By RPS Louse on October 14th, 2010 at 12:38 pm.
I cannot maintain my silence any longer. As someone who has been working behind the scenes at Rock, Paper, Shotgun since it launched, and seen what’s really been going on here, I have to reveal the truth of this company. How am I supposed to sit back and watch as the website is adulated across the internet, bestowed with numerous awards for the supposed success of its “four main writers”, and celebrated as the site that invented good games journalism. I have recently found out I’m to be dismissed in the next round of lay-offs at RPS, as the company once again fires the “little people” who actually run the site, while the ego of the Big Four grows. So I’ve started this blog, and I’m using the login details I’ve got for RPS until they figure out how to stop me. Like those idiots ever could.
Working for Rock, Paper, Shotgun basically means pretending you don’t exist, and giving the credit for all your work to Jim, Alec, John or Quintin. Their names go at the top of the posts, their names go on the comments below, their names go on the awards after. Anyone who speaks up, who suggests that more credit should go to the actual authors, is very quickly out of work.
So if you want to know what really goes on at RPS, I’ll tell you right now.
First, the Big Four don’t know what they’re doing. Quintin Smith is the cruellest man I’ve ever encountered. All he does is sit in his palatial London apartment, sucking up to the right people. You want to know how he got the job on RPS? It wasn’t because of his writing talent. Let’s just say that with enough money, and enough dirt on the right people, it’s very easy to get a position on the RPS board. He’s never written a single word of copy in his entire career, and instantly fits right in to the “team”.
Alec Meer used to be the decent one. When the company started, he was the one who would talk to the staff writers, the art production teams, and so on. He didn’t actually do anything, of course, but would at least be courteous to those who did. That all changed with time. Now he’s rarely to be seen outside of his offices. No one knows what he does in there, but the stories of screams and crying animals are rife.
John Walker – “The Funny One” as they so hilariously call him – is the biggest arsehole of them all. By far the least funny person I’ve ever encountered, his lack of a sense of humour leads to his misunderstanding anything anyone says to him. The endless rages are legendary in the office, inevitably because he doesn’t get a joke on the site, and starts screaming the place down. I could tell you about the out-of-court settlement that prevented one of his victims bringing to light the incident with the chair. Maybe another time. But let’s just say that he’s got enough money to make sure people don’t need to hear about his violent tendencies.
And as for Jim Rossignol, who thinks he’s the boss of the whole enterprise. It’s pretty sad really. The delusional old man sits in his luxury country cottage, banging away on a keyboard that’s not plugged into anything, while barking orders at his staff to build him ever-more improbable robots. You should see what they have to do, dressing up in tin foil-wrapped cardboard to appease his insane ranting, as he picks up and slams down a disconnected phone. It’s hard to hate such a tragic figure. But it’s also pretty hard to see him receive credit for the book he pretends he wrote.
Want to know more? Keep reading. I can keep ranting.
You’re probably wondering about Kieron Gillen, and the coup that led to his getting fired. Oh, he left voluntarily you say? No, he was fired. The other four, with Quintin the “brains” of the operation, plotted to get rid of him so they could split his salary between them. Quintin saw an opportunity to replace Kieron in the Big Four, and within a couple of months KG was gone and “Quinns” (as he likes to pretend we want to call him) settled in to his position and salary. I bet Quintin is enjoying the sweet new chicken and ham pie he bought after leaving the knife in the man who mentored him.
Kieron was no saint. Promoted far beyond his ability he had to rely on so many underlings to get anything done. And the sycophancy of Jim, John and Alec. It wasn’t until Quintin joined the team that any of them had the guts to try to launch the coup, and blame Kieron for all of RPS’s many failings. Sure, their audience figures may be climbing all the time, but what you’ve got to wonder is where that audience is coming from. There’s only so much money that can come in from all their shady deals with various publishers to pay for those South Korean sweatshops to keep refreshing the front page. Or keep clicking on Alec’s features, as he insists they do.
And what do they all have in common? All of them have barely written a word on the site. The content is generated by faceless drones, trawling the net for stories to copy off of Kotaku, inevitably bawled out by John or Quintin for whatever the write, no matter how many hits it may get. Don’t get enough hits, and you’re gone. Oh, and repeat a post that someone else has already posted, even months ago, and the bollocking you receive is never forgotten.
And you know what they’re most proud of? This is the kicker. They are most proud of their Captcha system. They boast about how effective it is, its ease of use, and how it’s changed the site for the better. They spent $300m on it. It’s the only thing the four of them have done on the site in at least a year.
So there it is. Firing the competent. Rewarding the incontinent.
I say it anonymously so I can keep my next few pay cheques coming.
So I’m a louse. A big fat RPS louse.
Want some more questions answered? Ask away.
14/10/2010 at 12:40 pipman3000 says:
cool story bro
14/10/2010 at 12:40 John Walker says:
Does anyone know how to remove this?
14/10/2010 at 12:52 qrter says:
You should talk to your GP about that.
14/10/2010 at 12:59 Brumisator says:
But that would just exacerbate the crazy evil rumours!
14/10/2010 at 14:01 Malagate says:
I would tell you how to file an injunction, but unfortunately I’ve had an injunction filed against my injunction instructions. Injunction instruction information inhibition!
14/10/2010 at 14:28 Dave says:
Injuction junction, what’s your function?
14/10/2010 at 18:27 GamerOfFreedom says:
Probably WordPress that is outdated as it has been saying for a month or longer :)
14/10/2010 at 20:32 you are an asshole says:
By killing your self for being an asshole, then it will go away.
14/10/2010 at 12:41 mondomau says:
Yes, but unfortunately it involves using the Captcha system.
14/10/2010 at 12:43 Jestocost says:
Satire!
14/10/2010 at 12:43 netsukemonkey says:
@mondomau – don’t you mean permanently removing the CAPTCHA system. But that’s the best thing about the website!
14/10/2010 at 12:43 Gunnar says:
How is this about minecraft?
14/10/2010 at 12:52 Sander Bos says:
Hey, you stole my question!
