Very Heavy Metal: Achtung Panzer! Out

By Kieron Gillen on March 3rd, 2010 at 11:31 am.

I was going to post this trailer anyway, as advance warning of Tim Stone’s forthcoming Wot I Think about Achtung Panzer: Kharkov 1943, which people are saying it could be the first genuinely groundbreaking tactical wargame since Combat Mission. Apparently. But when I hear that Paradox-chieftan Frederik Wester selected the music thinking about RPS, I could hardly not. He brings us footage of tanks, the shouting of Heinz Guderian famous book-title and Rammstein-esque synthy-Teutonic (despite being Swedes) racket from the band Raubtier .

ACHTUNG! PANZER!

I’m not sure why this is better than Dragon Age’s metalisms. I suspect because it involves shouting about Panzers.

Oh – the game’s available, if you want to go buy.

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48 Comments »

  1. Premium User Badge Schaulustiger says:

    As a German I have to say that this is embarrasing and hilarious at the same time.

    • Zealot says:

      >this is embarrasing

      What are you people NOT embarrassed of ?! Seriously, get a spine.

    • Schaulustiger says:

      The lyrics are painfully bad when you’re able to understand more than just “Achtung Panzer”. That’s why it is embarrasing. Hilarious at the same time when you regard those cheesy lines as an over-the-top persiflage of German military songs from the past. I nearly burst from laughter while listening to this earlier.

      So I was not dead serious with my statement, no need to pull out your anti-German resentments of us not having spines and stuff.

    • BooleanBob says:

      “persiflage”

      The fuck did this incredible word come from? I mean, other than France.

    • skalpadda says:

      Hah, well, my first thought was “gawd, this is terrible and oh dear, they’re Swedish as well”.. Then again, playing silly metal riffs and shouting random words and sentences in German is something I’ve been guilty of myself on many a night after enough alcohol. And it is rather funny.. :)

    • TeeJay says:

      I just watched the myspace video which ends with the Statue of Liberty going up in flames. What do the lyrics mean? (Apart from “watch out! it’s a tank!” or something…)

    • Schaulustiger says:

      The lyrics (roughly) translate into:

      “doom comes crawling,
      storms of steel erupt,
      war beasts eat frontlines,
      blowing out the flames of hope.

      oil, men and diesel pumps,”

      and then it goes on with something I can’t really understand, but it ends with

      “the panzerfaust ready for combat.
      Achtung Panzer!”

      As I said: pretty cheesy.

    • pedant says:

      @skalpadda

      On the other hand, Ride the bullet by Army of lovers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-Tbrv6O4Zs&feature=related would probably not have been better no? Just saying, swedish music has range, could have been worse.

  2. Premium User Badge AndrewC says:

    Re: metalisms.

    In Dragon Age the metal was scored against human drama, and there is a disconnect between the natural tendency towards empathy towards humans and the alienating, disassociative racket of metal. When it’s the industrial, mechanical world of tanks, the tone fits the subject.

    Or maybe it’s about relative hardnesses of subject and music: metal is trying, in Dragon Age, to make the soft humans harder – a tedious adolescant pursuit – whereas in this, the metal serves to make the tanks softer, or sillier, which is a most excellent pursuit.

    But then there are those, i am sure, who would be offended at the music making tanks funny. Then again, there are those that would take the music used in this trailer seriously.

    It’s amazing how small changes in music can so radically effect the audience’s perception of what the music is scoring.

    Why, It’s almost like magic!

  3. Cinnamon says:

    I wish that there were English subtitles for the lyrics but it is a satisfying mix of Stalin vs Martians and Dragon Age trailers, only good. Downloading the demo, like some of the references to Close Combat on the gamers gate page.

  4. taikonaut says:

    As a german I am deeply embarred about this really bad Rammstein rippoff. Sporting heavy riffs and shouting Achtung Panzer with a rrrrrrolling “R” makes me blush.

  5. Premium User Badge Sagan says:

    OMG I loled so hard.

    It sounds like a down syndrome version of Rammstein. So fucking hilarious!

  6. Flop says:

    What the hell was that guy thinking?

  7. Jochen Scheisse says:

    ACHTUNG PANSEN!

    HAHAHAHAHA!

  8. leeder_krenon says:

    I’ve only played the first battle in the first scenario, but I am seriously impressed with this game already. It is definitely the first ground breaking game of it’s kind since Combat Mission, and it’s a lot more fun to play than that series.

    • TimA says:

      I agree. I was completely baffled at first, partly because the tooltips take half an age to pop up. The UI in the tactical battles is actually quite nice though, once I got used to it, oh how I hated the Combat Mission UI. I still find myself being giddy and confused when I see the armour penetration graphs.

    • leeder_krenon says:

      It took me about 3 false starts before I got to grips with the UI. Looking forward to playing a daytime scenario tonight so I can see what’s going on!

    • TimA says:

      Hahah, it sounds so obvious but that also confused me at first. “Wait.. it’s night, I can’t see the enemies. The half-tracks have headlights! YESSS”

    • leeder_krenon says:

      Oh, I had the headlights on, but it’s still pretty murky! I ended up wiping out a couple of Russian recon squads for the loss of not much. Post the battle being able to swap out depleted squads with reserves was handy! I also really like how the guys look after themselves, micro managing is beyond my feeble mental capacity. Only thing I couldn’t really work out was that one of my half tracks had a mortar team on board, and I had no idea how to deploy it, or what it’s range would be.

    • Fumarole says:

      You had me at “armour penetration graphs.” *tear*

      Now, to find my wallet…

  9. Marsupial Magic says:

    Erm… it really isn’t any better than Dragon Age’s trailer metalisms. Just funny as well as terrible…

  10. Skusey says:

    That’s embarrassingly fantastic.

