Caesary: IncrediTrailer!

By Kieron Gillen on July 6th, 2010 at 1:45 pm.

Bosoms, eh?

Well, Caesary is an online, free-to-play browser game MMO thing. I’m linking this because this is one of the worst, most amateurish trailers I’ve ever seen and has to be gawped at. Extended close-ups of the word “loading” – including the player cursor circling it whilst it waits in some attempt to kill the time, blank white screens, images uncentered with variable level of JPG compression, randomly justified comic-sans juxtaposed with melodramatic music on a lovely orange backdrop. And then the melodramatic music gets a dance-beat behind it! Marvellous.

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110 Comments »

  1. skalpadda says:

    The music also stolen from The Matrix soundtrack.

  2. robrob says:

    Maybe it’s deliberately bad like those Cillit Bang ads? Maybe they thought that by putting Comic Sans on an orange background they could get Kieron Gillen to do their work for them. If that is what they thought then they were right!

  3. Barton says:

    I suppose all news is good news.

  4. vanarbulax says:

    Love the fact they needed to state AD 2010.

  5. robrob says:

    How does this salad taste to you?

    Caesary!

    Ok I’ll stop now.

  6. Lambchops says:

    But surey you can’t mock the trailer of the most anticipitaed web game of 2010 AD?

  7. kitzkar says:

    @Lambchops: I can mock the trailer of the most anticipated web game of 2010 AD. And don’t call me “surey”.

  8. The_B says:

    FOUR!!!! EXCLAMATION!!!! POINTS!!!!

  9. The_B says:

    I also enjoy the “Comic Sans unless we mention ROME WHEN WE GO TIMES NEW ROMAN”

  10. Adz says:

    I nominate this for the most realistic product advertisement of the year AD 2010.

  11. Down Rodeo says:

    Another “free to play….forever!!!!” game then? I see. Oh dear. Well, it was funny anyway :p

  12. Rinox says:

    I was ready to make a wisecrack about it being “free forever”, when I saw it appear within the first minute of the trailer. In comic sans on a bright orange background. Wisecrack insta-imploded. :-(

  13. Nallen says:

    Operation Alert.

  14. Dood says:

    Sweet! There’s a loading screen while it loads the other loading screen!

  15. Mr Chug says:

    Was that a quest to find a ‘Zodiac Goat’ I saw there?

    Yes, yes it was.

    Game of the year. I called it first.

  16. Daniel Rivas says:

    Daily Free Zodiac Goat.

    Daily. Free. Zodiac. Goat.

    It’s now my most anticipated game of AD 2010, at least.

  17. Skusey says:

    One day I’ll stop giggling at the word erect.

  18. Heliocentric says:

    You linked it, so actually the trailer worked perfectly. Funny that.

  19. Kristinn says:

    “Daily Free Zodiac Goat”!

  20. Handsome Dead says:

    This is the best game.

    • Clovis says:

      Ewww, the fancy RPS comments are color coded? Is that based on who is posting, or do you get to pick a level of intensity?

    • qrter says:

      I was just thinking that – “oh lord, they have their own colours..”

      Seems to be based on the skin tones of a progressively diseased body, too.

  21. a says:

    It’s no War of Lordcraft, IMHO.

  22. Serenegoose says:

    Actually, I’ve just noticed. I cannot believe the ego of the RPS hivemind that it has given their comments SPECIAL COLOURS to mark out when they’ve posted a comment.

    You think you’re so much better than us, don’t you – with your special colours and your surnames.

  23. Webster says:

    In pro-video, I spend about 60-80% of my time (depending on the project) editing or in other post production. Then someone loads up Windows Movie Maker and… this happens.

    I…

    It’s…

    *Aneurysm*

  24. Robert says:

    Dear marketing department of Bioware,

    Watch this trailer and learn. The RPS community has rated this trailer higher than the bloodied Marilyn Manson thingies. Draw your conclusions.

    Sincerely, a Bioware fanboy.

  25. smadin says:

    So…it’s either from the makers of Evony, a spot-on parody of Evony, or (perhaps the most disheartening — and yet most likely — possibility) another developer genuinely looking at Evony and thinking, “Yes! That, right there, is our model for success!”

    (Also: creating jobs is as simple as dialing in the number you want and clicking the “Create Jobs” button? Quick, someone alert Congress!)

    • Robert says:

      To be fair, in classical times it was – for a good part – that easy. The scaffolders at the Colloseum did not have a trade union.

    • JonFitt says:

      That lady looks distinctly like she comes from from the Evony marketing board.

    • DSX says:

      The second I saw cleavage and a toga, the series of ever-over-the-topless Evony adds came to mind.

