NSFW! VERY NSFW! A Big Release: Sex Sim

By Kieron Gillen on July 30th, 2010 at 8:03 pm.

Jim looks at the news-feed. “This one’s for Kieron”. He shows it to John and Quinns. “This one’s for Kieron”. They show it to me. I sigh. This one’s for me. Sex Sim has just released a client-demo. It’s a free-to-play game about the hot fuck. Clearly, I had to take it out for a ride. Ah, Sex Sim. Which is, of course, only a Dyslexic step away from Sexism, just in case you didn’t notice.

NSFW. Obviously. For God’s sake, don’t say you weren’t warned.

Even installation causes me to laugh.

Hot, Sexy Material indeed.

As you can see, I’ve accepted my eagerness for HOT SEXY MATERIAL. I proceed to make a login at their site – which is beginning to make me suspect the nature of their game – and then go into the game proper. It confirms my suspicions.

Yes, it’s basically the microtransaction model as applied to a sex game. You get given some basic characters to play around with, but to get to access others, you’ve got to buy them for the shop. The prices basically mean that six dollars is just not enough to get a couple of girls, and certainly not enough to get a blow-job.

I can’t face making any joke after that sentence. Excuse me.

Anyway, I have a play at the basic content. You select the girl, the boy, what she’s wearing (he’s always in his birthday suit) and where they’re to have their hot fuck. It’s worth noting that, in a Dead Or Alive moment, whenever you select your character, there’s a little breast jiggle physics. It’s good to see the dark heart of certain videogames revealed so, with all its hypocrisies – in fact, all its everything – shed.

So, I select an inter-racial couple to play around with OUR PARENTS’ EXCITING TABOOS and get into the game.

At which point I start laughing and don’t stop for several minutes. It’s the instructions.

This is my favourite.

AND IN THE GAME!

I scan the instructions and realise and select one of the positions in the menu. And in less than a second, we’re away…

SEX, BEING SIMMED. I try and press a button to go back a screen, hit the X and the program closes immediately. It’s over in a couple of seconds. This really is an uncanny accurate representation of my love-life.

I get back in, and within a few clicks get the characters getting their hard-fuck on. Also experimented with the speed dial, which allows you to move between not-very-hard-fucking and what I can describe as grandmother sex. Well, I could describe it as other things. That just seems about as far as I can get away with. I spend some time playing with the option, and seeing if I can get the man to come before the girl, prompting some kind of embarrassed “That’s never happened before, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t tell anyone” situation.

(Which reminds me of the old 90s Loaded-esque premature ejaculation joke. “Premature for who, exactly?”)

Basically, the sim’s simple. You move the camera around. You move so it can be centered on either the bloke or the lady. You can remove the girl’s clothes, in any combination. The most disturbing option is the eye control. For both of the characters you can select whether they look at each other or at the camera. Which means you can set up the couple to be going at it, both staring longingly out at you. I enjoyed circling the pair with their eyes following me, seeing if their heads would spin around in a The Exorcist style to follow me. Sadly, they don’t.

My particular favourite is moving the camera so it’s beneath the floor, and then having the girl looking at you while the man levitates mysteriously above you. Like so.

So, I’m having a hell of a time, playing sex noises down the phone at a mate who called me and similar. Then I drag delightful fiance upstairs to share in the hilarity. Except she doesn’t find it hilarious. She actually finds it openly disturbing, which is a little like that proverbial splash of water to the face. I realise what it’s about. While I’m taking it as a ludicrous entity, she’s all too aware that this is actually a real thing, designed to sell to real people who’ll pay to see these mannequins get on with the fuck. And she doesn’t even realise that you can make ‘em nude at this point, or specifically spend your cash to get online facial packs. And she’s right, and I’m a little ashamed by my sociopathy born of terminal-internet-exposure.

Sex Sim is a fine business model and will undoubtedly make its creators a fair roll of cash. But – it must be remembered – the only way this is like real sex is that Walker will never have any experience of either. And much like sex with Walker, the idea of it repulses most sane humans.

And now let us purify ourselves.

