What Year Is This? FEAR 3 FMV Giggles

By Alec Meer on May 19th, 2010 at 9:01 pm.

He must have been a z-list wrestler at some point

I’m waiting for upcoming shooter sequel FEAR 3 to do something to impress me. Something. Anything. Really I am. Could that something be the below exercise in live-action B-movie banality?

“No.”

You should totally watch it, though.

I haaave to ssssssssssay…my BROTHER… hassss developed… QUITE a FLAIR for iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

What year is this? C’mon, that’s just Night Trap without the titillation. It may mean F3 is shaping up to be the comedy game of the year, though – the Troll 2 of first-person shooters. That would be awesome.

Quite prepared to change my tune once I see substantial chunks of the game itself, uninterrupted by footage of Dave The Greasy-Haired Trucker, but this boo-hiss-I’m-sinister-me FMV is bad news, man. Baaaaad news. They couldn’t possibly be planning to put that stuff in the finished game – could they?

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106 Comments »

  1. int says:

    Disappointed they unmasked the Pointman.

    • Optimaximal says:

      Yet still haven’t given him a name!

      They better have some meta-meme brewing to joke about his lack of any real name.

  2. CLD says:

    They really ruined this franchise. I expect this to be worst than the second game.

  3. Jason Moyer says:

    Doesn’t seem any cheesier than the live action shorts they released for the first game.

  4. MarkSide says:

    Never been tempted to brillo-pad my eyes before…

  5. Clovis says:

    Why was Data on fire at the end of that video??

  6. Vadermath says:

    I can’t stress how plain shitty this looks.

  7. Momo the Cow says:

    I’d have something boorish and depressing to say if I weren’t knocked speechless.

  8. Steelfists says:

    FMV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111

  9. Ricc says:

    That’s what you get from hiring John Carpeter to help on your cinematics… Is this the best he can do these days? :/

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      Indeed. But then John Carpenter only made two movies that count: The Thing and Prince of Darkness.

      Everything else doesn’t really matter (and please don’t say Halloween). So, his time ended in the mid 80s. More than 20 years ago.

    • AndrewC says:

      Halloween

    • jaheira says:

      The Fog

    • theleif says:

      And i’ll raise with: In the Mouth of Madness, Big Trouble in Little China, Escape from New York and let’s not forget the awesome Dark Star. But, except for In the Mouth of Madness, they where all made before the 90:s. So well… yeah.

    • Alec Meer says:

      You’re all forgetting They Live.

      Scum, the lot of you.

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      I knew it :p

      Bloody piece of crap that started one of the most asinine genres in the movies industry and that is still going strong. Ugh! How I hate teenager slash horror movies and all the stereotypes associated.

      with one exception…

      There’s this B movie, “Eden Lake”. It’s an interesting twist. Not perfect. But an excellent movie nonetheless if you curb the clinical eye. Not really a slash horror movie but borrows much from the genre. It’s proof of two things:

      a) That slash horror movies are passé. Stop doing it!
      b) British cinema is growing strong.

      If anyone hasn’t seen it, I suggest you do.

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      @theleif
      die!
      @jaheira
      Ugh! Forgot “The Fog”. You are right on that one.

    • AndrewC says:

      Mario! The Fog is minor Carpenter, lacking in incident or threat it is only saved by Dean Cundey’s extraordinary cinematography and Adrienne Barbeau’s boobs!
      And Eden Lake is cheap, chav-hating schlock, no different than Hollywood producing a slasher where the baddies were Mexicans!
      And you can’t hate on a Halloween because it sired a genre full of trash, just as you can’t hate on Doom because most shooters these days are empty, imagination-less grinds!
      Oh! Such blindness! Such hubris! Woe!
      My favourite Carpenter story is, a few years ago, when a film-nerd asked John’s wife what he was up to, she replied that he was sitting on his couch eating fried chicken and playing Rainbow 6!
      I also support John’s dedication to audibly smoking and drinking throughout all his DVD commentaries!
      Rock on, Mr Carpenter, but may I suggest SWAT 4 for your tactical shooting action? And stop making films you tired old has been!

    • Collic says:

      They Live! also has the best fight sequence ever committed to film. Also, Escape from precinct 13.

    • Collic says:

      Ugh make that Assault on Precinct 13. Carpenter brain mush in effect.

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      @AndrewC

      I confess the social innuendo went largely unnoticed by me. I don’t share it with you guys, so I was free to see the movie in another light.

      But “rock on!” on the rest of you comment.

    • DrGonzo says:

      Some of Carpenter’s films are classics but The Fog is hilariously bad imo.

    • Grey_Ghost says:

      Ghost of Mars… nuff said.

