“A Note From Aperture Science”

By Jim Rossignol on June 2nd, 2010 at 5:36 am.


Valve have sent out a transmission announcing the cancellation of their E3 Portal 2 event, and its replacement with “a surprise”. As press invitations go, it’s an odd one. I’ve posted the text below…

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for < RECORD SCRATCH!!! >

PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

But Portal 2 is still being shown at E3. So that’s good.

__________________

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168 Comments »

  1. skalpadda says:

    Ooooh.. No I have nothing useful to say.

  2. Soulless One says:

    Episode 3.

    • HexagonalBolts says:

      Half life and portal were tending towards each other before, perhaps the overlap is going to become more pronounced.

  3. Saucy says:

    Left 4 Dead 3

  4. TCM says:

    10 currency it’s going to be Ep 3.

  5. CLD says:

    Portal 3.

  6. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    Team Fortress 3

  7. McGruber says:

    Duke Nukem Forever + Cake :D

  8. offcrcartman says:

    They finished putting makeup on Counter Strike Source that would make a ten dollar whore shameful?

  9. TheSombreroKid says:

    the green box

  10. Esc says:

    L4D3 would be superhilarious. It would make my day to see the interwebs engulfed by Angry Internet Men.

    • plugmonkey says:

      Well, the Angry Internet Men can sod off. I want L4D3, and I don’t see why I should have to wait 6 years for it just to create an increased perception of value for a bunch of pillocks.

    • Rich says:

      Wait your turn plugmonkey.
      Some of us would like some new single-player goodness for first time in ages.

    • plugmonkey says:

      I wonder if they’ve considered hiring that third employee, so that they could do both.

    • Jad says:

      @plugmonkey: That made me chuckle.

      Remember everybody: L4D and L4D2 didn’t really slow down the development of Ep 3 or HL3 or whatever, as they weren’t developed by Valve proper. They were developed by Turtle Rock, which Valve bought and re-branded. Valve had some input, but the bulk of the work was by people who had nothing to do with Half-Life.

      The blame for all the Half-Life delays could much more accurately be placed at the feet of all those beloved “free” TF2 updates, which is what single-player advocates really should be complaining about. They don’t, because the TF2 brigades would eat them alive. Portal 2 shares some of the blame too.

      Of course, the *real* reason is the same as it always is: Valve works on Valve Time.

    • CMaster says:

      @Jad
      Except that’s not really true.
      Yeah, Left4Dead was a fair way along when Valve aquired Turtle Rock – but they Valve tested it and retooled and redesigned it quite heavily.

      Then, the whole reason given for L4D2 coming out so quickly (except for some of the rather glaring flaws of the original) was that “everybody at Valve chooses what they work on”, and pretty much the entire company wanted to work on L4D2. So they did and got it done unusally quickly by Valve standards – this must necessarily have been at the expense of time spent on other projects.

  11. Janxer says:

    This has better be epsiode 3.
    Also, my birthday is June 14th. If Valve doesn’t give me EP3, they are not invited to my party. >:(

  12. Oak says:

    Prospero.

  13. sfury says:

    HALF-LIFE 3

  14. Cohrek says:

    My guess is the dota project.

  15. JonFitt says:

    Ep3 is the only thing I want announced.

  16. bleeters says:

    Sometimes, you just have to love Valve. Also, all other times inbetween.

  17. OldRat says:

    We’ve been waiting for ep. 3 for a small eternity. Valve is not known for launching new game franchises suddenly and without warning, and certainly wouldn’t think that such a project deserves their grand big happy fun surprise spot over Portal 2.
    So unless they’ve been suddenly stricken with horrible retardation, I honestly can’t think of anything but Episode 3.

    • Grape Flavor says:

      “suddenly stricken with horrible retardation”
      This phrase made me laugh out loud. I suppose this is the kind of thing that can happen to a person as they simply walk down the street? Scary…

  18. Scypher says:

    The new event is just to announce new hats for TF2.

  19. eclipse mattaru says:

    I love to recognize Old Man Murray’s writing style in these. Minus all the cursing, of course, but still.

  20. modern panther says:

    So, send out mass emails to Doug?

  21. PleasingFungus says:

    Opposing Force 2.

    (Is Gearbox still working on Borderlands, or have they started their new project by now? Probably both, actually.)

  22. Inigo says:

    Gabe Newell will perform the Dance of the Seven Veils.

  23. Thants says:

    I’m fairly sure this means that the journalists there are going to be fed slowly into an incinerator pit. So, watch out for that.

  24. Dworgi says:

    This made me laugh.

