A Little Cross: Run, Jesus Run!

By Kieron Gillen on March 29th, 2010 at 12:43 pm.

Jesus has failed. Only Flash Gordon can save us now.

Ironically, it’s RPS-reader Final Sin who brings us news of this product of the 10 Seconds theme of the Experimental Gameplay Project. It’s Run, Jesus Run! It’s all based on the gospel. It happens in 10 seconds. Left and right move. Space bar does Jesus stuff. Run, Jesus Run!

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117 Comments »

  1. FunkyB says:

    The music is perfect. Very silly.

  2. Kieron Gillen says:

    And if anyone can tell me how to get the 12th Apostle, PLEASE DO.

    KG

    • GibletHead2000 says:

      I’m stuck on 11 as well.

    • FunkyB says:

      Jump the chasm, space on the three people, walk on water, hit the heart block, then heal the three cripples. That got me 12.

    • FunkyB says:

      Re-reading my post: Wow I’m ignorant of some Bible passages :)

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      Yeah – I wasn’t walking on Water properly.

      KG

    • lhzr says:

      you guys prolly didn’t press space near everyone. just keep running and pressing space whenever you pass by something/someone.

      didn’t get the part with the devil and the hole in the ground. anyone know what connection it might have with the gospel ?

    • Lilliput King says:

      I may not be remembering this right, but I think the Devil urges Jesus to jump off something tall to prove he is the son of God, as if he is angels will catch him and he won’t be hurt.

      Good thing he didn’t, because as this game conclusively proves he would have suffered a humiliating and not very graceful game over.

    • Rich says:

      “Jump the chasm, space on the three people, walk on water, hit the heart block, then heal the three cripples. That got me 12.”

      That’s got be one of the more surreal comments I’ve read.

    • Dinger says:

      I think the last apostle is for time left.

    • Wulf says:

      @Rich

      Quite.

      I sat here simply blinking for a few moments as my mind tried to parse that.

      Also: This is why I dig abstract gaming concepts. It’s probably thoroughly disrespectful to the Bible/Christianity/whatever else, but it’s also a new and entertaining way of looking at religion.

      Jesus of reality #712 just wanted to out-Apostle collect everyone else, everything else he did was irrelevant.

    • Wulf says:

      And my mind is now doing a Jesus Freeman skit. A silly bloke who runs around sort of helping people and doing nigh-on impossible things, without ever saying a word.

    • Tei says:

      I have repackaged the comment in a format for mainstream consuming:

      “Gamer one: I am stuck, how I can get the 12 apostol, dude?
      Gamer two: Jump the chasm, space on the three people, walk on water, hit the heart block, then heal the three cripples. That got me 12.

      Thats how gamers play jesus, the game. “

  3. Eoin says:

    mmmm…. sacre-tastic…

  4. Robyrt says:

    The devil and the hole in the ground is Matthew 4 – he goes out into the desert and is tempted to throw himself off a cliff by the devil.

    • AndrewC says:

      Well, the devil tempts him to throw himself off a cliff coz his dad, being God, will definitely save him. Jesus wins by not throwing himself off the cliff, scolding the devil for requiring such tests of divinity.

      Also, it was Jesus conquering death by rising from the dead that saved humanity, not dying on the cross so, really, this ten second flash game is theologically all over the place.

      Shocking I tell you.

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      AndrewC: There totally should be a Button-Basher to try and get him to roll the stone out of the way or something.

      KG

    • Lilliput King says:

      Really should have read this far down before posting.

    • AndrewC says:

      Press ‘O’ to show Thomas your hands.

    • Thirith says:

      KG: Plenty of God of War-style QTEs that would make sense in this one. You could even have a minigame where Mary Magdalene, ahem, washes your feet.

    • Alexander Norris says:

      @KG – only if that particular QTE ends in you punching a boulder.

    • James G says:

      Bah, Jesus wouldn’t have made a very good scientist. You need to test your hypothesises, not just accept them. Now granted, he’d have had an easier job of it if his H0 wasn’t that he’d form a messy patch at the base of the cliff but he could have suggested an alternative experiment instead.