__________________

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122 Comments »

  1. Quasar says:

    Wow. Just wow.

  2. Xercies says:

    Poor john Walker…thats really mean to him. i want to hug him now.

    There there John Kierons just a big meanie!

    Anyway.

    I guess this is definitly that adage that any sex sells no matter how disturbing/crappy it is…

  3. Daniel Rivas says:

    Facial packs? So is that like, different faces, or– Oh. Ehm, yuck.

    Perhaps someone more base than me could make a joke about how microtransactions should only be for convenience items, not things that improve your in game performance.

    Perhaps. Zing!

    Anyway, I think I’d get pretty depressed by this. Who would play this, as opposed to, you know, slightly less interactive wank material, that doesn’t involve microtransactions but does involve real people.

    • Daniel Rivas says:

      Ooh, just saw this. Facial facts!

      http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/pornwriter/column16.html

      I think I’ve been waiting about my whole life to write “Facial Facts”. Alliteration.

      “THE CONFLICTED
      EXISTENCE OF A
      FEMALE PORN WRITER.”

      “the relative demeaning-ness of splooge placement isn’t the point here. The point is that in examining the rationale, or lack thereof, behind the facial, I had to come to terms with just how omnipresent it has become.”

      Pretty interesting, I thought.

      Anyway. Ahem.

    • destroy.all.monsters says:

      You realize that mcsweeney’s is intended to be comedy, yes?

    • Daniel Rivas says:

      Um. Not all of it is. It’s also the home to regular, serious while still light-hearted, columns.

      Such as the female porn writer column. Or DISPATCHES FROM A GUY TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY TO SELL A SONG IN NASHVILLE.. Generally melancholy, occasionally tragic. Or OH MY GAWD:
      A COLUMN ABOUT A TEENAGER NAVIGATING RELIGION
      , which is oft surreal but rarely comedic. There’s also one about a female martial artist which is pretty funny, but not principally so.

      So, um.

      Anyway, I thought that was a pretty thoughtful wee article about a subject which is not often thought about.

    • destroy.all.monsters says:

      Ah, well my ignorance is showing. I’ll actually have to read those now when I get a chance.

      Thanks for the edumacation. Mr. Rivas.

    • Zogtee says:

      “Anyway, I think I’d get pretty depressed by this. Who would play this, as opposed to, you know, slightly less interactive wank material, that doesn’t involve microtransactions but does involve real people.”

      I suppose a legit target audience would be handicapped who are interested in sex, but have a hard (…) time making those kind of connections with people, but that would be a very small (…) target at best, and I honestly don’t think the devs had them in mind when making this game.

      So, is this geared exclusively towards heterosexual sex or does it have something for gay men and women too? Buttsex and facials for the blokes? I doubt it and that leads to my second point. If you’re really going to do (…) a sim/game like this, then you should include ALL types of (legal) sex, perversions, simple spooning, sex between the elderly, etc.

      That might have been vaguely interesting. Maybe. I dunno.

    • Nallen says:

      Spooning isn’t sex, it’s just cuddling in the same direction.

  4. Jacques says:

    I wonder what the tabloids will have to say about this game.

    • Bhazor says:

      I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.

      It’s called Ripened Peach Sex Sim and it allows its players – universally male no doubt – to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.

      The objections to such filth should be simple to understand. Starting with the disgusting idea that one can “create” their own versions of what people look like, removing warts, moles, and bald spots while enhancing – shall we say – the extended features of the game’s characters tends to objectify women, sex, and human relationships. Right? We can all agree on this?

      Then there’s the dishonesty behind the game’ title. Ripened Peach Sex Sim sounds like a war game with a deadly virus that is spreading unless the GI-Joes are able to defeat the evil and deadly substance and it’s covert war plan. By it’s design, kids could ask for it, or for their parents’ Best Buy Card to go purchase it with nary a raised eye-brow. Generic, non-descriptive, and relatively harmless.

      But it IS marketed for the PC, perhaps the most visually stimulating gaming system ever made. The software for such allows the blending of DVD video, component graphics, and the manipulation of actual pictures so that an alternate reality engulfs the fifteen year old boy playing it without much objection.

