Rock, Paper, Shotgun

A Fool In Morrowind, Day 1 – Trousers

Posted by Alec Meer on June 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 pm.

Share:

Time for adventures! As you’ve probably gathered, I’m embarking on a series of diaries documenting my aimless exploits in Morrowind, the third Elder Scrolls game and predecessor to the, ah, divisive Oblivion. Armed only with a bunch of mods* and an entirely cavalier attitude towards lore and saving the world, I finally set off to Vvardenfell. In this first instalment – fighting ducks, plummeting wizards and accidental trouser-loss.

First, a few very basic ground rules about how I’m going to play this:

- My character is very much in this for himself, rather than being especially interested in any epic quest to banish evil from the land. This means I am free to roam as I please, and am not held back by a specific moral code – I do what I want to do, but must accept any consequences of that, rather than reaching for reload. The exception to this is death, because I’m not starting over every time a bandit cuts me from nave to chops.
- I might be a thief and an oaf but I am not, however, a murderer. When someone attacks me, I’ll fight back – but during this adventure, there will be no killing people in cold blood. Of course, this stance may at some point be tested…
- I will not attempt to shape my character’s development one way or another. Stats don’t generally figure in any real narrative, so to all intents and purposes they won’t exist here either. If this means I end up with a horrible, cludgy mess of a character, so be it. The adventures are what matter.

Okay. Shall we begin?

I can’t remember what I was in prison for. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t anything really bad though, as I don’t seem to be taking my release from it terribly seriously. After a Dark Elf with some particularly unattractive facial piercings asks me my name – a little odd, as we’ve clearly been on this prison ship for a while, but it’s only as I prepare to leave that he thinks to ask – a swaggering guard turns up to walk me out, and to freedom.

I’m not having any of it. As he strides manfully towards the prison ship’s exit, rather than mutely following as requested, I repeatedly attempt to overtake him. Hey, slowpoke, wassamatter? He seems displeased, but says nothing. What’s he going to do? I’m a free man now. I surge past him, reaching the hatch before he can whine at me. So long sucker.

Creeeeeeeak and…. daylight! Ah, yes. I don’t remember anything before today, but somehow it feels like a while since I saw the sun. It’s beautiful out there – trees and seas, and civilians pacing around amiably. I’m going to enjoy this place. The goodly guards have even brought in Morgan Freeman to cheerily send me on my way. Thanks, Morg.

Just past him, another guard arrives – heavily armoured, and blocking my path. I tense. Partly because I’m expecting trouble, and partly because he vaguely reminds of someone from another life. Someone I loathe to the pit of my very soul. Was it… Jauffre? I brace myself to hear a voice from my nightmares, but it’s okay. The people of Vvardenfell don’t communicate quite like those in that other life**. My ears are safe.

Jauffre-esque simply wants to know my origins. I’m a Dark Elf, I tell him. Look at my stern, oddly wrinkled face, I gesture. Admire my long, luxurious ebony locks, I preen. He waves me on.

I enter the building behind him, into a lavish room of ornaments and stern men. What a lot of people seem to have turned up for my arrival. It’s almost flattering. The bald fella I approach next wants to know my trade. I can’t quite remember, but I’m pretty sure I don’t fall square on the side of the law. It seems foolish to admit this but… hell, I yam what I yam. ‘Agent’ seems the best description of what I do – a bit sneaky, a bit thiefy, but not a total waste of space when it comes to a straight sword fight. I can also summon a few magical beasties for kicks and diversions. Next, he wants to know my starsign. Christ, man, this isn’t speed-dating. Oh, alright- the Thief. Happy now? I briefly turn invisible, just to show off.

I’m sent down the hall, and wander into a small sideroom. There is swag here. I peer around the corner cautiously. No-one seems to be watching, so… into my massive pocket it all goes: plates, candelabra, books, cutlery, bread, some strange ointment. Even the bread baskets are pocketed – every penny counts, right? I might be fresh off the boat, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got enough loot to afford a nice hat already.

I head out the door, briefly pausing in the next thoroughfare to swipe a magic ring from a barrel, and next I bump into Julius Caesar. I think he wants me to do a job for him. What am I, a volunteer fireman? Stow it, buddy: I’m a criminal straight off the criminalboat. I let him drone on a bit, then wander off again. One more door and then finally – I have the run of town.