    • Chiller says:

      Vampires!

      Wow, I learn new things every day. Happened to see Prince of Darkness on TV a long long time ago, loved it (because of the ending), and until now I had no idea it was one of John Carpenter’s films.

    • Mario Figueiredo says:

      It’s curious. I don’t see The Fog as such a bad movie. I understand Carpenter himself didn’t like it much. But I actually found the movie very effective and well shot.

      It’s movies like Halloween, with just terrible acting, camera positioning and asinine plot that completely throw me out.

      Not that this is anything but debatable (we could go on for years arguing), but yeah, The Fog does get listed on the only 3 movies from John Carpenter that mattered to me.

    • Berzee says:

      Egads, this was made by the man responsible for Dark Star?

      That explains EVERYTHING.

      Wow…-_-

    • Poltergeist says:

      Hah, I didn’t know this were made by John Carpenter, but I was reminded of Escape from New York because of how the main protagonist looks. I’m a huge Carpenter fan, but this was really bad! Did he also write the lines? Whatever happened to him?

    • RedFred says:

      Hating on Halloween is like hating on Wolfenstein 3D. Sure it sucks now, but back then. WOW.

  10. Linfosoma says:

    Im still waiting for FEAR 2 to go down to $10 so I can finally buy it. The current price of $20 is way too much considering the quality of the demo.

  11. Smeghammer says:

    I miss Pre-AVP2 monolith.

    This is being developed by monolith right?

    • Sonic Goo says:

      It’s actually being made by another studio, under some sort of supervision from Monolith. So hopefully they’re working on something cool again.

    • ZIGS says:

      Actually, no. Day 1 Studios is developing. I guess Monolith is too busy working on NOLF3… :trollface:

  12. ThePieSpy says:

    Reminds me of those corny airsoft Call of Duty tributes. Oh also, I love how he is staring at the back of the receiver instead of down the sight when he’s firing.

  13. Manfromtheweb says:

    Oh please, merciful God, say that they weren’t being serious with that trailer. Please.

  14. Mistabashi says:

    That was… just, awful…

    Such a truly awful, awful thing, words cannot even describe it. Except the word awful, if you repeat it enough times that it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore, just an awful sound you keep making in an attempt to deal with the awful, awful thing you just saw. Awful.

  15. bleeters says:

    My eyes feel violated.

  16. Tei says:

    The worst:

    Wen people that has ripped a idea ( the scary girl from The Ring) don’t know his sources.
    People, have the decency to know who are you stealing from.

    • James G says:

      Creepy children have been a standard staple of horror since the dawn of the genre. (Then again, I’ve neither played FEAR nor seen either version of The Ring, so it may be that TV crawling girl and Alma(?) have more in common than beeing creepy dark haired, presumably dead girls)

    • Collic says:

      It’s not really a new idea. Look at the exorcist, don’t look now, the twins from the shining, poltergeist etc etc. Rule number one of horror: take something completely nonthreatening, or ordinary, and make it terrifying

    • Tom OBedlam says:

      Yeah, wot James said, basically. Paedophobia is one of the best Horror conventions about, c.f. Children of the Corn. Damn good film.

    • Tei says:

      Except in the video, the girl look like 22 years old, and has not hair hidding his face.

  17. nayon says:

    I actually think that was quite awesome :D as in ‘so bad it’s good’

  18. Josh says:

    This rings like the DOOM comic. I was impressed with FEAR, never played more than the demo of FEAR2. Not sure I’d even watch gameplay of F3AR.

  19. dethtoll says:

    Day 1 Studios made the console versions of FEAR 1.

    I refuse to watch the live-action stuff, and that boxart is simply godawful. Now, I quite liked FEAR 2, but Condemned 2 was just plain silly, and it seems things are going further down this road. Sadface.

  20. Kak says:

    Man, I loved the original FEAR. I even loved FEAR 2, couldn’t really understand what people thought was wrong with it. But this is just depressing…

    • GS says:

      it was consolified crap, it even had a “press enter to start” screen ffs

    • James G says:

      Two of my favourite games this year have a press enter to start. (Mass Effect 2, Just Cause 2)
      Granted both of them have a strong console influence, but neither were crap.

    • Collic says:

      Fear 2 wasn’t terrible, it just want as tense or spectacularly violent as the original. It felt like a ’2′ in other words – it was a lot better than the other games released after one though.

  21. Okami says:

    Gentlemen, we might just have found gaming’s Citizen Kane!

    • Starky says:

      You mean a vastly overrated film for faux-intellectuals (usually film students) to wax-lyrical about?
      Lets hope so – but I suspect soon gaming will find it’s Citizen Kane, once a generation of “game design students” settle on something.

