“I’m Taking Off Your Bra + 4 Versus Scarabs”

By Kieron Gillen on August 5th, 2010 at 5:20 pm.


This caught my eye and made me smile. Eurogamer reports on Blizzard restating its policy on in-game harassment, which is the best euphemism for “cracking down on people having cybersex in public” I’ve heard in a while. “Fancy a little in-game harassment, luv?” “Not tonight – I’ve got a headache”. This follows an upset father complaining after seeing exactly what his son was seeing near Goldshire Inn on the Moon Guard Server. Blizzard explains while they police unsolicited chat and public, they leave private consensual stuff alone – though also note it’s a big world, and they can’t be everywhere. Regular trouble-spots however, are highlighted. “Members of our Customer Services team will ‘patrol’ Goldshire on Moon Guard on a regular basis, and take appropriate action for individuals violating the Harassment Policy,” says the spokesperson. For my money, the appropriate action would be screaming “Stop it! Just Stop it! For God’s sake – what are you thinking? That’s a troll, for fuck’s sake. You make me want to attack my own groin with nails!”

In other news, I made the mistake of Google searching “Erotic World of Warcraft” to try and get an image for this. I wasn’t thinking. I just wasn’t thinking.

__________________

« | »

, , .

74 Comments »

  1. Ian says:

    “In other news, I made the mistake of Google searching “Erotic World of Warcraft” to try and get an image for this.”

    A man of your interwebs experience couldn’t surely do that accidentally, so I think this is really just your way of telling us about one of your fetishes.

    • Ian says:

      By “accidentally”, I of course mean “without realising the horror you’re opening yourself up for”.

    • Emphursis says:

      *does*

      OH GOD THE HORROR!

    • Cooper says:

      Curisotiy may have killed the cat, but it has now burnt indelible images into my mind that no amount of eyeball scrubbing can remove.

      Another round to you, internets.

    • Down Rodeo says:

      How about PC Gamer’s most recent offering linking Portal fanfic? I wasn’t thinking either… bit.ly… NOW I CANNOT FORGET.

      That Richard Cobbet is a terror.

    • Rei Onryou says:

      @Down Rodeo: I made the same mistake yesterday. I’m not sure what scarred me more – the subject, the poor characterisation, or just the poor writing skills. Damn you Cobbett!

    • Wulf says:

      That sounds like a fanfic that badly needs a good MiSTing.

    • westyfield says:

      I’ll regret this, but what Portal fanfic is this?
      It can’t be that bad, surely? Prove me wrong.

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      @westyfield

      Never place “can’t be that bad” and “fanfic” in close proximity.
      Famous last words.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      *pat pat*

      There, there, Kieron. You’ll be fine. Go play a mindless shooter or two and you’ll feel better. And I do mean mindless, like Painkiller or Serious Sam.

    • megalomania says:

      “It could be worse.”
      “Wait, safe search is on. Let me just…”
      “Oh.”

  2. Driadan says:

    In other news, I made the mistake of Google searching “Erotic World of Warcraft” to try and get an image for this. I wasn’t thinking. I just wasn’t thinking.

    Soon, one of the top ten searchs on google

  3. Wolfox says:

    Another victim of Rule 34.

    Back to the topic… can you play as a troll in WoW? Because if you can, such harassment might just be good role-playing. After all, what else would trolls do but trolling?

    • DrGonzo says:

      You indeed can. That reminds me of that guy who harrassed everyone off a server in Everquest I think. I seem to remember he got away with it too, saying he was roleplaying. Anyone have a link or did I dream it?

    • Maxheadroom says:

      yeah that was a guy who was playing a dark elf ‘in character’ by generally being a dick and griefing everyone. Cant find the link but you didn’t dream it (unless we both had the same dream)

  4. Clovis says:

    This really puts me in the mood for a little Rule 34 on murlocs …

  5. Gotem says:

    I put on my wizard hat

  6. Malibu Stacey says:

    yet another non-story made into a news item by simply being WoW related.
    One person cancelled one account because he didn’t like something his son was exposed to in the game. You don’t see him cancelling his own and/or his wifes accounts to support his indignation at this do you?

    If this was any other game it’d barely be on anyone’s radar, just because it’s WoW it’ll probably be on the 10 o’clock news tonight on BBC1.

