Rock, Paper, Shotgun

29/06/2009 at 23:25 stony says:

£28 to make sure that the final half-hour/boss of any game is not twice as hard as the rest of it.

/glares at recently completed Stalker

29/06/2009 at 23:25 Colthor says:

How much to have you only write positive things, forever?

29/06/2009 at 23:41 RiptoR says:

£13 to see the entire RPS crew get naked in the middle of any gaming conference, preferably with boothbabes doing the same thing… (if possible in seperate halls though :p)

29/06/2009 at 23:43 James says:

I’d pay $1 to know what kind of head injury you sustained that made you hate all boss fights. Yeah, some suck, but so do some people…I guess we should remove them from the planet, forever. Oh, and Shadow of the Colossus says hi.

29/06/2009 at 23:44 Alex says:

$10 for the guarantee of an option to turn off mouse acceleration. I still haven’t gone past the second level of Freedom Force because of the awful way the mouse works.

29/06/2009 at 23:45 EyeMessiah says:

£5 per game to get an option just to turn off the main character. No talking, no subtitles, no cocky hand gestures, no knowing winks. NOTHING.
Just a perfectly blank slate. Also I don’t care if this breaks all the scripted dialogue, plot e.t.c. If the main character is so obnoxious that you’d rather that they just said nothing more for the entire game then all that crap is probably beyond redemption anyway.

£1 To replace all the voice acting in a given game with the funny noises adults make when they speak in Peanuts cartoons.

OT: £20 per copy to get the option to turn off the music track in films. Oh god, I’d give anything for this. Well, £20 at least.

29/06/2009 at 23:47 Arrrmo says:

$200 for all developers to stop using absurdly high estimates of “XX hours of gameplay” as selling points, with a further $200 for those developers to stop focusing on game length over polish.

29/06/2009 at 23:48 nakke says:

“An extra £10 for a version of Burnout: Paradise that loaded straight to the car on the road, and not the 47 screens I have to click through.

An extra £5 on top of that for it to never play Guns N’ Roses at me ever again.

£100 to never hear Paradise City by Guns N’ Roses ever again, anywhere.”

Oh yes, y-fucking-es. Jesus christ, I’ve not even played Burnout Paradise for a month or so, but it still makes me go mad even thinking about the goddamn start procedure and the song. Hrrrrrrrrrrraardsfmffng.

29/06/2009 at 23:51 sockpuppetclock says:

€9999999 for a return to the era of my childhood where other kids would be making up all kinds of shit and fake glitches like “PUT GRAVY IN YOUR GAMEBOY THAN PRESS B AND A TO GO INTO THE GAMEBOY” because I loved the sense of mystery behind games so much and things like achievements and the internet has completely destroyed any sense of mystery for me. :’(

29/06/2009 at 23:59 Dagda says:

$100 to have all single-player games have a fast-forward button I can press at will to make everything in the game transpire 4 times as quickly (assuming my machine can swing it).

I played FF7 on an emulator that had this option. It was extraordinary. Long in-game cut scenes and conversations, all that tapping my foot while I wait for the game to stop taking its sweet time and open the gate to the next sequence with real gameplay or for my digital character to arrive at point B. . .all the frustration that comes from being a quick reader or replaying a section you already know the plot for just melts away.

30/06/2009 at 00:00 Sir Digby says:

£5 for the multiplayer in Crysis to make even the slightest bit of sense

Then another £300 the get a graphics card good enough to run Crysis multiplayer well

30/06/2009 at 00:01 Aphotique says:

“£200 for all boss fights to be removed from all games forever.”

Another £200 if instead of removing them altogether, make them optional, where you have the choice to fight yourself, or to watch the boss fight done for you in a cinematic, artistic, and highly entertaining fashion, with the option to turn said cinematics off in the options.

£100 for every game to come made with cheat codes. No more trainers/savegames/charhacks/editors. Sometimes you just want to be God.

£300 for every game to have a ‘rewind’ function.

And every penny I make for the rest of my life for game developers and movie studios to stop butchering my childhood.

30/06/2009 at 00:06 Fumarole says:

Just as I finish the article Pandora chooses Paradise City for me. How apt.

$10 per developer to 100% integrate all their games with Steam
$40 for Trine with online co-op.
$75 for Shogun: Total War 2
$85 for TIE Fighter 2

30/06/2009 at 00:06 Helm says:

I would pay a reasonable price for games where aspects of the human condition are not clumsily semi-alluded to as dressing to the head sploding and robot battling but are instead tackled head-on, scrutinized, commented upon and left to the player to manipulate until something worthwhile emerges from it all. Where we say “it’s an action game with bits of racing in it” I’d pay for games where we’d say “this is a game about social alienation and sexual frustration”.

I’d also pay… well, I wouldn’t, but I would ask politely at least, for game critics to not attempt to unearth humanity that isn’t there in morally bankrupt games through increasingly absurd leaps of faith. I can see why they do it and I can’t criticize the impulse… it might also be helping games journalism present a better face, but it certainly isn’t helping gaming mature to invent apologetics for its worse aspects.