Well, let me then just say: Louse, farewell, thanks for all you have done for this site, you will be missed
(and I actually thoroughly enjoyed the rant until it went into the ridiculous in the last few paragraphs, it would have been funnier if it had been unclear whether it was legit or not until the end. Is this parody based on something real that happened elsewhere in the gaming industry, because if that angle exists I have missed it)
14/10/2010 at 12:54 RaveTurned says:
Will lice be in the next update?
14/10/2010 at 12:58 randomnine says:
@Sander Bos: Hit Google for “EA Louse”.
14/10/2010 at 14:16 frymaster says:
sander: link in the first sentence goes to a news article about this
14/10/2010 at 14:58 Malawi Frontier Guard says:
Just close your eyes and think of Minecraft. It will be over quickly.
14/10/2010 at 12:43 sonofsanta says:
How many pies does John really eat? And does he do his own healing, or are his minions also terrible?
14/10/2010 at 12:50 sonofsanta says:
Also, is this possibly related to the new flattr buttons?
14/10/2010 at 12:44 Varcynal says:
Cry some moar?
If this shit is even true, who cares? You’ll find this whereever you look in society. Losing your job is just a common thing, so is trying to get even with your “evil” bosses.
Go drink some cement, you need to harden the fuck up son.
14/10/2010 at 12:49 Nihohit says:
Very well done, sir.
That’s telling him.
14/10/2010 at 18:27 Barman1942 says:
Somebody doesn’t understand parody, it would seem.
14/10/2010 at 18:58 DJ Phantoon says:
Except that he’s playing along. Probably.
This is the problem with trolling now. Trolls troll trolls until everyone is trying too hard. There’s no wit, no puns, no intelligence at all. Just meme spam and idiots thinking they got the upper hand. This guy http://www.27bslash6.com/index.html is doing it right.
(Post modded -1 for offtopic)
14/10/2010 at 23:36 Cronstintein says:
Holy crap I got a few good laughs out of that, thanks for the link. That guy brings trolling to the level of artform, bravo sir!
14/10/2010 at 12:44 Rinox says:
I tried to contact this ‘Louse’ for an interview but it seems that the fascists that are RPS have changed his contact e-mail into a spam address. THE TRUTH MOST BE TOLD!!!
14/10/2010 at 12:44 RiptoR says:
@John: Open up a commandprompt, type in “format c:”, press ENTER, wait a couple of minutes…
I’m sure you won’t see this post anymore after doing that succesfully.
14/10/2010 at 12:45 Debaser says:
Oh, dear
14/10/2010 at 12:45 Auspex says:
Hello Louse.
What’s the deal with horrid Walker’s hat?
14/10/2010 at 12:46 TOOTR says:
Very very funny :) I still think it’s Alec though!
Or perhaps some disgruntled game industry investment analyst that thinks RPS is DOOMED.
I can’t believe you’ve all blown $300 million on the RPS mmo though….. you crazy kids!
14/10/2010 at 14:46 Andy says:
WHAT??!! They fired Alec?
Damn them all to Hell!
14/10/2010 at 12:46 whaleloever says:
Curious as to why there seem to be so much distance put between RPS and PC Gamer? As a long time reader of PCG, I found RPS was modelled after another site. Certain aspects of RPS seemed to honestly be a less polished version of PC Gamer, almost as if the current writers had never experienced PCG and what made it such a success for Future. Was there a decision to not model their new blog after PCG and more curiously, why? Reason I am asking is during the early days, RPS had asked people not to post about PCG comparison and if they did, they would find their forum account closed.
14/10/2010 at 13:16 Dwergi says:
Well played, good sir.
14/10/2010 at 12:47 Will says:
Hey what about that community manager, Metal Circus, that got fired?
14/10/2010 at 12:47 Temple to Tei says:
I would comment but Captcha says ‘DONT’
Reply Fail!
That was supposed to be at another website.
Kieron posted about this Months ago
14/10/2010 at 12:47 BaronWR says:
Quick, tell us about how Alec lied about his past, and actually worked for many competing companies…
14/10/2010 at 12:47 The Rust Belt says:
Great stuff :-)
14/10/2010 at 12:47 Diziet says:
and it was all going along so swimmingly until he dropped the biggest clanger, he mentioned being paid! Now we all now it’s a lie as the RPS staff work off of caffeine and belly button lint.
14/10/2010 at 12:59 Colthor says:
@Diziet:
That’s just what they want you to think, to guilt-trip even more subscribers so they can add a 114th story to their gold and platinum tower!
14/10/2010 at 12:48 AndrewC says:
Dear RPS,
Who is Tei? Really?
14/10/2010 at 14:28 Severian says:
Don’t you see? Tei *is* the louse. *He’s* the one who’s been doing all the writing for these deadbeats.
14/10/2010 at 12:48 Alexander Norris says:
What can you tell us about Quinns’ facial hair, and why is Phil Cameron so obsessed with penises?
14/10/2010 at 12:50 Alexander Norris says:
Addendum: when did the stupid social media stuff start appearing under post titles, and what the hell is flattr?
14/10/2010 at 12:50 qrter says:
And why are you so obsessed with why Phil Cameron is so obsessed with penises?
(And so on, ad infinitum..)
14/10/2010 at 12:53 Levictus says:
I’ll second that, WTF is flattr?
14/10/2010 at 13:07 KindredPhantom says:
Flattr seems to be a service where you give money to people who make things you like. Flattr takes all the money you want to give to people who make things you like and at the end of the month they then divide it out between them all.
14/10/2010 at 13:08 CMaster says:
Lewie P started using it a while back and explained it. Basically it’s a form of limited spending internet-based tipping.
14/10/2010 at 13:10 VelvetFistIronGlove says:
Flattr is a (yet another) micropayments thing, basically for giving tips. If you have a flattr account, you sign up to tip £X/month (you choose the amount). If you read an article you like or something like that, you click the flattr button. At the end of the month, everyone you flattr’d gets an equal share of your tip.
For example, if I signed up to tip £5 a month, and only clicked one RPS flattr button and one SavyGamer flattr button, RPS and SavyGamer would get £2.50 each. But if I’d clicked 8 other flattr buttons, they’d all get £0.50 each.
