By Jim Rossignol on June 2nd, 2010 at 5:36 am.
Valve have sent out a transmission announcing the cancellation of their E3 Portal 2 event, and its replacement with “a surprise”. As press invitations go, it’s an odd one. I’ve posted the text below…
Dear Subject Name Here,
Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.
If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.
Thank you for < RECORD SCRATCH!!! >
PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.
But Portal 2 is still being shown at E3. So that’s good.
Ooooh.. No I have nothing useful to say.
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Episode 3.
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Half life and portal were tending towards each other before, perhaps the overlap is going to become more pronounced.
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Left 4 Dead 3
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10 currency it’s going to be Ep 3.
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Mug’s bet and we both know it.
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Portal 3.
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Team Fortress 3
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Duke Nukem Forever + Cake :D
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Duke Nukem Forever is a lie.
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They finished putting makeup on Counter Strike Source that would make a ten dollar whore shameful?
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the green box
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HAH! I hope so :)
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L4D3 would be superhilarious. It would make my day to see the interwebs engulfed by Angry Internet Men.
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Well, the Angry Internet Men can sod off. I want L4D3, and I don’t see why I should have to wait 6 years for it just to create an increased perception of value for a bunch of pillocks.
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Wait your turn plugmonkey.
Some of us would like some new single-player goodness for first time in ages.
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I wonder if they’ve considered hiring that third employee, so that they could do both.
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@plugmonkey: That made me chuckle.
Remember everybody: L4D and L4D2 didn’t really slow down the development of Ep 3 or HL3 or whatever, as they weren’t developed by Valve proper. They were developed by Turtle Rock, which Valve bought and re-branded. Valve had some input, but the bulk of the work was by people who had nothing to do with Half-Life.
The blame for all the Half-Life delays could much more accurately be placed at the feet of all those beloved “free” TF2 updates, which is what single-player advocates really should be complaining about. They don’t, because the TF2 brigades would eat them alive. Portal 2 shares some of the blame too.
Of course, the *real* reason is the same as it always is: Valve works on Valve Time.
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@Jad
Except that’s not really true.
Yeah, Left4Dead was a fair way along when Valve aquired Turtle Rock – but they Valve tested it and retooled and redesigned it quite heavily.
Then, the whole reason given for L4D2 coming out so quickly (except for some of the rather glaring flaws of the original) was that “everybody at Valve chooses what they work on”, and pretty much the entire company wanted to work on L4D2. So they did and got it done unusally quickly by Valve standards – this must necessarily have been at the expense of time spent on other projects.
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This has better be epsiode 3.
Also, my birthday is June 14th. If Valve doesn’t give me EP3, they are not invited to my party. >:(
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Come on, valve, pretty please. There will be cake… Pwease :’(
…
Also, E3 on E3. Yeah, horrible joke.
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Prospero.
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HALF-LIFE 3
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Which will be Portal and Episode 3 combined.
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My guess is the dota project.
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What dota project?
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The thing they hired IceFrog for!
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Valve hired IceFrog to work on a project “sure to interest the DotA community” some while back.
As for Cohrek’s prediction: if this isn’t EP3, heads will ROLL.
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While that project might be a good game, I certainly doubt Valve would use Portal 2 as a marketing campaign for it. Something like that would only make sense for a HL game.
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DoD2: Modern Warfare 3
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Ep3 is the only thing I want announced.
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Yes, and battlefield 3
But i’ve heard valve can’t do much about that…sadly
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Sometimes, you just have to love Valve. Also, all other times inbetween.
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We’re Valve. Even our press releases are clever and stylish.
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We’ve been waiting for ep. 3 for a small eternity. Valve is not known for launching new game franchises suddenly and without warning, and certainly wouldn’t think that such a project deserves their grand big happy fun surprise spot over Portal 2.
So unless they’ve been suddenly stricken with horrible retardation, I honestly can’t think of anything but Episode 3.
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“suddenly stricken with horrible retardation”
This phrase made me laugh out loud. I suppose this is the kind of thing that can happen to a person as they simply walk down the street? Scary…
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The new event is just to announce new hats for TF2.
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I love to recognize Old Man Murray’s writing style in these. Minus all the cursing, of course, but still.
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So, send out mass emails to Doug?
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Opposing Force 2.
(Is Gearbox still working on Borderlands, or have they started their new project by now? Probably both, actually.)
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It would be awesome if there was a opposing force 2, since the half life series is epic.
