Curling One Out: Age of Curling

By Kieron Gillen on March 1st, 2010 at 8:54 am.

SEXY CURLING.
No, Microsoft haven’t taken the Empire franchise in an unforeseen direction after disbanding Ensemble. To celebrate the end of the Winter Olympics (aka Everyone I know spending far too much time lusting after the women’s curling teams), The Black Bandit suggested posting this highly accurate historical sim of curling would be worth posting. Never before has the art of lobbing stuff across ice and staring been so accurately re-created (Probably). You can get the demo or buy the full game on Blackish’s site, or watch some footage below.

Iphone footage!

And how to curl!

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27 Comments »

  1. piphil says:

    Does the game come with realistic partisan crowd?

    But seriously – I wanted to try curling out. Turns out there’s only one rink in England, and that’s in Kent. So this is about as close as I’m going to get without moving to Scotland…

    • AVarotsis says:

      One question is begging to be asked – why, in the name of all the gods, if you wanted a random novelty sport, would you pick CURLING?

    • Scalene says:

      Because it seems like a really, really easy way to get an Olympic Medal.

    • AndrewC says:

      Because the heavy slowness of the rocks gives the game an aura of sexy solidity like strategy games, is what I reckon.

      And the easiest way to get a gold medal is to chuck yourself downa mountain on a tray. I swear, there’s like 100 people in the whole world who would think to do that professionally.

    • piphil says:

      I just seem to be good at slow, non-contact games such as snooker, golf or darts. My main sport is archery, which is about as dull as you can get in terms of everything being exactly the same on every shot, but I seem to be attracted to the more technical sports. Unfortunately I’ve injured my shoulder, so I’m looking for other, more cerebral hobbies to have a go at.

      I could be attracted to technical sports because I’m a nerd. It could also be because I suck at every contact-sport known to man, and am about as fit as a butchered dog.

    • Phil H says:

      Just one? But the Scots invented the damned sport, how does that work?

    • TeeJay says:

      I was surprised at how enjoyable it was watching the archery during the Bejing Olympics – it was a kind of one-on-one, side-by-side, knock-out, round-based contest and fairly fast paced.

    • TeeJay says:

      @ Phil H

      “Just one? But the Scots invented the damned sport, how does that work?”

      He said there was one in *England*, which is a separate country from Scotland.

      There are about 150 curling clubs in Scotland using about 30 ice rinks, whereas there are about 4 clubs in England, two of which use Scottish rinks and two which use the Kent rink.

  2. The Dark One says:

    I never knew I was so privileged growing up. My family’s home is one block north or a curling club. :)

  3. BLACKISH says:

    We made this little video to get you started: Learn How to Play Curling in 45 seconds (YouTube) :)

  4. Bolt Axyon says:

    I like a good shouting session on the ice.

  5. Leelad says:

    “Curling one out” my second greatest phrase narrowly beaten by…..

    “scram!”

  6. sigma83 says:

    and what exactly is wrong with lusting after athletes?

    • Bhazor says:

      What is wrong is they were fancying the curling team and not Amy Williams or Shelley Rudman of the Skeleton team. A woman who will make a career of sliding down a mountain on her chin at a hundred miles a second is my type of woman.

      It turns out my type of woman is borderline insane and spends her working life in skin tight latex with extra butt padding. Who knew?

    • Bonedwarf says:

      There was only one athlete worth lusting over at the Olympics.

      Tessa Virtue. God she’s beautiful!

  7. Hank says:

    My brother and I grew up in Bemidji, Minnesota (the 2006 women’s curling team was from Bemidji) and took both Curling and Advanced Curling classes in high school. He went on to do some competitions. I just recently played shuffleboard, which requires a similar finesse; not too forceful, not too soft, and the puck will do what you want it to. Curling is not glamorous (the US men’s team looks like they just left the local board-game store, The Source on Larpenteur Ave in St. Paul if you want an example) but it is a lot of fun to play.

    • Phil H says:

      Hah! I grew up curling in Eveleth (alongside the coach of this year’s US Men’s team even), partaking in bonspiels across the Range, and playing in the local men’s leagues before moving away for college, I wonder if we ever ran into each other on a frozen weekend morning.

      Curling is a social sport, like golf or bowling, or at least it was locally- a bunch of 20-80something men and women getting together to drink and toss rocks for a few hours once or twice a week instead of just sitting down getting hammered at the bar. FSM knows there was fuck all else to do in the long winters on the Range.

      (also a St Paul resident now, but loyal to Big Brain rather than The Source)

  8. Lucas says:

    I enjoyed the curling coverage more than anything else in these winter olympics, mostly because of how gamey it is. If this had online multiplayer I’d be inclined to take a crack at it.

  9. terry says:

    I used to curl as a nipper, if curling can be defined as flailing across the ice bellowing obscenities at the cold, brushing ineffectually in a vain attempt to steer what amounted to an over-enthusiastic doorstop into the target. Actually pretty relaxing, and would make an excellent beer-fuelled Wii game.

  10. diddly says:

    now i know this is a pc games site but i’d love to play this on the wii.. if you’ve ever played the block ice sliding game on boom blox you’ll know that the wiimote is great for this kind of thing.. (in that it’s tactile and fun if not particularly accurate)

  11. CanadianCurler says:

    Appreciate the effort on the game but the physics just feel so wrong. I understand that designing an engine to process the break and contact of the rocks is difficult but with that said, some of the collisions in this game are simply impossible.

    Someone on here requested multiplayer, well look no further…

    http://www.playcurling.com/

    Sure it’s not as shiny and the controls are a bit counterintuitive however, it does provide that fun multiplayer curling experience.

    I also join the call for a good Wii Curling game. Shouldn’t be that hard to throw together, just a bit more complicated than Wii Bowling.

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