Make sense?
14/10/2010 at 14:09 Alexander Norris says:
@qrter — because it’s unnatural and highly suspicious, is what it is. It’s almost as if Phil Cameron exists only to draw attention away from Quinns’ shovel-shaped shlong by mentioning other dicks, but then that makes RPS all about the penises, thereby explaining Karen Gillan’s interest in Hey Baby!.
I’m not sure where Jom Rissignol fits in all this, but you can rest assured that I will find out.
14/10/2010 at 14:09 Alexander Norris says:
(Also, thanks, CMaster.)
14/10/2010 at 12:50 Bascule42 says:
No doubt this RPS Louse turned up at Jims dressed as Metal Mickey. Should have gone wit hthe old Cylon option methinks.
Thursday just got a little bit of extra cheer.
Huzzah for the Louse.
14/10/2010 at 12:50 Brumisator says:
:o
I had no idea RPS was such a slave-labour camp run by douchebags!
I am morally outraged and will never visit the internet again!
14/10/2010 at 12:50 Inigo says:
I’m still not convinced “Quintin” is an actual name.
14/10/2010 at 12:50 asdf says:
Just… no.
14/10/2010 at 12:50 bonjovi says:
Not funny, reminds me of GOG stunt
14/10/2010 at 12:59 mondomau says:
Oh hush.
14/10/2010 at 13:05 subedii says:
It’s basically a satire of how random blogs will crop up on the net claiming to be “tell all exposé’s” from a disgruntled insides who knows THE TRUTH, and must tell all.
The most recent being with the “EA Louse” claiming to tell all about how The Old Republic is crap and going to fail (due to terrible management), and Valve “louse” claiming to be a Valve employee talking about how Icefrog is evil and ruining Valve.
14/10/2010 at 16:43 TotalBiscuit says:
Humour is subjective.
Go look up subjective.
14/10/2010 at 18:45 DJ Phantoon says:
Communism is subjective!
Did I do that right?
14/10/2010 at 12:51 Dave says:
This is why I love this blog.
14/10/2010 at 12:52 Man Raised By Puffins says:
The RPS writers room, yesterday.
14/10/2010 at 12:55 harvb says:
Gotta love Big Train :)
This is just amazing satire, love it. Almost sincere.
Thing is, even IF (big if) it were real, we’d never take it seriously.
14/10/2010 at 16:51 Maxheadroom says:
I miss Big Train.
Burnistoun is like a Scottish Big Train (if you can find it, it was unfortunately only shown in Scotland)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ
14/10/2010 at 21:49 Flimgoblin says:
Saw that and thought “that looks a bit like Robert Florence”, and that’s because it is. Burnistoun = RPS required viewing now.
14/10/2010 at 12:55 Snall says:
So wait, someone put effort into this site somewhere? Shock
14/10/2010 at 12:55 Okami says:
While this satire is quite funny, I’m only to ready to accept the truth of the EA LOUSE forum post this is supposed to make fun off. The upper echelons of game development companies and especially publishers really are full of incompetent, infighting jackasses.
14/10/2010 at 13:06 Okami says:
Of course this doesn’t change the fact that writing an anonymous forum post and insulting people on the internet is a jackass move as well. And it shouldn’t be forgotten that a lot of game developers themselves are ungrateful, whiney little bitches who often lack the big picutre.
14/10/2010 at 12:55 Rosti says:
“Rewarding the incontinent.” – It’s the RPS way! Good work that Louse :)
14/10/2010 at 14:03 Torgen says:
Bringing new meaning to the term “party wipe”
14/10/2010 at 12:56 Tei says:
this is the post of a angry men that is soo down in the hierarchy that he don’t know the big picture.
note:
TRWTF is the forum.
14/10/2010 at 12:58 RPS Louse says:
If people want to ask questions, keep them on the other blog. They keep changing everyone’s passwords here, trying to figure out which one I am.
14/10/2010 at 13:01 Sander Bos says:
Dear Mr Louse,
since you are no longer working for RPS but still have full access to the site, could you please fix the comment reply system.
Oh wait, it appears to be working now…
14/10/2010 at 12:58 Sander Bos says:
For those like me that are confused about what triggered this rant:
https://ealouse.wordpress.com/2010/10/12/hello-world/
(also http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/104366-David-Jaffe-F-Bombs-the-EA-Louse)
14/10/2010 at 13:16 Swyyw says:
Makes sense now, thanks
14/10/2010 at 13:00 Ernheim says:
This feels similar to the valve guy complaining about icefrog… (http://icefrogtruth.blogspot.com/)
Satire, perhaps. Seems too coincidental to be true
14/10/2010 at 13:00 J.P says:
Oh… i see what you did there!
14/10/2010 at 13:01 Spatula says:
rolfcopters.
man i love satire.
Also, i have it on good authority that quinns does very bad things indeed with bourbon biscuits… let’s just say he’s not called ‘crusty’ for nothing…..
14/10/2010 at 13:01 Ian says:
Question for the Louse:
Is it true that the “Hivemind” eat puppy sandwiches most days of the week?
And that they LOVE UbiDRM?
14/10/2010 at 16:27 Thermal Ions says:
Puppy sandwiches? Yeah that’s imagineable, but loving UbiDRM? Not even the Hivemind could be that offensively incompetent.
14/10/2010 at 13:01 Martin Coxall says:
I’m glad the AWFUL TRUTH about John so-called Walker has finally come to light.
NO more of his LIES.
14/10/2010 at 14:03 EthZee says:
To be fair, the stuff about John actually sounds true.
14/10/2010 at 13:01 Fernando says:
This is an alternate reality game – at the end of which RPS will unveil a new comment system.
14/10/2010 at 13:02 CMaster says:
Riffig on this, for anyone who is interested.
14/10/2010 at 13:03 VelvetFistIronGlove says:
Knowing nothing about the company or its writers, I’m in no position to comment on how true and valid all this is vs. how much it’s just a tantrum from someone who felt they should have been listened to but was not.
