By RPS on August 12th, 2010 at 5:06 pm.
In a world exclusive interview, we have been lucky enough to sit down with the phenomenal, sometimes tragic figure of Pro Adventure Gaming, John Walker. Starting his professional point and clicking aged 4, Walker has gone on to gain fame and infamy in the pro-gaming/e-sports world. A star, like so many, tainted with controversy, his epic rise to the top has been worldwide news. We took the opportunity to speak to Walker in his own home, getting an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at the man behind the legend.
The following interview contains exclusive insight into Walker’s exclusive dietary requirements, his exclusive exercise regime, and some exclusive thoughts on the pro-gaming scene. Controversy follows as he briefly mentions Counter-Strike players, and has some pie.
Enormous thanks to documentary maker and director, Jim Rossignol, and editor and executive producer, Jo Dolby.
You massacred that pie.
report
Pie had it coming.
report
Pathetic average PPM when compared with the American Pro-Adventure Gamers though, I fear.
report
Sorry I don’t know where that hyphen came from, although I am in favour of adventure gaming.
And after Machinarium surely everyone must be at least pro-choice.
report
Were you eating that pie with a ladle?
report
The tragedy is, afterward, I did eat some of that pie with that spoon. I am him : (
report
That’s no ladle, it’s the Cobbett ProVenture™ Action Piespoon™: A key tool in the arsenal for any aspiring Pro Adventure gamer looking to devour the requisite number of pies to fuel their Human brain.
report
use LADLE with PIE
report
I don’t understand the word ‘LADLE’.
report
-You are in a GARDEN.
-To your EAST there is a PIE and a SPOON.
-
-What will you do next?
report
Travel WEST, since there is no ladle. :(
report
EXAMINE PIE
report
use ROPE with PIE
report
Did you eat it with Oneida Gay Adventure Flatware?
report
Look at him eat that pie…
He’s more animal than man…
report
I’m speechless.
report
Pro Adventure Gamer if the only interaction is eat, and the only object is food! Ho HO!
report
VHS!
report
I. . . don’t understand. Is this making fun of something specific?
report
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmYhX8fjmo8&hd=1
report
This would be why I haven’t picked up Star Craft 2.
report
Ender Higgins, is that you?
report
@ John (and SC2 Video)
That boy is certainly fast but can he juggle?
Clearly there is no end to Mr John Walker’s talents.
report
must double post to correct typo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender_Wiggin
report
Adventure gaming is nothing compared to Starcraft 2.
report
Maybe my brain just isn’t up to seeing all of what’s happening on screen, but does it look to anyone else like they’re just flicking uselessly back and forth between control groups without issuing any further instructions a lot of the time?
report
And I thought I was the only one to remember that meme.
report
“Watch Moon and Nada wreck havoc on the digital battlefield with their L337 reflexes to spread some pwnage.”
Best piece of game-related writing in years. I think RPS needs to close down now.
report
Can we plebs get a signed Razer pie shovel from the master as a prize some time?
report
And because I have poor impulse control
http://members.iinet.net.au/~ragtag/devourer.jpg
back to not giving up day job.
report
@Muzman I laughed I cried and laughed again. Fun for all the family
report
@John’s YouTube link. Of course the comments are always the best, and this one had me in stitches. Here he quotes a line from one of the players in the video:
I have tried this and that, putting my wrists on sandbags and so forth…
…
…
…
come on mother fucker, how long does it take to say that in korean.
report
@ itsallcrap:
Yes, it basically comes down to that. I have never been active in the StarCraft community, but when APM somehow became an issue in Warcraft 3 professional gaming, it was just ridiculous. There was no relation at all between how high someones APM was to how often he would win. The guy in the video linked by John playing Warcraft 3 even makes a stupid little mistake, despite his high APM: he initially forgets to pick up the item dropped, and takes some extra damage because he has to go back and get it. If he wasn’t uselessly switching back and forth between all his troops all the time, then maybe he could control them properly.
In Warcraft 3 APM eventually became a non-issue again, and nobody talked about it anymore.
I predict that it will become a non-issue in StarCraft 2, too. The reason why people ever thought high APM was needed was, that StarCraft had crappy controls and you couldn’t select more than one building or more than twelve units at a time.That’s no longer the case and there are now very few situations where you would still want to push buttons three times a second.
report
That’s no longer the case and there are now very few situations where you would still want to push buttons three times a second.
Unless of course you’re trying to become the RSI Champion of the World!
report
@Saul
Hehe, that’s what I was thinking.
I hope they enjoyed signing those mouse mats, because pretty soon that’s going to be agony.
report
Wow. I wish I could do that many press ups.
report
What in god’s name…they should just, like, only push the buttons they need to.
report
Interesting, a reply fail, I assumed this was the fault of the user.
report
What’s an adventure game?
report
They played them during the war, when FPS’s were rationed.
report
I’ve been a fan of John’s for years, and his unique combination of focus, dedication and Royal Canin dog biscuits has always been key to his overwhelming success. If only more of our aspiring athletes would have the iron self discipline to follow in his arduous footsteps, the United Kingdom would lead the world in all athletic endeavours.
report
I always imagined that voice to be associated with a little pixie man and I used to feel sorry for John when the others picked on him. NOT ANYMORE JOHN.
