Simon Parkin Special: First Person Tetris

By Kieron Gillen on January 14th, 2010 at 9:55 am.

I feel sick :(

It’s another Simon Parkin Special! Well, strictly speaking it’s not, as someone else told me about it first, but I’d much rather credit the sensual Simon. It’s first person tetris. He says it’ll “make you sick in 20 seconds max”. YOU MAKE ME SICK IN TWENTY SECONDS MAX, Simon. Go play here.

EDIT: And because there’s some confusion, the link is dead for some people and not for others. I presume it’s something due to it being a new site and the DNS hasn’t sorted itself out yet but – y’know – I’m not a techy.

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68 Comments »

  1. Premium User Badge Kelron says:

    I lasted about 2 minutes, but I don’t want to play it ever again.

  2. The Dark One says:

    This RPS update is brought to you by JustHost.com, your one-stop shop for all incorrectly entered domain names!

  3. Haggai Elkayam says:

    Broken link? I’m redirected to a hosting provider.

  4. Nick says:

    Either that’s not the right link or it is a very boring game.

  5. zipdrive says:

    It appears the link is broken, leading me to a useless page.

  6. Schmung says:

    yeah, I managed about a minute before giving up at the horror of it all.

  7. gulag says:

    Love it. NASA could use this to simulate what it’s like to goof off work, IN SPACE!

  8. Ian says:

    Oh dear. I completed ONE row!
    And lasted about two minutes.

    Neither thank or curse Nuffle. You’ll get punished either way.

  9. noggin says:

    Playing this allowed me to enjoy Tetris for the first time ever – disorientation was clearly the missing element!

  10. mpk says:

    My eyes are now pointing in different directions…

  11. Kieron Gillen says:

    I find it funny how some people are getting it and some people aren’t and the people who don’t get it are presuming it’s my mistake.

    KG

    • Alexander Norris says:

      firstpersontetris.com appears to resolve to a hosting page for a lot of people, mainly outside the UK. For some reason, http://www.firstpersontetris.com works fine.

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      Alexander: I’ve worked your link in. If it reduces the problems, gotta be worth it.

      I think you’re right, btw. As in, it’s a new site so it’s still propegating or whatever. But I also know nothing.

      KG

    • Bobsy says:

      Kieron, I think it’s a case that people are aware something horrible’s going on, they’re aware you’re involved, and put two and two together. We’ve been hurt before, man.

  12. noggin says:

    just got 43 lines – I am cooking!

  13. robrob says:

    My eyes! Night mode is hilarious. Lovely.

  14. El Stevo says:

    LINES: 069
    SCORE: 016323

    Pitiful. Once the speed picks up and you’ve made some mistakes it becomes very difficult to think fast enough.

  15. 9squirrels says:

    I don’t get it. You got my hopes up with the idea of a FPS Tetris, I hope this isn’t some ridiculously early April Fools joke, don’t make me come over there and poke you with a sharp stick.

  16. Jonas says:

    I appear to be one of the people not getting it. So um… the fact that the link doesn’t work is a joke… somehow?

    Did I just lose my sense of humour over night, or is this a very obscure kind of joke? (Definitely not ruling out the first option, mind.)

    • El Stevo says:

      @Jonas

      The link works fine for me. It should take you to a page with a flash version of Tetris.

    • Jonas says:

      Sadly, as Alexander Norris says, it doesn’t. It takes me to a JustHost placeholder page, possibly because I am outside of the UK. As does the other link he posted.

      Not sure what Kieron was on about :P

    • Alexander Norris says:

      If it’s a brand new site, it’s possible that the domain registration hasn’t propagated to your DNS yet.

      Or something. I’m not a network engineer; I just repeat those words like a parrot.

  17. Psychopomp says:

    I am very much so not dizzy, though the disorientation made it a lot harder once it sped up.

  18. QBall says:

    Got 10 lines and level 1, then my stomach exploded….