I will comment on two things however:
#1- RPSLouse- no one gives a shit if you or the others writers get to express yourselves IF in expressing yourself it breaks the fiction of RPS’s hivemind. It’s not a fucking creative writing class where everyone gets a chance to ‘show what’s inside them!’…it’s work. I don’t know much about the games journalism world but fuck man, seems a pretty spot on comment that if the whole site is about these four writers then having all these other writers getting fucking CREDIT is probably not going to fit into that. And the fact that you feel not giving the team credit- which was a good creative call in my mind- served to take away some of the team’s ability to express themselves does nothing but paint you as someone with out of touch, unrealistic expectations of what your job is supposed to do for you. Games journalism SHOULD allow for self expression by members of the team- that is FANTASTIC when that happens and something management should always try to offer up- but it’s gotta be within context of and in service to the product.
#2- What the fuck is it about games journalism where it brings out the worst, most immature, most obnoxious sides of certain types of people on a team? Everyone thinks they always know better than the people in charge. On PC Zone I still remember a small group of hard core writers on the team that felt we were making the magazine ‘wrong’ because there was not all this deep, deep, characterisation and depth to the reviews. Never did it occur to them that we were going for something else…even tho I explained this to them over and over! But still, every few weeks I could count on this little contingency being up in the editor’s office pitching ‘their’ version of the magazine, with the goal being to have the head step in- which he never did- and shove their ideas into it. Fuck it annoys me! Am I the only one in games journalism who has experienced this?
14/10/2010 at 13:08 Brumisator says:
I can’t tell if Velvet fist is missing the sarcasm of the post or if it’s me missing the sarcasm in his reply…ARGH! brain-melt!
14/10/2010 at 13:12 Kieron Gillen says:
Ahem.
KG
14/10/2010 at 13:16 John Walker says:
How the hell does Kieron still have a login?
14/10/2010 at 13:17 mondomau says:
Didn’t they fire you Gillen?
14/10/2010 at 13:25 Baboonanza says:
Gillen didn’t leave, he transcended. GILLEN is now a perfect, immortal machine. How can you challenge that eh?
I mean really, a professional comic writer. Doesn’t that sound a bit far-fetched to you?
14/10/2010 at 13:40 Gap Gen says:
Did Quinns choose the ending where he merged with Kieron to become Horiace? I always assumed he chose the Quilluminati.
14/10/2010 at 14:20 Rinox says:
Of course, David Jaffe is something of a tool who thinks it’s normal to mow down unarmed innocents in a Russian airport, but absolutely can’t bring himself to kill American soldiers as a Taliban. Yeah…WTF? Indoctrinated much?
http://gameinformer.com/b/news/archive/2010/10/12/jaffe-moh-comments.aspx
14/10/2010 at 15:45 Huggster says:
Did someone mention Horace from “Horace goes skiing”?
14/10/2010 at 16:18 stahlwerk says:
@VelvetFistIronGlove
I was so going to do this. Great minds think alike…
OR DO THEY?!
@Huggster, It’s Horace as in “Horace the Endless Bear”, The Infinite One who sits on his Infinite Throne, judging the games of christmas and your driving skills, surrounded by a choir of Angelbeaars.
14/10/2010 at 20:58 Lilliput King says:
I’m not sure two finite beings can merge to become infinite.
14/10/2010 at 21:09 Bret says:
I’m pretty sure the best ending is dropping atomic powered bears on everything to create a new dark age.
14/10/2010 at 13:03 KindredPhantom says:
RPS Louse is in fact Dave Tosser!
14/10/2010 at 13:10 subedii says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g9WjcGdxuM
14/10/2010 at 13:13 Jim Rossignol says:
Arf.
14/10/2010 at 14:22 Unaco says:
I miss that guy. He’s the sort of person this website, and the Industry as a whole, need. I heard that’s why Kieron left… he had that brief and wonderful moment working with Dave, and now his life is not the same. So, he has departed to try and regain that special, magical, ever-so-slightly erotic relationship, or find something equally as wonderful.
14/10/2010 at 13:06 pakoito says:
What you did there…I see.
14/10/2010 at 13:10 Meat Circus says:
Tei = Xenu in RPScientology.
Learn the truth, and burn up your soul.
14/10/2010 at 13:10 Nero says:
What is your favorite colour?
14/10/2010 at 13:14 Max says:
What’s RPS without a few screaming puppies?
14/10/2010 at 13:17 indirectx says:
Jim’s old and incontinent?
14/10/2010 at 13:19 Meh says:
lol… and the cake is a lie
14/10/2010 at 13:20 Alec Meer says:
What the shit. I didn’t harm a hair on those cats.
14/10/2010 at 13:27 Colthor says:
@Alec:
Because that would make the pelts worthless, right?
14/10/2010 at 13:20 Lars Westergren says:
I read this on the Internet, so it must be true! Especially since it validates my prejudices.
14/10/2010 at 13:25 CMaster says:
As the Producer ofOficially Unintelligent, the very, very, very short life that it had before being killed didn’t affect Pride and Falls (or really isn’t the root cause of Pride and Falls’ problems).
Sure, there were people who needed a place to land, but the Pride and Falls team swelled up just fine after OU was killed – producing a readable conclusion that was the selling point for the site at the next trip to the pub.
14/10/2010 at 13:28 CMaster says:
Ooops. Look who failed to close their tags properly.
14/10/2010 at 13:25 starclaws says:
*yawn* Please get back to gaming. No one cares about your spin-off of someone’s rant. Even if it is about a terrible company that pumps out games just for profit while bringing nothing spectacularly new to gaming.
14/10/2010 at 14:33 Severian says:
someone woke up cranky today…
14/10/2010 at 17:16 Sir Derpicus says:
sup EA louse.
14/10/2010 at 13:26 Skusey says:
Does this mean that John isn’t a professional adventure gamer? Did he just get his minions to put on weight and wear an American Base-to-ball cap in what I presume is some sort of ironic gesture before sending them in to win his tournaments for him? What a shame.
14/10/2010 at 13:27 ynamite says:
RPS Louse WINS!
