Rock, Paper, Shotgun

It’s The Extremely Important Survey!

By Jim Rossignol on June 23rd, 2010 at 5:44 pm.


If you’re as observant as you are handsome you will have noticed that we’re trying to get things sorted around here so we can rid ourselves of the current questionable advertising and get in shiny, relevant stuff. That hasn’t quite happened yet, and we need your help to make it so. I’ve made a lovely survey thing to gather the data we need about the RPS hordes, and I’d really appreciate any of you taking the time to fill it out. We’re hoping it’ll be the most comprehensive survey of a PC gaming crowd ever conducted, and it’ll help us making RPS stronger, so that it can strip to the waist and wrestle with other, lesser blogs in a battle to impress the ladies.

Help us, Internet reading people, you’re our only hope.

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260 Comments »

  1. 23/06/2010 at 17:49 Heliosicle says:

    Fairly sure that survey is broken, at least just for me, unless this is a joke?

  2. 23/06/2010 at 17:49 Hentzau says:

    Why is “RTS” the only option for people who like strategy games. Also Impulse is a curious omission from the list of DD services

  3. 23/06/2010 at 17:51 Kid A says:

    I felt like checking “I am Kieron” when asked if Argo was wonky was the only real option. Otherwise, all accurately answered. Agree that the lack of Impulse on the DD platform list was odd, but I guess that’s what “Other” is for.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:08 WTF says:

      Continual point of annoyance: The horse is called “Agro”, gadnabbit!

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:09 Tacroy says:

      And he wasn’t wonky!

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:39 The Great Wayne says:

      Actually maybe argo was wonky but agro wasn’t. This can all be a quiproquo !

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:45 Colthor says:

      Google Image Search suggests Shadow Of The Colossus is either a game where you play a midget, or one where you ride a horse injected with Miracle-Gro when it was a foal.

      So yeah, between that and PS2 graphics, pretty wonky.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:00 Theory says:

      He’s a child, not a midget. Doy!

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:03 WTF says:

      @Colthor – What Theory said plus you’ve clearly never seen a horse up close – they are not small creatures…

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:14 Lacero says:

      This is me giggling at the idea of Colthor having never seen a horse
      \/
      :D

    • 23/06/2010 at 20:20 Kid A says:

      Argo comes off the… fingers? easier, okay.
      This would be less embarrassing if I hadn’t played SotC through 3 times.

    • 23/06/2010 at 20:43 Colthor says:

      @WTF:

      Actually, I spent more on riding lessons than booze at university :p

      Although being a kid may be *some* excuse. Still a massive horse, though.

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:25 The Great Wayne says:

      http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/05_04/shirehorseEN1405_468x312.jpg

      This is actually the closest thing to medieval european steed we’ve left. As you can see, the proportions are somewhat comparable with Agro.

      Stop refering to your poney lessons as a valid example please :p

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:20 DrGonzo says:

      I thought they meant wonky, as in the controls were shit. Which they were.

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:50 Colthor says:

      @The Great Wayne:

      Wikipedia disagrees with you, saying medieval war horses were probably 15-16 hands tall (on the grounds of what the remaining armour is built for – you can see this in museums, the horses aren’t big – and because you have to be able to get on to them from the ground*); that horse is a 19h3in Shire. That’s bloody massive (from an article about the tallest horse in Britain, in fact), even for modern – ie. several hundred more years of selective breeding – Shire horses.

      * I’m 6’2″ and need a step to mount an 18h Shire**. Getting on something seven inches taller, from the ground, wearing twenty kilos of armour? Sounds fun.

      **Just pray it doesn’t kick, etc.

  4. 23/06/2010 at 17:51 Film11 says:

    Survey’d!

  5. 23/06/2010 at 17:51 P7uen says:

    No Wii!

  6. 23/06/2010 at 17:52 Gpig says:

    Counter-Strike 1.6 is the best multiplayer shooter. Just a heads up for anyone filling out the poll who might mistakenly put in Quake 3.

    I like the Unreal Tournament comedy option. Nice little chuckle.

  7. 23/06/2010 at 17:52 wrong says:

    What a waste of time that was. I thought you actually wanted to gather useful information about your readers. Guess you’re just having laugh?

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:47 Phil says:

      What a waste of time that was. I thought you actually wanted to gather useful information about your readers. Guess you’re just having laugh?

      If you knew anything about running a site like this, you’d know that to make it pay, you’ve got to have demographic information about your audience. Ad buyers will pay considerably more if half decent demographic information is available for the site audience: it helps them target their advertising appropriately. Getting it wrong can be worse than doing no advertising at all, so it does make a significant difference.

      Hence the questions about expenditure & household income. The rest is (highly amusing!) filler. If you want your good hosts to continue putting their time into the site & making their content available for you to read for no charge, when they could be off doing other stuff that pays the rent, then you should fill in the form with good grace.

      Oh, and Quake3 is clearly the best shooter. How could there be any other choice?

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:49 Phil says:

      Drat. Failed the close the <i> there.

  8. 23/06/2010 at 17:53 ninjutsu63 says:

    Why is the wii not on question number 9?

  9. 23/06/2010 at 17:53 Gabriel says:

    I think there’s something missing in the best multiplayer FPS:
    Team Fortress 2
    How the hell did you forget about it?

  10. 23/06/2010 at 17:53 RLacey says:

    I don’t like revealing household financial info (but fortunately could leave it blank, so good good).

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:44 DJ Phantoon says:

      I love Big Broth- I mean RPS so I wanted to answer it but I’m not a Limey.

      And I dunno what the conversion rate from Pounds to Dollars is right now, and I am lazy. Lazy like an American. Because I am one.