    • WildeAnarchist says:

      If a “faux-intellectual” calls “faux-intellectual” on another “faux intellectual”… does it make a sound?

    • Okami says:

      @Starky: I have no idea what I mean with that, since I’ve never seen the damn movie. And neither have 90% of gamers, critics and developers who use the phrase, I’d bet.

    • Mr Labbes says:

      Citizen Kane is actually a pretty good movie, both from a film-making perspective (as in cuts etc.), but even before I was interested in that, I really liked it.
      It’s a far cry from being my favorite movie or the best thing I have ever seen, but it holds up until today.
      (Much like Metropolis, which is a far better movie, though)

    • Tom OBedlam says:

      @starky What’s with the hostility? There’s nothing ‘faux’ about taking academic interest in films, books, paintings, sculpture, etc. Thats remarkably close minded.

    • Starky says:

      Don’t get me wrong, I have great respect for Citizen Kane, unlike most who use the phrase I have seen it, in a cinema no less (and several times on DVD).
      It’s a great technical achievement for it’s day – but frankly it’s the Blizzard game of it’s day – very few of the techniques it used (deep focus, camera angles, narrative style) were totally original (examples of each can be found pre-dating it), but it did put a fresh spin on them and use them in a highly effective and polished way.

      No, my hate for Citizen Kane is not for the film itself, but the endless cue of fools who proclaim it as the greatest example of cinema, untouchable and immortal (and I include Roper in that “fool”) – the endless line of film students who spend a few months breaking it down, and getting repeatedly told how it is the greatest until they believe it an original thought and perpetuate it Ad nauseam.
      Last debate I had with someone over Citizen Kane was more like having a debate with a creationist about natural selection than a debate about it’s role in the history of cinema.

      Still, it’s a fairly dull film which drags in the middle, good technical achieve – importaint more for it’s real worl impact and the history surrounding the film, than the film itself in my opinion. The media war it caused at the time was more intresting than the film itself.
      Honestly I think it gained the critical acclaim more for it’s subject matter than anything else – in the 60s (when started to gain it’s reputation as greatest ever) a film that mocks a media tycoon, and which caused such real life uproar is as appealing to a film critic as a movie taking the piss out of bill gates would be for Mac fans.

      It’s fine debating it’s merits, what techniques it used in a fresh way, or even used for the first time (and there are a few), discussing the history around it and Orson wells and the battle he had with William Randolph Hearst is very intresting.

      But my counter to any “Citizen Kane is the” followed by best, greatest, or such is simply…
      “The Mona Lisa is the best painting EVAR!”

      By which I mean, is it one of the greats? Sure, is it vastly importaint in the history of the art form? Yes. But is it the best? No, don’t be stupid of course not.

      Citizen Kane is by far the most interesting boring film ever made.

    • Mr Labbes says:

      Interesting point, I can’t really argue with you about that, as it seems you know far more about the movie and its surroundings than I do. Truth be told, I don’t really care about the Mona Lisa, as important as it may be, it’s just not a compelling painting.

    • Berzee says:

      I stopped reading after you implied natural selection is unassailable.

      Should I watch Citizen Kane? I WILL DO IT

    • Starky says:

      Natural Selection is pretty much unassailable, some minor aspects of it may still be up for clarification, or correction, but all in all the theory has withstood 150 years of peer review and falsification. Things undiscovered at the time Darwin wrote the theory have only added to the mountain of evidence supporting it (DNA being the primary example). Though much of it has been updated, revised and added too as we learned more about the process of evolution, the basic principle remains as true now as it was when Darwin first wrote it.

      Anyone who denies evolution via the process of natural selection is frankly an idiot – often uninformed or mislead idiots (those people I can forgive), often wilfully ignorant (those I cannot).

      There is a stack of evidence that would fill enough pages in enough books to cover the entire surface of the earth in books at this point, and natural selection is still the best theory we have explain what that evidence.
      Unassailable? No, nothing in science is – but natural selection is about as close as it comes – but if someone else comes up with a better explanation, I’ll embrace it happily.

      After all when Newtons law of Gravity was replaced by Einstein’s theory of general relativity gravity didn’t stop existing because scientists started using a new equation.
      Nor will evolution via natural selection stop – the fact is it happens. Natural Selection is just currently our best description of it.

  22. the wiseass says:

    Enough with that FEAR crap already, give me NOLF3 and SHOGO 2!

    • suibhne says:

      I’m pretty sure FEAR 2 demonstrates that they’ve lost all capability to make NOLF 3 or SHOGO 2.

