By Kieron Gillen on July 6th, 2010 at 1:45 pm.
Well, Caesary is an online, free-to-play browser game MMO thing. I’m linking this because this is one of the worst, most amateurish trailers I’ve ever seen and has to be gawped at. Extended close-ups of the word “loading” – including the player cursor circling it whilst it waits in some attempt to kill the time, blank white screens, images uncentered with variable level of JPG compression, randomly justified comic-sans juxtaposed with melodramatic music on a lovely orange backdrop. And then the melodramatic music gets a dance-beat behind it! Marvellous.
06/07/2010 at 13:49 skalpadda says:
The music also stolen from The Matrix soundtrack.
06/07/2010 at 13:49 robrob says:
Maybe it’s deliberately bad like those Cillit Bang ads? Maybe they thought that by putting Comic Sans on an orange background they could get Kieron Gillen to do their work for them. If that is what they thought then they were right!
06/07/2010 at 14:03 AlexW says:
BANG!
Bang Bang BANG!
Ahem, sorry about that.
06/07/2010 at 16:15 suibhne says:
“This video contains content from bbc, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.”
06/07/2010 at 17:26 AlexW says:
@suibhne
It’s basically a send-up of the Cillit Bang ads, using weapons as cleaning products, parodying the over the top voicing in the ads. You can probably get at them with a proxy or maybe through Peter Serafinowicz’s site.
06/07/2010 at 13:50 Barton says:
I suppose all news is good news.
06/07/2010 at 13:51 vanarbulax says:
Love the fact they needed to state AD 2010.
06/07/2010 at 13:52 robrob says:
How does this salad taste to you?
Caesary!
Ok I’ll stop now.
06/07/2010 at 15:28 kyynis says:
I personally think it’s more caesarish, with a hint of czar mixed in.
06/07/2010 at 20:35 Nick says:
Caesarian.
06/07/2010 at 13:52 Lambchops says:
But surey you can’t mock the trailer of the most anticipitaed web game of 2010 AD?
06/07/2010 at 14:45 Clovis says:
Yes I can, and don’t call me surey.
06/07/2010 at 14:48 Clovis says:
Oh bother, I was beaten to it. No edit function. The front page stuff doesn’t show up in the forum now to edit it there, huh?
07/07/2010 at 02:50 snv says:
Been playing it for a few days, and its rubbish, because like too many of those games it does not have order queues.
06/07/2010 at 13:58 kitzkar says:
@Lambchops: I can mock the trailer of the most anticipated web game of 2010 AD. And don’t call me “surey”.
06/07/2010 at 13:59 The_B says:
FOUR!!!! EXCLAMATION!!!! POINTS!!!!
06/07/2010 at 14:14 Okami says:
The sure sign of insane mind..
06/07/2010 at 14:00 The_B says:
I also enjoy the “Comic Sans unless we mention ROME WHEN WE GO TIMES NEW ROMAN”
06/07/2010 at 14:14 Kieron Gillen says:
I absolutely loved that bit.
KG
06/07/2010 at 14:46 Robert says:
Who needs WordArt when you can make amazing stuff with plain fonts.
06/07/2010 at 14:00 Adz says:
I nominate this for the most realistic product advertisement of the year AD 2010.
06/07/2010 at 14:06 Down Rodeo says:
Another “free to play….forever!!!!” game then? I see. Oh dear. Well, it was funny anyway :p
06/07/2010 at 20:36 Nick says:
PLAY NOW MY LORD
06/07/2010 at 14:07 Rinox says:
I was ready to make a wisecrack about it being “free forever”, when I saw it appear within the first minute of the trailer. In comic sans on a bright orange background. Wisecrack insta-imploded. :-(
06/07/2010 at 14:09 Nallen says:
Operation Alert.
06/07/2010 at 14:10 Dood says:
Sweet! There’s a loading screen while it loads the other loading screen!
06/07/2010 at 14:11 Mr Chug says:
Was that a quest to find a ‘Zodiac Goat’ I saw there?
Yes, yes it was.
Game of the year. I called it first.
06/07/2010 at 15:15 Paul B says:
Gah, I want my Free Daily Zodiac Goat too :(
06/07/2010 at 14:11 Daniel Rivas says:
Daily Free Zodiac Goat.
