.35,-40|w_i:436.65,-40|w_i:413.25,-38.65|w_i:391.65,-38.35|f_i:426.35,-106.7|ws_s:369.4,389.4|ws_s:481.35,393.5|w_s:368.75,286.7|w_s:478.9,299.4|w_s:476.65,173.65|w_s:476.75,56.55|w_s:368.1,160.75|w_s:365.4,33.15|c_p:1195.95,383.5|c_n:1.65,381.65|fs_w:424.4,-117.9|fs_w:423.6,-128.7|fs_w:423.6,-139.5|p_s:423.35,-171.7|p_s:408.6,-173.6|p_s:438.35,-171.7|

    Same rules as before. Anyone else got any?

  22. Scandalon says:

    Curse you JW…I recently bought L4D, Plants vs Zombies, and just yesterday DefenseGrid, but did I play those? No, I just spent an hour trying to get passed a couple levels 17 and…the 2nd to last? The last one I did first try, first shot – wish it had record/replay function.

    Fun. One question for those that played it, did you find any noticeable difference in the launching characteristics of the different sizes? I think, possibly, the smaller ones traveled a teensy smidgen further, but I couldn’t swear to it. Once each successive size was made available, I rarely(never?) found I needed to drop down again to the smaller ones.

    Some technical details need smoothing (the “clank” noises should be off during level setup, sometimes the mouse-click gets out of sync, so you click to scroll back to the left, but it starts the launch, as well) and a couple gameplay tweaks. (Namely, the inability to hit “reset” after the last launch, forcing you to wait for the countdown and the “you suck” dialog.)

  23. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    I hate the slow pan from the castle to your trebuchet when you’re trying again. Plants vs. Zombies does that too – I just played the level and need to restart (probably for something minor), I don’t need the whole setup shot again.

  24. Aldaris says:

    Try this one, any ammo you want to use.
    4~p_t:298.15,394.75|p_t:383.85,394.5|p_t:468,394.9|p_t:552.7,396.25|fl_i:381.55,346.4|p_t:341.65,314.75|p_t:433.35,315|p_t:635,398.35|fl_i:583.35,346.65|p_t:511.75,317.1|p_t:595.2,314.4|fl_i:360.45,268.25|fl_i:563.95,272.4|p_t:385.65,239.35|p_t:471.85,238.4|p_t:553.35,237.55|c_k:719.45,385.4|fl_i:394.2,192.75|p_t:640,236.65|p_t:302.25,241.1|fl_i:596.55,190.8|p_t:346.45,158.3|p_t:438.35,160|p_t:523.35,158.3|p_t:603.15,160|w_i:806.7,360|ws_i:786.7,391.25|w_i:827,359.2|w_i:846.95,358.5|w_i:866.7,358.35|p_t:724.9,235.95|ws_i:673.35,312.15|ws_i:1004.25,327.85|f_i:841.55,288.1|f_i:839.4,276.15|fl_i:766.35,267.1|p_t:816.7,233.35|fl_i:796.7,188.35|p_t:686.7,158.3|p_t:772.2,156.65|p_t:858.15,156.65|
    And yeah, I already knew about this, and it’s fun as hell to score a headshot with a boulder the size of a door FLUNG FROM A TREBUCHET. :D

  25. Rosti says:

    You Have to Crush the Castle? I suppose revision can wait a little longer….

  26. l1ddl3monkey says:

    FUCK YOU, LEVEL 17. JUST. FUCK. YOU!!!!1111oneone!!11

  27. Ian says:

    I do like it but it’d be good if they’d found a way to make previous ammo upgrades useful. Seemed to me it was basically, “Okay, here’s a new one, you’ll be using this from now on.”

  28. M_the_C says:

    @Ian
    Very true, once you have the next level it makes the previous useless. But it was fun going back over the early levels once you have obtained the three bombs.

  29. Jazmeister says:

    Aldaris: That was a fun one, but yeah, one hit with the bombs. Very sound from the front though; it’s that one short support, it doesn’t hold anything up.

  30. Rei Onryou says:

    Completed it all. Eventually. Last one was my level 17.

  31. LionsPhil says:

    Woot. Got #13 frst time in one shot by catching the tiny pile of slats on the right, so that the large stone dropped straight down the hole on the queen’s head. \o/

    As for #7, ignore the new medium stone and use triple. Aim high. Remember: the string defines the launch angle, not the arm. Triple heavy stones are still useful after you get bombs, too.

    Also, the trigger appears to be (shoddily) on mouse RELEASE, not PRESS. So click, then hold, then release to chuck.