      Now if I have trouble with my son taking his James Bond 007 games a little too emotionally, imagine the powerful effect that hormones add to the mix when the player’s own character is copulating like jack rabbits with super-models, actresses, and anyone else they can spend the patience to create, name, and “put into play.”

      I hear the libertarian Ron Paul’s answer already, “Government has no business censoring freedom of expression.” Figures, he’s a libertarian. Yet here’s a question that deserves to be asked, and in all likelihood will not be: “How much moral judgement should the President push into legislative issues that are likely to severely damage our children’s innocence, function, and capability?”

      I hear the nay-sayers claiming I’m being the wild and crazed Bible thumper I’ve always been – but its a worthwhile question isn’t it?

      If a pre-teen, teen, young adult, or adult male plays such a game in which the women DO submit without choice, are made to appear as Barbie streetwalkers, and perform whatever act can be imagined, what’s to stop that same male from assuming that the women in his “other world” shouldn’t be forced to do the same.

      We now know because of the lengthy track record of serial killer after another that addictive use of pornography was prevalent in case after case – long before the switch got flipped and what their masturbatory imaginations have given into became what they were forcing real live human beings to do.

      And because of the digital chip age in which we live – Ripened Peach Sex Sim can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.

      With it’s “over the net” capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away.

      Yes there will be many snickers that I decided to bring this issue up in the Presidential by-election of 2010 but how refreshing would it be for a President to prove to the nation that his own manhood was not in question and put his pen and signature to a bill that dealt with such simulated sex excess in a way that was punitive to its creators to such a degree that they would never recover from it?

      As technology continues to push the limits of imagination and interaction more and more the brain, the emotions, the feelings will integrate with physical responses in reality. And while the makers of such trash seem to be pushing our next generation of young men through the gates of hell as fast as is humanly possible, it needn’t be that way.

      Here’s hoping that as the next President will be forced to deal with this continual emerging reality – and enemy that has set its site to our destruction from within – that we will have elected a man of such character that he will have precision in the clarity of his response. How would that be for a bold and uncompromising “Ripened Peach Sex Sim?”

    • Thants says:

      Please be satire.

    • frightlever says:

      It’s a cut and paste from years ago. Not satire, just trolling.

    • Bhazor says:

      It’s just an adlib from the old Sex-box article from “Townhall.com” (the original article has been removed from the site but you can read it here http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1952968/posts)

      I thought the line “Then there’s the dishonesty behind the game’ title. Ripened Peach Sex Sim sounds like a war game with a deadly virus that is spreading unless the GI-Joes are able to defeat the evil and deadly substance and it’s covert war plan.” would be a hint.

    • Rich says:

      Thank Jebus. I was going to rip that to pieces, which clearly would’ve been a wast of time.

      This managed to really angry me up:
      “If a pre-teen, teen, young adult, or adult male plays such a game in which the women DO submit without choice, are made to appear as Barbie streetwalkers, and perform whatever act can be imagined, what’s to stop that same male from assuming that the women in his “other world” shouldn’t be forced to do the same.

      We now know because of the lengthy track record of serial killer after another that addictive use of pornography was prevalent in case after case – long before the switch got flipped and what their masturbatory imaginations have given into became what they were forcing real live human beings to do.”

      Total, grade-A, bullshit.

    • Zogtee says:

      “Ripened Peach Sex Sim sounds like a war game with a deadly virus…”

      The title does have a vague militaristic feel to it.

      OPERATION RIPENED PEACH – YOU’RE GOING IN!

      We just some photoshopping and we might have something here.

  5. Quasar says:

    Sadly, the kind of person that would pay money for this kind of thing is exactly the kind of person that is very unlikely to experience anything like the events depicted in real life.

    And would probably expose themselves to strangers.

  6. Torgen says:

    I only pray the publishers don’t make a deal with Eurogamer, where we’d have a site background on RPS for their game as we do now for SC2 (I’m really over these videos playing all over the site everytime I go back to the front page..)