30/06/2009 at 00:07 LeFishy says:

I would pay a nice amount of money for any city building game, Sim City or City Life or whatever to give me a tutorial that is not on the camera controls but on actually playing the game. I want to love these games but I never have any idea what is going on.

30/06/2009 at 00:09 Jacques says:

£200 for any devs that make an MMORPG game without both shit controls or shit gameplay.

30/06/2009 at 00:14 Willy Thorne says:

£5,000 to never have to upgrade my pc again.

30/06/2009 at 00:16 Legendary Teeth says:

$70 for X-COM to be remade. And by that I mean the exact same game, with the same rules, only fix the bugs and update the graphics. Any extra features should be included as options. It should be possible to play the classic game on a modern system with wide screen and a nice engine and then also carry more than 180 items into battle. That would be so hot.

Also, City of Heroes gives you a mount (travel power) at level 1. Sprint lets you run a lot faster. You have to usually turn it off in combat (because it drains endurance), but you can run indefinitely if you’re not fighting. Some people don’t even get another travel power.

30/06/2009 at 00:17 Philip says:

£100 for a new Sonic The Hedgehog game that is a 2D platformer, and isn’t some generic sub-standard gimmicky 3D third-person load of toss.

30/06/2009 at 00:19 Justin says:

$100 for a version of Stalker that’s even more unsettling than the first one. Make that $150, cause I’d spend that much on a new video card just to really enjoy it.

$30 for a volume control I can apply easily to individual players in every multiplayer came with voice chat. (It’s pretty common these days, but still: universal!) There’s an inverse relationship between how good someone’s strategy is and how loud they are talking.

$50 for a PC version of Brutal Legend.

30/06/2009 at 00:26 zergl says:

€100 for publishers to stop publishing crippled, censored versions of their FPS games in Germany, without offering the original version of the game for adults.

I would’ve bought L4D by now if they hadn’t removed dismembering of the zombies and a game about zombies just isn’t complete unless I can properly pick their various body parts off one by one with a shotgun (and the pieces should stay for as long as I very well please and not disappear after a second or two either).

PS: Feel free to correct me if I’m working on faulty information here, but I have no reason to doubt the accounts, considering how Valve screwed the German version of TF2. Seriously, hamburgers, cogwheels and other random crap as gibs (in the death-freezecam shot still aptly called “Your <insert body part here") with yellow blood on mostly sand/dirt/wood colored backgrounds instead of a contrasty red? Bite me, had I just known that before buying it. :/

30/06/2009 at 00:30 Troy says:

$100’000’000’000 If they can create Duke Nukem Forever…. chances are i will never have to pay that

30/06/2009 at 00:37 MarkN says:

£201 for all boss fights to be removed from all games- other than shoot-em-ups. It’s the only place they really work (Gradius V, Level 2 for the win).

£20 to never ever be asked to use the space bar for something that even remotely requires precision in a game again ever.

£10 for any game with a dog in it to put in that thing dogs do where they lift their back legs up, and drag their arse on the floor with their front paws.

30/06/2009 at 00:38 Greed says:

An extra £10 for any MMO that will give me a (worthwhile) mount from level 1.

You better sub Star Wars Galaxies and pay the 10.

30/06/2009 at 00:43 Alex McLarty says:

I would pay £10,000 to witness Vin Diesel sing a happy, happy song in one of his Riddick games. Perhaps a Tina Turner song.

30/06/2009 at 00:45 etho says:

1000 of whatever unit of currency you wish to never, ever hear about Duke Nukem again. Not about the new “game” not about the old one, I just want the damn franchise wiped off the face of the earth.

$60 for a good WW1 game that is not a flight sim.

30/06/2009 at 00:51 Frools says:

£50 for all games to start at desktop resolution or let me choose resolution before going fullscreen and moving/resizing all my frigging windows

oh and +1 to unskippable intro movies

30/06/2009 at 00:54 Amnesiac says:

£1,000 for a PC version of shadow of the colossus so someone can make a mod that lets me climb to the top of the temple.

30/06/2009 at 00:57 Snook says:

@Serondal
This is not the first time you’ve brought up your wife requiring massages before going to bed – I think you’ve got some issues to work through :p

30/06/2009 at 01:00 Jesucristo García says:

1000€ for an adult game. I mean a REAL adult game, not porn or gore.

30/06/2009 at 01:06 Arkmagius says:

$15 to limit the snipers in any multiplayer FPS ever to one per team.

$70 for Dungeon Keeper III.

$400 to see all intrusive DRM removed, forever (*grumbles about spending five hours getting a SecuROM-infected game to work*)

$30 for NPC allies in any tactical shooter to be invincible, or at least learn to wear a helmet. Or use cover. Or duck. Or anything useful, really.

$6 to see the ‘four million more’ you mentioned.

$5 to know if this whole post is actually a social experiment by RPS to learn their user demographics via what currency the comments mention (pounds, euros, dollars).

And finally, $50 to see real demos for games again.

30/06/2009 at 01:13 Psychopomp says:

“Um. I’ve got four million more of these. What are you willing to pay for, readers?”

There’s a DLC joke in there somewhere

30/06/2009 at 01:18 Fenchurch says:

£100 for an algorithm which detects when someone who should know better gloats in a team based game about how they’re steamrolling the opposition and how the other team are “boring” and “not putting up a fight” then auto switches them to the losing team.