  11. 23/06/2010 at 17:54 Snall says:

    No STRATEGY pick for game types? I know there’s not many of us…but ffs…an RTS may have strategy in the title..but lol

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:26 Navagon says:

      Choosing between UT and Quake 3 was bloody difficult. Even in terms of number of hours. In the end I went with UT because of all the additional awesomeness brought by 2004, 3 and their respective mods.

    • 23/06/2010 at 20:13 Chaz says:

      I nearly went Counter Strike but then remembered I spent far more time playing UT, it just had a far superior spread of modes and maps when compared to the other two, Assualt mode being one of my favourites. Although really Tribes and HL: Team Fortress were my main multiplayer FPS favourites.

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:41 DJ Phantoon says:

      It asked for a single game, not a series.

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:31 DrGonzo says:

      I almost went for Quake 3 then I remembered it was awful. Why wasn’t Quake 2 on there? Loved the multiplayer in that.

  12. 23/06/2010 at 17:54 Rath says:

    Lack of a “Do you intend to buy a completely new gaming PC this year” question distressed me, so I just checked the boxes for GPU, Sound Card, etc.

  13. 23/06/2010 at 17:55 The_B says:

    My problems with the survey – and by problems I don’t mean end of the world, I’m just whinging for the sake of it, so err… sorry. :(

    Anyway – for question 2 I prefer Team Fortress 2 to any of those, I’m afraid.
    For question 8 – why can I not select Quinns? :(
    For question 9 – what about Wii? Eh? (I don’t have one, as I clarified this is just me being whiny)
    And for 28 – is there a ‘I was just stalking you all and this came up’ option?

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:02 Starky says:

      The reason why Wii was not an option is the question said “gaming platform” of which the Wii is not.

      Hehe.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:37 Clovis says:

      So a couple of the best platformers ever were released on a non-gaming platform?

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:50 Starky says:

      Indeed.

      You see in order to be a -platform- other (as in non-first party) developers need to attain both quality and success (critical and financial).

      Which has not happened to any real degree.

      The Wii may be a machine capable of playing games, but it isn’t a platform, in the same way an Arcade machine isn’t a gaming platform. Similar logic applies for Mac OS and Linux really.

      My initial response was meant in sarcasm, but you know I’m starting to believe this may be true.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:09 Clovis says:

      Yeah, outside of first party titles the Wii really has been a disappointment. The Rock Band/Guitar Hero titles all work fine on it though. There’s Okami and the upcoming sequel.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:56 Eternal_newbie says:

      Quinns would obviously lose, Due to lack of Iron

    • 24/06/2010 at 00:52 thinsoldier says:

      I hate Team Fortress 2

      With all the lesser, lower budget, bargain bin, indie-FAIL, misleading box-art games I’ve bought in my life I strongly consider Team Fortress 2 to be the game I MOST REGRET SPENDING MONEY ON. (…maybe it’s a tie between TF:2 & COD:MW2).

      The game just doesn’t “feel” good. Sure it looks and sounds good and has more personality than anything ever made by man but as a first person shooter it just doesn’t feel good. ALSO all the pointless metadata about the players that they choose to place BIG AND BOLD right next to your crosshair IT SOOOO FRUGGIN DISTRACTING.

      1 additional round of ammo in some weapons, some minor tweaks to the UI, and just “better feeling” and it would be GREAT. But it’s not.

  14. 23/06/2010 at 17:56 randomnine says:

    I think I started reading RPS because I used to read Kieron’s blog. (Aww.)

    I guess that’s a “games related site” but it feels like cheating.

  15. 23/06/2010 at 17:56 Zyrxil says:

    Must be Survey O’Clock, just filled one out for Ars Technica.

  16. 23/06/2010 at 17:57 garrett says:

    i just filled in a bunch of lies, or did I?

  17. 23/06/2010 at 17:57 Mappy says:

    I just guessed on the household income, because I have no idea how much that is in real monies.

  18. 23/06/2010 at 17:58 icheyne says:

    I found out about RPS through one or all of you appearing on the PC Gamer podcast.

  19. 23/06/2010 at 17:58 Gap Gen says:

    Does the games download service list omit Impulse?

    (I thought I saw this and tried to check back but it didn’t let me, so sorry if this is wrong)

  21. 23/06/2010 at 17:58 Greg Wild says:

    No Problem.

  22. 23/06/2010 at 17:59 lhzr says:

    no gamersgate, no option for planning to upgrade the cpu/motherboard.

    alright survey, even if a bit wonky in places.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:33 Tacroy says:

      I actually just upgraded my PSU, because now that it’s summer my computer has been flaking out and I think it is the el-cheapo Raidmax piece of junk I originally bought for it. I’m gonna ask the guys at jonnyguru if they want it for torturing.

      Seriously, people overlook power supply quality to a ridiculous extent when building their own computers – and the worst part is that power supply problems are like the lupus of computer diseases. Things just start failing at random.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:05 Mungrul says:

      They’ve added GamersGate now, but there’s no Impulse weirdly enough.

  23. 23/06/2010 at 18:00 Lavitz says:

    Best Fps MP choices were horrible. I hate all of those and I am huge shooter fan. Where is COD 4(?)

  24. 23/06/2010 at 18:00 Vinraith says:

    OK, the lack of grand strategy in the genre question just depresses the hell out of me.

  25. 23/06/2010 at 18:00 Kab says:

    Wot no Gamersgate in the Digital distribution options??!! What have the Swedes done to offend you :(

  26. 23/06/2010 at 18:01 Bobsy says:

    Question 2 is the best joke of 10 years ago. You CHILDREN.

  27. 23/06/2010 at 18:02 Antsy says:

    Get off my back, Survey Monkey!

  28. 23/06/2010 at 18:02 Adamos says:

    One think missing was in DD services
    Impulse and Gamersgate are certainly bigger than lets say metaboli

  29. 23/06/2010 at 18:03 El_MUERkO says:

    Quake, UT, CS?

    What kind of question is that!?!

    Sadists!