Flawless Victory!
14/10/2010 at 13:27 Muzman says:
Shit just got real.
14/10/2010 at 13:28 Sir Digby says:
It’s a RUSE!
14/10/2010 at 13:28 SquareWheel says:
One would assume this is a part of the “industry rant” meme, although I tl;dr’d it so I have no idea.
14/10/2010 at 13:32 Delusibeta says:
There’s an influx of “I am employed by *insert developer here* and I have some dirt on *insert management staff here*” blogs lately. Aside from the EA Louise one that this post is sending up, there’s also another one QQing about IceFrog, and there’s a few more I haven’t paid much attention to.
14/10/2010 at 13:35 Kieron Gillen says:
For the record, I’m pretty sure that the Icefrog one isn’t from someone at Valve, and just some fanboy with a grudge. There’s no internal details from Valve at all. If you’re choosing to insult the project lead, someone internally at valve wouldn’t have used the jokey about page as their only ammunition.
KG
14/10/2010 at 13:40 Delusibeta says:
Hence the use of the phrase “QQing”.
14/10/2010 at 13:47 Delusibeta says:
Addition: (since I can’t find the post on the forums to edit it).
I wouldn’t be too surprised if it wound up that the EA Lousie post wound up being, at best, exaggeration, or at worst a total fabrication.
14/10/2010 at 14:33 Rinox says:
I dunno. He (Louse) just about described a normal office politics situation, really. For some reason people in the gaming industry go off blog rants and others just cry when they are put on dole. Maybe a lot of game industry peeps have romanticized ideas of the industry?
14/10/2010 at 14:57 Easydog says:
What does “QQing” mean?
14/10/2010 at 15:23 kromagg says:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=QQ
14/10/2010 at 15:24 Wang Tang says:
QQ nowadays has the meaning of “cry”, as it depicts two crying eyes. (However, after reading urbandictionary on this one, it is of Warcraft 2 decent, though broadly having had a similiar meaning there).
So, “QQing” = “crying”.
14/10/2010 at 15:42 Delusibeta says:
I was more thinking of in terms of “whinging”, but “crying” or “quit (going on about it) already” works too.
14/10/2010 at 15:58 Easydog says:
Thanks :)
14/10/2010 at 16:17 Lukasz says:
Quit some more?
14/10/2010 at 13:28 teo says:
Well played :D
14/10/2010 at 13:33 Ricc says:
Anybody who still supports these bastards is so far up their asses, they can’t even feel their own ears anymore, I tell ya! This has been known for years, and all the big talent is now working for the free2read sites anyways… Open your eyes, damn fabois!
14/10/2010 at 13:35 Jacques says:
There’re too many RPS viral marketers here!
14/10/2010 at 13:45 Lobotomist says:
Well played @Louse
Power to the little people I say!
And the 300 million $ for CAPTCHA that does not even work right!
What a fail !
14/10/2010 at 17:24 Thermal Ions says:
Fail? Hardly. It’s working perfectly as designed. You just have to realise it’s designed to be so annoying that you are forced into signing up and logging in. Then they slowly con you into getting a Gravatar, hit you up to become a subscriber to help out the little struggling independent publishers. The next thing you know you’ve signed over your firstborn and your stuck down a mineshaft prospecting for diamonds and obsidian so they can build a monument to the Hivemind.
14/10/2010 at 21:34 Bret says:
To be fair, it is a very nice statue.
14/10/2010 at 13:46 Danny says:
How can anyone take this seriously? Read Sander’s comment about this being inspired by an angry EA/Mythic employee and his rant about Warhammer’s failing.
14/10/2010 at 13:48 Pobblepop says:
Henry Particle zoomed into his third Malverian trinket wondering why Brenda had decided against the house move because the curtains didn’t match her personality.
14/10/2010 at 13:58 Mickiscoole says:
Louse, I have lots of money and dirt on the right people. Can you let me know more detailed information on how to be on the RPS board?
14/10/2010 at 14:00 Dawngreeter says:
I used to work for RPS, but they had a psychic in HR so he fired me before I got hired. I can verify that this is all true.
14/10/2010 at 14:02 terry says:
The RPS staff are actually sentient Luis Vuitton shoes, handbags and ectoplasmic NFL jerseys. Truth.
14/10/2010 at 14:03 Dave Toulouse says:
So many people falling for it… funny…
*cough*
14/10/2010 at 14:07 Brumisator says:
I’m pretty it’s you who missed the sarcasm in all the replies.
14/10/2010 at 17:55 The Colonel says:
Never underestimate the dryness of middle-England.
14/10/2010 at 14:10 TheInsider says:
ROFL :D
14/10/2010 at 14:13 Warduke says:
@Gunnar – Thanks, I lol’d
14/10/2010 at 14:13 matt says:
Dear Rock Paper Shotgun,
I have been a loyal reader of your publication for many years, enjoying it’s unique ability to blend the informative with the humane and the humorous.
I have however been most disturbed by recent revelations about how staff are mistreated. I cannot continue to support such moral turpitude and, with regret, shall be cancelling my subscription forthwith.
14/10/2010 at 14:16 Meat Circus says:
Let’s start a Steam BOYCOTT RPS (QUINNS IS EVIL!!!) group.
14/10/2010 at 15:48 Temple to Tei says:
That means we still read it and just say we boycott it right?
14/10/2010 at 16:33 Rosti says:
Worse – we’ll read it with Ad Block enabled!
14/10/2010 at 14:14 Warduke says:
Damn reply fails…
14/10/2010 at 14:14 Meat Circus says:
Hello RPS Louse.
Which is the biggest leaf? ANSWER ME.
14/10/2010 at 14:17 Unaco says:
I don’t know what’s funnier… the post itself, or some of the comments from people who don’t seem to have got the joke.
14/10/2010 at 14:19 Tom Camfield says:
Can we have pictures of Jim dressed in tin foil?
14/10/2010 at 14:22 Barts says:
Was this supposed to be funny? Or did Tim Rogers write this?