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There actually exists an Opposing Force 2 mod: http://www.moddb.com/mods/opposing-force-2
Personally, I can’t say I approve of mods that try to draw a new major chapter with canon Half-Life characters or events. I mean, side stories like Minerva or whatever are cool, but I’d prefer if people left the big things to Valve.
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Just trying to read the ModDB entry for it is painful…
This will die like all the other overambitious, under planned modifications.
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Gabe Newell will perform the Dance of the Seven Veils.
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Dear sweet lord…my interior brain eyes!
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Arrrrgh! Someone beat me to it!
But yeah. Gabe is gonna shake it.
It will be surprising, to say the least.
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I’m fairly sure this means that the journalists there are going to be fed slowly into an incinerator pit. So, watch out for that.
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We can but hope. Luckily our RPS boys are forewarned and will fling themselves to freedom.
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This made me laugh.
Also, Episode 3 (aka. HL3, amirite?).
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NOOOOO!!!!
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YEESSS!!!!
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MAYBEEEE!!!
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There are only two possibilities; Either it will be a showcase of Episode 3, or it will be Portal 2, and the Portal 2 surprise will be the fact that it actually isn’t canceled.
Frankly, the latter seems like something Glados would do.
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Gordon Freeman in the 10th class. He will have a portal gun and a gravity gun, and will only be able to make kills by flinging people up to hit the skybox and down again, or catapulting you off the map. No-one will play TF2 ever again.
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@Rakysh. I read that as Gordon will only be able to kill people by fingering them up the skybox which sounded nasty. Especailly considering the gloves on his suit.
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Valve will start selling zombie make-ups. It will be a HUGE SUCCESS both for male and female emo people. It will be bigger than the iPod and Twilight COMBINED.
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also hats
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Did anyone guess “Portal 2 is Episode 3″ yet?
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If it isn’t Episode 3, I will throw ROCKS!
…and by rocks, I mean I won’t do anything. But pout. Oh, how I’ll pout.
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Gabe Newell steps before a large projector, face reflecting a quiet pride and earnest though content countenance. Doug Lombardi steps up to his side and whispers some inscrutable words where upon Gabe departs via the wings and we don’t hear his reassuring and dulcet, indeed cherubic words.
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When they announced there would be more at E3 I’d assumed then they meant something other than more Portal 2 info – given that the Game Informer preview was very comprehensive in that regard anyway.
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An announcement of the ‘colour-other-than-orange box’, which includes Ep3, Portal 2, and Black Mesa!
One can dream right?
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Insert witty comment here.
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Half-Life 2 Episodes? Ha! More like Half-Life 2 Wait-A-F%#@ing-Whiles, amirite?
I am rite. :mad:
There. Witty comment inserted.
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I reckon you’ll all turn up there, get shepherded into the main hall and be subjected to sleeping gas, subsequently waking up in one of aperture science’s holding cells, where a familiar voice will guide you through a real-life version of Portal 2.
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I read that in the voice of GlaDOS.
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GLaD I’m not the only one!
Roll on E3 is all I can say
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It’s going to to be the TF2 engineer update, including his new weapon… the portal gun.
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i say tech demo of source2 featuring alyx holding a portal gun
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Portal 2 is Episide 3 and will reveal as a prequel of HALO, it will be called “Portal 2: Chronicles Of The Sport”, and will be published by EA Sports.
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What if Portal 2 IS Episode 3?
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You just blew mi mind!
But seriously – if they do that it would be a cop-out. I want my full-sized Portal game and my full-sized end of the episodes please, no middle ground.
Only such thing I’d look forward would be if somehow Half-life 3 combines features of both but that would be a ludicrously huge and complex project that we’d have to wait another 4-5 years for…
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3 to 4 years for? Wait…
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Oh, it has to be HL3. It has to be!
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It’s going to be Ricochet 2. Mark my words.
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Nay, make that RICHOCHET 3!
And BEJEWELED 3!
Merry Christmas.
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Haha, you beat me to it. But no, it would be Ricochet Source.
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You’re doing ti wrong, it has to be 3!
wait…
Ricoch3t: Sourc3
Oh yeah, I think I’ll take a break now.
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@sfury:
Sorry this is RPS. We say Ricochthreet: Sourcthree around here.
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It’ll probably just be a small ethics module that you have to drop into the incinerator, AGAIN.
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Half-Life 2: Anti Phase
You take the role of a dissatisfied metro cop, unhappy about the suppression he must enforce, but who continues to do so to keep his loved ones safe. Initially you target the rebels, engaging in raids and disrupting their supply lines; but you finally fight back against the combine from within after deciding that enough is enough.