    • Wulf says:

      In all honesty, I think this ‘news story’ was just an excuse for Kieron to be hilariously perverse.

    • PleasingFungus says:

      I think the news is Blizzard’s response; specifically the “Customer Services Team ‘patrols’”, which is a bizarrely real-world sort of response. (Wouldn’t it be simpler just to remotely monitor chat…?)

    • westyfield says:

      @ Wulf:
      Like an excuse is needed.

    • Sagan says:

      @PleasingFungus:

      Are they allowed to do that? That could get into all kinds of privacy issues. I have just quickly looked over the terms of use, expecting to find something like “Blizzard is allowed to monitor your chat under the following conditions” but I have found nothing. I would expect that if they are monitoring chat, the limitations of that would be outlined very clearly. (like that not everyone at Blizzard can access the logs)

    • ScubaMonster says:

      @Sagan: I don’t see why they couldn’t monitor the chat to enforce policy. It’s not your phone line. This is chat in an online game they privately own.

  7. Freud says:

    So basically he cancels his sons account to punish WoW, while keeping his own account.

    Believe it or not, when I was 15 years old I knew both what a pee pee and a bajingo was. Of course I turned out to be a creep too.

  8. Wulf says:

    I win!

    Thanks to having various friends who are Americans in college (THE STEREOTYPES ARE TRUE!), I am completely desensitised to the Internet. There isn’t anything that could scar or surprise me.

    You’d be amazed at how far and wide Rule 34 applies. Or maybe you wouldn’t.

    • Jad says:

      Wait, is there really a stereotype that college-aged Americans are dirtier-minded that Brits? I find that hard to believe.

    • Wulf says:

      Not so much that. More that they’ll prank you with anything, regardless of how traumatising it is.

      Such as finding an image of a horse, a metroid, and robby the robot getting it on and putting it up on every computer in their dorm.

      Not so much dirty minded, but masters of schadenfreude.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      And most of them don’t know the meaning of the word schadenfreude.

    • Wulf says:

      The ones I know unfortunately do, as I somehow got involved with a few of a bright group of boffins who’re majoring in robotics and biology. They’ve given me a number of good laughs, as you might expect from a bunch of highly intelligent people who tend to throw caution to the wind. Ah, youth.

      But yes, I’m friendly with American studenty boffins for a reason. They frequently have tales of horror which are good for a laugh. Like recently, when they managed to get their hands on a surplus of butane cartridges…

  9. Sagan says:

    *goes into private browsing mode*
    *googles the same*

    *returns*

    Meh, I’ve seen worse. You clearly haven’t been around the internet long enough, like on Encyclopedia Dramatica.

    • Wulf says:

      Or the chans. The horrors that lurk there could trouble even the most insane minds.

    • westyfield says:

      Sometimes I forget what Encyclopaedia Dramatica really is, and use it to look up some obscure info on a meme. And then I find… I mean, I can’t talk about it. Mustn’t remember. Never remember.

    • Wulf says:

      Hm. Methinks westyfield is in denial over a fetish.

      Colour me intrigued!

    • westyfield says:

      I shan’t tell you! You’ll never find out! You can’t make me go back there! Don’t make me go back there… not the dark place… please, not the dark place!

    • BAReFOOt says:

      I recommend looking up the Encyclopedia Dramatica article for “Offended”. I’m not going to link to it, as that could be called laying out a bait for aggavated assault (Of the clicker, and then perhaps of me.). ^^
      Because it is literally the pinnacle of the collection the worst things you’ll ever see on the Internet. It is scientifically proven to be physically impossible for something worse to exist. …I swear…! ;)

      After that, Goatse will give you a mere “meh”, and you will be able to stare at Meatspin for hours without having any emotions.

      Plus: You’ll be epically hardened and invincible to future horrors.
      Minus: 21.5% don’t survive.

  10. pipman300 says:

    so. find any good orc porn while you were searching?

  11. MonkeyMonster says:

    Heh heh, this article is now 9th on the list when googling that phrase… :D

  12. bleeters says:

    I’ll be in my bunk.

  13. Freud says:

    /s You mean, the panties your mother laid out for you?

  14. Tei says:

    Cow + Blizzard Employees = Tauron

  15. Tei says:

    Internet is for PORN.

    • bleeters says:

      Good of Youtube to provide such… supportive suggestions.

