Horn Again RSItian: Robot Unicorn Attack

By Kieron Gillen on March 19th, 2010 at 3:56 pm.

And there I go blowing that Uni and her Ukulele headline yesterday. Man!

It was noted that we haven’t posted Robot Unicorn Attack. It was demanded that we post Robot Unicorn Attack. And – finally! – we submitted to the orders of you, our beloved, dominatrix readers. This is Robot Unicorn Attack. It’s basically what happens if you get Walker to redesign Canabalt. Oh, the humanity.

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87 Comments »

  1. Dan says:

    This is just my kind of thing. No really. Ok it’s not.

  2. The Hammer says:

    You are good men, Rock Paper Shotgun.

    Maybe… maybe even the best.

  3. Matthew says:

    NSFW victory screen. It really is quite filthy (filly?). Click at your own risk.

    EDIT FROM EDITOR: WARNING! THIS REALLY IS VERY, VERY, VERY NSFW.

    KG

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      Okami says:

      rainbowcoc.jpg?
      really?

    • Tom OBedlam says:

      Oh god, I didn’t need to see that! :D

    • DMJ says:

      Why? Why did I click that?

      In the words of Futurama:

      YOU SAW IT! YOU CAN’T UNSEE IT!

    • SomeGuy says:

      At least it wasn’t happy.jpg

    • Vitamin Powered says:

      Why? Why did I go click anyway *regret*

      I hope no one is planning on digging a 100 metre deep pit, surrounded by “CAUTION! 100 METRE DEEP PIT OF DEATH!” signs, because I’ll just go “cool!” and walk right into it.

    • DXN says:

      I’ll be in my bunk.

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      James G says:

      The question of course is, is it appropriate to follow that image with a unicorn chaser รก la Boing Boing, or would that only serve to compound the problem.

    • TCM says:

      It’s not the WORST thing I’ve seen on the internet.

      Still, I really did not need to see that.

    • The Hammer says:

      OK, I’m back.

      With new clothes on.

    • TenjouUtena says:

      By the way, Matthew… Crane Wars is _awesome_

    • sfury says:

      Quick! This will undo it – http://trololololololololololo.com/

    • Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

      c’mon, it’s nowhere near the most disgusting things I’ve seen online…like the BNP list of members…

    • Wulf says:

      Frankie has the correct mindset for the continued survival of our species.

      With the Internet, becoming totally desensitised is inevitable.

      That is all.

      *cracks up.*

    • a says:

      Now that’s what I call harmony. OH LOVE

    • Psychopomp says:

      I have a lady friend who’s going to *love* this.

    • MWoody says:

      @sfury:

      I have a question that’s been bugging me for days. Why do they call it “Trolololo” when that’s the one sound he DOESN’T ever make in the video?

    • Nick says:

      hmm, is it wrong that I was relieved by how tame the image was considering my expectations?

    • Wulf says:

      @Nick

      Not at all, actually, no.

      The more interesting question though is: given those expectations, why did you still click?

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      amishmonster says:

      That singing man is clearly a synthoid.

    • sfury says:

      @MWoody You can find lengthy explanation here – http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/trololo-edward-hill-russian-rickroll

      In short – from what I understood the title is a combination from people hearing him singing “LOLOLOL”, everyone hailing it as the new Rick Roll, and some russian babble about Trolling.

      I don’t give a fuck really, it’s hillarious! :]

    • Nick says:

      Wulf: Morbid curiosity.. after all the comments how could I *not* click?

  4. Doug F says:

    truly magical.

    ALWAYS, I WANNA BE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY

    • rei says:

      Oh, love.

    • LionsPhil says:

      Given that it’s become a major meme over on 4chan’s /tg/ and, I hear, /v/, I’m wondering if HARMONY HARMONY risks being the next meme to leak into the mainstream.

      Annoyingly, this thing crashes Flash, latest version, here, so I’ve yet to partake the in harmonious unicornery.

  5. Ian says:

    Loved it when it was posted on’t forum and love it now.

  6. Tom OBedlam says:

    I was playing this last week, I don’t think any game has made me grin more broadly in ages. That said, in game terms its a lot more reliant on luck than canabalt, though the double jump, dash, jump possibility provides quite a big safety net.

    • Wulf says:

      Indeed, it was the hanging bits of rock that got me… well, almost every time. Stars I could deal with, just like with everything else, but if I jumped a tiny bit too high then doom was inevitable!

      That said, it was a truly wondrous little game and by the time I had dolphins swimming with me I was filled with glee.

    • Starky says:

      I think the opposite, canabalt was almost total luck – most of the time you were jumping blind with no tool really to break the jump.

      This game you jump once and hold it and you float down slowly, and if you need more height you jump again, if you need to fall you let go – and if you need extra height, Jump, dash, Jump…

      You have a LOT more control in this game to avoid blind jumps, and the sound cues are helpful.

  7. DMcCool says:

    I don’t know what to think anymore I just…don’t know what to think anymore.