+£10 for playing canned laughter whenever they die.

£1000 for a device that lets me reach into the screen and punch the pimply face of every American adolescent who squeals “faggot” over voice chat like it’s Xbox Live.

30/06/2009 at 01:23 panik says:

50p for my character to have a poo option
i would like to poo on my enemy after killing them.
i want to poo off a tall building on to my enemy or to alert them…for laughs
etc

30/06/2009 at 01:33 paganite says:

Hahahahaha!

QQ more, first you want games to be accessable to everyone…

“Anyone should be able to pick up and play”

Now you want the game to assume a bare level of competence…

Make up your mind pls.

30/06/2009 at 01:38 Ed says:

£300 for a device which lets me forget the content of my favourite games so that I can play them over and over again and it be fresh every time. (Half-Life 1 would be the prime candidate…)

An extra £5 per game where developers support Shader Model Bloody 2.

An extra £10 per game for them to not be rushed out the door a broken unfinished mess thanks to the publisher.

The contents of my bank account for Peter Molyneux to STOP TALKING ABOUT HIS GAMES.

The contents of Peter Molyneux’s bank account to stop Lucasarts from churning out Star Wars dross, and to put Tim Schafer in charge.

30/06/2009 at 01:49 [21CW] 2000AD says:

1 – £50 for autosaves/checkpoints to save AFTER the unskippable cut scene, not before. In fact ….

2 – £51 to be able to skip any cut scene I damnwell choose.

3 – Somewhere around £30 for another Mechcommander game that is at least as good as the first 2.

4 – Somewhere around £30 each for games based on Games Workshop’s specialist games range. We’ve enough games based on Warhammer and 40K core systems, give me Necromunda (X-com styled turn based system?), Battle Fleet Gothic, Mordhiem, Man-o-War and Inquisitor (point and click adventure with added action sequences?). Actually probably a bit cheaper for BFG and MoW given their lack of campaign depth compared to the others.

5- £100 for every game to have a decent demo released a week before it is.

30/06/2009 at 01:54 tekDragon says:

Seconded.. I’d pay $40-$50 for a graphical / UI overhaul of Dwarf Fortress. I could really stomach the graphics with the existing tileset if the UI wasn’t so abominably obtuse.

30/06/2009 at 01:57 fugo says:

“100$ more for a unified version of Windows made for gamers, that upon launch of a title turns off every aspect of the OS except the basic API’s needed to run it. This would bring PC gaming much closer to consoles in terms of their development cycle while still allowing developers to take advantage of the PC strengths (GPU, HD space, KB/Mouse input etc).”

well played sir, interesting idea.

30/06/2009 at 02:08 Anonymous says:

LoL@no boss fights,
butthurt by bosses much?

30/06/2009 at 02:16 superking208 says:

I’m sure at least one’s been said: I would pay every single part of my body (that I don’t need to use a keyboard and mouse) for Cortex Command online multiplayer OR for Skyrim to be a Morrowind sequel and not an Oblivion sequel OR for a Shadow of the Colossus remake in full resplendent HDMI…

30/06/2009 at 02:26 Hypocee says:

Don’t you think that would make Shadow of the Colossus a rather short game?

Right to the nub in the very first post, well done Okami. I love boss fights, me.

30/06/2009 at 02:33 Radiant says:

*THROWS £4.50 BACK AT WALKER*
Don’t fuck around like that because devs will stop making tits my misses doesn’t have!

30/06/2009 at 02:35 vagabond says:

@Ed – A friend had Electro Convulsive Therapy to cure his suicidal depression. As a result he forgot the plot of pretty much every movie he’d seen in the previous 5 years. Maybe you could give that a shot, it might work for games too :)

At the moment, $20 for Microsoft to release a patch for the Win 7 beta, extending it’s life for 4 more months, just so I don’t have to install RC1 in the interim, and then reinstall again come the retail release.

And while I’m at it, $49 for a pre-order of Windows 7 like they’re offering to people in the US, rather than the “deal” we’re getting shafted with in Aus. ($199 for a Vista upgrade that you can pay another $30 to upgrade to Win 7 when it’s out)

30/06/2009 at 02:38 Radiant says:

50 millions pounds to stop making games that I can’t have a quick 10 minute bash at.
Sometimes I just want to have a quick wank and not have to sit through Eyes Wide Shut to do it.

30/06/2009 at 03:03 doruku says:

£57 to ensure every game has a multiplayer mode called RocketJump

30/06/2009 at 03:05 Cooper says:

This, or something similar may have been already posted but, anyways:
D-Fend Reloaded
http://dfendreloaded.sourceforge.net/

Is my choice of DosBox front-end. Easy to use wizard for adding games, with a library of game configs already there so it gets it right. You sometimes have to up the CPU cycles to Max, especially when used on a netbook, but it’s MUCH easier than vanilla.

30/06/2009 at 03:11 Nerd Rage says:

$1000 for Microsoft and Sony to NOT adopt motion sensing input devices. I don’t care if I have to hold said device or not, my 20 years of gaming have been based around manipulation of the thumbs and forefingers. Don’t rock the boat.

