Now here’s an especially strange little tale. The actor responsible for the voice of Serious Sam (i.e. like Duke Nukem, but not) has major money troubles. To fix ‘em, he’s selling his gravelly tones for a mere buck a word. Maybe you’re a game developer in need of a cheap voice actor; maybe you’re a mod team about to make the critical mistake of getting your sister’s lisping boyfriend to record all your project’s dialogue. Maybe you’d just love a personalised, unique Serious Sam voicemail message. Or maybe, just maybe, the idea of getting a part-time stripclub DJ called ‘John J. Dick’ to record any dialogue you ask of him is too good an opportunity to pass up.
Here’s the sad, strange state of affairs in Dick’s own words, from his post over on his rather, ah, boisterous site Violencemedia. I’d advise against clicking the ‘tourettes’ button over on the right of that page. It’s a little too reminiscent of a pub conversation with Kieron.
$20,000 in credit card debt, bank overdrawn, behind on bills, etc. Got burglarized back in February, so I don’t even have anything left to show for my debt. It’s a long story how I got into this situation, if you’re curious I’ll tell you the details. Point being, though, I’m in a position where I’m desperate to pay my bills off in any way I can. I don’t particularly want to start sucking cock for rent money, so here’s what I’m gonna do for you. Super budget discount voice acting.
Act quickly. I’m only willing to whore myself out at these discout rates until I dig myself out of debt. This service is not only limited to game designers, movie producers and content creators. I would also love to help you set up a kick ass voicemail message, or maybe add some snappy dialogue to your home movies. Hell, maybe even a tranquil subliminal message to play while you sleep. Sky’s the limit.
The only real limitation I have is that I reserve the right to not ‘do’ the Serious Sam persona (use his name and specific ‘voice’). That doesn’t mean that I won’t do the Serious Sam voice in some situations, your voicemail message or somesuch. It’s just that Croteam and the Serious Sam franchise have been very good to me. I’m not going to do anything that would compromise my relationship with them. As the saying goes, you don’t shit where you eat. For the record, I have no problem at all shitting where someone else eats.
Delightful. And in case you’re not entirely sure how Dick’s dulcet tones sound, here’s a little refresher:
Thinking of proposing to your beau? Get this guy to record the question for you. Can’t fail.