14/10/2010 at 14:26 Jonfitt says:
Tei is a program written to try and pass the Turing test. It runs on the RPS server and no one can work out how to disable it.
14/10/2010 at 15:52 Temple to Tei says:
Heresy!
Or maybe true.
True Heresy!
14/10/2010 at 14:29 Toyoch says:
TL; DR
But y’all need more hats!!!11one
14/10/2010 at 14:29 razorblade79 says:
you guys must be fucking bored. that article was hardly worth that effort IMO
14/10/2010 at 14:32 demonarm says:
Wat? Kieron is IceFrog? No wai!
(I did lol).
14/10/2010 at 14:36 MXZ says:
1. google EA Louse
2. open mouth, insert .45 ACP
14/10/2010 at 14:39 MXZ says:
CAN YOU PLEASE FIX REPLIES
THANKS
14/10/2010 at 16:13 stahlwerk says:
ALRIGHT, I’M FIXING, I’M FIXING!
14/10/2010 at 14:39 Risingson says:
Ok, ego trip. Please stop that.
14/10/2010 at 14:42 mod the world says:
This totally confirms the rumours i heard about the RPS – “Big Four”. Although RPS Louse is probably just an angry former lower-level employee and is prone to exageration, someone can’t just make all those things up in detail. I knew that they couldn’t cover up their problems much longer when they fired Kieron. Mr. Gillen was the good guy in RPS, all the ghostwriters, webdesigners and the 200-men IT-Department in India looked up to him. But he stood no chance against J. Walker’s perfidious plot to replace him with his simple-hearted puppet Quintin.
RPS could have been a revolutionary new kind of online games mag, but the incompetence and the insatiable thirst for blood and money by John Walker and the rest of the gang made it the biggest failure since 1873.
Signed,
A former RPS intern.
14/10/2010 at 14:44 awkward says:
Thanks for posting that!
I hadn’t heard about EA Louse. I only skimmed this article and managed to skip the parts that hinted “satire”, so yea, I was pretty darn confused.
14/10/2010 at 14:45 awkward says:
My last comment should have been in reply to whomever posted the link to the EA Louse blog.
14/10/2010 at 15:07 Flaringo says:
And this is why RPS is pretty cool.
14/10/2010 at 15:07 DuckSauce says:
Fake:
“barking orders at his staff to build him ever-more improbable robots”
Though it seemed serious. That part was just silly though :P
Is it 1st of april or something? o.0
14/10/2010 at 15:10 dissentience says:
This is stupid, I come here to read about PC games, not the whining of some degenerate who can’t accept that he does a crappy job and his employer wants to get rid of him because of it. QQ, Louse.
14/10/2010 at 15:14 rocketman71 says:
This meme is stupid.
14/10/2010 at 16:03 mondomau says:
Your face is stupid.
14/10/2010 at 16:09 Meat Circus says:
Your stupid is stupid. (MUM)
14/10/2010 at 15:25 Rickdt says:
What is Rock paper shotgun??
14/10/2010 at 15:34 skinlo says:
The problem with the internet is that without smileys, its almost impossible to tell whether someone is serious or not. Of course the post isn’t serious, but its hard to tell whether some of the comments have believed it and taken offence to it.
14/10/2010 at 15:46 Delusibeta says:
I’m assuming that everyone’s either playing along or is off-topic. Anyone who would have read the last paragraph should have copped what was going on.
14/10/2010 at 15:44 the_fanciest_of_pants says:
Heh. I was wondering if you guys were going to cover this.
I like it.
14/10/2010 at 15:52 deanimate says:
HAHAHAHA! I don’t know who wrote that but it is bloody brilliant! I was actually laughing out loud.
Bravo!
14/10/2010 at 15:55 utharda says:
I thought this was an homage to the revco song linger ficken good.
I’m going to keep pretending thats true.
14/10/2010 at 19:31 devlocke says:
You win comments for the day.
14/10/2010 at 15:55 Ginger Yellow says:
I’m surprised the RPS Louse didn’t mention the biggest scandal of all: despite his protestations, Quinns actually has lots of iron!
14/10/2010 at 15:58 jd.c says:
I’d have done RPS Grouse, to continue the rhyming but with a new word.
14/10/2010 at 15:58 sysadmin says:
login to server via ssh
sudo bash
rm -rf /
will fix all problems
ps your capcha blows
14/10/2010 at 16:10 Lukasz says:
serious question;
is WAR doing that bad?
14/10/2010 at 17:12 Hmm-Hmm. says:
Not sure. From what I last heard (yes, hearsay, I know) there aren’t that many servers left. The Korean servers have all closed and there’s only what.. nine servers left for the combined US and EU regions.
Could be enough to keep on going, if they manage to what players they have. But it’s definitely not as planned, to say the least.
14/10/2010 at 16:16 Pijama says:
This stuff is Encyclopedia Dramatica-worthy, hehe. Soon enough this new trend of “I AM EMPLOYD IN COMAPNEH X AND I R RANTING” will be baptized and bring loads of lulz for everyone to enjoy!
Meanwhile, RIDE THE MEMEWAVEEEEEEEE
14/10/2010 at 16:18 chesh says:
I’m going to call it now: RPSLouse is Nick Mailer.
14/10/2010 at 17:58 The Colonel says:
Norman Mailer I heard
14/10/2010 at 16:20 ManofMuchManliness says:
Someone from one of the “cool” gaming studios should make a vlog of him in one of them headsackswithholes that robbers use QQing about the studio. So much freaking potential :)
14/10/2010 at 16:24 Hmm-Hmm. says:
Not particularly witty or funny. Regardless of the EA louse thing. But that may just be my sense of humour. And, of course, I enjoy plenty of things on RPS, so take it as you will.
14/10/2010 at 16:36 stahlwerk says:
Dear Louise,
when I think back to what you said about the stones growing in my body, all I can say is that I am now in deep regrets about how all this ended. But I am willing to see it now for what it is, I will go to this place and it will be my Damascus. Maybe then you… or I… will be able to forgive me.