30/06/2009 at 03:31 Eli Just says:

@stony I know, holy shit! I can’t beat the end. It was hard and fun the whole game but now, fuck. It’s really lame. $50

30/06/2009 at 03:34 Skye Nathaniel says:

Some of these are dumb. There is a place for boss fights, and extracting abilities from the player can be a powerful ludonarrative* device.

*Yeah, what up, I said it. All y’all bitches constantly whining about art an’ shit. Directly affecting what “powers” the player has is a basic yet potent method for tying storytelling to gameplaying, a fundamental component of the precious idol from the future that is narrative game design.

It’s not just a case of losing your powers, but take that in-game scene at the end of Super Metroid when the giant mutated metroid hatchling comes to your aid, ultimately dying to protect you. At that moment, Samus kind of flashes and suddenly has access to one (and only one) very powerful weapon, which allows her to make short work of the final boss. What is rather interesting about this scene (other than its technical aspects) is the ambiguity of the weapon’s acquisition. It has a kind of rainbow thing about it, much like Mother Brain’s most powerful attack; did the metroid transfer some power from your enemy? That seems the most sensible interpretation, but when (you as) Samus stands up and fires that thing and Mother Brain’s head gets blown back over and over again it really feels like the (laser beam) sword of angry vengeance. It’s a simple thing, but the experience is powerful and expertly crafted.

That’s just one example. HL2 does something similar but without the emotional power. I’ve always been fond of the set of equipment that gets stripped from you at the beginning of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night because it’s totally sweet gear and you can eventually find each piece scattered around the game world. These aren’t the best examples, but then we don’t have the best games; they haven’t been made yet. You can’t just finger this entire technique for dismissal.

Perhaps a more subtle example, depending upon your interpretation, is Ico and the reductionist change represented by the loss of Yorda during the endgame. It’s pretty interesting to find yourself using different routes (that circumvent the magic doors she had previously opened for you) to return to the game’s starting point, and although I am sure many have complained about having to “babysit” the princess and lead her around I would be surprised if even that lot didn’t feel lonesome when there was nothing left to do but solve platforming puzzles.

Anyway, it was something that jumped out at me from that little list of grievances (come on. was that supposed to be useful to anyone?), and I needed to say a piece in defense.

30/06/2009 at 03:37 postmanX3 says:

$100 USD for JRPGs to go back to being like the first Final Fantasy or Dragon Warrior and not the spiky-haired angsty amnesiac teenage ridiculousness that floods it now.

Or for JRPGs to cease to exist altogether; that would work just as well.

30/06/2009 at 03:49 Tuor says:

$100 for all games ported from consoles to have their menu systems and UIs optimized for the PC: no more “Are you sure?”s or excessive decision trees.

30/06/2009 at 04:08 Live-Dimension says:

$200 to have no more stupid buggy games

$300 for the death of DRM (come on, you knew it was coming)

$250 for no more stupid ai’s with the IQ of a drunk toad

30/06/2009 at 04:12 TCM says:

$90 to never again hear a JRPG vs WRPG ‘debate’ (vitriol contest).

$100 for a clean, interesting, English Visual Novel.

$3 per month for access to all microtransaction content for every game ever released.

Any amount of money to force people to research the claims they make about games before making them. This includes all lawmakers from all countries, the marketing department of most game devs, and Peter Molyneux.

30/06/2009 at 04:32 Vykromod says:

An extra £10 on the price of any game that was coded anywhere in the former Soviet Union but has a proper translation job and a bit of polish.

An extra £5 on the price of any game that can honestly claim that it has no mandatory sections that don’t fit in with the rest of the game. The most common offender is the mandatory stealth section, but others exist.

£3.52 above RRP for any RPG that doesn’t include the Tower of Hanoi in any form.

Restating some past points here, but my entire life savings and my firstborn to make sure that in future no game uses its first few missions/levels/hours of gameplay to teach players incredibly basic things. All tutorials happen only when the player chooses the option marked “tutorial” on the menu. Further to that, the tutorial menu will bring up three options:
-I have no idea what I’m doing (in an RTS, this would strat by explaining that you scroll the screen with the mouse)
-I’m not familiar with the genre (would teach building and ordering unis around)
-I’ve got some experience, what’s different about this one? (Would teach only special things unique to the current game or else very rarely used elsewhere).
Sequels would be allowed a fourth option:
-I’ve played the last one. Any changes I should be aware of?

On top of that, the tutorials will contain absolutely no plot so you can skip over them without mising story details, and there’s no bizarre attempt to explain why you’re learning this stuff despite the game’s story making you out to be an experienced veteran of the great wars of blahblahblah. Going back in time to when the character was new to what they do is acceptable as long as no important details are told in this time period.

And no more “Well done! You are the best player ever!” comments for tutorials. It’s just embarassing when someone congratulates you for correctly clicking on the giant glowing marker that says “CLICK HERE”.

30/06/2009 at 05:02 GRIMDARK says:

“£4.50 on top of any game price to have female characters with realistic breasts, possibly wearing baggy clothes.”