    How did it come to this?

  8. 7hm says:

    I find this to be a lot more determined by my skill than Canabalt. Though maybe I just really suck at Canabalt. Also the music.

  9. fgdsfsd says:

    rps you shouldn’t have given in to the chantards

    • DMcCool says:

      It really does fit into RPS’s whole philosophy since the start: writing about PC Games (and giving each a fair mention). Seems like a lot of the readership rejoice at the Coming of The Robotic Unicorn Flashgame. The rest of us shall wander the comment threads in various stages of distress.
      :o

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      Lambchops says:

      @ DMcCool

      I managed to misread that last bit as “various stages of undress.” Fortunately my brain couldn’t comprehend what a comments section would look like so I dodged a distrurbing mental image bullet there.

      Which I could have dodged the blissfully clicking on any old link bullet earlier in the comments section as well, but alas that one stuck me square on.

      As for the game, it’s the Erasure song that makes it work for me!

  10. Stupid Fat Hobbit says:

    The game doesn’t load for me. Might be my unicorn-filter? Or anti-rainbow software?

    • Dood says:

      If by that you mean Adblock then you are correct.

    • Stupid Fat Hobbit says:

      Never mind, it works in Firefox, but not in Chrome.

      I can’t describe in any of your dull human languages how much I love this game.

  11. Freudian Trip says:

    I don’t get it. I’m a 21 year old waster that smokes plenty of weed. I’m the target demographic for Adult Swim yet I’ve never found anything that they’ve done particularly funny.

    • Premium User Badge

      lhzr says:

      might also have to do with taste and sense of humour.
      i love most of what adult swim does, regardless of whether i’m high or not at the time i watch their stuff.

      also IQ seems to count for something. see xavier, renegade angel.

    • Man Raised By Puffins says:

      I’m with Freudian Trip on this one; Adult Swim’s animation output (or at least what I’ve sampled of it) is terrible.

      This game is quite fun though.

    • MWoody says:

      Watch Venture Brothers. I can forgive everything else on that channel as long as they keep buying more of those episodes.

      (Hey, the Captcha is the name of my high school.)

    • Vinraith says:

      @MWoody

      Agreed. Venture Brothers is more than sufficient to justify everything else on the channel. Some of their earlier stuff was also pretty good, but lately they’ve been putting out more and more crap. Still, as long as they keep ordering VB seasons, I’ll love them.

  12. noom says:

    Epic

  13. FunkyLlama says:

    Uniporn?

  14. Max says:

    Oh noooooo, me and my college class have been playing this all week.
    The song… so beautiful!

    Also I challenge anyone to try to get over 80,000 in score, highest someone has got from college was 80,000 something. DO IT.

    • FunkyLlama says:

      My record’s 84k, thanks mainly to an unbelievably flukey 60k run.

  15. Jad says:

    Too bad you had that APB article in between this one and “I’m on a Horse”, it would have been hilarious if the top of the front page of RPS was devoted to unicorns and horsies.

  16. Schmung says:

    Good lord. I think that I need to go and re-adjust my mood back to it’s default settings after that.

    • Wulf says:

      No, don’t do it! The mental adjustment provided by robot unicorns is good for you! Just roll with it, man.

      (I’m finding this all entirely too amusing, and loving every moment of it.)

  17. Tei says:

    I move all my money from magical unicorns to robot unicorns. Clearly robots unicorns are the future for unicorns and the step beyond furry, if there is one, is robotization.

    • Wulf says:

      Oh there are so many things I could say here.

      So… many… things.

      Suffice it to say, the Internet does seem to have a fascination with sexed up robots.

      Ah, Internet, the things you’ve desensitised me to thanks to an endless stream of dubious links and my own innate curiosity.

  18. Unaco says:

    I got it to work once in Chrome, sometime last week I think. But, it hasn’t worked since.

    • Unaco says:

      Obviously, that was in reply to Stupid Fat Hobbit… seems like another thing Chrome does… I log in, but still get asked for a Captcha etc, and can’t reply… but after I post, it seems to realise I’m logged in.

  19. Malawi Frontier Guard says:

    It’s the song, isn’t it?

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      drewski says:

      That has to be part of it.

      I stopped playing about five minutes ago and I’m still grinning like an idiot and humming the song. Joy capacitors overloaded! Happiness quotient filled! Reset! Reset!

      I’m off to play some Gears of War. Mmmm. Manly men killing things in manly ways. Grunt.

    • Wulf says:

      See, now that’s funny!

      (And no, I did not come back to this article to get the link to this game, and I am not planning on playing it right now, think what you like! *coughs.*)

  20. Junior says:

    I find it amusing that the official video is actualy somewhat gayer than the game.

    • Guildenstern says:

      It’s the hat.