    • Quirk says:

      @AndrewC: Actually, it’s spot on. Almost all Christian theology (certainly historically) has Christ’s death as the ultimate sacrifice for sins, replacing the necessity for animal sacrifice that was central to the Jewish faith. That he got resurrected was a nice touch, but it’s sort of a God-given bonus; humanity is redeemed because God pays himself the ultimate sacrificial price to buy himself off for punishing them for their sins, rather than because Jesus plays graveyard whack-a-mole.

      In related news, I find Christian theology a teeny bit disturbing and deranged.

    • Quirk says:

      @AndrewC: Actually, it’s spot on. Almost all Christian theology (certainly historically) has Christ’s death as the ultimate sacrifice for sins, replacing the necessity for animal sacrifice that was central to the Jewish faith. That he got resurrected was a nice touch, but it’s sort of a God-given bonus; humanity is redeemed because God pays himself the ultimate sacrificial price to buy himself off for punishing them for their sins, rather than because Jesus plays the part of a graveyard whack-a-mole.

      In related news, I find Christian theology a teeny bit disturbing and deranged.

    • D says:

      Thou shall receive my blessings for not triple post aposlogizing.

    • Psychopomp says:

      @Alexander

      “CHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST”

  5. Shadrach says:

    This game sucks, it’s always the same ending!

  6. Pani says:

    I cant tell if this is totally blasphemous or hilarious! Whatever, I like to think Jesus has a sense of humour!

  7. Auspex says:

    Can’t wait for Run, Jesus Run! 2!

    When’s that coming out again?

    • Dinger says:

      Some of the Fanbois keep saying it’s due any day, but they’ve been saying that since long before Duke Nukem Forever was announced. The last thing we’ve heard from the developers was on the order of “Sometime soon, but we’re not going to announce a date.”

    • somnolentsurfer says:

      @Pani

      lol. Thread winner.

    • Britpunk says:

      There hasn’t been ANY additional content and already there’s gonna be a sequel!?! wtf!!!!?!?!11one Where’s the additional scenarios. They should’ve released an extra campaign to bridge the gap between the devil cliff suicide campaign and the walking on water campaign. It’s called CONTINUITY people!!!111

      Boycott RJR2! Join the Steam group!

    • Britpunk says:

      actually I kinda third joked that didnt i?

      oh well.

    • Dinger says:

      Britpunk: There’s much debate in the RJR community about whether the Mormon expansion is canonical. Many judge it as a poorly thought-out community mod trying to cash in on the success of the order. On the other hand, those who accept it swear by it as gospel.

  8. Sarcasm says:

    Perfect timing.

  9. Sarcasm says:

    “Sunday”

    “Perfect timing.”

    Oh, the horrible irony.

    And let’s not forget the completely ugly picture posting without registering gives you.

    Yeah, I’m fairly sure that my message didn’t quite make it through.

    Let me try again: Today is a totally appropriate day for this. Perfect timing, morons.

  10. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    Should’ve been called “Press Space to Jesus”, haha!

  11. Dinger says:

    Great, but I keep dying. Does anyone know how to enable God Mode?

    Oh, and How come Judas isn’t at score screen?

    • Wulf says:

      I love this thread. I haven’t laughed so hard since… uh, last night, where I rewatched the Ross episodes about Doctor Who. Gay Cybermen and mining for raspberries!

      But still, this thread is getting a good laugh out of me. I hope it continues this way, too!

    • JonFitt says:

      iddqd

  12. airtekh says:

    @Pani

    I LOL’d :D

  13. Gap Gen says:

    I think it’s kinda lame how games have you die constantly throughout the course of the game, only to die unavoidably in a cutscene at the end.

  14. Arthur Barnhouse says:

    I’m fairly confident there is a rule about making a Jesus joke and a John Updike pun at the same time.

    • Auspex says:

      But so many Updike books already sound like they could be about Jesus.

      My Father’s Tears and Other Stories
      The Afterlife
      In the Beauty of the Lilies

      Terrorist

      (Controversial!)

    • Arthur Barnhouse says:

      Jesus didn’t blow anything up, he mostly just antagonized the Pharisees. So I guess you would call him an antagonist. . . wait. . .