  32. HidesHisEyes says:

    fun in a “how will i accidentally succeed this time” way.

  33. Dreamhacker says:

    Heh, at a glance it looks like a almost puzzle-like physics-strategy game, but when you get to the really late levels, it’s all about luck.

    And great fun along the way.

  34. LionsPhil says:

    Haet princess so much.

    That was my first shot (of my hundredth attempt). One of the beams amost bonked her on the head, and I never got them to budge again. Hateful friction modelling.

  35. Gap Gen says:

    Yeah, 24 is hard.

    SPOILER

    I killed her by hitting her with the bomb’s blast radius, which kills anything, even through walls.

  36. piphil says:

    @ Wade:

    Thanks! Was just looking for that game… :-)

  37. Rosti says:

    Re: Older ammo – I sometimes found the previous 3-group more useful than the latest big ‘un. Not overly often, mind, just sometimes.

  38. ymk says:

    Try to beat this:

    3~fs_i:765,410|fs_i:765,398.35|fs_i:765,388.35|fs_i:765,378.35|fs_i:765,366.65|fs_i:765.05,354.95|fs_i:765,343.35|fs_i:765,331.65|w_w:731.7,351.65|w_w:800.05,351.65|fs_i:765,321.7|fs_i:765,311.7|fs_i:765,303.25|fs_i:765,294.9|fl_w:661.7,285|fl_w:863.35,284.9|fl_i:661.7,275|fl_i:863.3,275|fl_s:661.65,263.3|fl_s:865,263.35|w_i:570,351.65|w_i:955,351.65|w_w:588.35,351.65|w_w:936.65,351.65|fs_s:540,406.65|fs_s:493.35,406.65|fs_s:521.5,336.65|fs_s:520,315.05|w_s:551.7,321.65|ws_s:694.9,166.7|fs_s:520,371.6|fs_s:520.05,360|fs_s:520,348.35|fs_s:519.9,325|fs_s:520,326.65|fs_s:540,395|fs_s:493.35,393.35|fs_s:540,386.65|fs_s:493.3,385|fs_s:986.7,408.35|fs_s:1033.3,408.35|fs_s:986.65,400|fs_s:1033.4,398.35|fs_s:986.7,390|fs_s:1033.35,388.35|w_s:973.35,321.65|fs_s:1006.7,378.35|fs_s:1006.7,370|fs_s:1006.7,361.65|fs_s:1006.7,351.65|fs_s:1006.7,341.65|fs_s:1006.7,333.35|ws_s:1096.65,350|fs_i:621.7,406.65|fs_i:621.7,395|fs_i:621.7,385|fs_i:621.7,376.65|ws_w:655,381.7|fs_i:688.35,405|fs_i:688.35,395|fs_i:688.35,385|fs_i:688.35,376.65|fs_i:621.65,365|fs_i:586.65,253.35|fs_w:623.35,355|ws_s:446.5,345|ws_s:1038.35,226.75|fs_i:901.7,406.7|fs_i:901.7,396.65|fs_i:901.7,388.35|fs_i:901.65,378.35|fs_i:901.7,368.35|fs_i:835.05,406.65|ws_w:868.35,383.35|fs_i:835,393.35|fs_i:835,381.65|fs_i:835.05,370.05|fs_w:901.7,358.35|c_k:679.8,335.1|fs_i:586.7,205|fs_i:586.65,243.3|fs_i:586.65,233.3|fs_i:586.65,223.3|fs_i:586.7,213.35|fs_i:935.05,253.4|fs_i:935.05,245.05|fs_i:935.05,235|fs_i:935,225|fs_i:935,214.95|fs_i:935.05,205|fs_i:763.35,251.65|fs_i:763.35,241.65|fs_i:763.35,231.65|fs_i:763.35,221.65|fs_i:763.35,211.65|fs_i:763.35,201.65|ws_s:553.3,230.05|ws_s:973.35,228.4|ws_s:621.65,230.05|ws_s:901.7,228.35|ws_s:833.3,228.4|ws_s:690.05,226.6|fs_i:654.9,251.7|fs_i:655,240|fs_i:655,228.35|fs_i:866.7,251.65|fs_i:866.7,241.65|fs_i:866.65,231.6|fs_i:763.35,173.35|fs_i:763.35,183.3|fs_i:763.3,193.35|fs_i:763.35,163.35|fs_i:763.35,153.3|fs_i:763.35,143.3|w_s:730.05,196.65|w_s:798.35,196.65|ws_w:710,226.65|ws_w:815,228.35|p_t:761.65,-26.7|fs_s:520,304.9|fs_s:520,293.25|fs_s:520,285|fs_s:520,273.35|fs_s:520,263.35|fs_s:520,251.65|fs_s:1006.7,323.35|fs_s:1006.65,313.35|fs_s:1006.7,300|fs_s:1006.7,288.35|fs_s:1006.7,276.65|fs_s:1006.7,265|ws_s:678.05,168.15|ws_s:1080.05,346.55|ws_s:728.35,93.35|fl_s:766.7,128.3|p_c:671.65,105|p_c:860,96.65|fl_s:541.65,186.7|fl_s:991.7,188.35|fs_i:763.35,81.6|fs_i:763.25,89.95|fs_i:763.35,100|fs_i:763.35,108.3|fs_i:763.35,51.65|fs_i:763.35,61.65|fs_i:763.4,71.65|fs_i:763.4,116.65|fs_s:519.9,240|fs_s:520,230|fs_s:520,218.35|fs_s:520,210|fs_s:1006.7,255|fs_s:1006.7,243.35|fs_s:1006.7,235|fs_s:1006.7,225|ws_s:486.6,226.65|ws_s:1121.6,383.25|ws_s:798.3,93.3|ws_s:729.9,31.65|ws_s:796.7,33.3|fs_i:764.8,39.95|fs_i:761.7,18.3|fs_i:763.35,30|p_c:451.7,155|p_c:1078.4,168.3|p_c:631.65,156.65|p_c:898.35,158.3|fs_s:519.9,198.35|fs_s:1006.7,213.35|fs_s:1006.7,203.35|fs_s:985,178.35|fs_s:545,175|w_s:485,313.25|w_s:465,315.05|fs_i:763.35,6.6|fs_s:446.65,405|fs_s:446.65,391.65|fs_s:446.65,381.65|ws_s:410,381.65|fs_s:545.05,163.35|fs_s:545,151.65|fs_s:545,139.95|fs_s:545,128.3|fs_s:545,116.65|fs_s:985,168.3|fs_s:985,158.3|fs_s:985.05,146.65|fs_s:985,136.65|fs_s:985,125|ws_s:835.05,166.7|ws_s:854.95,166.6|fl_s:466.7,418.35|fl_s:665.05,418.35|fl_s:863.3,419.9|fl_s:1061.7,418.3|w_s:1040,320|fs_i:866.65,203.35|fs_s:1080,406.7|fs_s:1080,395|fs_s:1081.7,383.35|w_s:1060.05,321.7|ws_s:428.35,348.3|fs_i:655,216.65|fs_i:866.65,220|fs_i:866.7,211.65|fs_i:656.7,206.65|fs_i:656.7,195|ws_s:711.65,166.65|ws_s:816.7,165|w_s:510,118.3|w_s:578.3,118.3|w_s:951.65,121.65|w_s:1018.3,121.65|fs_s:545,105|fs_s:545,93.3|fs_s:545,81.65|fs_s:545,71.65|fs_s:545.05,63.3|fs_s:985,113.3|fs_s:985,103.3|fs_s:985,91.65|fs_s:985,81.65|fs_s:985,70|fs_s:545,51.65|fs_s:985.05,58.35|p_t:543.35,15|p_t:985.05,26.65|c_q:835,326.65|c_s:478.3,138.3|c_s:1050.05,146.6|c_s:925,148.3|c_s:605.05,143.3|c_n:698.3,89.9|c_n:828.4,83.3|