  23. Flatfingers says:

    The original was fun, as might be reasonably expected from the makers of NOLF. The unnecessarily restrictive (considering the story) limit on what weapons you could carry detracted a bit from the fun, but otherwise it was well done. (The video playthrough with commentary by the developers was something I wish was a part of more Special Editions.)

    FEAR2, though… sigh. Another bad port of a creatively impoverished console shooter, complete with “you don’t need a quicksave/quickload feature” attitude.

    For now, I don’t expect to be spending any of my money on F3AR.

    • Thants says:

      The original is so bland, especially considering it came from the makers of NOLF. The actual shooting mechanics are well done, but the entire game is running through the same featureless, identical offices and shooting the same, faceless identical badguys.

    • Spacewalk says:

      I think to truly enjoy the first game you would have had to have worked a dead-end job in an office.

    • Jason Moyer says:

      I enjoyed both games. I think the biggest thing that the sequel was missing was the mystery of the first game, where you really didn’t know what was going on until late in the game. Neither of the unofficial expansions captured that, and the sequel really didn’t make me scratch my head until the final sequence.

  24. noom says:

    Must be missing something. I found that quite enjoyable. Am drunk though, so mleh; critical faculties currently disabled I guess…

    • MD says:

      I thought it was pretty good too! And I’m not drunk. To me it felt like standard Hollywood bullshit, camped up a notch and professionaled down a couple of notches, making it kind of good in a silly way.

  25. stahlwerk says:

    Is he aiming through the barrell? Or was that a sensible depiction of gun-holding, 1:27-1:35?

    Also: BRRRRROTHER

  26. Navagon says:

    I see the Ready Brek Kid is all grown up now.

  27. the_magma says:

    erm ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13?

    • the_magma says:

      obviously that was a reply to the misguided RICC above….

    • the_magma says:

      goddam it, misguided mario. i give up at the interwebs.

      Soz RICC

  28. HermitUK says:

    Paxton Fettel walking in wearing a lava lamp costume may well now be my comedy highlight of the year.

    • Bret says:

      Hey, more than six months left. Might be something even better at some point. Hard to imagine now, of course, but who saw this coming?

  29. Yanko says:

    And then big companies weep and weep about how they’re increasingly losing money because of piracy. Stop spending it on crap like that, maybe you’ll increase profits =P

  30. Thiefsie says:

    This makes me want to not play Fear 3.

    On the other hand I really do want to watch Troll 2!

  31. Rick says:

    Seriously, I can’t be the only person who enjoyed FEAR 2. Wasn’t brilliant, but it wasn’t “that” bad.

    • Navagon says:

      I enjoyed it. Especially for the fiver I spent on it. :D As a straightforward shooter it really isn’t bad at all. I think that the problem people have with it is that it’s supposed to be scary.

  32. Dufake says:

    If the origin is so bland, there won’t be a sequel.

    FEAR2 isn’t bad, but it just like modern warfare.
    There are great narrative, but gameplay is very dull and repetitive.

    Exactly a console shooter, NO DOUBT.
    It’s not a game for hardcore player.

    • Shalrath says:

      “FEAR2 isn’t bad, but it just like modern warfare.
      There are great narrative
      , but gameplay is very dull and repetitive.”

      Please someone tell me I’m reading this wrong…

  33. Vandelay says:

    Argh! And not even “Argh!” at the bad cinematic. “Argh!” at this obviously going to be a co-op game from what they showed. FEAR is the kind of game that should be all about the atmosphere, atmosphere that would be ruined if you were nattering to someone else whilst playing. It is the kind of game you should want to play alone in a dark room with the speakers turned right up, taking the game nice and slow.

    I’ve not played the second beyond the demo, but the first managed to do this for me, getting both the horror and action sections just about right. The main problem was that that two didn’t gel very well, but they worked great individually. We don’t really get a good look at the action in this video, what with all the quick cuts, but a couple of those monsters look like they might be able to merge the scares with the action a bit more successfully.

    Hopefully, this won’t be the co-op game it appears to be and that Fattel won’t be around very much. And hopefully they have brought back the feel of the original gun battles and the amazing AI, which seemed to have disappeared in the demo to the sequel.

    • Bret says:

      Haven’t you read your Stoppard?

      The uncanny is most uncanny with two. One guy sees something freaky? “I’m hallucinating, right?”. Two? “Did you.. just see that?” “If you’re thinking… I think so. Yeah.” “Crap. Things are getting weird.”

      Of course, that doesn’t help so much with jump scares, come to think. Or if the other party is an expletive spewing teenage moron. Or…

      A lot of things. You’re probably right.

  34. Shalrath says:

    So, shittily named sequels due to numbers:

    Fuh-three-arr
    and Th-ee-fore-aff?