The RPS podcast has been permanently ruined for me now.
report
Me too! This has absolutely ruined the image I had of John in my head. For one thing, my John was always smiling; it was impossible to imagine him with a gloomy face.
report
Very special John. I hope you recover soon and manage to get back to your career in Adventure gaming.
report
There’s obviously been a mix-up with the video – the man in that clip is clearly Randy from My Name is Earl.
report
Oh good grief.
I’m not that fat : (
report
@John
No, you most certainly aren’t, and I don’t think that’s what he was referring to. The unfortunate bewildered expression captured in that video freeze frame is a dead-on copy of the one Randy wears for virtually the entirety of that show.
report
Yeah.
Also if you actually were that fat, it wouldn’t be a good insult, would it?
:P
report
The Royal Canin explains your lovely coat and strong teeth.
report
What’s more, John has entirely avoided the foot-to-ball addiction that has grabbed so many of his peers.
report
Who invited Randy from My Name is Earl to RPS?
I kid, I kid.
report
Hilarious. i love you John..and i don’t care you don’t look to bad lol. My god when you were eating that pie i thought yeah go get that pie…though you shouldn’t have eaten it like that any adventure gamer knows you can eat a pie with a spoon you have to come up with an insrument of eating from various items and then eat the pie!
Never change John Walker…
report
As a retried semi-pro pie-athlete I can confirm that a ladle is in fact the weapon of choice for those competing at the highest level.
report
I have to say, seeing John exercise… I mean, phwoar!
report
Rofl, good two minutes of fun.
report
Best pushups ever.
PS: Captcha DUHS
report
It was hard to watch as he’s breathing in as he pushes up instead of the other way around. I kept thinking he’s going to suck up a leaf or an insect and not even get as far as the coronary failure.
Seriously though, good show! Let’s see more parodies like this.
report
John Walker is a terrible diva. Not only is he a prima donna that makes outrageous demands when attending e-sporting events (a bowl of Maltesers with the chocolate removed must be placed in his dressing room alongside exactly 10cc of mouse blood), his lewd and unruly behaviour outside of the LAN centres that upset me the most.
It’s adventure game players like him who are damaging the public opinion of e-sports in the UK. When you look at the morning paper and see photos of Walker (or others of his ilk) stumbling out of night clubs with an April Ryan cosplayer on each arm, climb on to a motorcycle covered in Polecats decals and promptly tear across the countryside, crashing through barns and in to the lairs of respectable scientists, you can’t help but think that we have failed as a nation. Something must have gone wrong somewhere when this sort of behaviour is prevalent in those who are supposed to be our children’s role models.
report
And the crying, man, the crying! You’d think that someone who’s supposed to be an icon for our youths would be a little better at conforming to age-appropriate stereotypes but no, here’s a creature that calls itself a Man and yet cries like a big baby!
Simply outrageous.
report
John makes those so-called ridiculous demands because of the complexity and danger involved in his stage show. If there is only 9cc’s of mouse blood he knows that the local roadies aren’t too careful and that something could be wrong in his setup.
Hmm… no, wait…. that’s Van Halen. Nevermind.
report
Following up on Alex here: in the words of a Russian competitor in the International Gaming Adventure Championships, ‘entire [British] team is babies’.
You’ve let us down, John.
report
heh, I got the 10cc of mouse reference! go me!
report
I got it too, but still haven’t finished Discworld 2, oh, woe is me! : (
report
Serious typing skills! Very impressive. I bet you can complete Police Quest in under 30 minutes!
report
What a horrible thing to say.
report
Absolutely. Police Quest should be savoured.
report
Argleblargletlarg! The brain is not a muscle. *murrrdurrrrs everyone involved*
Seriously though, more like this. RPS needs to do comedy more often.
report
Ha! That was brilliant!
report
It wasn’t a Fray Bentos! I’m disappointed in you! :(
report
It was a damn fine looking pie all the same.
report
The funny part was when he talked about Adventure Games requiring the use of one’s brain. I liked the fast typing, but you also needed a scene with him really carefully moving a mouse to slowly cover every pixel on the screen.
report
Also a scene of John combining at least 10 different household objects to retrieve his car keys from down a drain.
report
John Walker has actually borrowed my car, for two months while I was away, and I’m pleased to say there is no evidence of any drainwater damage to the keys. I can go as far as saying that John is a most excellent custodian of cars, as in those two months the windscreen only had to be replaced once and there were no more than two Penalty Charge Notices issued for illegally driving in bus lanes.
report
JOHN WALKER IS RISING UP.