  7. geldonyetich says:

    I’d give the demo a spin, but software like this always carries a bit of extra apprehension. Uninstalling it no doubt would leave directory, configuration files, and registration entries behind, mute testimony to the passage of my virtual mistresses. Mentally, it feels wrong, like I’d have given my computer a social disease.

    • geldonyetich says:

      Hypocritically, I did give the game a spin after being reassured by the page that it wouldn’t fill my computer with keylogging, add-spamming diseases. Verdict? Just interesting enough to overcome admitting I’ve seen it:

      Basically, the mechanics of sex are boring, and a bunch of polygons bumping and grinding are about as appealing as seeing an orange roll around in a plastic sack with an apple, no matter how well they’re lit, textured, or bump-mapped.

      What the game lacks is what a lot of games lack: a compelling narrative. There’s no imagination here. No romance. It’s a 3D MAX Diorama of what sex looks like when you strip away all pretenses of humanity.

      A revelation which brings a certain renewed respect for sexual Japanese visual novel type games.

  8. Raum says:

    I was expecting some ridiculous flash game akin to Fucking Fred and Lolita (you’re not, ehm, hardcore before you’ve played this C64 classic).

    I am disappoint.

  9. HawkesOfSavileRow says:

    Mmmmm crystals.

  10. Daniel Rivas says:

    On closer inspection of that top image, can’t quite decide which I find the more hilariously creepy:

    a) “control the characters’ state of undress and who you want them to look at

    b) That model’s eyes. I tried out World of Warcraft the other week (for the record, I didn’t really get it. What am I missing?) and she looks not dissimilar to a night-elf. Not human, anyway. Fucking possessed.

  11. Dyst says:

    I really, really want to try it for hilarity but I can’t because I’m worried that I’ll get hooked and move into the cellar and shut myself in and never come out.

    I think I’ll stick to Rapelay for now.

  12. Spd from Russia says:

    fugly

    good article

  13. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    Consequences will never be the same.

  14. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    I saw the awards page on the Sex Sim site. This image about says it all:

    http://paulspicks.com/images/pauls_picks_editors_choice_orange.gif

  15. Sigma Draconis says:

    You get what you pay Peach Points for.

  16. DJ Phantoon says:

    I had to wipe my eyes after reading this, I was laughing so hard.

    And yes, I suffered from the aforementioned dyslexia and thought it read “Sexism” at first glance.

    Sexy, sexy, sexism.

  17. robrob says:

    Need Speed For World? What is this OH MY GOD

  18. KillahMate says:

    Don’t mind them Walker. At least you don’t have problems with your iron.

  19. Rath says:

    Why did you have to make Virtual Karen Gillan do such things. o_o

  20. destroy.all.monsters says:

    According to Downloadroute it is 100% clean!

  21. Hippo says:

    Sex Sim? Naah, I think I’ll stick with Farming Simulator.

  22. Radiant says:

    “The prices basically mean that six dollars is just not enough to get a couple of girls, and certainly not enough to get a blow-job.”

    Just like in life kiddies.

    There is so much scope for sex sims to get good but they always fail at the actual sex.
    It’s like these developers have never fucked anyone in their entire lives.

    • BAReFOOt says:

      And so have the players. That’s the whole point. For both developers and players.

      And this does surprise you? ;))

    • Nick says:

      “There is so much scope for sex sims to get good”

      Is there?

    • Sonic Goo says:

      There’s a general idea among a lot of people that sex can do for games what it did for VHS or the internet. Strangely, it hasn’t (yet). Whether that’s because gaming just isn’t suited for this subject or the porn industry doesn’t get the gaming format is hard to say.

    • Radiant says:

      @sonic goo
      Generally I would imagine the costs involved in making a game are too much for porn companies who aren’t set up to make virtual porn.

      As for how can a sex sim get good.
      You’ve played Mass Effect and Dragon’s Age right?
      You shag anyone in there?
      Why did you pick that personality over the other options?

      Now if it didn’t cut away from the sex then they would be AMAZING sex sims.