All the way through the game you unwittingly bring about various circumstances that take place for Gordon Freeman in the events of Half-Life 2 and in the end, as you face down an army of Combine supersoldiers, time slows and G-Man steps out of the shadows to congratulate you on your role as a useful pawn before locking you away in stasis for future use.
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I would play this game.
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A half-life game from the point of view of one of the metrocops?
BRILLIANT
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You just described the minerva mod to a degree.
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Portal 2 will be front and center at the Microsoft presentation with GLADOs voice and gameplay section on stage, that’s my guess.
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it will be ep3, but if it will be hl3 should be better :D
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New IP
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It was all a dream.
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No, they were all in the purgatory!
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L4D3
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Day of Defeat 3. You heard it here first.
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“Deploying surprise in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 …”
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@pimorte Oh my! they’re going to flood the convention center with a deadly neurotoxin!
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The black box…!
Of Oceanic 815.
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I knew it! John Locke lives!
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I can think of at least four possibilities:
1: Valve will announce “Source Go”, a new version of the Source engine, to be used on portable platforms such as the IPhone, IPod and IPad. Along with this we may also see a new version of the Steamworks SDK, which will handle cross-platform achivements and save-games. The first games to hit the App store may be the original Half-Life along with its expansion packs. Maybe.
2: Half Life (episode) 3. ‘Nuff said.
3: Joss Whedon to direct “Half Life, The Motion Picture”, or TV series. There have been some rumours going about that…
4: LFD 3. Please, Gawd no.
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I think if Valve were to sponsor a new series of Firefly they’d instantly become even more popular.
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New surprise: Nathan Fillion will voice Gordon Freeman.
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Steam for Linux.
You heard it here first!
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Surprised not more people have said this. I’m gonna go for that… Steam + Source Engine games for Linux.
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Nah, I don’t think so. Not really sure why Valve wouldn’t have waited a couple of weeks and launched Mac and Linux compatability at once if that’s the case. Or why Linux would get much more fanfare that Mac did.
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Because Linux > Mac, of course.
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Impulse, Steam and Direct2Drive will merge, and will use GOG lack of DRM. Any game buy in Impulse, will show in Steam and Direct2Drive and GOG.
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now that I think about it, that would be a bad thing. since will kill different prices, and different location availability, and will invoque the “one basket, all eggs” problem.
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I think it will be a combination of Portal 2 + Episode 3.
From Portal and Ep2 we saw that both games are related. Aperture Science owns the ship Borealis. And if in Ep3 we are going there. It would make sense to release both together.
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ACTUALLY: I’m surprised no one has jokingly or non-jokingly suggested Counter-Strike 2 yet. Gabe said they were working on it last year, recently there was an update to CS:S, I wouldn’t be too surprised if CS2 was the surprise.
That or the un-named project from the DOTA guy.
If it’s not either of those or Ep. 3, then I will be genuinely surprised.
Also: Prospero? You get 5 Internet Points for that one. ;)
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That last comment was supposed to be in reply to Oak, who mentioned the game Valve almost made instead of Half Life.
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OMFG! I bet you they actually managed to build the ASHPD! sweet mother!
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Valve:
“We are happy to announce that we have been acquired by Acitivsion. All marketing, funding and IP now belongs to them.”
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu
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Not true btw, but imagine if thats what they said :(:(
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DO NOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT THIS I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE
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3: Joss Whedon to direct “Half Life, The Motion Picture”, or TV series. There have been some rumours going about that…
Portal: The Musical, starring Felicia Day as Chell.
Anyway, clearly the surprise is a cake.
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The surprise is Portal 2 & Episode 3 are one and the same thing.
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The surprise is that nobody reads each others comments and shout the same jokes into the ether.
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Part of the fun! ;)
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Heh, you’re right – my comment sounds more like grumpyness reading it back than the mild amusement I was actually feeling.
The surprise is a planned trilogy of full-length spin-off games about DOG.
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Welcome to the internet. Please enjoy your stay.
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No surprise there – actually quite the opposite – it’s expected.
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You really want 10 RMB? that’s like 70 US cents.
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Surely a surprise is unpredicatable. So I’m hoping its something no-one has thought of.
Valves current IP is fantastic, but wouldn’t it be better for them to create even more new games?
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The surprise will be… Portal 2.
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Left 4 Dead 3 AND FOUR, ha-ha!
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MajorManiac:
No. It would be better if they just released Episode 3.
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You read that post in the voice of GLaDOS
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The surprise is that nobody reads each others comments and shout the same jokes into the ether.