  15. Bhazor says:

    If only we could talk to the devil…

  16. John says:

    Some things in life are bad
    They can really make you mad
    Other things just make you swear and curse.
    When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
    Don’t grumble, give a whistle
    And this’ll help things turn out for the best…

    Always look on the bright side of life!
    Always look on the light side of life!

  17. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    I think this dodges being sacrilegious by having the verses chapter and book on the top right for each screen.

  18. Choca says:

    This was awesome, and I got the 12 Apostles, therefore I am a better Jesus than Kieron.

    • Wulf says:

      Now my mind is doing an MMORPG skit with this.
      “I can out-Jesus your Jesus any day of the weak, [censored]!”
      “[censored] you, my bread & wine production is up 50% this week, match that!”
      “Yeah? I miracle-walked to the Americas and spread the holy goodness there, [censored]!”
      “Re–no, shut up, just shut the [censored] up.”
      “Yeah, I was totally turning buffalo into stocks of bread, then some natives killed me.”

    • Wulf says:

      (Okay, I give up trying to fix the typo in that post. Weak should obviously be ‘week’. I miss the edit function.)

    • Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

      My father is holier than yours!!!!§

  19. WilPal says:

    Wow, Jesus has a really big penis.

  20. A-Scale says:

    Definitely offensive, but also a bit creative. I think a lot can be done to teach religious stories and myth through such simple games.

    • Lack_26 says:

      I don’t think it’s particularly offensive, M.M.MacRaeI said it best about it dodging sacrilege. In fact this does a pretty decent job on reminding people of the scripture, I’m sure there is more than one person who went, ‘oh yeah, forgot he did that’.

      Also, it took me a few turns to walk on water, but the rest I figured out quickly.

      Religion in 250 years, after the great simplification (i.e. nuclear war): This game being one of the few sources remaining. “And lo, did the Lord press spacebar unto the blind-man, and he was healed, for his sight it did return.”

  21. Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

    Being a postmodern pluralist I find this hilarious and not one bit insulting… And it’s reaffirming I do know what’s every scene about

    • Wulf says:

      I went in and had a blast despite not having a clue what any of it was about (Christianity isn’t my religion), and since it’s not presented in an offensive way (at all) I’d have to agree.

      Hell, this might even be a good thing for parents to present to their kids, if that is their religion.

    • Frankie The Patrician[PF] says:

      It’s not that much of a difference I guess….But I keep laughing uncontrollably every time Jesus falls down the chasm…probably at the thought “that would be one hell of a short New testament…” :D

      If those parents were progressively minded, then yeah… Jesus Christ’s Life in 10 Seconds: no parables, no filler, 100% pure action!

    • Dinger says:

      Well, it’s all just work for me. More than anything, I’d say it’s a brilliant commentary on the futility of narrative in games. You could draw a line from Deus Ex through Bioshock to RJR.

      Here more than anywhere else is it underscored that Free Will is doing God’s Will, which is also the Player’s Will. Player, Creator and God fuse in a quasi-Trinity. At the same time, the idea that games can tell canned (=non-emergent) stories is completely trashed by applying to videogames what some have sold as The Greatest Story Ever Told.

  22. ZenMasterFlash says:

    I concur. It is even displayed throughout the comments section, people wondering what was signified
    by what action Jesus did.

    Reminds me of the tangential learning video I saw a while back on YouTube.

  23. Berzee says:

    Jesus is the best! I love that guy. I’m excited to play this when I get home, particularly as I have a lifelong goal of turning the Bible into computer games.

    • Britpunk says:

      I was sure I had some vague recollection of such a thing existing on the spectrum. According to WOS there wasn’t, but I came across this wonder from the commmodre 64.

    • Wulf says:

      The closest thing I can recall was a game about Noah’s Ark for the PC, which resulted in much laughter. Though I don’t think it was supposed to.

    • Berzee says:

      I played Noah’s Ark for Nintendo for many dozens of hours and thought it was lovely! I don’t know why everyone loathes it so. How often do you get to knock out horses with acorns and heave them bodily into a boat?

  24. FernandoDante says:

    How exactly do you walk on water?

  25. ElArabDeMagnifico says:

    I love the tags – Probably mildly blasphemous.

  26. LightBulb says:

    They should do one on Muhammad next.