Captcha: SFPS. Super FPS? Nobody tell Epic Games or Treyarch.
report
Wait…. suffered a massive coronary failure? John’s okay, right? I mean… who is this impostor who keeps posting in the thread?!
Is it John from beyond?
o_O
report
So what’s John’s PPD (Pies Per Day) ratio at the moment?
report
This is marvellous.
But has left me with an insatiable desire for pie and a wanton disregard for calorie consumption.
FIE ON YOUR HOUSES
report
I still remember squaring off against Walker at the 1993 IAGC. Ah, those were the days.
report
Pies should have meat and gravy inside them, not silly fruit stuff. I’m Northern.
report
Exactly. That was not a pie, it was a fruit and pastry based abomination.
report
The USA would sadden you greatly (as it does me, in this instance). They don’t really believe in putting meat in pies much at all. Steak pies? Mince pies? Pork pies? Don’t exist. No lovely pasties. No sausage rolls. Sometimes I almost weep. I did learn to make a pretty decent steak pie, though, out of desperation.
report
Margarine? Pff.
report
Dammit, I need new pants, I peed myself laughing.
report
I love it! Reminds me of some OMM piece of old.
report
I just ate a beef and mushroom pie with a knife and fork. Took me about 10-15 minutes*. Having watched this video, I see where I went wrong.
John Walker, paragon of pie.
*I did have some vegetables as well, but only the pie is counted.
report
Large bottle of squeezy tomato sauce right next to the desk says John’s a man… who at any given moment may require sauce… on things. This video is such an insight into the life of a Pro Adventure Gamer. We must update your wikipedia page with this new information.
report
All this time, I thought John Walker was an American.
It’s good to see I was right.
report
Hilarious. Best RPS post I’ve read in a long time, along with the other previous parody material from John.
More of this please :)
report
Nice juggling.
report
That was the intro to Leisure Suit Larry 3! I are a winnar!!!
report
A WINNER IS YOU !
report
Man, I thought I could eat, but Mr Walker has pried open my uncultured eyes.
Also: Jim(?) trying not to laugh about ten seconds in.
This was great, I would love to see more… perhaps a similar profile for each of the writers? I’m sure I’m not alone in wanting to know the sordid story behind Quinns’ recurrent iron shortage…
report
You’ll need to work on your clicks per seconds. No way you can win with only 10 clicks per second.
report
but please tell us: how many puzzles you had to solve to get a pie? had to get a fuse to fix the door bell to distract the old lady while you went around and took it from the windows with the mittens you got from the gardener in exchange of using a magnet and a string to retreive his car keys from a sewer
report
Is it wrong to say that I’ve got an even bigger, hairy, man-crush on John after watching this video? ;)
report
Would love to see more fun videos like this from you guys.
report
This is why I don’t play adventure games; it simply sucks to use your brain a million times per second, like the professionals do, and I don’t want to get laughed at online because I actually have fun.
report
I was hoping for some montage footage of practicing classic adventure game puzzles, like “Paper under door to catch key” and “Use skeleton arm covered in Hitler’s blood and stool on the DNA checker”.
Does JW have a real life inventory? And if so, what does he always carry in it?
report
John does have a real-life inventory. It contains Heinz tomato ketchup. 300ml in a glass bottle, from memory, he showed me once.
report
Keepin’ that flag a’flyin’
report
Hahaha, it’s John’s fabled emergency bottle of ketchup!
report
That made me laugh so hard I almost stopped crying after finding out I cant watch this seasons IT Crowd till next year!
Damn you limeys and you incredibly funny comedies and boring murder mysteries!
report
It’s like Consolevania and RPS have merged! Brilliant stuff :)
report
You’ll never get anywhere in the Monkey Island ladder with APM like that!
Man up and bake a pie mountain to further your skills!
Sissy!
<3 Mr Walker
report
Absolutely fantastic! Thank You! I still think those early Sierra games are what I have to primarily thank for my typing speed being decent. Keep up the laughs. :)
report
I guess I am the only person to note that you were wearing a Phillies hat… For shame
report
@Luckylad: He’s British. To us, it’s just a hat.
report
I’m American. It’s still just a hat.
report
How DARE you!
That’s my Phillies hat!
And how about that comeback against the Dodgers?!
report
Now that was funny, like going back to the old days of funny stuff. Bring back the funny.
Next thing you know we’ll have the funny mouse-over captions on screenshots again!
report
Those never left, it’s just that they don’t always do it. But most of the time.
report
That’s just absolute genius.
More of this please mighty RPS.
report
This is why I pay my £2 a month!
report
I’m slightly worried that John’s breathing seems to flange while he’s doing press-ups. That can’t be healthy.
report
Who ate all the pies?
report
Ah, you British people always crack me up. It’s also fun that the word ‘British’ is so close to ‘Brutish’.
report
What a dashingly handsome chap. And comes with his own pie. Will you marry me? :-P
report