  30. 23/06/2010 at 18:03 Commander Gun says:

    With all due respect, but scientifically this survey is erm….not too good.
    In question 2 you seem to assume that everyone plays FPS and not only that, you seem to assume that we have played them all and we can make a good judgement about which is the best (more likely, someone just played one and chooses that one as ‘the best’). This is especially weird, since question 5 is basically the same but worded completely different. There’s much more to say about it, but diner is ready now :)

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:14 snv says:

      Nah, if you haven’t played all of them at some point you automatically disqualify and your opinion doesn’t matter anyways for anything shooter related.

  32. 23/06/2010 at 18:06 Vitamin Powered says:

    I loved the retro-tastic favourite multiplayer FPS question.

    Except when it literally kicked me in the nuts for choosing UT. Damn you Jim!

  33. 23/06/2010 at 18:08 Sagan says:

    I selected “Word of mouth” when I meant “heard about it on another forum.” (the old 1up forums if you must know)

    And I also have a Wii, and I also buy from Impulse. So there you go for missing those options.

  34. 23/06/2010 at 18:10 westyfield says:

    Q2: I have played none of these games.
    Q6: I have no idea.
    Q7: So far I’ve got GCSEs, but am doing A-Levels, so what do I choose? Clarification would be good.
    Q11: What, ever? Not normally, but there are some I’d preorder in an instant (I’m looking at you, Mass Effect 3).
    Q18: I’ve never played SotC!
    Q19, 20, 21: I don’t know!

    Seriously, I like that RPS is a bunch of funny gents on the internet, but this survey seems a bit… rubbish. (Sorry!)

  35. 23/06/2010 at 18:14 aoanla says:

    The people whining about the FTS question need to notice that Q3, UT and CS are all contemporaries, hence the choice between them being offered. They’re also ‘purer’ FPSes than the alternatives people wanted to pick.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:41 Stu says:

      Also: joke question, shurely? I chuckled, clicked UT (AS ALL RIGHT-THINKING PEOPLE SHOULD) and then moved onto letting the RPS collective know how much I’m worth ahead of the inevitable “HELLO MY NAME IS ALEX MERE AND I NEED TO GET SOME MONEYS OUT OF THE COUNTRY CAN YOU HELP” email.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:43 Stu says:

      PS. The only DLC I’ve ever bought has been extra songs for Rock Band, but MY GOD have I spent a shitload on cash on that.

  36. 23/06/2010 at 18:14 Flakfizer says:

    Do i buy DLC?

    I answered no because i wait ’till it’s released on a retail disc or as part of a GOTY edition.

  37. 23/06/2010 at 18:16 kai says:

    Thank you, RPS, for making a *survey* of all things fun.

  38. 23/06/2010 at 18:17 pakoito says:

    I didn’t get scored or labeled. I’m dissapointed.

  39. 23/06/2010 at 18:17 dirtyallen says:

    Being Canadian having the income question in pounds only reminds me how grossly over-valued your treacherous currency is… I am poor.

  40. 23/06/2010 at 18:17 Meat Circus says:

    I couldn’t answer all the questions because I don’t have a high enough Paragon rating. :(

  41. 23/06/2010 at 18:18 mandrill says:

    I didn’t buy Zeno Clash, I won it from your good selves but that wasn’t an option so I answered no. I do own it though.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:43 Clovis says:

      Same thing here, but I answered yes. I considered playing it for free would force me to buy Ace Team’s next game on day one (which I almost never do). So, I own it and they’ll eventually get some money from me. The fact that their next game involves knocking things over with a boulder will make that decision much easier.

  42. 23/06/2010 at 18:19 Urthman says:

    I discovered Rock Paper Shotgun because I was having Old Man Murray withdrawal, was searching the Google for Erik Wolpaw (this was back when I thought Chet was one of Erik’s imaginary characters like Marvin, a belief I reluctantly gave up after hearing you interview Chet on the Electronic Wireless Show) found a great RPS interview with Erik, and never left.

  43. 23/06/2010 at 18:21 Snargelfargen says:

    So do we get to see the results at some point?

    I’m idly wondering how many other people checked the “bought zeno clash” question.

  44. 23/06/2010 at 18:23 bookwormat says:

    I have to join the “difficult surveyor” club: Sorry.

    - I consider “Android Phones” to be PCs. Why wouldn’t they be PCs?

    - You cannot buy games on Steam, just subscribe to them. They even write this in their license agreement.

    - John Walker’s Wot I Think of Prince of Persia influenced me to buy Prince of Persia.

    - I never played “Shadow Of The Colossus”.

    - I do not see the difference between “DLC” and “Expansions”. So should I have checked that one radio button because I bought “Warcraft: The Frozen Throne”.I also bought Fallout 3 GOTY, which includes all the expansions.

    I just wanted to write this down here. I actually answered the questions the way I think you expect it. (e.g: “Yes, I ‘bought’ Zeno Clash”).

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:29 The Hammer says:

      “You cannot buy games on Steam, just subscribe to them. They even write this in their license agreement.”

      *sigh*

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:44 Meat Circus says:

      Well, I consider Android Phones to be a small breed of antelope. Doesn’t make me right.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:58 Starky says:

      I’ll second that sigh, every game/program/software from the beginning of time (hyperbole) has had that same clause in it’s legal jargon section – back in the ye olde days it was in the manual.
      You don’t own any software, merely licence it. You may own the storage medium, but you do NOT own what is on it, and you never did.

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:27 snv says:

      Yeah, but steam and other bad DRMs can just take that licence away from you anytime

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:41 DrGonzo says:

      I think what Starky said should be made into an automatic response to anyone who complains about not owning games on Steam.

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:46 Vinraith says:

      @Starky

      I’m not having this argument again, but:

      every game/program/software from the beginning of time (hyperbole) has had that same clause in it’s legal jargon section

      Yes, but they had no means of enforcing it, so it was utterly toothless.