It’s busy out. People are everywhere, a few children skip around the streets, and for some reason there’s a huge horse standing in the way of the main road out of town. Now, I’ve sworn not to take a life in cold blood, but inconsiderate horses don’t really count. During my casual larceny earlier, I pocketed a dagger – eat it, Mr Ed.

I get a couple of good stabs in before I’m warned that the townspeople don’t take kindly to me attacking their pets. The horse scarpers, and a guard accosts me. Do I want to pay a fine, to go to prison, or to fight? I don’t think I’m really going to risk my own life for the sake of the right to knife a pony, so I give the guy 65 gold and he lets me go. I’m not convinced I’ve had 65g worth of fun, but it sure beats going back to jail.

I am a little annoyed that I didn’t get closure on my first fight, however. So, I sneak around the back of the houses, and find a pond. A few ducks and herons are swimming around calmly. I stealth over to the cutest duckling I can find and shnikt-splat-squawk.

As I stare at the tiny yellow body, I experience an unpleasant sensation in the pit of my stomach. What is that? It’s not the pride of a clean steal. It’s not the adrenal joy of a fight well fought. Oh, yes. It’s guilt. Terrible, gnawing, shameful guilt – I just killed a baby duck, for no reason whatsoever. Oof. If I want the bards to ever sing my story, I need to smarten up my act a little. I head out of town, in search of a fair fight to redeem myself. There’ll surely be bandits out here, and I’m going to fight them. So long as they fight me first, of course.

On the way, a wizard in a funny hat falls out of the sky, and lands in a crumpled heap in front of me.

Erm?

I run behind a nearby tree, and hide for a bit. Once I’m sure that whatever threw the wizard isn’t hot on his heels, I creep over to the corpse. It seems I have no problem with rifling through the pockets of dead bodies, interestingly. Just as well, as this guy’s loaded with good stuff. There’s a sword with a magical electric charge, a few coins, some fancy shoes, a nice robe, and a book. Oh, and that ridiculous hat, which looks rather like a prophylactic. I immediately put it on my own head.

The book says something about experimental magical transport, which I presume was the source of this poor guy’s fatal arrival. I’ll look into that later. Right now though, as I stare at the mysterious wizard’s now-nude corpse, I feel that unpleasant sensation in the pit of my stomach again. This time, I supress it, and head back to town. Have stuff, will sell.

I find the local shop, but the first person I talk to in there seems to be a trainer rather than a seller. And yet she refuses to train me. I attempt some friendly persuasion, which backfires spectacularly. She’s instantly annoyed by my attempts at a compliment, and the conversation grinds to a surly halt. Oops – better hope I don’t urgently need training any time soon. I head upstairs, and find the shop’s proprietor. He seems unaware or unconcerned that my of my wares have been stolen from military bases and dead bodies from the sky, so I quickly amass what seems like a small fortune. I immediately spend it again, on a lovely set of chitin armour and a steel short sword.

To afford the last pauldron, I have to also sell what I’m wearing (though I manage to hang onto that ridiculous hat). I don’t notice until after the transaction is complete that I’ve managed to sell my trousers – without buying replacements. Nor can I now afford new pants. I’m all decked out in fierce-looking armour, but I don’t have any trousers.

My shoulders might be massive and spikily armoured, but my thin legs are embarrasingly bare, and a thin loincloth only just conceals my modesty. I look like I got wasted on a Lord of the Rings-themed stag night, and have left half my Sauron costume in some bar five hours ago. No-one in the shop laughs, but I can tell they’re looking.

Blushing, I slope off, a sad, bare-legged silhouette of shame. But at least now I have my first quest: to find some new trousers. I head out of town again, in search of profitable adventure. As I do, I wander past an old friend, still lying naked in the mud.

Huh. There’s that unpleasant feeling again.

Tomorrow: slaves, exciting new trousers and robbing the taxman.

*A few newly-added mods since the last post, in case you care – the excellent if faintly unnerving Children of Morrowind, the handily atmospheric Lights 300, an alternative tree overhaul in Seasons and a replacement Dark Brotherhood armour, the latter purely because something went horribly wrong with the original look during my ultra modding. A giant yellow pentagon doesn’t scream stealth, somehow.

** There’s little speech in Morrowind, so most dialogue happens only in text. Which mercifully spares me Oblivion’s ear-abusing handful of voice actors.

__________________


Related Stories:

__________________

« How Do You Play? Use Boxmen | Dawn Of War II Megapatch Incoming, Battlereport »

, .