Daily. Free. Zodiac. Goat.
It’s now my most anticipated game of AD 2010, at least.
06/07/2010 at 14:43 Clovis says:
Join Fast!!!
06/07/2010 at 14:12 Skusey says:
One day I’ll stop giggling at the word erect.
06/07/2010 at 14:28 Bozzley says:
I did the exact same thing. “ERECT BUILDINGS IN YOUR CITY!!!!” *snigger*
06/07/2010 at 14:45 Robert says:
I am guilty as well.
06/07/2010 at 14:51 Tei says:
* erect … raises hand*
06/07/2010 at 15:02 Vadermath says:
*erect hand…
Wait…that’s not my hand?!!!
06/07/2010 at 15:48 Krimson says:
“After seeing the top image, my building is certainly erect! Etc Etc.”
06/07/2010 at 17:24 Jacques says:
I’m not even ashamed.
06/07/2010 at 19:16 Mad Doc MacRae says:
I’d like to erect buildings in her city
06/07/2010 at 21:11 Hunam says:
Erect got me too.
Wait… what? I mean… what the hell do I mean!?
ERECT!
06/07/2010 at 14:13 Heliocentric says:
You linked it, so actually the trailer worked perfectly. Funny that.
06/07/2010 at 14:15 Kieron Gillen says:
Totally. I almost didn’t give a link to them, then figured “fuck it”.
KG
06/07/2010 at 14:15 Kristinn says:
“Daily Free Zodiac Goat”!
06/07/2010 at 14:25 Handsome Dead says:
This is the best game.
06/07/2010 at 14:25 Jim Rossignol says:
Marketing!
06/07/2010 at 14:50 Clovis says:
Ewww, the fancy RPS comments are color coded? Is that based on who is posting, or do you get to pick a level of intensity?
06/07/2010 at 15:01 qrter says:
I was just thinking that – “oh lord, they have their own colours..”
Seems to be based on the skin tones of a progressively diseased body, too.
06/07/2010 at 14:28 a says:
It’s no War of Lordcraft, IMHO.
06/07/2010 at 14:36 Serenegoose says:
Actually, I’ve just noticed. I cannot believe the ego of the RPS hivemind that it has given their comments SPECIAL COLOURS to mark out when they’ve posted a comment.
You think you’re so much better than us, don’t you – with your special colours and your surnames.
06/07/2010 at 14:38 Kieron Gillen says:
It should be noted that our special colour is *Peach*.
KG
06/07/2010 at 14:43 Robert says:
Kieron has a slightly darker tan than Jim. Did you confiscate the RPS tanning bed?
06/07/2010 at 14:52 Serenegoose says:
I refuse to admit that I was secretly impressed by the choosing of peach. An underused tone :(
06/07/2010 at 15:48 Ginger Yellow says:
Does that mean Jim’s special colour is *Daisy*?
06/07/2010 at 16:49 Hodge says:
Did John pick the colours or something?
06/07/2010 at 14:41 Webster says:
In pro-video, I spend about 60-80% of my time (depending on the project) editing or in other post production. Then someone loads up Windows Movie Maker and… this happens.
I…
It’s…
*Aneurysm*
06/07/2010 at 14:44 Dubbill says:
An Imagined Monolgue by Comic Sans: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/monologues/15comicsans.html
06/07/2010 at 14:44 Robert says:
Dear marketing department of Bioware,
Watch this trailer and learn. The RPS community has rated this trailer higher than the bloodied Marilyn Manson thingies. Draw your conclusions.
Sincerely, a Bioware fanboy.
06/07/2010 at 14:46 smadin says:
So…it’s either from the makers of Evony, a spot-on parody of Evony, or (perhaps the most disheartening — and yet most likely — possibility) another developer genuinely looking at Evony and thinking, “Yes! That, right there, is our model for success!”
(Also: creating jobs is as simple as dialing in the number you want and clicking the “Create Jobs” button? Quick, someone alert Congress!)
06/07/2010 at 14:49 Robert says:
To be fair, in classical times it was – for a good part – that easy. The scaffolders at the Colloseum did not have a trade union.
06/07/2010 at 18:17 JonFitt says:
That lady looks distinctly like she comes from from the Evony marketing board.