    • 24/06/2010 at 02:05 bookwormat says:

      @Meat Circus: An Android Phone is a general purpose computer without a gatekeeper. How do you define “PC”?

      @Starky: you never “owned” the software in the old distribution model, but you owned a unrestricted usage license for the software. E.g you could use it at will and pass it on. A steam subscription is more like if you subscribe to a kabel tv channel. (Not that there is anything wrong with that).

  46. 23/06/2010 at 18:31 Nero says:

    Will there be a re-exam if we fail?

  47. 23/06/2010 at 18:32 Enne says:

    Only two options for gender? Seriously y’all, it’s 2010.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:42 Meat Circus says:

      It’s taken gaming this long to get to *two* genders.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:00 Starky says:

      The options for gender should simply be yes and no.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:22 Arthur Barnhouse says:

      There are only two genders, just a wider possibility of what those genders might mean. Transgenders self-identify as one or the other.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:27 Bob Bobson says:

      @Arthur. Some do, some don’t. But I suspect putting an “other” option there would lead to enough false positives that the survey would be less valuable if they had. Something like the census though is well out of order if it only lists two gender options.

    • 23/06/2010 at 20:16 Meat Circus says:

      That depends if you’re talking in a grammatical, sociological or biological sense.

      In any case you’re wrong about all three.

      Grammatically, English only has one gender, and many languages have one, two, three or more.

      Sociologically, gender theorists and queer theorists have identified hundreds of subtle variations of increasingly less rigid maleness and femaleness, through transsexual, inter-sexual and androgynous gender roles.

      Biologically gender consists of discussion of brain structure, hormonal balance, primary and secondary sexual characteristics and all the way down to one’s chromosomes.

    • 23/06/2010 at 20:42 Lars Westergren says:

      “It’s taken gaming this long to get to *two* genders.”

      I love you, Meat Circus. Marry me?

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:07 Lars Westergren says:

      @Meat Circus

      Oh, and since jokes don’t always translate well on the Internet, to clarify: this wasn’t sarcasm or a real come on, but more of a “I like your posts and I’m happy you have started posting on RPS again”.
      :)

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:47 DJ Phantoon says:

      Yeah. I figured “Male” wasn’t exactly accurate for me, but “as manly as Saxton Hale” wasn’t an option.

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:52 Arthur Barnhouse says:

      To say that there are hundreds of “genders” is not useful. People do not identify as these hundreds of variations. If we were to have a discussion of race, you’re response surely wouldn’t be “There are thousands of variations which would span across genetic, geographic, and sociological issues.” Of course not, because that isn’t actually useful. It’s a suggestion that, in fact, there is no such thing as demographic labels at all. Which is great, but isn’t particularly helpful.

    • 24/06/2010 at 08:26 Dawngreeter says:

      Actually, a lot of people identify with genders which aren’t the two dominant ones.

      The best solution to this issue was how XKCD dealt with it. The question was: “Do you have a Y chromosome?”

    • 24/06/2010 at 11:36 Bob Bobson says:

      @Dawntweeter, but xkcd were surveying to do with colour perception, a number of the genes for which are encoded on the X/Y chromosome pair so it genetically matters. RPS are asking for reasons of aiding their demographic data to aid advertising so what matters is how someone identifies themselves in terms of gender, making the Y xkcd approach less useful. I guess one way they could have asked it would be “Are you more likely to buy stuff from an advert that is designed to appeal to a male audience or one that is designed to appeal to a female audience?”. But that is seriously unweildy.

    • 24/06/2010 at 15:15 Arthur Barnhouse says:

      “Actually, a lot of people identify with genders which aren’t the two dominant ones.”

      Name one. Seriously, name a gender other than male or female that 1% of the British population self-identifies as.

    • 24/06/2010 at 15:53 Arthur Barnhouse says:

      *Sigh* Actually, you know what? I’m just being churlish. This is a really silly fight, and there is no reason adding an “Intergender/Transgender” option would not be the end of the world. It just seemed a bit much to suggest that a demographic survey was behind the times, when Intergender and Transgender represent so small a poplulation of Britian and America, less than .5%. But it was a silly thing to get in a fight about, so I’ll back down.

    • 24/06/2010 at 16:22 MajorManiac says:

      They should just have put a slider with Duke Nukem and Lara Croft at the two extremes…

      Though maybe Duke would just make it confusing. :)

  48. 23/06/2010 at 18:34 Pmeie says:

    I liked the last question the best.

  49. 23/06/2010 at 18:36 BigJonno says:

    I’m surprised that there hasn’t been massive nerdrage at the question about a console game!

  50. 23/06/2010 at 18:39 Baka says:

    Filled it all out, 18 was funny, BUT-
    A huge step in getting rid of the questionable advertising would be to sort out your PayPal-Problems.
    If I’ve had a CC, I wouldn’t use PayPal in the first place.

    A bit OT, but meh.

  51. 23/06/2010 at 18:43 Sparvy says:

    Jim would totally win

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:00 JohnArr says:

      I picked Jim too; I reckon he’s spry, like a whippet.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:16 Sobric says:

      Same! I thought it would come down to Alec and Jim in a free-for-all.

      John would be too busy crying to fight, and Kieron spend too long assessing which comic book superhero’s style would be best to appropriate for the coming fight, in which time one of the other two would kick him in the goolies.

      Toss up between Alec and Jim thought. Jim has a more aggressive beard, so that’s what I went with.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:56 arqueturus says:

      I happen to know he’s more like a Bull Terrier. Win for sure.

    • 23/06/2010 at 20:35 Vandelay says:

      I said John, mainly because I felt sorry for him.

      Of course, he could be the one doing the healing and end up killing them.

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:02 Kester says:

      Jim is the obvious winner. He is the most rugged RPSer.