£9.00 to make sure this doesn’t happen, and to keep massive heaving breasts the go to standard

30/06/2009 at 05:13 DerangedStoat says:

My kingdom for all of the above!

30/06/2009 at 05:42 NuZZ says:

$60 bucks for them to release Diablo 3 and Starcraft 2 already.

30/06/2009 at 06:17 Bret says:

23€ to back the Hawaii Five-O bit.

£34 for a catchy and brilliant original tune instead, like “Zombies on your lawn” or “Still Alive”.

$60 for Mates of State’s “Get Lighter” as trailer music.

And five chickens and a goat for Episode 3. Hear that Valve?

FIVE CHICKENS.

30/06/2009 at 06:31 Snuffy (the Evil) says:

The full price for any old school games to be released on Steam or GOG with full Vista 64 & Widescreen support.

Damn you, Battlefield Vietnam.

30/06/2009 at 06:38 feighnt says:

Wisq and TCM:

ok, fair enough – i didnt consider the space the acting would take up. i did know about the thing about not releasing a game that doesnt have english voice acting (when voice acting is present) though – i just hate it :P

30/06/2009 at 06:45 Soulless One says:

$100 for Mechwarrior 5.
Add another $100 for a decent movie (or a TV-show along the lines of the Battlestar Galactica re-imagining)

$150 for “Hard Difficulty” not making your guns suck, but instead making your enemies more numerous and SMARTER.

Another $150 to make a variable difficulty system, allowing the player to choose what manner of difficulty he would like. More enemies, or less but more powerful ones, bad guns, or no health, or all of those.

$70 for a hack-n-slash rpg with a Ninja Gaiden level combat system. (Witcher does not count, that was a glorified quicktime event “press M1 to kill now”).

All cutscenes should be skippable. I shouldn’t have to pay any money to make this happen.

$100 for every first person shooter to have a mod that includes slow-mo. basically, a Universal SMOD (look down the sights, crouch for accuracy, everyone dies quickly, etc.)

$500 for the ability to turn off terrible “buddy” AI. And for online/offline co-op for everything with more the one good-guy in it.

30/06/2009 at 06:54 Meneth says:

50€ for Dungeon Keeper 3.

30/06/2009 at 07:06 Yfel says:

John Walker:

£55 for all games to have an option to switch subtitles on and switch voice acting off.

Q.E.D.

30/06/2009 at 07:33 Jim says:

£400 to stop them ever making a game based movie ever again. Especially Hitman, unless they use Jason Statham.

30/06/2009 at 08:12 Fumarole says:

$1,000 for internet fuckwads to have their own circle of hell. And since we’re on the subject, how about $50 for people to get the point of the friggin’ articles? Useful? Sheesh.

30/06/2009 at 08:20 Ashurbanipal says:

£3 for a pint of lager.

30/06/2009 at 08:37 KP says:

here here! except for the BOSS FIGHTS one. you have no heart if you dislike a good boss fight. :(

30/06/2009 at 09:15 Tiki says:

Because I rather play solataire than any of my current PC games here are a few points.

-$25 for skippable tutorials – I will decide if I want to hold hands through the first few levels, I will probably come back to you once I get my ass handed to me.

-$10 for a game to save just before I’m about to die.

-$100 for Australia to create a R18 games classification, if porn and violent movies can have it I want it too, why should I play a game that has no gore – because of some pimple faced teen – I pay full price I want guts and organs when I shoot people, not red smudges….

-$250 for Sandbox RPG games not to have chronic ‘Locked Door’ syndrome,

-$200 for Morrowind and Oblivion to let me smash down doors with my mega battle axe.

-$100 for a new theif game.

-$x for Diablo 3 to include LAN – :’(

-$100 for all company logo/opening movie to be skippable

-$75 for EA to never make another game again. period

-$125 for there to never be another sims game. Unless designed by the weirdos at RPS <- somehow they can make it seem fun.

30/06/2009 at 09:23 Nick says:

@Tiki what.. Diablo 3 isn’t including LAN?!

I’d pay £500 for Space Combat sims to be popular again and to be released at the quality level of Freespace 2 and TIE Fighter.

Same goes for RPGs (or call them whatever you want) in the quality of the original Fallouts and the Infinity Engine games.

30/06/2009 at 09:26 Dominic White says:

Further education on Why Bosses Are Good, this time freeware:

http://tokyo.cool.ne.jp/itako-rider/game.html

Download Iwanaga. It is at least 70% boss battles. It is also very, very good. If you like it, Vacant Ark is pretty neat as well.

30/06/2009 at 09:38 James bruton says:

£50 each for remakes of:
Deus Ex
Thief
X-Com
X-Wing
Elite

£100 for ALL games on all formats to have the option to save and quit at any point. Doesn’t affect the difficulty, does affect whether my missus shouts at me as she’s trying to get me out fo the door.

£50 for all games to have a hard mode that restricts saving points (PC games are the worst culprit) I can’t stop myself from using the quicksave and it destroys the difficulty level.

