Banking On It: Patrician IV German Demo

By Kieron Gillen on August 24th, 2010 at 3:18 pm.

I was thinking of some kind of Stephen Merchant gag, but just gave up.

A micro choose your own adventure. 1) Are you very excited by the Patrician IV? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 5. 2) Do you speak German? If yes, go to 4. If no, go to 3. 3) Do you care enough about Patrician IV to deal with the fact the demo isn’t in a language you understand and you figure that you can get by just clicking stuff randomly? If yes, go to 4. If no, go to 5. 4) There’s a 700Mb Patrician IV German demo out you can download. Woo! If you’re excited enough to just go and get it now, go here. If you can’t remember what it looks like, go to 6. 5) Go Sumotori! 6)

THE END.

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26 Comments »

  1. SpinalJack says:

    Sumotori all the way!

  2. DigitalSignalX says:

    This is a fun series, definitely worth the price when it comes out. Between this and “The Guild 2″ with it’s expansions, you’ve what I consider some of the best of empire building games.

  3. cliffski says:

    Are there plans for a UK demo?
    I lvoe anno 1404. This is similar yes?

  4. Arathain says:

    I still remember that PCG-UK Diablo 2 preview as one of the best and most entertaining works of critical journalism ever written. The funniest, anyway, and that counts for a lot.

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      Thanks. That was one of the one of the three which actually put forward to that real award which I won, so it seemed to go down well.

      (I’m told Blizzard/Vivendi hated it, but pah!)

      KG

  5. Rakysh says:

    The sumotori link gives me a 404 :(

    • Man Raised By Puffins says:

      Sumotori!

    • Rakysh says:

      *gives love*

    • Ozzie says:

      I played Sumotori for a bit and laughed my ass off. Then I realized that I’m not controlling my character anymore after I lost or won the battle. All the standing up business is just acted out by the AI.
      This took away a lot of the humor and made it disappointing to me.
      If the controls on the other hand were so wretched that you had truly problems to get them up, like I thought it was at first, well, it would’ve been ten times better then, especially since the interactive part, the fight, is always over after 5 seconds.

  6. Hentzau says:

    @Arathain: I wish I could remember the exact wording of what happened when you picked Ringo as your favourite Beatle. It was /amazing/.

    • Arathain says:

      Oh lord yes. A grinning train fell on you, if I recall right. Not nearly so nasty as what happened if you picked Paul.

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      “6) The Necromancer doesn’t have time to speak a word before a giant train with a grotesque face plummets from the sky to crush you utterly. Go to 1 to play again.”

      and

      “27) You are horrified to find your entrails implode. You fall to the ground, staring in horror, mumbling “Oh God, why me. Oh why.” You are dead. Go to 1 to try again.”

      KG

    • Hentzau says:

      Ah yes, I loved the idea that you’d just said something so fundamentally at odds with the universe that you had to be removed from it in the swiftest way possible. Great article. :D

  7. mod the world says:

    Sehr schönes Spiel. Danke, Stein, Papier, Schrotflinte.

    • bonuswavepilot says:

      Wait, so the German for rock is Stein? So what’s the connection with drinking from them….?
      *Googles* oh, I see; its short for Steingut, being stoneware, of which they were made… Well, that was dull, but in either case Schrotflinte is an awesome word for shotgun.

    • i am paul newman says:

      it’s actually not that dull :D

      stein is an old measure of volume and a regional name for very big stone cups that hold more than 1 liter and have a handle

      they can be made out of many materials, not just stone
      they often have family, fraternity, guild, or city logos and are a sign of unity or comradery

    • bonuswavepilot says:

      Wow, not just an actor and salad dressing magnate, but knowledgable about Germanic drinking vessels.
      *Tips hat.
      I definitely like this forum better than the other gamey ones where the only thing you learn is new terms of abuse… :)=

  8. Saiko Kila says:

    Now, that’s something interesting at least. I wonder if it will be such a time sink as Anno 1404 or older Patricians.

  9. Hawkey says:

    Unfortunately it’s disappointment. The lacks of the deep of the former P2 and tries to deceive the gamers with lousy graphic. I canceled my pre-order from 3 motnsh ago and hope they will release some conten patches to improve it. If they target for casual palyers – they should develop some bejeweled clone or such, but don’t try to make a nice WiSim less complex and interesting :(

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