    • Zogtee says:

      “There’s a general idea among a lot of people that sex can do for games what it did for VHS or the internet. Strangely, it hasn’t (yet). Whether that’s because gaming just isn’t suited for this subject or the porn industry doesn’t get the gaming format is hard to say.”

      They most likely don’t think there’s a future in it, not yet anyway. They have made attempts before, but it never amounted to anything. It’s easy to make fun of the pr0n industry, but it really *is* an industry and they have shitloads of money to spend. They actually do serious research on what areas they can expand into and games doesn’t seem to be one of them. They sank a *lot* of money in researching pr0n0graphic virtual reality, but eventually abandoned it.

  23. destroy.all.monsters says:

    I am a bit surprised DF found it so disturbing though. I’d just assumed such things existed for years. Not like it wasn’t inevitable.

    Or maybe I don’t get why she got upset about it.

    • Easydog says:

      In my experience (as a teenager many years ago, not the ‘mature’ adult I am now) women don’t tend to appreciate pornography that’s designed purely to objectify the female role as nothing more than a receptacle for the man, no matter how ironically you’re enjoying it. Seriously, no women I ever met believed I enjoyed porn ‘ironically’. Trust me on this, most women are uncomfortable with it.

      It may have been a different story if the game involved some other aspect of sexual media such as a story or wondrous new gameplay mechanics, but as a fuckfest that’s purely designed to part men with their cash (and their seed), it’s pretty much restricting itself to a demographic that is not known for it’s respect of women’s attitudes or opinions or what they find arousing.

      Which is a pity as there needs to be more sex in games as far as I’m concerned, just some that’s more inclusive in it’s projected audience and less cynically designed. Ultimately though, if you have to pay for sex it’s better to do so with a virtual woman than a real one.

      God I hope I don’t sound humourless and preachy. I mean, I am. But I hate being known as a killjoy.

    • destroy.all.monsters says:

      I dunno. See I tend to see that there are women that like porn and are generally sex-positive and women who don’t and are frequently sex-negative and/or who have big hangups about their personal appearance. I haven’t seen a lot of middle ground. A lot of it is also age related as in when you grew up. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that more women these days wax and that has been a thing in porn for quite some time now.

      My experience is that generally women that I’ve known are uncomfortable with porn are at least equally as uncomfortable with themselves.O f course we still have some of the more sex negative feminists around but thankfully their influence is fairly minimal. I take it no woman you’ve ever been with laughed at porn? I’m sorry but I guess if that’s true I find it sad. Really, if you can’t laugh at yourself or pretty much anything else I have no idea how you (not you personally) get through life.

      Personally I think sex should be shown as idiotically as possible because a lot of people have way too many hangups about it. And this _does_ look pretty dumb. Sex as a mature part of story – outside of bonafide literature that’s something that I don’t typically see much of. Comics, film, tv frequently dances around it.

      Still, I live in a place where there’s a women-owned chain of sex shops, -ones that include porn of just about every stripe, has a women -owned stripper club (it’s unionized as well) and is a mecca to the GLBTQ contingent so maybe my experience and point of view is quite different to people from other places. If so, I find that pretty sad. I would have hoped that a general tolerance for all things sex related would have finally grown to a more mature standpoint.

      Don’t get me wrong, I would never play this game for anything other than a laugh but revulsion? iI mean it’s just stupid isn’t it? i could see maybe someone being upset that they *weren’t* spending money on webcam girls or the like – since women at least see profit from that – but how is it _better_ than the money being spent on real women? How is that empowering?

    • Easydog says:

      Hmm. Yeah, a lot of what you say is true and I find myself agreeing with you on a lot of points. I was very tired last night, feeling a bit judgemental. Sorry. I do count a lot of girls who are feminist, many anti-porn feminists, as friends and this definatley colours my view towards how sexual media is presented. But specifically, I was thinking of a couple of similar things that happened to me, with regards to showing a girlfriend “hilarious porn!” and the realisation that I found the situation bizarre and funny but she was thinking about the horror of it.