81 Comments »

  1. drewski says:

    Mark and Recall are efficient ways of getting around. Although not, admittedly, as fun as being Vvardenfell’s answer to the giant kangaroo.

  2. Saul says:

    I am enjoying it. I played this once, but got bored pretty quickly. I am keen to read about someone else playing it, strangely.

  3. Jazmeister says:

    I love the weather in Morrowind, going through those big trenches, or fault lines, or whatever. Played my first all-nighters in a game on Vvardenfell, to a soundtrack of roaring wind.

    I love Oblivion, but it didn’t have such a weird world to it, you know? It was just this medieval fantasy copypasta. If you’re going to do it medieval, at least smear poo everywhere below knee level.

  4. Scruffy says:

    The first time I played Morrowind I walked out of Seyda Neen, heard a scream and while looking around was killed by a falling wizard. Best game ever.

  5. vagabond says:

    If you use the int potion rort to get your int high enough actually be able to enchant permananet items (getting the re-usable grand soul gem also helps) you can add around 10 – 15 points of jump to a bunch of items.
    Fill out every slot with one of those, saving room for an item with 1 point of feather fall and you will be able to jump far enough to get all the way from the southern most point of the island to the northern most in about 3 jumps (don’t forget to cast the jump spell before you jump for that little extra kick :)

    Beats fast travel any day…

  6. Adventurous Putty says:

    GAAAAAAAAAAAAH HORSES GODDAMNIT *self-destructs*

  7. vagabond says:

    If you use the int potion rort to get your int high enough that enchanting permanent items is actually feasable, you can create items that have 10 – 15 points of jump on them.
    If you fill out all your slots with such items, saving room for an item with 1 point of featherfall, you can jump far enough that you can make it from the southern most point of the island to the northern most point in about 3 jumps.

    Beats fast travel any day…

  8. Seth says:

    See you got the grass working.

  9. Vinraith says:

    Quick additional comment: I’ve got to say, I’m not a fan of adding real world animals to Morrowind. The presence of ducks and horses makes the setting less alien, and that alien atmosphere is a big part of the charm for me.

  10. Jonathan says:

    One thing I never understood, and this was after finishing the main quest, many sides, and most of the expansions, was how to use the evil red teleportation things. I needed something to activate them, but the instructions on acquirung it were fuzzy. I finally gave up trying to figure it out once I mastered levitation and opened up all the boat ports and silt striders.

  11. malkav11 says:

    I have Shivering Isles, and I’ve played a little tiny bit of it, but by that point I’d soldiered through all of the guild questlines I was going to, most of the miscellaneous quests, gotten many of the artifacts, explored quite a few dungeons (mostly an utter waste of time as they’re generic and full of generic enemies that respawn), gotten most of the DLC strongholds, done the DLC knife quest thingie, -and- beaten the main quest, and my enthusiasm for yet more Oblivion kind of faltered. Even if it -is- much weirder than the base game.

  12. Gwog says:

    Bravo.

  13. Looking forward to future installments, Alec, though I think nobly ignoring your level progression in an Elder Scrolls game is taking the highway to doom.

    (Also, I agree with whoever upthread praised Shivering Isles. Much better epic quest than vanilla Oblivion.)

  14. (Better voice acting too, on the whole.)

  15. Gravey says:

    Some dumb NPC is spending US$2.50 to put some armour on that poor horse.

  16. Tei says:

    My “kangoroo” jumping system was based on a spell 3 s jump +255. I was cool, bud slighty broken, as the zoning load times where high.

    Yesterday I started like 5 games tryiing to trigger the failing wizard. No luck. Grrrr…

    Also, my “wreched people” women gor mobbed by a cliff racers… so much that even toggling collisions or toggling mod mode can’t help —> reroll. My “old one” got also mobed by cliff racers.
    I think I am going to reroll, and stay in cities leveling as much as posible. On the start of the game your character is a gimped as I remenber. Anything can kill him, he/she is slow, use puny arms than hardly do some damage or even hit.

  17. Supraliminal says:

    “to find some new trousers”= epic quest.

  18. unclelou says:

    I grinned, and laughed, and chuckled all the way through. Looking forward to reading more.

  19. harvb says:

    Loving this, it’s fab. I always loved Morrowind so “watching” someone else play it and having fun and still finding things is great. Keep it up.

  20. roshan111 says:

    I take it that last guy is fargoth?
    In the vanilla version he is the most memorable character purely because of how annoying he is. Later you find out he’s a liar and a cheat.