      Kieron would win the prematch sledging but ultimately come second in the fighting. He would be gracious in defeat though, patting Jim on the back and taking him for post-match drinks.

      Alec would assume everyone else is playing by Queensbury Rules, only for Kieron to kick him in the balls.

      John would insist he is not going to fight, but then snap and start trying to bite people.

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:04 DXN says:

      I put John too, and here’s why.

      a) If it looked like you were seriously about to fight him he would suddenly stand up straight and tall, fix you with a steely, but tender stare and explain in passionate yet sensible terms exactly how stupid and violent you’re being, and how it’s not going to get you anywhere or make you feel any better, and just what the long-term consequences of this violence would be including several you wouldn’t have ever considered by yourself, and that if you would just let him buy you a drink and sit down and talk about it that it would all be okay and you’d end up hugging him and crying into his shoulder as he murmurs reassuringly that it’s not your fault and he completely understands why you got so upset but isn’t it better now you’ve calmed down a bit?

      b) If you *did* punch him you would immediately feel utterly horrified at yourself because you just punched John Walker you monster and you would reel back, staring wide-eyed at your bloody knuckles and stammering out an apology you know is meaningless and absurd, as much to yourself as to him (because you know he’s already forgiven you) and then he would pull out a switchblade and thump it into the soft spot under your ribs because they don’t call him “Switchblade” John Walker for nothing.

    • 23/06/2010 at 21:23 DXN says:

      Also if you fought Quinns you would hesitate because he suddenly has this face:

      :C

      and he’d start making this low, inhuman sort of scraping-growling noise in his throat, putting up his hands with his fingers-extended in a sort of square and fix you with this unutterably piercing glare like he was looking into the very heart of a black hole. And you’d start to get this odd feeling like, “has this guy actually achieved some kind of warrior-enlightenment while trekking around Tibet in a huge pentacle-shaped route, and he’s about to unleash the full force of his Qi with the power of a million suns in some kind of mystical-gnostical-black-magic explosion of invisible, shredding shockwaves shaped like swastikas?”

      And he’d just keep standing there doing the same thing with the growl getting slowly higher and louder and more inhuman, and you’d start to waver because goddamit he just looks like he actually thinks he could do it and even if he can’t, what the heck *is* he going to do if I actually move? And before you ever found out whether it was true or if he was just bluffing, you’d make this nervous little laugh that was squeakier than you’d intended and laugh the whole thing off like, “Haha, god, sensitive much? Joke, man, joke!” and he’d go back to talking about Roberto Bolano’s influence on “Madballs In… Babo Invasion”.

    • 23/06/2010 at 23:38 kinglog says:

      I picked John too – we just moved and my wife now works on ‘David Walker Drive’ – my mind confuses this as ‘John Walker Drive’. Must be tough if they named a road after him

    • 23/06/2010 at 23:42 Web Cole says:

      John’s much too nice, Jim seems more like the power-behind-the-throne type, so it would end up between Alec and Kieron I reckon.

    • 23/06/2010 at 23:54 Stu says:

      GILLEN STRONG, LIKE OX

    • 24/06/2010 at 00:01 Kieron Gillen says:

      The write-in vote is Quinns, as he exercises properly and shit. Alternatively Phill Cameron who is eight foot tall and plays rugby with mountains.

      Though Tim Stone is the dark card, and will be probably packing an axe.

      KG

  52. 23/06/2010 at 18:46 Transportdaemon says:

    Yup the horsey was definitely wonky!

  53. 23/06/2010 at 18:47 HDCrab says:

    Yes, that was my nonoption (and response) too.

  54. 23/06/2010 at 18:48 Nova says:

    Do we get to see the results?
    Would be interesting.

  55. 23/06/2010 at 18:50 Cooper says:

    People upgrade on a yearly basis?

    Where does this money come from.

    I’ll do one component every 2 or 3 years, so I just averaged that spending out to a yearly sum.

  56. 23/06/2010 at 18:53 1stGear says:

    I don’t understand your pounds shenangians. Do you UK people exchange pounds of meat as currency or something?

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:58 Colthor says:

      @1stGear:
      No, pounds of gold. Which is why cards are rapidly overtaking cash – they’re far less wear on your trousers.

    • 23/06/2010 at 18:58 Bruce Rambo says:

      I hope you’re European, sir, or else we’re going to have a long discussion about using units of weight for describing volumes of fluid and mixing up orders of magnitude in dating systems.

  57. 23/06/2010 at 18:58 Tally says:

    Yank, here. I don’t understand your silly educational level names but am the proud owner of a high school diploma and more importantly Zeno Clash. Also, RPS is by far my favorite source of game news. Area 05 had some good stuff but it mainly ignores the PC.

  58. 23/06/2010 at 19:02 Nallen says:

    Do you own Zeno Clash?
    Yes! *puffs chest out*

  59. 23/06/2010 at 19:11 Heliocentric says:

    Did anyone who bought zeno clash get beyond the first area?

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:16 Clovis says:

      Did the game have Steam ‘chievos that make the answer to this question clear? If so, someone who is not at work right now should find that out.

      I had a great time playing all the way through.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:39 Lilliput King says:

      “Metamoq’s pupil
      Learn all advanced combat techniques.” (e.g. finishing the tutorial) … 67.7%

      “Zenozoik Adventurer
      Complete the game.” … 38.2%

      Crazy how many people don’t finish the first level.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:58 arqueturus says:

      Only crazy if you don’t think the game was rubbish.

  60. 23/06/2010 at 19:12 Frye says:

    Survey:

    Do you lie on surveys?

  61. 23/06/2010 at 19:14 Clovis says:

    Based on the randomness of the questions, I’m guessing the real survey data is simply based on which of the three links in the article you clicked on.

    Do you just like taking surveys? Or do they have to be comprehensive? Maybe you are the kind of person who just wants to help?