14/10/2010 at 16:52 Yargh says:
I think I prefer this method of writing about the EA louse (probably)non-story
14/10/2010 at 16:58 Dagda says:
I am apalled by the RPS community’s response to this controversy. There aren’t nearly enough crude metaphors involving fellatio.
14/10/2010 at 17:16 Dreamhacker says:
About the EA-louse blog: IF some of that is true, Paul Barnett is one of the biggest scumbags in the industry <_<
14/10/2010 at 17:31 Lewis says:
RPS doesn’t even feed and clothe its freelancers, you know.
14/10/2010 at 17:33 YOURMOTEHR says:
LOL REDDIT.
Teh internets payback BIATACH
14/10/2010 at 17:49 Walker Texas Ranger says:
Goodbye, Louise.
14/10/2010 at 17:53 Daniel Carvalho says:
Interesting meme to say the least. Gonna be a bunch of expired blog sites after this all blows over lol.
14/10/2010 at 22:45 FunkyBadger says:
OH, THE HUMANITY!
14/10/2010 at 18:10 CDUB says:
Ha! That’s funny that you would ask how to get rid of this blog after he just said what a moron you are.
P.S. CAPTCHA was pretty cool.
14/10/2010 at 18:28 Mike Fahey says:
*stands, slowly begins to applaud*
14/10/2010 at 18:29 GamerOfFreedom says:
But no I dont know how to remove the post, isnt it just posted with WordPress? it should be easy enough
14/10/2010 at 18:32 C says:
This is news?
14/10/2010 at 18:37 y3k-bug says:
I *just* introduced my friend to this site. Thanks for posting something to explain why I’m on this site all the time.
14/10/2010 at 18:44 Gabbo says:
Not a word on the money spent on the RPS MMO? That’s what I was hoping for.
14/10/2010 at 18:45 RKB says:
Jim, Alec, John or Quintin to solve this problem all you need to do is post this guys details on 4chan and the 4chan snatch squad will take him away.
14/10/2010 at 18:59 CookieJar3rd says:
Thanks for all your good work Louse, your biscuit ration will be shared out amongst the 4 hungry Titans.
14/10/2010 at 19:28 Azazel says:
What a Lando.
14/10/2010 at 19:41 Fred Wester, CEO of Paradox says:
I knew it!
14/10/2010 at 19:47 pupsikaso says:
I don’t really understand satire very well, so could someone explain to me why this incident was parodied at RPS? Yeah, EA Louse doesn’t bring forth a lot of arguments to support his position in his rant, but he does tell us what some of us have known or suspected about the inner workings of these big, publisher-lead companies.
This man got laid off, while the managers just keep getting raises and bonuses. And this man has seen the inside workings and knows that the managers are incompetent. This isn’t a joke to laugh at. This is more widespread in the industry than many suspect. So why does this RPS Parody seem like it’s mocking the whole situation?
14/10/2010 at 19:55 Fred Wester, CEO of Paradox says:
It’s not. It’s a warning. Because RPS is an industry leading….ummmm publisher? This is phase one to introduce captcha as a DRM mechanism in games. Yes soon you will be entering captcha when you start a game. KG’s idea. I called it!
14/10/2010 at 20:02 Temple to Tei says:
I’m giggling because you think incompetent managers only exist in the vg industry.
And why shouldn’t it be parodied at RPS?
Very often from the comments it is obvious we all have different ideas about what RPS is.
I personally barely think of it as a gaming site.
14/10/2010 at 20:12 Tei says:
I think most people is somewhat angry about these “exposé” because of the style. Whatever is the position of the authors, exposing a real problem, create trouble, the way that was deliver was a big NO, NO. Game dev profesional already have enough crap to deal with, to add vengeful coworkers destroying reputations.
I am angry at these blog articles, because of the uncivilized style.
Adding to that, seems the RPS people think that the icefrog one is fake. The other one is soo light on information and is soo opinionative (is this a word) that is pretty ignorable. This two “expose” make all expose looks bad.
14/10/2010 at 23:05 Alexander Norris says:
Making a bunch of unsupported claims is not “telling” us anything, it’s spouting bullshit. It only starts being “telling us what we already knew” when there’s actual proof that the claims have any kind of evidence backing them up.
14/10/2010 at 20:06 Temple to Tei says:
I always knew RPS was a lie, with its fake ‘nice’ community and people seeming to get along.
It must have took a lot of poorly paid employees to write all the pleasant comments.
Makes me glad I spat in the pint I bought Kieron (I do that anyway, but at least this time there was a reason)
14/10/2010 at 21:53 Bret says:
YOU FOOL!
Human saliva only increases his power!
14/10/2010 at 20:35 Tim Ward says:
what is going on in this thread
14/10/2010 at 20:54 deadpan says:
The posts are interesting and often informative, but I really only come here for the CAPTCHAs.
Would it be possible to set up a spin-off site of nothing but CAPTCHAs? Or simply an RSS feed or podcast? thanks in advance
14/10/2010 at 20:55 Rafael says:
Next time include embarrassing photos for extra points. =)
14/10/2010 at 22:25 VelvetFistIronGlove says:
This spambot is almost on-topic! It’s amazing!
15/10/2010 at 07:37 Norskov says:
Damn, it actually fooled me :S
14/10/2010 at 21:04 geldonyetich says:
It’s shocking how easy it is to get ranked upon by disgruntled coworkers these days. I don’t own a small business myself and am busily testing the unfriendly waters of unemployment while living it up in my mom’s basement, but nonetheless it seems I am not immune.
The other day I came down to “the dungeon,” as we like to call it, and discovered a number of tiny placards with very unflattering things written on it about my grueling work conditions and cruel docking of pay. After a prolonged investigation involving overturning countless stacks of my vintage comic books and games, I discovered a thriving cockroach colony which was up in arms about my decision to clean up last month’s pizza detritus. Literally up in arms, I think they were building a tiny tank out of discarded sardine cans and fireworks.
The Internet just makes things several times worse. I considered calling an exterminator, and somehow the cockroaches caught wind of this, and now I’ve got 4chan spam-bombing me 24/7 out of protest. I never want to see another crude MS paint drawing of me burning in effigy again.