    • Wulf says:

      I’d love to see every religion and belief system represented in fun flash games, big and small! Imagine what that would do to open the minds of people as to what has been believed in, past and present.

    • Wisq says:

      Speaking of Moses — for a moment, I honestly thought I was supposed to part the waters rather than just walk on them. Just goes to show how out of touch I am with religion. :)

    • Wulf says:

      I was hoping for an alternate history version. Where Jesus would suck up the waters like Kirby, and then biliously eject them upon reaching the other side!

    • Vinraith says:

      @Wulf

      I’d love to see every religion and belief system represented in fun flash games, big and small! Imagine what that would do to open the minds of people as to what has been believed in, past and present.

      I’m not sure I share your optimism about the results, but at a minimum we’d get some entertaining games that might prompt a few people to see the lighter side of their (and everyone else’s) belief system. Sounds good to me.

  27. mbp says:

    Darn it, Game Over again. I need a walk through for this thing. Don’t suppose anyone knows where I can get one?

  28. The Dark One says:

    The water bit was definitely the hardest part. I was only getting eleven apostles until I realized I was doing more an an E.T. thing than a Jesus thing.

  29. RedFred says:

    Religious types need to lighten up if they think this is insulting.

    This game is great.

  30. Hmm says:

    God forgive all who think this is entertaining or funny. Honestly, is nothing sacred anymore or is the Western civilization so retarded it forgot there are limits to everything?
    Satirical or not, this is just WRONG.

    • Auspex says:

      Honestly though, are there no limits anymore or do some people really think that it is acceptable to suggest a direct link between mental retardation and indifference to others’ beliefs?

    • RedFred says:

      For a while It thought Hmm was maybe a Ubisoft employee.

      But no. Just a troll.

    • Alec Meer says:

      While it does seem incredibly contrary to Christianity’s stated mandate of forgiveness and tolerance for Mr Hmm to take offence and offer insults, let’s not turn this into a torrent of personal attacks, please.

    • Bret says:

      As much as I was expecting it, this is, well, surprisingly non blasphemous.

      Also, fun.

      12 on try 2. Woohoo!

    • bill says:

      What’s worse, this or Steam?

      That beats “Daddy or Chips?” huh?

    • Hmm says:

      “While it does seem incredibly contrary to Christianity’s stated mandate of forgiveness and tolerance”

      Even Jesus got angry and made use of a whip to kick certain people out of a temple – they went too far. Just an example.
      Also, tolerance =/= blind tolerance.

      “for Mr Hmm to take offence and offer insults”

      It’s not me who’s being offended. As for insults, I didn’t point fingers at anyone, so don’t know what your problem is.

  31. Pop says:

    I like – game with religion in it!

    I don’t like – game which misses point of religion!

    Score: 50%!

    On a slightly less silly note, I was thinking: what would a game which represents what Christianity’s about actually look like?

    My understanding (however flawed it may be) is that Christianity says: “You’re messed up. You can’t get to heaven, because you’re just too messed up. Sorry. You can try to be good, but frankly it’d be too little too late. You know it, we know it, bye!

    However Christ/God loves losers like you! And he’s chosen you to live with him as a demi god forever! So, if you give up trying to do things on your own, and accept that Christ took the bullet *you* deserve, then we’re in business!”

    (See I’m hip with the kids! I can modernise an entire century old monothestic religion with the deft typing of my silver fingers, any given Sunday)

    When my company let me, I actually do a little game design professionally, and frankly I don’t see the Christian message making a good game. Which is why I’ve never tried and – unless I have an epiphany fromt the stars – I never will. What would you do? Believe/Not Believe? The 1 second game. :P

    Even Christ himself, if you actually look at what he says and does; he’s too difficult and frankly alien to make work as a game character.

    I think you could possibly do a game where you play as a disciple of Christ. They’re always running around, looking confused, saying and doing all the wrong things. Perfect fit for your average player.

    • Pani says:

      That was one of the best descriptions of Christianity I think I’ve ever heard. I’ll remember that next time someone asks me about it.

  32. neils clark says:

    best. game. ever.

  33. Ergates says:

    Did he kill a lot of people then?

  34. Chiller says:

    The irony of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ Game Over screens totally made my day. Thanks!