  11. LordCraigus says:

    This is a really exciting game for me but I’m still trying to get to grips with the demo. I finally managed to end one tactical battle with a ‘minor defeat’ after I clicked the ceasefire button. Reading about on the games forums it seems studying the PDF manual and learning the hard way (i.e. getting your arse kicked) is the (only) way to go.

    One thing though, does anyone know how to get my units to dig the trenches I told them to dig in deployment mode, or doesn’t it work like that?

    • leeder_krenon says:

      They will only dig in if they haven’t moved on the strategic map for a turn or two – because it takes time to construct defences, they can’t build them during the course of a battle.

    • LordCraigus says:

      Thanks, I read something to this effect in the manual but didn’t really undestand, makes sense.

  12. Zealot says:

    Strategy games are hard :(

  13. BooleanBob says:

    I think it has more to do with our Anglophone tendency to patronise and condescend when it comes to most foreign-language stuff. Because we can’t/don’t care to comprehend the meaning of the lyrics, we don’t understand the cheesiness of them in proper context (see Schaulustiger’s post above) and thus don’t feel the full immediacy of the awfulness (unlike with metaller-in-the-mother-tongue Marilyn Manson). So on the plus side, we get to appreciate (or ironically appreciate) the musicality of the track (or ‘amusicality’ in this case?) . On the negative, we’re being, collectively, kind of dickish.

    This is something I find myself worrying about on a fairly regular basis (see also: white guilt, middle-class guilt, guilt as indulgent reflex).

    • BooleanBob says:

      ^ supposed to be a reply to AndrewC. I throw my hands up at the comment system; it stares right through me, uncaring.

      KG

    • TeeJay says:

      @BooleanBob

      Does this work better for you?

      “I think it has more to do with *MY* Anglophone tendency to patronise and condescend when it comes to most foreign-language stuff. Because *I* can’t/don’t care to comprehend the meaning of the lyrics, *I* don’t understand the cheesiness of them in proper context (see Schaulustiger’s post above) and thus *I* don’t feel the full immediacy of the awfulness (unlike with metaller-in-the-mother-tongue Marilyn Manson). So on the plus side, *I* get to appreciate (or ironically appreciate) the musicality of the track (or ‘amusicality’ in this case?) . On the negative, I am being kind of dickish.

      This is something I find myself worrying about on a fairly regular basis.”

      My advice re. ‘guilt’ – look at *yourself*, speak for *yourself*, represent *yourself*, be responsible for *yourself*. Don’t externalise all your own angst onto other people. Don’t start your thought process with vast lumps of humanity as if these lumps are people. Especially don’t start your thinking with the very so-called ‘groups’ that have been invented by the ideas that you have a problem with (eg starting a thought process about the world’s population by simply accepting the concept of ‘separate races’ as if it is some kind of “fact”).

  14. Mike_in_Ohio says:

    Reminded me of a bit of Kraftwerk…. Trans Europe Express… but with tanks and burning Russian anti-tank dudes.

    Seriously – after you get used to the interface, it’s a fantastic strat game. The game music though is a tad on the corny side but u can turn it off.

  15. Vinraith says:

    This seems decidedly similar to Close Combat, and that’s one of the highest compliments I can pay to a game. I’ve been vacillating about buying it all week (solely because of the size of my games backlog, really). I’ll be surprised if Tim’s WIT doesn’t push me over the edge.

    • leeder_krenon says:

      It’s kind of similar, except you can see your infantry. Sometimes.

  16. DarthBenedict says:

    That was beautiful.

  17. DarthBenedict says:

    Just had a look at the link to the band myspace link and their logo is a dog with miniguns for eyes.

  18. zombo says:

    All I feel is fremdscham, I really hope the ingame music is nothing like this.

    • leeder_krenon says:

      the in game music is kind of cheesey orchestral. some of it works, some doesn’t.

  19. Lemon scented apocalypse says:

    The most retardedly inspired thing ive seen all year.
    Mein got i want this game

  20. Dominic White says:

    They really do sound like a heavily watered-down Rammstein. I’m all for growling industrial-metal soundtracks when they fit (and a game about tanks is about the perfect place for one), but the choice of band is seriously weaksauce.

    • Psychopomp says:

      Really. If you’re going to pick a cheesy, pseudo-germanic industrial-metal song, you might as well go all the way with Hanzel Und Gretyl, or someshit.

  21. MrSpandex says:

    1998 called, they want their graphics engine back.

    • Lemon scented apocalypse says:

      get out

    • Fumarole says:

      Certainly the most important thing in a strategy game.

    • leeder_krenon says:

      In game, the graphics are actually pretty solid.

    • leeder_krenon says:

      For example, one of my half tracks got immobilized by an AT gun, and one infantryman hopped off the back and started wacking away at the track with a massive sledgehammer. The game is detail oriented.

  22. tigershuffle says:

    link to a good review……………and its on a girlie gamer site……………..no not that type .. A REAL one ;)
    kudos to them
    *takes off mysoginists hat*
    http://www.girlgamersuk.com/2010/02/achtung-panzer-kharkov-1943-2/

  23. Kong says:

    “Kriegesbestien fressen Fronten”
    As a German I am not embarassed easily. With my heritage? And recently the Kunduz bombing, what can shame us after that fuck up?
    Interesting how our language sounds when used by northern germanic tribes. “War beasts devouring fronts” must be an image exclusive to viking descendants lol.
    Rammstein is great music for any battle. “Fleischgeruch in der Luft”
    I love Men of War, I will try Achtung Panzer, jawoll!

  24. Shadrach says:

    Really really hope this will be out on Steam as I’m sceptical of the other digidownload sites.