  39. Paul Moloney says:

    I finished that game a week or so ago, it’s a hell of a lot of fun. I was swapping some impregable fortress with a friend on Facebook; great idea having a editor which saves maps as small text files.

    P.

  40. Gap Gen says:

    I’d swap a lot of my Facebook friends for impregnable fortresses.

  41. CannedLizard says:

    Castle 12: Awkward 9/11 reference?

  42. El Stevo says:

    Way too luck-based and frustrating. Restarts are too slow, and why can’t I restart without waiting 3 seconds if I’ve fired all my shots?

    Knocking things over is always fun, though.

  43. Viskernus says:

    Here’s a level i made. Bombs work best.

    1~c_s:1253.4,-139.95|c_s:1148.35,-160.05|c_s:1206.7,-96.7|c_s:1150,-40|c_s:1093.35,-103.35|c_s:1196.65,34.9|c_s:1196.6,-216.7|c_s:1020,-148.35|c_s:905,340|c_s:873.35,335|c_s:841.65,336.7|c_s:808.35,336.7|c_s:745,335|c_s:715,335|c_s:690,335|c_s:631.7,335|c_s:601.7,335|c_s:540,335|c_s:454.9,338.35|c_s:401.7,335.05|c_s:373.35,338.35|c_s:860,-148.25|c_s:776.7,336.65|c_s:1241.7,-36.6|c_s:1098.35,46.65|c_s:483.35,330|c_s:513.35,331.65|c_s:428.35,330|c_s:571.7,343.35|c_s:661.7,338.35|w_w:290,118.3|w_w:331.6,118.35|w_i:294.9,361.65|w_i:313.35,360|w_i:275,361.65|w_i:333.25,356.65|w_i:274.9,241.55|w_i:295,240|w_i:315.05,238.3|w_i:335,236.65|w_i:273.35,118.35|w_i:963.35,233.35|w_i:926.65,356.55|w_i:963.3,358.35|w_i:963.35,111.7|w_i:928.3,233.3|w_i:928.3,111.65|w_i:309.95,118.3|fl_i:943.3,43.3|w_i:981.65,356.7|w_i:946.7,354.95|w_i:945,111.65|w_i:853.35,-23.3|w_i:1033.4,-21.65|w_i:875,-23.35|w_i:1013.35,-21.7|fl_i:941.65,-98.3|fl_i:941.7,-88.35|fl_i:941.7,-108.3|c_k:918.35,1.6|c_n:308.35,-18.35|c_q:975,-13.35|f_i:305,50|f_i:305,40|f_i:306.65,31.65|f_i:306.65,21.65|f_i:941.7,-120|p_t:941.7,-150|p_s:1056.7,390|p_s:1078.4,395|p_s:1101.7,388.35|p_s:1126.7,388.35|p_s:1153.35,388.25|p_s:1178.35,391.7|p_s:1201.65,391.65|p_s:1223.35,395|p_s:1245,395|p_s:1030.05,389.9|

  44. pepper says:

    The RPS crew has insulted your crapp AAA title, now its time to take revenge! Take out there castle and prove your games worth!

    3~w_w:636.7,359.1|w_w:636.7,226.65|fl_w:695.65,291.65|fs_i:876.7,413.25|w_i:788.35,358.35|f_i:735,411.65|fs_i:671.7,411.65|f_i:731.65,400|f_i:731.7,393.25|fl_w:695,160|fl_w:695,149.95|p_t:628.35,118.35|w_w:786.7,225|w_w:878.3,343.35|c_n:686.7,105|c_k:676.7,246.6|w_i:616.7,225|w_i:613.35,358.35|p_t:755,119.95|ws_i:580.05,391.65|p_s:655,380|p_s:666.65,381.7|p_s:676.7,383.35|w_s:1013.35,360|w_i:994.95,358.4|w_s:976.65,359.9|w_i:995.05,231.7|w_s:975.05,235|w_s:1014.95,233.35|fl_s:990,163.35|w_s:973.35,93.3|w_s:1015,93.3|w_s:993.35,93.3|w_s:900.05,96.65|w_s:1076.6,95|fl_s:991.7,14.95|p_t:931.65,-16.7|p_t:1048.4,-16.65|c_n:988.4,-26.65|c_p:935,116.65|c_p:1048.35,118.35|c_k:738.35,245.05|c_k:748.35,348.35|c_k:700,353.35|w_i:1075.05,355|w_i:1076.65,231.65|w_i:1118.3,355|w_i:1096.65,355|w_i:290.05,358.35|w_i:310,359.9|w_i:330,360|fl_i:331.65,288.25|fl_i:351.65,220|fl_i:485,355|ws_i:393.35,391.65|w_i:443.3,286.7|ws_i:331.65,255|ws_i:288.35,251.65|c_s:475,309.9|c_s:363.25,371.7|c_s:950.05,370|c_s:915.05,366.7|c_s:1050,381.65|c_n:351.65,158.3|c_n:306.65,173.35|c_n:268.25,174.95|w_i:500,285|w_i:550,286.65|f_i:523.35,218.35|w_i:524.9,151.65|w_i:545,153.3|w_i:503.35,149.95|ws_i:590.05,256.65|w_i:581.7,161.65|p_t:410.05,186.7|w_i:878.35,218.35|f_i:526.7,79.9|w_i:878.35,93.3|w_i:878.4,-31.7|w_i:878.35,-281.65|w_i:878.35,-156.7|

  45. LionsPhil says:

    @Gap Gen: Yup, that’s what I managed in the end.

  46. Jayteh says:

    I think I lucked through the hard ones, cause 17 I two shotted and the last one was a breeze

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