  62. 23/06/2010 at 19:16 Ingenu says:

    I ticked Other for Impulse too.

  63. 23/06/2010 at 19:29 Piispa says:

    I feel cheated. It didn’t tell me wheter my spirit animal is a cat or a monkey nor if I use sugar in my coffee.

    So sad.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:39 Bob Bobson says:

      Your spirit animals are all of the class Monotreme. You should already know if you have sugar in your coffee or not.

  64. 23/06/2010 at 19:30 Nameykins says:

    Surveys are serious business.

  65. 23/06/2010 at 19:37 Tuuvan says:

    Also, why assume all of your readers are in the UK? What about showing some love to those of us in the western hemisphere?

  66. 23/06/2010 at 19:38 Jakkar says:

    I rather enjoyed that.

    NOT. WONKY D:

  67. 23/06/2010 at 19:39 Jakkar says:

    Curses; I voted that Kieron would win in a fight. What will this do to the Wonk debate? I only voted him because I assumed he’d cheat >.>

  68. 23/06/2010 at 19:46 y3k-bug says:

    Filled out the survey, hope that little bit helps you guys out. RPS is one of the best gaming sites in an increasingly insufferable gaming coverage landscape.

    Congrats on the advertising team up with Eurogamer too, great bunch of guys over there.

  69. 23/06/2010 at 19:48 Kunal says:

    As for the who-would-win-in-a-fight question, I had already devised a program that would come up with a deterministic answer (incidentally , this program also netted me a free copy of Zeno Clash from an RPS Compo)

    For those who would rather answer that question based on facts, and not on mere speculation I present this to you (source and executables provided)

    http://babablacksheep.in/zenokvj.zip

  70. 23/06/2010 at 19:49 Stense says:

    Just so you know, when you do the big fancy RPS survey results rolling news show, I prefer Peter Snow to Jeremy Vine on the swingometer.

    • 23/06/2010 at 19:52 Bruce Rambo says:

      They could go for a two-noose system? Assuming there are any nooses left after Quinns gets involved in the throwdown. Not being a listed option is no deterrent to true bastardry.

  71. 23/06/2010 at 19:53 Rubbish Dave says:

    The MMO question, there was no option of “Wouldn’t play any even if they started trying to hammer a rusty nail into my balls”

    Which would be my preferred choice. So I went for the one which apparently doesn’t have a subscription, on the grounds that that might cause them it to become less tedious in design.

  72. 23/06/2010 at 19:55 Freud says:

    The “Who would win in a fight” question is faulty. Without doubt three of them would gang up on the fourth, declaring themselves winners.

  73. 23/06/2010 at 20:04 Kristofer says:

    Why was Impulse missing? I’ve purchased several games through them.

  74. 23/06/2010 at 20:05 Warduke says:

    Where is the question “Does CAPTCHA drive you f’ing nuts?” ??

  76. 23/06/2010 at 20:09 Bahumat says:

    What’s important to your would-be advertisers, I can reinforce here: Rock, Paper, Shotgun heavily influences my decisions as to whether or not to buy a game.

    The best thing about reviews here is that the analysis of games is often well-rounded, and covered by more than one voice, that they give me enough information to make up my own mind as to whether it’s a good gamble, to throw my money at the meat of a game.

    I think whether or not the review is positive, it’s a good sign to have your game hit RPS and be critiqued and explored. Sometimes a game publisher might sell rubbish, be called for it on here, and I can end up going: “Aw, hell, it might be rubbish, but it looks like fun rubbish.” *purchase*

    Heh. Rubbish. You crazy brits.

  77. 23/06/2010 at 20:24 Shazbut says:

    The favourite genre question just highlighted the fact that I don’t like a single one enough to consider buying anything less than a modern classic in any of them.

  78. 23/06/2010 at 20:36 anonymous17 says:

    Great survey, hope it will be useful for RPS’s various deeds.

    I would like to see some graphs, plus heat maps of where survey-fillers here most frequently killed.

  79. 23/06/2010 at 20:36 anonymous17 says:

    Great survey, hope it will be useful for RPS’s various deeds.

    I would like to see some graphs, plus heat maps of where survey-fillers were most frequently killed.

  80. 23/06/2010 at 20:40 Flimgoblin says:

    Is it just me that on completion was suddenly inspired to write a survey as authored by a three year old…

    48 questions, all of them are “Why?”

  81. 23/06/2010 at 20:51 MWoody says:

    Doesn’t changing the questions partly through a survey invalidate the results?

  82. 23/06/2010 at 21:00 NieA7 says:

    I get stuff through Impulse too, hence the Other. And I’ve never played any of those FPS things we needed to pick between, so now I’m wondering if my kind’s not welcome here.

    For DLC I tend to wait for GotY editions too, though a couple of days ago I bought my first evar, one of the map packs for Defense Grid. The stuff I intend to buy question was a bit funny, because while I don’t own any at the moment I intend to buy at least one of this gen’s consoles in the next year or so (fingers crossed for an ICO/Shadow re-release) but that wasn’t there, just kinect and move which I don’t care about until great games start appearing for them.

  83. 23/06/2010 at 21:17 dabomb says:

    No Impulse? Fail.

  84. 23/06/2010 at 21:19 Tiktaalik says:

    What they said

  85. 23/06/2010 at 21:19 Roadrunner says:

    This survey has no n/a options. THEREFORE IT IS INVALID AND I AM UNABLE TO FILL IT OUT.

  86. 23/06/2010 at 21:24 Taillefer says:

    I was expecting a “Has a game ever made you cry?” question. Then you can sell me man tissues.

  87. 23/06/2010 at 21:36 duncanthrax says:

    As an old fart, I want to complain about lack of options.

    Quake 3 vs. CS 1.6? Come on.

    QuakeWorld was way better than both.