    • Wulf says:

      My thoughts when watching that: Did they borrow their entire wardrobe from 60′s Sci-Fi villains? The Time Lords especially? Did they just buy out the Time Lords’ entire back catalogue of clothing? Did that hat once belong to Ming the Merciless before he tossed it after it was dropped into a pool of liquid pyrite, and thus ruined? Is this what secretly goes on behind closed doors with 60′s Sci-Fi villains? I’m intrigued, do they also enjoy a hearty game of charades every Tuesday? Might I join?

      I have a very odd mind.

  21. Gorgeras says:

    OFF-TOPIC ALERT!

    Steam has dumped Ubisoft games using the new DRM system, SH5 and AC2: http://www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=239684

    REPORT! SPECULATE! COMMENT! SCHADENFREUDE!

    • Gorgeras says:

      Er, ignore this. Google news is so misleading: ‘Steam dumps Ubisoft DRM games’. But it’s just what we already know; they’re not available in the UK. Just the UK. There has been no worldwide dumping.

      Curse headline writers.

  22. Amqz says:

    Kieron, you must be punnished for that title.

  23. DefinitiveMan says:

    This is beneath standard RPS quality.

  24. suibhne says:

    This is amazing.

    E-mazing, even.

  25. Tiktaalik says:

    I find I much prefer it to Canabalt, which I could never get on with. Does that make me a bad person?

    • Vinraith says:

      @Tiktaalik

      If so you and I should form a support group. I never much cared for Canabalt, but this is just stupidly amusing on an almost profound level.

      Actually, that describes several of Adult Swim’s games, and some portion of their programming block. “Stupidly amusing on an almost profound level” should be their advertising slogan.

  26. Calabi says:

    I posted it first along time ago, no one listens to me, shame on you all.

  27. Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

    Seriously, Wulf…I lost virginity to that list..I’ll never be the same again!

  28. Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

    I’m gonna try to play it with Music Go Music’s Warm in the Shadowst like /w Cannabalt (Kieron-style) just to see what happens..

  29. Jambe says:

    I’ve been having a lot of fun with Jetpack Jackass lately. Stupid-repetitive and goofy but I JUST. CAN’T. STOP.

  30. Starky says:

    As a heterosexual adult male, I must say…

    This game is bloody joyous

    Amazing how the simple addition of a double jump and a dash turn it into a game of skill rather than the blind luck that often annoyed me about canabalt.

    I’d be the last man on earth to tell you that I’d like something with unicorns, rainbows, and Erasure – but this game, Jesus it is good.

    It manages to capture the same Brilliance of colour and motion that only one game in my opinion has ever captured, Nights into Dreams on the Sega Saturn.

    • Starky says:

      28666 – and with that I will call it a night.
      Tomorrow… I aim for 50k

    • Wulf says:

      I’m a little bit different in that regard, as I’d be utterly delighted to tell people about something like this, for it would be my privilege. Thank goodness for open minded friends and family, I suppose!

      Though I can’t say that this is the first game I’ve seen with these visual aesthetics though, not by a long shot, back in the days of the C64 and the Amiga, brightly coloured games with cute characters were an art-style. It was a different time back then, though, because people weren’t afraid they’d catch ‘teh gay’ (or whatever the kids are calling it these days) from their sugary games. It was a better and more innocent time for all of those involved.

      And hey, we might be seeing a resurgence of that on the PC! I’d love that, very, very much. Why, more brightly coloured games that aren’t composed of flat browns/greys would make me as happy as a penguin sliding on his belly!

    • Hypocee says:

      Amazing how the simple addition of a double jump and a dash turn it into a game of skill rather than the blind luck that often annoyed me about canabalt.

      I feel just the opposite, actually. I love them both, but I’ve played the hell out of both RUA and Canabalt and I feel this is unfair in a way Canabalt isn’t. My first five or so goes at Canabalt, I felt things like hallways were unfair but they turned out to be a matter of learning that they exist. In RUA, the chain-combo system means that a high score is basically dependent on luck; you have to commit to top or bottom before the star comes on screen, and if it doesn’t go your way that’s the end of the chain through no fault of your own. I actually came back here hoping there was some pattern to the top-bottom distribution that I was just missing. I still love it (ALWAYS), but as a game I’ve encountered the fatal flaw it has and Canabalt doesn’t.

  31. Jahkaivah says:

    OH LOVE

  32. foghorn says:

    Absolutely awesome game. Brings out the gay in me. There’s even a cool t-shirt of it to be had, but they won’t ship outside NA.

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    amishmonster says:

    Why does he explode upon contact with stars? I thought that was the unicorn’s natural habitat.

    • Mr_Day says:

      It’s metaphorical. He is exploding with delight.

      Also – Good news! I have found my old Erasure album, and it has Always on it. Now I can play the song forever!

    • rei says:

      Inspired by your success I looked through my mom’s old tapes, but could only find ‘The Innocents’ which doesn’t have that song on it :( I’ll just have to listen to ‘A Little Respect’ repeatedly.

  34. Joseph says:

    It makes me want to throw up but it’s fun.

  35. martin says:

    this is the best game since elite 2