      Though, to it’s credit “Earn rewards by doing quests” sounds like an amazing game mechanic. Worth checking into for sure.

  26. Bantam says:

    Did you just have a Caesure?

  27. Disco Tech says:

    Number one best part of most loved games trailer of AD 2010 has to be the choreographed mouse pointer encircling of the loading icon. That took so many tries to get right.

  28. Novotny says:

    That’s my pre-order for Civ 5 cancelled.

  29. Littlefoot says:

    It always mystifies me why game developers seem to think that it’s a good idea to take up valuable screen space by putting a picture of your avatar in a corner some where. I guess it’s so you can feed your megalomania and never forget what you look like.

    ~LF

    • qrter says:

      So.. is the “~LF” you sign your comments with just to remind yourself who you are..? ;)

    • Littlefoot says:

      Exactly. Gotta feed that narcissism!

    • Heliocentric says:

      Some games had the picture to click on and auto select your hero/king/beast/etc but then other developers copied the visual without really thinking about it. Its like minimaps you can’t click on to focus or people using hard to read fonts on tooltips which only last for 1 second or worst of all using inconsistent/incorrect mathematical language to discuss how upgrades buffs apply. Sometimes +5% strength means +5 more than you have, sometimes its +5% more than some base line for what 100 strength is sometimes its less because things don’t stack. I mean… What the hell does +80% accuracy even mean sword of the stars?

    • Ginger Yellow says:

      That reminds me. Do you know if the indicated weapon DPS in Torchlight includes the bonus damage from enchantments?

    • Heliocentric says:

      They do and don’t. They don’t consider things which increase vulnerability or give afflictions but raw ‘elemental’(including holy etc) damage is considered.

    • oceanclub says:

      “Do you know if the indicated weapon DPS in Torchlight includes the bonus damage from enchantments?”]

      On a tangent, that’s a query I had about Borderlands too – like, when the weapon description mentions 200% damage, does the “damage” figure include that bonus?

      P.

  30. OctaneHugo says:

    I think my favorite part was “Wage MASSIVE WARS” which was followed by about 45 seconds of 8 units defending against 3 units.

    • thebigJ_A says:

      which had three whole frames of animation, and the losing army just *poofed*.
      …I was going to say “*poofed* in a whiff of smoke”, but they couldn’t even be bothered to put a poof in.

      My favorite part was the spears (arrows?). So realistic!

  31. Drealmer says:

    On the other hand, it shows actual game footage, which is already more informative than most trailers out there :)

  32. Danny says:

    That orange background is only because we’re playing Uruguay tonight, of course.

  33. Helm says:

    Is that a Juno Reactor remix of something or another?

  34. Kovah says:

    Those are some nice cartoon boobies though I’ll give them that.

  35. sasayan says:

    Trying to reply keeps logging me out for some reason, but this is at Robert.

    I think you’re forgetting about this little gem of a Bioware trailer, made with help form an RPS reader.

  36. Bascule42 says:

    Erect Goats? I’m in there!

  37. MajorManiac says:

    I loved the part where a large en-Bosomed lady appears on the screen quickly followed by the large en-Capitaled word “ERECT”.

    I nearly spat my coffee out.

  38. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    I still believe this seems more likely as an unofficial youtube upload than anything else.

  39. Megazver says:

    The sprites look vaguely familiar…

  40. Jaz says:

    Caesarian salad?

    Excuse me, I have to -hwrk- I have to just -hwkhwkhwk-

  41. kutkh says:

    I hope that this goes the way of Evony’s advertising (…tits?/Tits?/TITS!) and a few months from now I can log on to a legitimate file sharing website to be greeted by a photograph of a goat with “Click here, honoured Princeps!” underneath in comic sans.

  42. Bobsy says:

    That music’s the closing track to The Matrix Revolutions. It’s copyright to WB Music. I honestly doubt these chaps and their Caesery Salad game have paid royalties. Which is stupidity to the hojillianth degree.

  43. solipsistnation says:

    So what are the chances this is related to Civony?

  44. lhzr says:

    not as bad as i expected. got too hyped by the comments :<

    /disappointed

  45. terry says:

    Nothing says professionalism like Comic Sans.

    I would comment on the video quality but I got swayed by a popup ad for “Gangsta Zombies”. Be right back!

  46. HDCrab says:

    The first time I clicked on the video my computer reset itself. I should really learn to trust my hardware.

  47. Zogtee says:

    Am I the only one who keeps thinking “cesarean” when reading about this game?

  48. phlebas says:

    Daily Free Zodiac Goat.

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