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Heheh
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Episode 3 PERIOD
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That would be a very strange subtitle.
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Episode 3 PERIOD: The Menstruation Chronicles
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Alyx Vance is a playable character and goes into red-tinged bullet time when it’s “that time of month.”
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“Counter-Strike 2 Terrorist Zombies”, a tactical singleplayer game where you have to rescue survivors from a zombie infected city. Will play in a strategy map (much like X-COM), but the deployement will play like a Tactical FPS, where you give orders to the other members of the Squad.
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Was I the only one reading that in glados’ voice in my head?
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Steam for Linux.
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Gabe Newell is the living prove that the cake is not a lie, so the surprise can’t really be cake related.
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All valve gamers (myself included) will be asked to put on their headphones simultaneously at a given time, participating in an online witchcraft experiment. At 1:00 into the little song, everyone’s head explodes.
You heard it here first.
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Snap @ June 14th birthday woot!
Please Valve make this the best birthday evar.
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(reply to Janxer)
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I bet no-one else read that In GLaDOS’ voice like I did…
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Portal 2 starring Gordon McBadass Freeman is Episode 3. Valve saves development time and money. Snow environments as sterile and white as those in Portal 1. This is what will happen.
Damn, it’s already been suggested but I’ve worked to hard to waste it.
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“Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.”
I would murder at least several kittens for that job title…
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Portal 2. The surprise is they were lying about the surprise not being portal 2.
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Half Life 2: Episode Portal
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Gordon Freeman meets the companion cube!
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Valve to announce Half Life: the MMO.
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Could it be, that this is a lie? I mean, I read it in GLADoS, which comes with a heaping load of salt, but could it be just a lie? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time Valve lied, I mean, really, episodic content was a lie, a lie that allowed for Portal to be born and all evils done by Valve to be erased by its greatness, but still a lie.
More Games- Check
Shorter Games- Check
Less Time Between Games- X
I love Valve for the things that they do, just not necessarily the ways that they do them, or is it the other way around?
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Nobody has mentioned that we could see a Half-Life movie. Even though the story hasn’t been ‘played’ yet, HL the movie would blow my mind to infinity and back :)
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SteamHats. Any hat you win in TF2, will be usable on all other Source games (L4D1, Portal, Counter-Strike, etc..)
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Hats in Vampire: The Masquerade and Dark Messiah? I’m in!
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@Vadermath
You gettting the Demoman to do your dirty work ?
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Left 4 Portal
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Ricochet: Source
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Alien Swarm: Infested
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PowerPlay!! Or, at least, a belated endorsement for PowerPlay from John Carmack. For the last 10 years, Gabe has forced some poor Computing Science student to sit in a basement and MAKE IT WORK, using Black Mathematics and human sacrifice! Apparently, that kid is now part of the Internet.
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Valve will show how they have merged Plants vs Zombies, Peggle, DotA, TF2, and Portal into a singular game that will be played by wearing a hat. Mark my words Valve will revolutionize the ‘games-in-a-hat’ industry.
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If a Half Life/Portal crossover title is announced, I’ll amuse myself imagining the mute awkwardness of a meeting between Gordon Freeman and Chell.
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Minerva: Chronoclasm!
Please Valve? Or at least, after the surprise, put CargoCult in an office and don’t let him out until he’s made some more mods.
okthxbai
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I don’t like surprises that don’t end with “episode 3.” I hope I like this surprise.
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ALL WRONG! Its going to be icefrog’s game
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They’ll have a real GLaDOS there, who promises cake, but lies and goes berserk flooding E3 with Neurotoxins killing the fat people who can’t run and don’t make it out in time.
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I finally just got around to playing and finishing the first Portal. Of course I loved it and now the wait begins for the sequel. Gotta figure out what to do until then.
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ValveWearableKeyboard: Keyboards are now for more than typing, wear your PC style around!
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Engineer update :P
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So was this a real actual event that was cancelled or an alternate reality event which an alternate reality RPS was invited to with the cancellation notice crossing realities when Lamar jumped onto the control panel during transmission.
And to think this post actually started out as a genuine serious question.
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Stop it man you’re twisting my noodle like a hybrid grav/portal canon
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I’m hoping it’s a new Left 4 Dead, just so I can see the “Get L4D3″ adds/mock ups.
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The surprise is a lie
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LOLOLOLOL love the PS. That record scratch was rather surprising.
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That’s incredibly specific and I want to be on record as saying I’d love for you to be correct. :D
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