  88. 23/06/2010 at 21:40 Polysynchronicity says:

    Missing from the “going to buy in the next 12 months” section: new laptop.

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:39 snv says:

      There are (almost) no real gaming laptops, and this is a gaming site…

    • 23/06/2010 at 22:42 Vinraith says:

      @snv

      I’m not sure what you think “real gaming” is, but many laptops are more than capable of running many of the games covered on the site. Virtually all the “indie” stuff, non-RT strategy titles, certainly all the web games, and quite a lot of other games as well. Hell, my own laptop can run even “mainstream” titles up until about 2007, but high requirement graphics-a-thons are really only the tiniest segment of the overall PC gaming environment.

  89. 23/06/2010 at 21:55 The Unshaven says:

    Main thing I noticed for the thing was the edge-case between DLC and GOTY editions. I don’t buy DLC in the vast majority of cases. If a game has DLC, I’ll hold off and buy the GOTY editions if anything, because I don’t see the point in buying something I already know is incomplete.

    This goes for Dragon Age and Fallout 3, the Mass Effect DLC was free but came out just after I’d finished the single player game and couldn’t be bothered going back. On the other hand, I totally buy expansions to games. It might not be totally rational, but for me they’re different things.

    Expansions are Extra Content; DLC often falls into ‘content removed from singleplayer to boost Teh Moneys.’ Like that cool Golem in Dragon Age.

    If it’s been long enough that the DLC has clearly been developed post-release, it feels like a miniexpansion so that’s okay.

    For example, I’m currently tempted by the DLC for Defence Grid, since nobody can accuse those lovely people of dicking over their customrs.

  90. 23/06/2010 at 22:24 QS2T says:

    Ditto on the Impulse thing.

  91. 23/06/2010 at 22:26 Raff says:

    I don’t think any of those are the best FPS and I would play a different MMO to those 4.

  92. 23/06/2010 at 22:30 laikapants says:

    RE: Has RPS ever influenced my game purchasing.

    A bit too damn often.

    I’ve bought the following as a result of RPS:

    -DogFighter
    -Hitman series
    -STALKER CoP & SoC (and am absolute rubbish at both)
    -Ben There, Dan That! / Time Gentlemen, Please!
    -X-Com pack
    -Eversion
    -The Witcher
    -Flotilla
    -Mount & Blade series
    -Battlefield: Bad Company 2
    -Codemasters pack
    -Saint’s Row 2 (well, I bit the bullet and pre-ordered the DoW II expansion and got it for free as a result)
    -The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom
    -Minecraft (this more than any other thing has derailed so much. My gaming backlog has piled rather high as a result of RPS plugging this)

    I say keep it the hell up, my wallet would like a word outside.

  93. 23/06/2010 at 22:40 Nihilille says:

    Kieron would win in a fight because I have a vague recollection of reading a PCG-article in Swedish Pc Gamer that he had originally written (Swedish PCG used to translate a lot of UK articles atleast back then) which was about violence and video games. There was an image of him holding a baseball bat…

  94. 23/06/2010 at 22:42 Dreamhacker says:

    The best multiplayer FPS question showed a serious lack of Battlefield 2 :)

  95. 23/06/2010 at 22:47 NorvernMunky says:

    If we buy some advertising would you include CyberPower in your list of PC vendors?

  96. 23/06/2010 at 22:49 Pianosaurus says:

    @DrGonzo – I’m going to venture a guess that you have never actually ridden a horse IRL. The controls are wonky. Well.. it depends on the horse, I s’pouse, but the ones I’ve ridden were.

  97. 23/06/2010 at 22:53 CMaster says:

    While I recognise there isn’t enough space for everything, the “which MMO would you play if forced” question, every single MMO listed features “click and wait” combat, which is the big thing I try to avoid in MMORPGs. Or RPGs full stop.

  98. 23/06/2010 at 22:57 Vinraith says:

    On the MMO question, I chose EVE because IIRC you can “play” it without actually having to log in or do anything. Skill training counts as playing, right? So then I could “play” it while I was actually off playing fun games instead of an MMO.

    • 23/06/2010 at 23:23 airtekh says:

      @Vinraith

      This is correct. Skills in EVE increase in real-time, so it doesn’t matter if you are actually logged in or not. It’s comforting to know that your character gets stronger while you sleep!

  99. 23/06/2010 at 23:08 Spinoza says:

    My eyes are augmented. When I see Unreal Turnament I read Red Orchestra. Otherwise I answer as best as i could. Low income , no friends , unemployed , uneducated , spending more then 16 hours on games. Cracked exe.

  100. 23/06/2010 at 23:51 Jake says:

    I’m pretty sure the iPad is only a gaming platform if you stand on it while playing xbox.

  101. 24/06/2010 at 00:14 DeepSleeper says:

    Something that scares me and yet explains an awful lot is how many people read RPS and are completely unable to identify a joke with binoculars and a spotter’s guide.

    Think about it. People are reading the articles here and taking them seriously. No wonder there’s so many stupid internet slap fights in the comments.

    I suggest just wiping the site off the internet and maybe putting up one about cats instead.

    • 24/06/2010 at 07:33 Dreamhacker says:

      There are reasons the Americas became independent of Europe.

      (Yes, that was deliberately ambiguous)

    • 24/06/2010 at 16:30 MajorManiac says:

      But then people would just argue about which breed was fluffiest.

      Dispite some of the childish comments I don’t this RPS is that bad. I’ve seen worse cat-fights (pun intented) in government video clips.

  102. 24/06/2010 at 00:16 Morti says:

    Just some clarification, I marked that I don’t buy DLC , nor Zeno Clash, but I do download and play them though.
    Since the survey asked about “buying” I marked them negative, but Im not sure wether this was the intent of the question ,seeing how RPS does influence me a lot on the stuff I download, play, pirate, and maaaaaaayhaps ever buy.