A £kidney to euthanase all of the annoying “children” playing games on-line spouting racist crap. Might depopulate certain areas of the world…

£100 (one off payment) for games (and films and music) to be bloody cheaper when delivered digitally

£45 for ArmaII to have the bugs ironed out and decent voice work done

£25 a month for an intern to pop over my house and configure my PC games for optimal frame rates. I used to love doign that as a kid; but I just don’t have the time anymore, I think I spend longer doing that than playing the damn things sometimes

30/06/2009 at 09:46 ZeeKat says:

I forgot: 50,99€ for the remake of Chuck Yeager’s Air Combat!

30/06/2009 at 09:51 Dawlight says:

400€ to never hear again anything about Halo, Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts.

As written by Spliter.

Another 400€ to not hear about Gears of Wars or its sequel being one of the best games ever made, again.

30/06/2009 at 09:59 reiver says:

£Left testicle for a TW game with good AI.

£Right testicle for A Hidden & Dengerous sequel that wasn’t console led.

£Kidney for Far Cry 2 to have enemies that take damage like CoD enemies rather than mini tanks with adamantium armour.

Running out of body parts and there’s still Troika to save, L4D to be expanded, Max Payne 3 to be reimagined and Ass Creed to be made more like the open world Hitman game i imagined. Guess i need to find myself another hobo…

30/06/2009 at 10:05 Hi!! says:

£100 for there to be no more MMOs made, ever.

30/06/2009 at 10:09 SteveAtWork says:

£50 each for every game manufacturer to install trigger to destroy anyone’s PC upon calling someone a noob, n00b, n0oB, b0On or any other variation upon this theme. Add another £25 if they can make them sterile as well…eh, forget that…it’s not like they’re ever gonna have the chance to use their penis anway.

30/06/2009 at 10:26 Hermit says:

I would pay one badly-minted 20p for companies not to make sequels for games if they aren’t going to surpass the originals. Games like Deus Ex: Invisible War would actually be more fondly remembered if they’d just been inspired by the original. Think System Shock -> Bioshock.

I would also pay all the gold in the kingdom not to have Action in cutscenes I should be playing. I don’t care if you want to show me killing dudes in cinematic slowmotion – It’s always ten times more entertaining if I can do it myself.

30/06/2009 at 10:36 Fazer says:

Crazy Machines 2, I’m looking at you.

They even made a pseudo-tutorial how to handle the main menu…

30/06/2009 at 10:41 Demikaze says:

Sorry, I mean the player feels weakened and restricted when normal gameplay resumes.

30/06/2009 at 10:43 RobF says:

£10.50p for someone to make Suicide With Trashman.

30/06/2009 at 11:08 armlesscorps says:

I think if most people here were honest at least a few people would have said by now

£0 for any game that is piratable
£-10 for a sequel to Left 4 dead 2 and an apology written in Gabe Newells own blood

30/06/2009 at 11:19 haliotabott says:

50£ to press the start icon and be launched straight into the game at the newest save point.

50£ for tutorials to be onscreen at all times AND feature a “yes i blooddy did just that and it doesn’t work so what do i do instead!???” button which results in the message from teh game: “sorry if you’re angry, i’ll just go away now and let you play a new game from the beginning”

30/06/2009 at 11:35 Hmm-Hmm. says:

I’ll agree with John on the following two (although for me it’d be in euros) :

£45 for every company logo screen at the start of a game to be skippable, forever.

£48 to ensure no game ever again takes away all my powers at any point. Unless it’s for a very, very good reason.

And I’ll add: I’d pay lots to see more games coming out for MacOS (but only if the targeted audience is a non-casual gaming audience).

30/06/2009 at 11:43 Jayteh says:

$100 for a 18+ rating in my country

30/06/2009 at 12:00 Greg Wild says:

£200 for a modern successor to Planetside.

That’s surely the total amount I’d end up paying for it in subscriptions, come to think of it :D

30/06/2009 at 12:05 Carra says:

I’ll add my safe bet:
$100 to see Duke Nukem Forever released.

30/06/2009 at 12:34 James O'Hare says:

£100 to never have to do an escort or timed mission in a game again. Ever.

30/06/2009 at 12:39 Chaz says:

I would pay £2.50 for a nice refreshing pot of tea and cake to be brought to my desk whilst engaged in some gaming. As I suspect shouting “Woman, where’s my tea?”, would only get me beaten over the back of the head with a blunt object.

30/06/2009 at 12:55 Dan says:

74p for every game to have the Y-axis inverted by default.

30/06/2009 at 13:02 Simon says:

Don’t you see your materialism has gotten the better of you all!? You don’t need to offer money in exchange for this, you should be able to work it out based on goodwill, or through a bartering system. Free yourself!!

30/06/2009 at 13:05 Bob Bobson says:

Runes of Magic gives you a decent mount at level 1 for free though it only lasts a limited amount of played time. But for £10 you can get a long lasting worthwhile mount from level 1.

30/06/2009 at 13:11 Dan says:

I’d pay good money (probably in the region of £11) for more female nudity in games to be honest.

30/06/2009 at 13:29 Kanakotka says:

Removing boss fights would just be stupid. :P I mean, ever play megaman?