      But yeah, I see your point about there being a need for more openess about sex and sexuality and that what a person enjoys should not be seen as a negative thing unless it truly is monstrous. And there are people who I’m sure will enjoy this for what it is. I was a bit snobbish.

      And old friend of mine used to write, direct and star in her own pornography when I was living with her and she seemed to thouroughly enjoy it until it became a business and things got weird, but then people held very negative judgements about her which said more about their issues then hers. Before then I held rigidly to the belief that all porn was about demeaning women and never really questioned it, and she did open my eyes a little bit. But I sympathise with those who find porn disgusting and sometimes the issues aren’t just based around body image or self esteem and there are some horrendous stories about the worst excesses of the industry, such as Linda Lovelace’s unfortunate history. I’ve never been to a strip club that wasn’t an uncomfortable, unpleasent, experience. O.K. I’ve only been to two but they were full of angry men who were just projecting quite a deep misoginy onto the girls there. Those men are the likely audience for this.

      And I would see it better that the money spent encouraging the use of virtual girls as better than spent on the use and abuse of real girls. It’s a thorny subject but I doubt that ‘Ripened Peach Sex Sim’ can be seen as empowering. Perhaps I am a snob. Ah well.

  24. Gotem says:

    so when does the MMOFG World of Sexsim comes out? (you can figure out what the F means)

  25. BAReFOOt says:

    Hey, Sex IS my Worg, you insensitive clod! ^^
    .
    .
    .
    Just kiddin’. But seriously: How much does a society have to be infected with the virus of religious schizophrenia, for sex – of all things – to be inappropriate somewhere. Hello? It’s the whole point of our existence: To reproduce, and to pass on our heritage of genes and mindsets/philosophies/ideas.
    Everything else is secondary and either a tool to get to that, or pointless.

    Yes, that means that people who didn’t do either passing on, essentially never have existed. Since they did not change a single thing in this world that will stay.

    • Lilliput King says:

      Kind of facile point, there, but I can’t help myself – It’s not accurate.

      Just by breathing or walking around you set into motion causal sequences that’ll last ’till the end of time. You leave a lasting impact on the fabric of the universe because if you hadn’t existed, the universe would have been a different place simply by the fact of you not existing.

      tl;dr : what a load of old shite.

  26. Pijama says:

    Now that was unexpected.

    • Pijama says:

      I would also like to say that, all things considered, the game + the “dlc” and whatever more would afford you at least some cheap activity(ies) with professional ladies of the night that would be far more rewarding and pleasurable.

    • Joshua Rodman says:

      Never go with the ladies of the night. Go with a reputable independent contractor. Better labor situation for them, better experience for you.

      Yes I have researched the sex worker side of this a fair bit.

  27. Spod says:

    Of course 3d Sexvilla got there first, quite some time ago indeed, and I don’t mind admitting that I know that!

    Oh, disturbed is an odd reaction to this game. Keiron’s initial reaction seems reasonable, finding the whole thing amusing but I don’t really see what’s disturbing about this – it’s just computer game porn, what’s the big deal?

    • destroy.all.monsters says:

      Exactly. What about all the japanese “dating” sims? Can’t imagine why anyone cares. it’s sex, it happens, so what? Are people still stuck in 4th grade or something?

      And if this is icky then why isn’t all the yaoi pron all the girls like equally horrible? It just seems like a ridiculous double standard.

    • destroy.all.monsters says:

      Also – in what way is this worse than Second Life?

  28. ruaidhri says:

    bloody hell, you could have warned me !

  29. Freud says:

    Think I’ll wait for the Kinect version.

  30. ChaosSmurf says:

    ARE YOU GUYS KIDDING? DOWNLOADING RIGHT NOW, GAME OF THE YEAR, AAA TITLE.

  31. I'm not at work anymore says:

    Hey I’m the guy that accidentally clicked through to the tit-bearing Mafia 2 writeup while at work and then commented about it. Thanks for the NSFW in the title this time :)

  32. Kieran says:

    Wow, Brian Ashcraft writing for RPS. Good to see you guys are branching out!

  33. Cooper says:

    Sociopathy sounds wrong. Sounds like something that would be practiced by someone with some letters before or after their name. Can you get sociopathists?