    I googled first person tetris and found it that way…

  19. Nick says:

    Link doesn’t work for me, and nor does the one offered in the comments…booo!

  20. Risingson says:

    Play in Night Mode. THAT is the experience.

  21. HermitUK says:

    Not strictly first person, though I’d assume an actual first person Tetris would be too horrible for words.

    This does get really disorientating once the speed picks up though, I misaligned blocks quite a lot due to the lurching rotation.

    Edit: Also, yes, Night Mode is worth it just for the initial moment of puzzlement followed by grim realisation.

  22. Senethro says:

    I’ve played too many videogames. I suffered no nausea at all and little trouble with the controls. Planning was hard and I only made it to lvl3 before I made a mistake I couldn’t correct. After that I fell out pretty quick.

  23. Spacewalk says:

    LEVEL: 02
    LINES: 028
    SCORE: 002658

    Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh!

    • Spacewalk says:

      Seriously now, I haven’t found this off-putting much. Getting used to the perspective changes takes a bit of getting used to at first but after that I was quite fine until I kept making my usual Tetris mistakes.

  24. Hunam says:

    I went crosseyed :S

  25. LewieP says:

    Not what I was expecting when I click the link.

    I thought it was going to be FPS controls, and a 3D environment, with a big old NES pad on the floor, and a TV playing Tetris, and you would have to look at the TV to see what was happening, then look down at the controller to interact with the game, but you could never see the controller and the screen at the same time.

    This is funny too though.

  26. Alexander Norris says:

    Everyone else is complaining that they never got line pieces. I played three games, and in each I got at least four line pieces in a row (seven in my first game).

    All I wanted were a couple of bloody T-pieces, damn it. The Tetris God is cruel indeed.

    No motion sickness or real disorientation from playing it that way, but I’m not too quick with shapes so I kept fucking up about 30 lines in once the speed goes up a bit.

    • Bret says:

      So, you’re the jerk who got all my I blocks.

      It’s weird. This disorienting-ness was bad, but not getting the block I needed was my downfall.

      Also, was it just me, or do you get a half second less of rotation than usual here? Threw me right off.

  27. iainl says:

    It’s _seriously_ messed up that I found it a lot easier once I tried Night Mode, isn’t it?

  28. Acidburns says:

    I got to level 4 on my first go….what really threw me off though was when the blocks changed colour the first time! I had gotten used to identifying them that way and I had trouble telling the difference between the two different kinds of L.

    Fun little game, I liked to twist. Must be a nightmare for folk who get motion sick playing FPS games never mind this monster.

  29. Essell says:

    Grrrrr at the title’s baffling misunderstanding of what first person actually is. Grrrr I say.

  30. Unaco says:

    Maybe it’s the fact I woke up at 4 or 5am after 3 hours sleep. Maybe it was that Chicken and Gravy pasty I had for breakfast. But I played for about 5 minutes an hour ago, and I’m still feeling ill.

    Also, I saw every piece I seem to remember from normal Tetris.

  31. Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

    10 lines in night mode….Pretty cool concept, even though I feel slightly like I want to throw up..WILL NOBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN ETC.

  32. MinisterofDOOM says:

    You know…I like it.
    I have to remember to try this while drunk this weekend.

  33. Clovis says:

    I suggest playing this while you can (I can’t try, at work). Unless it was somehow sanctioned by the owner’s of Tetris, this will be taken down quickly. The Tetris Company are well known for protecting their IP. This actually uses the name “Tetris” and it is a bit of a stretch to call it a parody (you have to prove that in court anyway). Maybe The Tetris Company will be cool for once since obviously no one will play this instead of normal Tetris; it is basically free advertising.

  34. EthZee says:

    This is actually excellent. I don’t know what people are complaining about, the changes in orientation are fairly easy to handle. It’s when it speeds up and you start making silly mistakes that it becomes difficult, and that way madness lies.