30/06/2009 at 13:45 Kat says:

Any price for a game designed soley by women for women gamers. (And yes there would be women in baggy t-shirts with realistic female anatomy)

And maybe $5 for a Harry Potter game where Hermione does not whinge ‘We need to go to potions/herbology/defence against the dark arts’

30/06/2009 at 13:54 Tei says:

$450 for all games to run on linux, withouth problems.

30/06/2009 at 14:05 M_the_C says:

£100 to remove all DRM forever, and spend the money on armoured squirrels to deal with the pirates.

30/06/2009 at 14:35 Dominic White says:

It just occured to me that while wishing from all boss fights to be removed from games is a really stupid wish, I can’t think of a single PC game with a genuinely good boss in it. In fact, all the worst ones ever made spring to mind.

Anyone remember Shub-Niggurath from Quake? Oh, that was an epic and dramatic batte, what with kililng a couple of normal enemies and stepping into a teleporter.

The ‘better’ PC boss battles usually just involve circle-strafing with the mouse button held down and hoping that it keels over before you run out of health. A sad state of affairs.

So, I’d pay a chunk of money to have every PC action game developer dragged to a boss design seminar, where they are forced to play through everything Treasure has ever made, along with the entire Contra series, as well as some choice other arcade/console titles.

With any luck, that would solve the problem.

30/06/2009 at 15:16 l1ddl3monkey says:

I will pay…

The full price of a new game that doesn’t run, isn’t stable and that I can’t play for six months after I bought it because it’s full of bugs and it takes that long to patch them all properly. I’d particularly enjoy paying this is the only thing that does work properly is the sadistically restrictive DRM which later, cheaper and fully patched versions of the game won’t come with.

Yeah – Looks ridiculous when you write it down, eh?

30/06/2009 at 15:18 Elusive Pastry says:

Dangit Adamos, you took my idea :P

I’ll see your 500 and double it!

30/06/2009 at 15:40 Santiago says:

US$ 1000 per year for a graphics engine for flight simulators (MSFS and DCS) that is designed from the ground up to work in high end systems, so that it looks surprisingly good (as in, I don’t have to make mental concessions every time I look at the ground).

US$ 10 on top of every game price for a “dance” mode, where you can just enjoy the game mechanics in very easy mode, endlessly. Especially in Pro Evo Soccer, this mode would make all my brilliant plays end fluently in a brilliant goal every time. It takes art, hence the payment.

30/06/2009 at 15:52 Shnyker says:

$50 for another halfway decent run based Sega RPG, hopefully involving more airships and pirates and wonderful magic systems, I know one is out there, I want a prettier one.

30/06/2009 at 16:04 JKjoker says:

i would like more female nudity AS LONG AS they make regular girls normal non chainmail bikini clothes, when everyone is dressed like that losing 0.1 mm^2 of cloth doesn’t titillate me any further, more clothes can be sexier! and get some Japanese h-game writers to write your damn women, ironically they do a MUCH BETTER job than regular game developers at giving them a personality (how sad is that? regular game chicks act more like sex dolls than porn game broads)

30/06/2009 at 16:27 frymaster says:

@geoff: yeah, that _would_ be the other side of the DRM coin, and it’s why I hope steam continues to suceed – especially with games you can buy at retail – it’s at least minimally effective as a DRM solution from the publisher’s point of view (i’m told it’s easy to strip out once the game is released but crucially you have the zero-day-encryption which would stop dead leaks outside the dev/publisher/valve) and it offers genuine added value in the form of being able to redownload your games. Add in support to retail versions to take advantage of their cut-throat discounts and violin!
(or is it cello? :P )

30/06/2009 at 17:37 GuiSim says:

150$ so nobody ever says ever again ” PC Gaming is dead “

30/06/2009 at 17:59 roryok says:

lots of cash to be made here obviously… at least from the ones that don’t require ‘all games ever’ to do something.

add to the above €250 each for (decent) sequels to Interstate 76, Crimson Skies

30/06/2009 at 19:38 JKjoker says:

@Beacon: i’d put €200 down for that, but looking at SC2′s “no LAN, just log onto Bnet” schemes im doubtful they’d take the money

30/06/2009 at 20:04 Lani says:

£41 to never read another forum post informing me that all games critics are corrupt and take bribes and only write positive things if they’ve been paid.

You’re approaching this wrong. How about if you got £! for every forum post informing you that all games critics are corrupt and take bribes and only write positive things if they’ve been paid instead? Always go with the money man.

30/06/2009 at 20:17 mujadaddy says:

A thousand pounds of flax for an MMO with the AD&D First Edition rules set.

Ten thousand pounds of flax for a persistent-world FPS based on the Battletech 3026 rules set, complete with infantry, choppers, hovercraft, aerospace, etc…

A hundred thousand pounds of flax for a persistent-world, squad FPS based on the 2nd edition of WH40k rules (the “wargear cards” box for you young’uns).

One million pounds of flax for technology to reduce global ping for everyone to less than 10ms.

Ten million pounds of flax to have time to game :(

30/06/2009 at 20:40 RobF says:

£10 for a game with proper motion sensing controls that knows when I’m making wanker gestures at the developers and apologises accordingly.