  34. Wodge says:

    Time for my favourite internet phrase after “lol wut”

    “I am twelve and what is this”

    Always works

  35. Thants says:

    Wait, those screen-shots don’t make any sense. Is he supposed to be erm… puncturing directly through the fabric?

  36. frightlever says:

    So…. a game in which you shoot people is just a game, and shouldn’t be judged as if you wanted to really shoot people. With a gun.

    But a sex game, in which you pork people with your love gun, SHOULD be judged against real sex.

    Okies. All clear, thanks!

  37. Angel Dust says:

    Surely by ‘The Omen’ what you really meant was ‘The Exorcist’, Kieron?

  38. llort says:

    WOW MY BOSS JUST WALKED IN ON THIS, I LOST MY JOBS
    THANKS.

  39. Spacewalk says:

    I think that I’ll wait for someone to make a sex game with actual sex mannequins, made out of wax so you can easily mould their bodies to suit your taste but you have to manage your speed so that the friction doesn’t melt them whilst keeping the air conditioner on the right settings so that doesn’t melt them either. And the city is enduring a record heat wave. And you can’t run the aircon too long or it breaks down and you have to get a repairman. You cans tore your sex mannequins in a refrigerator and even have sex in there but you run the risk of exposure.

    It would be marketed as survival horror.

  40. Frozenbyte says:

    Come on now, RPS. Have you really resorted to reviewing erotic games to gain more viewers?

  41. tariqone says:

    It’s always fun to see internet dudes who are shocked, shocked to see balling on the internets.

    Anyway, I’m still waiting for an internet humping game I can play with my gf, obviating the need for actual, sticky humping. Is that bad?

  42. Haborym says:

    Play a Japanese pron game, they’re much more satisfying.

  43. pupsikaso says:

    Watch out sexy Oblivion mods! You’re finally getting some competition!

  44. Jambe says:

    The Japanese are thoroughly unaffected by this article. I, however, chortled heartily.

    My lady friend is understandably disappointed with the relative lack of male customizability.

    This isn’t so much a sex simulator as a “craft you a digi-woman and plug her with digi-peens” interactive adventure. Pretty much the fantasy of any male child left to derive his ethical values from modern culture, I’d suppose. It’s a pitiably hilarious thing, this… at least they understand their demographic pretty well.

  45. Chris says:

    The Japanese have (quite profitably) been making these sorts of games for years. Hentai games aren’t just long-winded choose-your-own-adventures interspersed with 2D drawings of anime people going at it anymore. No, most nowadays are bona fide sex simulators just like this – sometimes even sexual violence, rape, or even child molestation simulators. So, while we might think this is unethical, immoral, or just simply ludicrous – there’s a definite, proven market out there somewhere within humanity.

  46. destroy.all.monsters says:

    Will there be an RPS Guild? What will “Clan Wars” look like?

  47. Novotny says:

    If this means I can finally get fucking laid then there can no longer be any question regarding PC Gaming dominance.

  48. terry says:

    I scrolled down to the bottom without looking at anything and I am appalled in advance. Never have I seen such pastel hues on the RPS webcolumn.

  49. Moonracer says:

    I’d be interested in a quality comparison of games like this designed specifically for sex as part of the sex industry and sex mods for “actual” games. Looking at the pictures my guess is that this is only slightly better than that RP prostitution mod for Fallout 3.

    Regardless, while it’s not for me, I’m glad it exists and I’m glad there’s an article up on RPS about it. I’d also like to point out the obvious disturbing fact that this is “BAD” and ultra graphic violence is “okay”.

    • DigitalSignalX says:

      Actually the custom player skins and bodies are far superior in Fallout3. Some of them are freakishly life-like. Well, life in a playboy mansion perhaps. The animations though are usually pretty amateur. There are some surprisingly well done animations (and skins) for Sims3. Pretty much every PC game that’s really popular has some sort of “nude patch” variant. That’s the beauty of our platform (=

  50. sinister agent says:

    No online multiplayer. 2/10.

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