    (ALSO: My CAPTCHA was 2PAK. What the?)

    • EthZee says:

      On my second go:

      LEVEL: 03
      LINES: 035
      SCORE: 004520
      TOP SCORE: 004520

      Strangely, I found this more enjoyable than standard Tetris.

  35. Theory says:

    I did okay until I stopped playing. As soon as I looked away the whole room was spinning.

  36. sasayan says:

    Managed to make it to level 5. I think night mode might actually be easier, because you can visualize the board rotating around the piece and not get as confused about which direction you need to go.

    Also, no one’s made the terrible joke, so I feel I must.
    In First Person Tetris, block rotates you!

    • EthZee says:

      Surely that should be, “IN SOVIET TETRIS, BL-”

      …Oh. Right.

  37. Koozer says:

    LEVEL: 02
    LINES: 027
    SCORE: 003200
    TOP SCORE: 003200

    I’m fine playing it, but now I’ve stopped my eyes are trying to rotate.

  38. Jahkaivah says:

    There were 3 possible choices if music (I counted them!) for this game and not one of them was Korobeiniki.

    And now this article has at atleast 48 comments (I counted them!) and not one of them mentions the lack of Korobeiniki.

    Tis a sad day.

    • EthZee says:

      Which of the three types do you prefer, though? I like Type 2 music. It’s not Korobeiniki, but it’s the best of the lot I though.

    • Koozer says:

      The Type 2 music in this was also the type 2 music in the original Tetris don’tchaknow.

  39. Wulf says:

    Oddly, I don’t suffer vertigo, except for when I have tinnitus and that sometimes makes me nearly fall over. But otherwise, I don’t. I can get on the most mind-bending rides, and get off as though I’d never been on it. >.> It’s a talent! Suffice it to say, I got quite a fair way in, and I noticed something rather hilarious.

    The game totally destabilises! It might not on the computers of other people, but after prolonged play, for me, it did. This resulted in moments of hilarity, as the game switched between about 5 frames per second and Christ I’m behind, I need to cram as many frames as I can into one second so that my draw engine can keep up with the actual game engine, HERE GOES.

    So I’d be lowering a long ‘un into place, and suddenly it’d slow to a crawl, and I’d have to steel myself as it’d drop at least one or two shapes within the next second, completely screwing up my efforts.

    Funny, but not Tetris Friends.

    <3 Tetris Friends.

    Then again, I'm missing the point by mentioning Tetris Friends, but I'm doing it on purpose because more people need to be introduced to that.

  40. El Stevo says:

    Ouch. Night Mode is evil.

    LEVEL: 05
    LINES: 052
    SCORE: 016640

  41. Clovis says:

    VCR, lol.

  42. Alexander Norris says:

    Incidentally, this is a lot more fun if you just hold down spacebar during the game.

    Try it. Especially if the normal game made you sick.

  43. phil says:

    I’ve theory that Night Mode gives you a head ache as it’s just your brain growing new bits of itself in order to play it properly.

  44. Max says:

    In order to make the screen rotation less jarring, the pieces rotate painfully slowly. It makes the game even more difficult. Frustrating.

  45. the wiseass says:

    This is simply brilliant! Thanks a lot for sharing Mr. Gillen.

  46. Cooper says:

    Level 2

    24 lines

    Then I somehow forgot that enter was drop, not rotate…

  47. Smeghammer says:

    This reminds me of , except less drug induced.

  48. Smeghammer says:

    Damn the lack of the edit button. That was supposed to read “This reminds me of tetripz, except less drug incuded”

  49. Pidesco says:

    I thought this was going to be something akin to the awesome Blockout.

    DISAPPOINTMENT

  50. Bret says:

    That explains why I sucked so much at that!

    I mean, I’m not great at Tetris, but I like to fancy myself at least average, and I couldn’t make 1 line here. Good to know it wasn’t just poor spatial reasoning.