30/06/2009 at 21:08 mujadaddy says:

@Vinraith: “All of these, except replace “MMO” with “single player RPG” and “persistant world FPS” with “turn based strategy game with excellent AI.””

I didn’t mean “suck-ass stupid grindy MMO” :-) …I meant badass Keep on the Borderlands-style Festivals of Permadeath where you keep your wand to yourself or the local Baron sics his band of level 5 fighter-werewolves on you.

…and if you’re playing solo, the FPS could easily be turnified, like the new Blood Bowl game appears to be at first glance. I just want the experience of playing small-squad shooty as a Veteran Sergeant, for example.

30/06/2009 at 21:18 Funky Badger says:

50 whole english pounds for another non-sucky 200AD license. £20 premium paid for Pat Mills scripted efforts.

30/06/2009 at 21:33 Vanderdecken says:

Re third-from-last:

You homo.

Full disclolsure: me homo.

30/06/2009 at 21:57 Flopsy says:

$50 for games (especially Steam ones, for example) to save my progress somewhere ONLINE as well as offline on my PC, so when I’ve upgraded my OS or reinstalled it for some reason, I can reinstall the game and continue where I left off, instead of having to remember to save every little crappy file in Vista\Your Stuff\His Stuff\Their Stuff\Games\Crap\Saves\ folder before I clean my system.

$50 to ban ‘Quicktime Events’ in every PC game, even console ports.

$500 to have about two or three extra hours a day to just play games instead of having a zillion other more important, but way less entertaining, things to do.

30/06/2009 at 22:22 Dave Gates says:

MOOOONNNNSSSTTTROOOOOO
About 600quid a day.

01/07/2009 at 00:05 Buckermann says:

10€ for a “meh” game,
20€ for a good game and
30€ for a very good game.
100€ for games to be moddable by cheap (preferable open source) tools.

01/07/2009 at 00:43 po says:

My left kidney for open source WoW. All I see in the engine is potential. The game is wasted on it’s publishers, who only see the money in it, not the game it could be.

I’m just glad there’s projects out there like Ascent and Mangos, and hope that some day Blizzard will shrivel up and die like the rotten thing they are, so people can create some content with real depth to it, just like so many people do for Valve’s Source platform.

01/07/2009 at 00:54 Dominic White says:

@Pundabaya – They’ve already got that on the 360, where you have profile settings for vertical invert, difficulty and such, and games automatically switch to them. They could probably do it with the PC too, but folks tend to bitterly resist any attempt at standardization.

01/07/2009 at 02:43 Jay says:

£200 for all relevant games to have colour blind compatability modes.

01/07/2009 at 09:14 roryok says:

£41 to never read another forum post informing me that all games critics are corrupt and take bribes and only write positive things if they’ve been paid.

If you’d only take the bribes like everyone else maybe we could afford all this stuff! Also you could write the real review in bold between the lines, for the rest of us to read :

e.g:

Just Cause: “This game is absolutely amazing. The atmosphere is thick and rich, the gameplay blows me away! Don’t miss this one, buy it now!”

05/07/2009 at 11:04 zipdrive says:

1000 $ to be able to give away your games on steam when you’re done with them.

09/07/2009 at 13:36 Speedcore says:

Haha the paradise one killed it! I have been playing it on the 360 it just takes forever to get into the game!

$1000 Not starting any FPS shooting game with a Pistol or crowbar. I mean when was the last time you saw a crowbar lying on the ground?

$50 having any crates outside of warehouses.

$11 to be able to save/load anywhere in GTA4 and not start in an safehouse.

11/07/2009 at 00:26 Ib says:

200£ for realistic female AND male body figures

30/07/2009 at 23:32 Zaphod says:

$100 to never have to play another “keep the stupid AI character alive while he runs straight toward the people trying to stab/shoot/blow up them”

31/07/2009 at 02:16 Kizzi says:

£100 for every game to have 100% re-mappable controls, including mouse buttons where appropriate.

31/07/2009 at 16:58 InfamousTaco says:

$100,000 for there to never be a new mario game. Ever.

13/08/2009 at 19:59 Someone says:

100 euros for each and every single one of you morons to die a horrible, slow and painful death.

14/08/2009 at 14:47 Dash says:

I’d pay any amount of money for a new Dungeon Keeper game, seriously. Anything, you name it and I’ll pay it.

22/04/2010 at 16:07 Paddy says:

£2000 to have desktop,laptops,consoles that are so simple to upgrade that the inexperienced user could do it. The parts that don’t get changed often like the casings,monitors,keyboards,mice and power supplies would all be made to last a lifetime.

Also an Extra £100 for each part that can be replaced to last a reasonable time and when it does break its due to wear not an built in obsolesence that the manufacturer has included.

Existing price+£10 A media format that could last a lifetime so you dont have to buy the same games/videos/music over and over.

+£1 for a company to think about the packaging of products and make them biodegradable or recyclable atleast.

£50 for a good game not set somewhere in the USA.Don’t get me wrong i like the place,people and alot of the games but theres a full world out there and we could be seeing these environments in games too.

Monthly donations for a game to think outside the box of “genre” and come up with something unique based on life.

14/12/2010 at 02:39 Ryan says:

$10,000 per company to stop milking franchises