  16. Csauli says:

    I haven’t read the article, so I pose the following question: Is the scenario at hand either:

    a) Daddy realizes that his poor, angelic son at the tender, innocent age of FIFTEEN years comes across random sexy-talk online, (in a game about performing black magic, slaughtering and maiming dozens of people in order to be able to kill even more people), and responds by deleting his account, sends a horrified complaint to Blizzard or whatever? (And most likely handcuffs his son before he goes to bed every night so that he won’t touch himself.)

    Or:

    b) His son is being stalked and harassed by some very sick individual online, stalking his avatar and sending him sexually suggestive chat messages?

    Because if it’s the former, I have very little sympathy or general love for ol’ dad, there, and remain thoroughly convinced that it would be for the better of all of us if he just died. And based on the general tone of Kieron Gillen’s article, I don’t get the impression that it’s the latter.

    • Nick says:

      You don’t want to be walking around a game with a PEGI (for example) age rating of 12 and read people talking about sticking their elf cocks into troll vaginas in graphic detail do you?

    • Saul says:

      Oh, come on, what else do 12-year-olds talk about?

    • Nick says:

      knives

  17. ScubaMonster says:

    Well, Moon Guard is a RP server. Avoid RP servers at all costs if you don’t want to encounter cyber sex at all the inns.

    • Shadram says:

      I play on an RP server, and they’re not that bad. I have seen cybering maybe three times in 4 years of WoW. I had pretty much the same response as Kieron suggests, except it wasn’t my own groin that I wanted to damage with nails.

  18. geldonyetich says:

    I’m inclined to believe that this kind of thing only leverages roleplay as an excuse for dirty chat. Seriously, don’t even associate the word roleplay with it.

  19. TenjouUtena says:

    What is worse:

    A) This article is #3 on the Google search for “Erotic World of Warcraft” …

    or…

    B) I know this.

  20. cpy says:

    Somehow i feel they should give us R rated realms :-)

  21. G says:

    As a MUST SEE for the “nails to groin” tag, I feel obliged to reference:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8iWz4P_kJM

    Btw, is it me, or are 2 URLs in the comments forbidden / moderated?

  22. Measurements says:

    I might be springboarding from a slim news story about sexy wow talk into a larger debate about censorship and societal taboos but I get so baffled by parental reaction to sex things getting near their kids (honey, he might learn what his winky does, we can’t have that) that I am reduced to splurging these opinions I have liberally up any nearby wall. Apologies.

    We all have cocks or cunts. We should probably just get over it and learn to deal with them at a young age so we know what we’re doing when it becomes of interest. If we did that, you wouldn’t encounter people trying to arouse each other in a fucking computer game in the first place.

    I do wander who looked down at their genitalia one day and said ‘well this just will not do!’ and set about making the entire act of living a taboo. And it stuck.

    In unrelated news, my ‘captcha’ is MDMA. Haven’t tried it!

    • Malibu Stacey says:

      I do wander who looked down at their genitalia one day and said ‘well this just will not do!’ and set about making the entire act of living a taboo. And it stuck.

      That’ll be the majority of organised religion then.

      I find it funny that western Europeans think us Brits are uptight about sex yet we look at the Yanks & are amazed how uptight they are. I’d be surprised to see this story happen outside of the US.

  23. measurements says:

    Edit: The actual story is that the kid heard about this place and active sought to find it. Then the dad finds him and his mates giggling over the ‘lewd’ shite and whips out the ban hammer. I’m with the people that said this isn’t even news. This is a kid doing something borderline interesting (or pathetic) and getting caught. Furthermore the publicity this gets apparently only increases the visiting populace of spammers and trolls to the server. So the dad also shot himself in the foot, or at least shot the server in the foot.

    The dad was angry with his kid, not Blizzard. But the kid couldn’t possibly have been in the wrong therefore Blizzard were.

    Can you tell I’m procrastinating?

  24. Diziet says:

    Just don’t google that stuff… I seem to remember there being whole live action movies of that stuff. *yeuugh*. Although the night elf was amusing. :)

  25. Zer0Credibility says:

    I think this screenshot should be released as a deterrent.

    http://img28.imageshack.us/i/wowscrnshot101108021320.jpg/

  26. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Ah, Goldshire.