    Also, wonky horse, for I am Kieron.

  103. 24/06/2010 at 00:34 thinsoldier says:

    questions you forgot to ask:

    how many pc’s do you own
    how many monitors do you have
    do you own both mac and pc
    how important are playable game demos to your buying decisions? (I’m looking at you pointless dragon age character creator with zero gameplay AND guild wars who waited until YEARS after I couldn’t give a damn about your game before you released a demo!)

    rather than ask which genre was our favourite you should have us rate them out of 5 stars

    you forgot the blended genres of fps+rpg & 3rdperson+rpg

    FYI on chrome/osx the text input for typing the captcha doesn’t have an outline. you can’t see it.

  104. 24/06/2010 at 00:42 Heker says:

    I personally felt fully justified in leaving this question unanswered, if TF2 isn’t on the list, can there really be a list.

  105. 24/06/2010 at 00:50 Mark says:

    Question 1: I hate all those games. No Team Fortress 2 option?
    Question 12: Suppose I have more than one gamepad?
    Question 18: Wonky, but in all the good ways and none of the bad ones. It’s a horse, not a motorcycle.

  106. 24/06/2010 at 01:36 Hmm-Hmm. says:

    More macs in your next survey, per favore! At least try to acknowledge their existence as a variety of the PC species. Sure, starting up my machine in Windows makes me recoil inside, but I do it.

    *special snowflake*

  107. 24/06/2010 at 01:40 Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Oh and I marked ‘uses downloading services’ but that’s only in the cases where the game is available for download (or registration in the case of Auditorium) from the game developer’s website. But that counts, doesn’t it? I say it does.

    And yes I’ve bought DLC. Warden’s Keep (which was fun enough, I suppose). But i’m firmly against the idea of DLC the way it’s being used by companies like Bioware.

  108. 24/06/2010 at 01:44 nine says:

    I’d really like to see the results of this survey aggregated in a few weeks. Don’t just keep the interesting info to yourself!

  109. 24/06/2010 at 02:28 EBass says:

    Meh the best online FPS was a bit threadbare, I personally like Day of Defeat, Arma2 et all, put CS 1.6 merely because its the one I’ve spent most time playing and its closer to the “realistic” shooters than the old school deathmatch blasters.

    Was hard to choose between RPG and FPS as favorite genre, though I think “Space Sim” even though no one makes them anymore deserved its own genre I mean its not really a “simulation” if I ticked that you’d think I meant microsoft flight sim or something.

  110. 24/06/2010 at 03:00 windlab says:

    Sadly lacking a Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory option there.

    So Q3 it is then, mainly because the movement feels better than the other engines.

  111. 24/06/2010 at 03:22 You says:

    Wouldn’t have expected a lot of cross-readership between RPS and Ars, but me too.

  112. 24/06/2010 at 06:09 Firestem4 says:

    I was sad not to see Impulse listed on the list of Digital Distributions as I use that as my primary service. I selected other in this case (as well as GOG :) ).

    Put Impulse on the survey!

  113. 24/06/2010 at 06:19 Fraser says:

    The question about DLC made me realise – I’m ready and willing to buy DLC, but I never(?) have, because I’ve never found any DLC for a game that I own that expands the gameplay in any significant way. I know worthwhile DLC exists, but for the games I happen to own it’s all been stuff like mission packs that don’t live up to the quality of the main game, let alone expand on its ideas. I already have enough trouble finishing games; I don’t want to make them longer without making them different!

  114. 24/06/2010 at 07:02 Scott says:

    I generally think IBM PC compatible system. x86 desktops, notebooks, netbooks.
    I don’t like the term ‘Tablet PC’ very much. So that’s a no to the Android as PC.

    Not sure what ‘without a gatekeeper’ means or where you got the term from. Since all of those devices can be hacked, I guess all of them can be PC’s?

  115. 24/06/2010 at 07:02 Scott says:

    lame commenting system. Please ignore.

  116. 24/06/2010 at 08:38 Lu-Tze says:

    No “Puzzle” genre? What if what I like best is playing Slitherlink, Gyromancer, Puzzle Quest and Voltorb Flip? WHAT ABOUT THAT HUH?

    John Walker clearly had no part in this ¬_¬

    • 24/06/2010 at 11:03 phlebas says:

      Mm. All those complaints that ‘RTS’ and ‘Turn-based strategy’ don’t amount to enough options for strategy gamers, and no puzzle or adventure option at all.

  117. 24/06/2010 at 12:02 Tony M says:

    Its not an RPS survey unless it has a wierd rouge character at the top for no reason

  118. 24/06/2010 at 12:25 Kirian says:

    I need the Renegade points so I lied.

  119. 24/06/2010 at 12:26 BobYD says:

    Impulse sux, here in spain , most of the games are restricted to UK so, good for Steam and other platforms, also I usually use the EA Store

  120. 24/06/2010 at 13:31 w says:

    Why is impulse not listed as a digital download service?

  121. 24/06/2010 at 18:04 sinister agent says:

    I’m afraid I simply couldn’t answer the favourite genre question. I’m not trying to be difficult or whiney about categorising things – rather, I just don’t really have a favourite one. If I actually look at my favourite games, or even just the games I own, there’s just no clear leader between about four genres, even before getting fussy and nerdy about whether or not (say) theme park counts as an RTS.

    Also I said I bought my PC off the shelf, but that’s not strictly true. I started with a second hand one, so it’s kind of off the shelf, but I’ve also kind of cross-bred it with another second hand one gradually over the last couple of years, as well as a few bits and pieces that I’ve bought or stolen from crippled orphans.

    Also John would clearly win in a fight, because he would make you all feel too bad for starting on your friends to continue.

    • 24/06/2010 at 18:05 sinister agent says:

      Oh, and I didn’t choose a multiplayer FPS because I don’t play shooters online. Would go for UT if I did, probably.

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