07/07/2010 at 14:53 DSX says:
The second I saw cleavage and a toga, the series of ever-over-the-topless Evony adds came to mind.
Though, to it’s credit “Earn rewards by doing quests” sounds like an amazing game mechanic. Worth checking into for sure.
06/07/2010 at 14:46 Bantam says:
Did you just have a Caesure?
06/07/2010 at 14:53 Kieron Gillen says:
Well played.
KG
07/07/2010 at 09:16 blah says:
:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZg3-Y1QIc4
06/07/2010 at 14:50 Disco Tech says:
Number one best part of most loved games trailer of AD 2010 has to be the choreographed mouse pointer encircling of the loading icon. That took so many tries to get right.
06/07/2010 at 14:50 Novotny says:
That’s my pre-order for Civ 5 cancelled.
06/07/2010 at 15:00 Littlefoot says:
It always mystifies me why game developers seem to think that it’s a good idea to take up valuable screen space by putting a picture of your avatar in a corner some where. I guess it’s so you can feed your megalomania and never forget what you look like.
~LF
06/07/2010 at 15:03 qrter says:
So.. is the “~LF” you sign your comments with just to remind yourself who you are..? ;)
06/07/2010 at 15:17 Littlefoot says:
Exactly. Gotta feed that narcissism!
06/07/2010 at 15:23 Heliocentric says:
Some games had the picture to click on and auto select your hero/king/beast/etc but then other developers copied the visual without really thinking about it. Its like minimaps you can’t click on to focus or people using hard to read fonts on tooltips which only last for 1 second or worst of all using inconsistent/incorrect mathematical language to discuss how upgrades buffs apply. Sometimes +5% strength means +5 more than you have, sometimes its +5% more than some base line for what 100 strength is sometimes its less because things don’t stack. I mean… What the hell does +80% accuracy even mean sword of the stars?
06/07/2010 at 15:51 Ginger Yellow says:
That reminds me. Do you know if the indicated weapon DPS in Torchlight includes the bonus damage from enchantments?
06/07/2010 at 16:45 Heliocentric says:
They do and don’t. They don’t consider things which increase vulnerability or give afflictions but raw ‘elemental’(including holy etc) damage is considered.
06/07/2010 at 16:50 oceanclub says:
“Do you know if the indicated weapon DPS in Torchlight includes the bonus damage from enchantments?”]
On a tangent, that’s a query I had about Borderlands too – like, when the weapon description mentions 200% damage, does the “damage” figure include that bonus?
P.
06/07/2010 at 15:02 OctaneHugo says:
I think my favorite part was “Wage MASSIVE WARS” which was followed by about 45 seconds of 8 units defending against 3 units.
07/07/2010 at 06:31 thebigJ_A says:
which had three whole frames of animation, and the losing army just *poofed*.
…I was going to say “*poofed* in a whiff of smoke”, but they couldn’t even be bothered to put a poof in.
My favorite part was the spears (arrows?). So realistic!
06/07/2010 at 15:14 Drealmer says:
On the other hand, it shows actual game footage, which is already more informative than most trailers out there :)
06/07/2010 at 15:46 Danny says:
That orange background is only because we’re playing Uruguay tonight, of course.
06/07/2010 at 15:50 Helm says:
Is that a Juno Reactor remix of something or another?
06/07/2010 at 16:41 protorp says:
Navras, off the JR album Labyrinth.
06/07/2010 at 16:19 Kovah says:
Those are some nice cartoon boobies though I’ll give them that.
06/07/2010 at 16:21 sasayan says:
Trying to reply keeps logging me out for some reason, but this is at Robert.
I think you’re forgetting about this little gem of a Bioware trailer, made with help form an RPS reader.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yTVjUY9wMg
06/07/2010 at 16:32 Bascule42 says:
Erect Goats? I’m in there!
06/07/2010 at 16:46 MajorManiac says:
I loved the part where a large en-Bosomed lady appears on the screen quickly followed by the large en-Capitaled word “ERECT”.
I nearly spat my coffee out.
06/07/2010 at 16:52 Hmm-Hmm. says:
I still believe this seems more likely as an unofficial youtube upload than anything else.