  21. Mr.President says:

    That was some great writing.
    I’ll be following this closely.

  22. Hunty says:

    Accidental trouser-loss is just one of those things that tickles me.

    And in the game.

    Good stuff so far!

  23. GreatUncleBaal says:

    Love this game, and reading this makes me want to dig it out and lose even more hours of my life playing it. I remember agreeing to fetch a chalice from some island populated by undead, which I took on a little to early for my underpowered Khajiit Thief. Stumbled out of the tombs barely alive, then because I had dived off a mainland cliff to get there and couldn’t go back the way I came (unwisely had no levitate spells), had to slowly swim round the coast, being mauled by Dreugh and dragging myself onto tiny rocky beaches for respite. At no point did this ever not feel like an EPIC QUEST.

  24. Ian says:

    Enjoyed that Alec.

    This should help fill the hole left by the Living In Oblivion guy never updating any more. :)

    And provided you don’t end it as soon as you did The Worst Ninja.

  25. c-Row says:

    Accidental trouser loss? I mean, did you ever lose your trousers on purpose? Close man-to-woman combat doesn’t count.

  26. Xercies says:

    Great diary, I loved Morrowind though I do have to agree with that there was a bit to much walking and jumping between interesting things. Yes sometimes its god because you see different things(like the love story between a thief and a noble woman that you find randomly walking to a town) but most times its just very boring and very bland. And don’t talk to me about trying to find the things you were supposed to find around the Ashland Camp.

    I look forward to more.

  27. AyeKay says:

    @Vinraith

    brings back the feel of one of my all-time favorite games without my actually having to go back and figure out how to install a properly balanced 50-mod build of the damned thing.

    You’ve nailed it sir. I’d like to be able to replace the CDs of my Bethesda games with RPS so next time I get an itch to waste a weekend on Fallout I can just scratch it with a podcast narration.

  28. CHIP9 says:

    This is totally making me want to re-play the whole game. Actually, even I played it for several months I never finished it.

  29. odeed says:

    Hey, it’s Livin’ in…… Morrowind. Look, if Livingston is ok with you ripping off his ideas, then I am.

  30. droid says:

    First character in oblivion got thrown in jail while wearing only stolen clothing. So there I am at the imperial prison completely bare. Shuffling through my inventory, I realize I have no backup pants.

    So yeah.

  31. UK_John says:

    Nice read – smiling all the way through. I have about 100 Morrowind mods running in my current game, including having all the ‘expanded town mods’, My Seyda Neen is about 3 times larger, for example, with proper docks (it is a port town after all!) many more houses, two player houses and more shops, including armoury, spells and guild! It meant from the get-go I could steal from one armour shop and sell to another for a profit!

    First time I heard that Wizard scream, I didn’t see the body fall, so it scared the hell out of me as I thought it was some terrible creature! As to animals, etc, they never bothered me, as the NPC’s were mostly human after all, with just pointy ears or some such, and clothing and armour was decidedly of human proportions!

    With mods that add to and change the repetitive conversations, many new creatures, and playing the game without music but with various sound mods (town sounds, creature sounds, forest sounds, etc), it’s a much better game. Without these mods (especially MGE!), I doubt I would be playing Morrowind again. But then, without all the great mods for Oblivion (like MMM, Francesco’s, Lost Spires, etc), I doubt I would have put more than 50 hours into Oblivion instead of the 300 I have. When PC gamers talk about how great Oblivion is I somehow doubt they are talking about vanilla Oblivion….

Page 2 of 2«12

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

GamersGate has loads of PC games.

Respond to our gibber

  • jsutcliffe : “@1stGear Oh god -- my dad did that, in some misguided attempt at teaching my brother and I patience. He was subscribed to some mail-order ...” on The Sunday Papers
  • Dane : “I had that bat incident happen to me on another quest. I escorted the guy past the nix-hounds to his wife, but got sick in ...” on A Fool In Morrowind, Day 2 – Granny
  • 1stGear : “I think Valve delays Episode 3 every time someone asks when Episode 3 is coming out.” on The Sunday Papers
  • Arsemodeus : “@bookwormat I've been keeping up on that reading the updates, but it's actually turning me off the game seeing how it may be more of ...” on The Sunday Papers
  • VelvetFistIronGlove : “The Digital Economy Bill is indeed pretty far-reaching, and very alarming for anyone who believes in the right to trial, and the rule of law. ...” on The Sunday Papers

Browse the archive

Buy classic PC games from Good Old Games, please.