  35. Berzee says:

    @RedFred: I see in this comments thread a lot more non-religious-types expecting the game to be decried as offensive, and a lot less religious types actually decrying it. I like it =P After I lost a few times, it made me glad that Jesus is Jesus and I am not, because he does a better job of it.

    @Alec Meer: Christianity hasn’t got a stated mandate of tolerance. It has a stated mandate of forgiveness surely, but tolerance no.

    Isn’t it interesting how as soon as we hear of a game about Jesus, we expect it to be disrespectful? We certainly don’t do that every time we hear of a game about, say, Napoleon, or Ken Griffey Jr.

    • Britpunk says:

      Admittedly I’m agnostic, but I don’t see any disrespectful intent in this whatsoever. The fact that captions for each miracle reference the specific biblical passages suggests that they have more than a passing familiarity with the subject matter. They’ve chose to reference ‘nice’ jesus bits, which suggests a warmth towards the subject matter.

      Furthermore they’ve got us talking, generally respectfully, about bible passages. I think as far as 10 second flash games go, its one of the more thoughtful. I wouldn’t decry those who feel sensitive towards the subject matter, but to quote the big JW: ‘There’s a difference between being offended and being persecuted. And when we, as a society, treated offence as persecution, we belittle persecution.’

    • Lilliput King says:

      ” Christianity hasn’t got a stated mandate of tolerance. It has a stated mandate of forgiveness surely, but tolerance no. ”

      ‘Love thy neighbour’ seems fairly unequivocal on the subject, to be honest.

  36. Christopher says:

    I don’t know. I heard DLC won’t be worth the wait.

  37. Jambe says:

    This thread delivers.

    I was disappointed in the game, however. Not sacrilegious in the slightest. So much uncapitalized potential.

    *sigh*

    Oh, and lol @ Quirk. And Captain Offended-Pants.

  38. Idle Threats & Bad Poetry says:

    Y’know, in times past, I would’ve completely freaked out about this. But today I’ll do something more constructive:

    Lord Jesus,
    You are wonderful. Thank you so much for this season that reminds us of your death for our sins and rise from the dead. Today, the world is so saturated with sensationalism and hype, but it is true–beautifully, eternally true–that your Passion and Resurrection are amazing and wonderful beyond what words can express. You, Lord, are the Word, the one, profound immutable Word that expresses perfectly and completely the heard and mind of the Father.
    Please forgive these people for mocking you. They do not know what they’re doing. It’s so easy to believe you’re nothing but fantasy in this confusing, overwhelming world. I pray that they will be blessed, overtaken by hope, surrendered in faith, and washed pure by your cleansing blood. Only Your Spirit can change hearts, so I pray that You do what my feeble words could never do: make them disciples baptized into the name of Christ Jesus. Give them the peace and joy that only comes from faith in You. Thank you. Amen, indeed.

  39. drewski says:

    Very good indeed. Took me about ten playthroughs to finally get the full 12 though, was having trouble timing my Jesusing through the fourth set of miracles.

  40. Tom (Or Dick, or Harry if you prefer ;-) says:

    Hey Idle Threats Etc. ;-)

    Just wanted to say, first of all that I’ve been a Christian for most of my life, going to be missionary, and hope to be a martyr someday. I don’t wanna troll or anything, but it seems to me that something that is harmless fun (which this is, God created humans with a sense of humor) isn’t disrespectful to God or Christianity.

    And just from my personal experience, there are alot better ways to convince someone of Christianity, than saying “God please forgive all these sinners, which I, thankfully, am not one.” Etc. etc. :-)

    Just lighten up a bit…you’ll find people alot readier to listen :-)

    P.S. check out Luke 18:9-14 (I don’t wanna start a “I’m gonna throw a Bible verse at you, so you can throw one back at me” war…just saying! :-)

    EDIT: On re-reading yours and my post, I realize that you weren’t near as “holier than thou” as I originally thought…sorry about that :-)

  41. Berzee says:

    Admittedly, it’s a pretty uninspired game for gameyness, but in this case the Very Familiar Gameplay works as a vehicle for something else entirely. This is one of those times when you don’t want to have to learn something new in order to see something new.

  42. donut11 says:

    I DO JESUS STUFF EVERY DAY

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