06/07/2010 at 17:17 Megazver says:
The sprites look vaguely familiar…
06/07/2010 at 17:29 Jaz says:
Caesarian salad?
Excuse me, I have to -hwrk- I have to just -hwkhwkhwk-
06/07/2010 at 17:59 kutkh says:
I hope that this goes the way of Evony’s advertising (…tits?/Tits?/TITS!) and a few months from now I can log on to a legitimate file sharing website to be greeted by a photograph of a goat with “Click here, honoured Princeps!” underneath in comic sans.
07/07/2010 at 06:34 thebigJ_A says:
“a legitimate file sharing website”
Oh, is that what you call it?
06/07/2010 at 18:30 Bobsy says:
That music’s the closing track to The Matrix Revolutions. It’s copyright to WB Music. I honestly doubt these chaps and their Caesery Salad game have paid royalties. Which is stupidity to the hojillianth degree.
06/07/2010 at 18:54 solipsistnation says:
So what are the chances this is related to Civony?
06/07/2010 at 18:54 lhzr says:
not as bad as i expected. got too hyped by the comments :<
/disappointed
06/07/2010 at 18:57 terry says:
Nothing says professionalism like Comic Sans.
I would comment on the video quality but I got swayed by a popup ad for “Gangsta Zombies”. Be right back!
06/07/2010 at 19:08 HDCrab says:
The first time I clicked on the video my computer reset itself. I should really learn to trust my hardware.
06/07/2010 at 20:13 Zogtee says:
Am I the only one who keeps thinking “cesarean” when reading about this game?
06/07/2010 at 20:24 phlebas says:
Daily Free Zodiac Goat.
06/07/2010 at 20:51 Azazel says:
No.
I just finished watching the first season of Rome. One episode is called ‘cesarean’.
MIND INVASION
06/07/2010 at 21:42 Shadrach says:
I thought it was LeKool.
06/07/2010 at 21:43 Tanner says:
I’m pretty sure this is just Evony rebranded (again? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t even Evony to start out with), but with advertisements that are ridiculous in an entirely different way.
06/07/2010 at 22:43 fitz says:
Civony. Evony. Kingory. Caesary.
You have to give credit to a trier, don’t you?
Not nearly enough décolletage in that trailer. Must try harder!
06/07/2010 at 22:50 stahlwerk says:
Speed Up! Operation Alert! Launch Forestry Jobs!
Drop by daily to claim your share of the Zodiac Goat fortune!
07/07/2010 at 00:19 DMJ says:
Well, I’m certainly enthused.
07/07/2010 at 02:21 sredni says:
Zodiac Goats are set to become The Standard of quest rewards in anticipated Web-games of AD 2010
07/07/2010 at 04:52 Fashigady says:
Wow… that was really something
07/07/2010 at 07:01 innociv says:
I’d like to let you guys know, two friends of mine got banned from the game because they defeated a player that spend ~$1000 to be #1 ranked.
While the person spent tons of money, they where terrible, and still got beaten.
We where the #1 ranked league(clan) and two of our best members got banned from that. I stopped playing.
It’s just like Evony; If you attack players who spent money, and they complain, you’ll get banned.
Zeeeee was my name on there. I was #14 ranked when I quit.
07/07/2010 at 08:17 taikonaut says:
Gawd!! Is this Comic Sans?
07/07/2010 at 10:42 .backslash says:
That trailer did have one massive redeeming quality though. It featured a song that a certain mister Kieron “Made-me-break-google-with-every-single-issue-of-Phonogram” Gillen didn’t recognise, whilst I did. Hah. My ego is restored.
07/07/2010 at 21:22 TeeJay says:
What was the music?
07/07/2010 at 11:01 Tony M says:
Theres your next banner text.
Rock, Paper, Shotgun: Daily Free Zodiac Goat.
07/07/2010 at 11:25 lolfang says:
This is a test post.
07/07/2010 at 11:26 lolfang says:
Sorry for this, please delete these two posts, a “Spam Blocker” did not allowed me to post, a month ago. Now I can =)
08/07/2010 at 01:30 I'm This Guy says:
I was going to make a witty remark about the frequency of erections, but I see that I have been colossally out-twitched by the mature and thoughtful RPS readership.