    Also, Episode 3 (aka. HL3, amirite?).

  25. DragonForce1337 says:

    NOOOOO!!!!

  26. Vadermath says:

    There are only two possibilities; Either it will be a showcase of Episode 3, or it will be Portal 2, and the Portal 2 surprise will be the fact that it actually isn’t canceled.

    Frankly, the latter seems like something Glados would do.

  27. Rakysh says:

    Gordon Freeman in the 10th class. He will have a portal gun and a gravity gun, and will only be able to make kills by flinging people up to hit the skybox and down again, or catapulting you off the map. No-one will play TF2 ever again.

    • fatchap says:

      @Rakysh. I read that as Gordon will only be able to kill people by fingering them up the skybox which sounded nasty. Especailly considering the gloves on his suit.

  28. Tei says:

    Valve will start selling zombie make-ups. It will be a HUGE SUCCESS both for male and female emo people. It will be bigger than the iPod and Twilight COMBINED.

  29. user@example.com says:

    Did anyone guess “Portal 2 is Episode 3″ yet?

  30. Renzatic says:

    If it isn’t Episode 3, I will throw ROCKS!

    …and by rocks, I mean I won’t do anything. But pout. Oh, how I’ll pout.

  31. V. Tchitcherine. says:

    Gabe Newell steps before a large projector, face reflecting a quiet pride and earnest though content countenance. Doug Lombardi steps up to his side and whispers some inscrutable words where upon Gabe departs via the wings and we don’t hear his reassuring and dulcet, indeed cherubic words.

  32. HermitUK says:

    When they announced there would be more at E3 I’d assumed then they meant something other than more Portal 2 info – given that the Game Informer preview was very comprehensive in that regard anyway.

  33. DerangedStoat says:

    An announcement of the ‘colour-other-than-orange box’, which includes Ep3, Portal 2, and Black Mesa!
    One can dream right?

  34. Corrupt_Tiki says:

    Insert witty comment here.

    • Renzatic says:

      Half-Life 2 Episodes? Ha! More like Half-Life 2 Wait-A-F%#@ing-Whiles, amirite?

      I am rite. :mad:

      There. Witty comment inserted.

  35. Brulleks says:

    I reckon you’ll all turn up there, get shepherded into the main hall and be subjected to sleeping gas, subsequently waking up in one of aperture science’s holding cells, where a familiar voice will guide you through a real-life version of Portal 2.

  36. K says:

    I read that in the voice of GlaDOS.

  37. JoeDuck says:

    It’s going to to be the TF2 engineer update, including his new weapon… the portal gun.

  38. toni says:

    i say tech demo of source2 featuring alyx holding a portal gun

  39. Tei says:

    Portal 2 is Episide 3 and will reveal as a prequel of HALO, it will be called “Portal 2: Chronicles Of The Sport”, and will be published by EA Sports.

  40. simonkaye says:

    What if Portal 2 IS Episode 3?

    • sfury says:

      You just blew mi mind!

      But seriously – if they do that it would be a cop-out. I want my full-sized Portal game and my full-sized end of the episodes please, no middle ground.

      Only such thing I’d look forward would be if somehow Half-life 3 combines features of both but that would be a ludicrously huge and complex project that we’d have to wait another 4-5 years for…

    • jsdn says:

      3 to 4 years for? Wait…

  41. Enshu says:

    Oh, it has to be HL3. It has to be!

  42. Krimson says:

    It’s going to be Ricochet 2. Mark my words.

  43. FhnuZoag says:

    It’ll probably just be a small ethics module that you have to drop into the incinerator, AGAIN.

  44. ckpk says:

    Half-Life 2: Anti Phase

    You take the role of a dissatisfied metro cop, unhappy about the suppression he must enforce, but who continues to do so to keep his loved ones safe. Initially you target the rebels, engaging in raids and disrupting their supply lines; but you finally fight back against the combine from within after deciding that enough is enough.

    All the way through the game you unwittingly bring about various circumstances that take place for Gordon Freeman in the events of Half-Life 2 and in the end, as you face down an army of Combine supersoldiers, time slows and G-Man steps out of the shadows to congratulate you on your role as a useful pawn before locking you away in stasis for future use.

  45. Pyjamarama says:

    Portal 2 will be front and center at the Microsoft presentation with GLADOs voice and gameplay section on stage, that’s my guess.

  46. r0jer says:

    it will be ep3, but if it will be hl3 should be better :D

  47. Taillefer says:

    It was all a dream.

  48. BooleanBob says:

    Day of Defeat 3. You heard it here first.

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