  35. Brendan C says:

    He looks like Eric Cantona, if someone gave him a gun and told him not to wash until the Ffthreeear release date.

  36. Zogtee says:

    Well, this settles the question if gaming is art or not…

    Totally disregarding the FMV (ffs give Carpenter a budget and a decent script to work with, also Assault on Precinct 13, you twats), does the brief flashes of actual gameplay look worse that Fear 2? :(

  37. dufake says:

    Good narrative is not equal to good story or good writing…….

    Good writing and good narrative make a good story.

    About Modern warefare……..that’s just my feeling.
    They are shooting galleries.
    No one can’t flank replicas in PO, because there’s no path which allow to do it.

  38. dufake says:

    >No one can’t flank replicas in PO, because there’s no path which allow to do it.

    correct

    No one can flank replicas in PO, because there’s no path which allow to do it.

    • Heliocentric says:

      You’ve got it wrong, he’s actually a grammar nazi who is being subversive.

  39. Sulkdodds says:

    THIS IS GLORIOUS

  40. Choca says:

    Well, you can’t deny that this was a scary trailer. Not in a good way, but still.

  41. BigglesB says:

    Wow, paintballing looks fun!

    Also, but cutting from live action to in game graphics actually highlighted every single uncanny valley in the latter, making both look extremely shit…

  42. Novotny says:

    I am absolutely, horrifically embarrassed by this. Who is responsible for this shit? I like to consider myself a kindly soul, capable of excusing the foibles of menfolk as I hope others will forgive mine, but hot damn – someone/some people need to be utterly vilified for this. Dragged over hot coals, poked with sticks, pointed at and generally ridiculed.

    Utter, turgid bollocks that a 13 year-old would feel ashamed of.

    Reducing my hobby to this level incenses me.

  43. MD says:

    I really don’t understand the consternation! It’s roughly as stupid as 95% of all mainstream game and film trailers, while taking itself less seriously. I’m not sure exactly where it’s pitched on the deadpan—-pisstake continuum, but unless I’m horrendously misjudging this then it’s certainly not deadpan.

    Obviously it’s nothing brilliant, but I feel so much less offended by this than by the ‘serious’ trailers churned out for equally vacuous games. They are an insult to my intelligence; this is just silly.

  44. Thingus says:

    The fact that they used at least three violin-climbs-with-a-sudden-cutoffs speakes volumes about the amount and quality of horror we should be seeing. But hey, it made me giggle.
    Probably won’t buy, though.

  45. oceanclub says:

    I see Fear 2 is selling for £7 quid at the moment – worth it?
    I just finished Wolfenstein I just bought cheap and really enjoyed it; I think after a long time playing RPGs, I’m just ready for some plain old-fashioned put-the-cursor-on-the-man’s-head-’til-he-dies action.
    Oh, and that video; 1992 is calling, they want Shannon Whirry back.
    P.

    • Heliocentric says:

      To be honest, play through the demo 6 times and you’ll have a reasonably similar experience to the game, and i like the game. It just happens to have an extremely representative demo.

      I actually just got tropico 3 and i feel the same, the demo was practically the game.

    • Zogtee says:

      It is worth it, barely. Steer clear of the DLC, because that is not worth paying anything for.

  46. Subject 706 says:

    Aargh I need to wash my eyes and brain of this travesty. Someone should keel-haul the entire marketing department.

  47. RedFred says:

    Game of the year. I called it first.

  48. ChrisMathers says:

    Wow. Everyone has a problem with this trailer. It’s as if the developers grabbed you, held you down and shoved a pineapple up your butt you whiners are complaining so much. You see a badass trailer and go “herp derp, it sucks because it looks like an 80s horror movie duhrr!” …even though some of the best horror movies came out in the 80s… And here I thought FEAR was supposed to be this big epic series with tons of fans. Which is funny because I don’t think I can see too many REAL fans here. Just the same dicks who talk on cellphones at movies, miss half of it, have no idea what’s going on, and then complain like it was a crappy movie.

    And yes, the DooM comic was quite simply pure awesomeness with a side of fries. To quote Yahtzee it couldn’t be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire.

  49. warth0g says:

    I think the point about Citizen Kane is that it’s not the best movie ever (you’re right, it drags a bit) but that it’s one of the most influential and experimental movies ever. I can’t think of many movies (excepting early silent films that were essentially inventing as they went) that have shoe-horned in so many technical experiments into one film and creating something quite unique for the time.

    It is a wet-dream for film students everywhere, and quite rightly, but it’s not necessarily going to win that many fans from people less interested in the more academic nature of film.