Hang in there, RPG staff, these are hard times. Hard times.
14/10/2010 at 21:10 Michael O'Connor says:
They’re proud of this captcha system? Seriously?
Honestly though… the fact that nobody seems even remotely bothered by what was posted in this is a little sad.
Louse, throw me an email. wordsofivory@gmail.com
14/10/2010 at 21:19 Inglourious Badger says:
Haha. Even when Kieron returns pretending to be someone else he gets more comments than the other guys!
(…It was Kieron, right?)
14/10/2010 at 22:16 rei says:
Mr. Walker, surely?
15/10/2010 at 04:39 Spacewalk says:
Neither, it was The Monster. Kieron didn’t actually quit that was a cover-up, he got eaten. Again.
14/10/2010 at 21:45 stojg says:
wha?
14/10/2010 at 21:52 Some Guy says:
Just hit CTRL+Z, John.
14/10/2010 at 21:58 this was an awesome skitt says:
I really enjoyed this bit.
14/10/2010 at 22:34 edosan says:
I thought the big secret was going to be that RPS is a secret Christian group and not the evil clown-themed rap group we all know and love.
15/10/2010 at 00:29 Stu says:
Fucking Minecraft — how does that work?
14/10/2010 at 22:35 Mike says:
This is pretty meta. Well played. ;)
14/10/2010 at 22:43 theleif says:
RPS: Rewarding the incontinent since 1873.
14/10/2010 at 22:48 The Sombrero Kid says:
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS
14/10/2010 at 22:54 DanCardin says:
@Nihohit – indeed, very much so sir!
14/10/2010 at 23:37 Nihilileth says:
This explains why there were never any winners in the Chime contest!
15/10/2010 at 00:00 MD says:
I love the image of Jim “[sitting] in his luxury country cottage, banging away on a keyboard that’s not plugged into anything, while barking orders at his staff to build him ever-more improbable robots.”
15/10/2010 at 00:11 Jack says:
I too am disgusted that no-one seems to be taking Jim Rossignols insane robot fetish seriously.
15/10/2010 at 01:11 Basil says:
Who says RPS invented good game journalism?
Somebody wasn’t around when Insert Credit existed…
15/10/2010 at 04:42 Spacewalk says:
Coincidentally, noone was around when Insert Credit ended.
15/10/2010 at 01:37 badvibration says:
Oh RPS… How I love you so.
15/10/2010 at 01:43 oatish says:
im just left here to pick up the little pieces of reality i have left
15/10/2010 at 05:08 Corrupt_Tiki says:
Want to know more? Keep reading. I can keep ranting.
^ This for trolling =D
Also go the uber captcha, it always captcha’s me, so therefore I have deduced that I must be a [P0DBOT]
15/10/2010 at 05:43 Fred Wester, CEO of Paradox says:
Oh man, looks like I was late to the party on the blog.
BUT I KNEW THIS FROM THE START! Poor Dave Tosser, he knew only what was reasonable, and what was right, and followed his moral compass to his sad, inevitable doom.
15/10/2010 at 07:35 M:E says:
Lice! They’re all lice!
15/10/2010 at 08:22 DevilSShadoW says:
I KNEW IT! I FUCKIN KNEW RPS WAS A SHAM!!1111 I URGE EVERYONE TO GET OFF THE SITE AND KILL YOUR BOOKMARKS NOW!!!!!!1
also, well played
15/10/2010 at 09:07 awkward says:
I wouldn’t be too surprised if a few people who simply didn’t get it cancel their subscriptions over this.
15/10/2010 at 10:32 Current RPS Employee says:
Truth be told…
We had a problem with this employee who posted this blog. Coming in late all the time. Leaving breadcrumbs in our keyboards. Caught playing minecraft on the job.
Didn’t finish any of his articles on time, and when he did, they were all about robot chickens and iron.
When we found out about the heroin habit we just had to let him go.
He was lucky he was only laid off, and not tared and featherd. Now he is just gonna get the boot.
Quinns, don’t come back into work anymore, you are NOT wanted.
15/10/2010 at 11:03 Ingenu says:
Just LOL. :)
15/10/2010 at 11:16 Jakkar says:
You’re getting self-indulgent to the point of wasting my time. This isn’t funny nor interesting – nor was the Valve email worth posting, and the Minecraft running joke was irritating from the start. Don’t let RPS fuck up, darlings – I rather like the place.
It’s just getting a bit creepy now. Less journalism, more mad, bad jokes and running themes and trollfood.
15/10/2010 at 12:42 lhzr says:
dunno what bad jokes you’re going on about, my only gripe with rps is the lack of an ignore button, a lacking feature that your post reminded me about.
15/10/2010 at 12:31 Christ says:
I was grinning through most of that but I completely lost it at dropping $300m on the Captcha system.
15/10/2010 at 12:31 RPB says:
The Whistle Blower 2
Starring Russel Crowe as Louse. LOL
15/10/2010 at 13:13 Some Guy says:
This question just proves the growing incompetence shown by this site’s “main staff.”
15/10/2010 at 13:32 Fitz says:
This RPS Louise is highly suspicious: we all know of the bottomless misanthropy of the RPS team – therefore no woman would ever be hired. Therefore RPS Louise is a LIE.
15/10/2010 at 13:39 Some Guy says:
The fact that they can’t figure out how to remove someone’s account, let alone delete a post on the site, says a lot about how this site is run. (Hint: poorly)
15/10/2010 at 17:18 MMO Games says:
While this is hilarious, what if that rage quit EA Louise talked about is true? :P It wont be that funny anymore.
<3 KG
16/10/2010 at 06:32 Johnny Go-Time says:
Wow, between this and the Anonymous Valve letter, I am finding RPS takes way too much effort to grok today.
(I love RPS, but this is a whole month’s worth of weirdo humor in too short a timeframe…)
04/11/2010 at 13:02 Fred X. Quimby says:
Not even remotely funny.
22/12/2010 at 14:28 aeiou260199038 says:
She had that brief and wonderful moment working with labatterie and now his life is not the same.