Rock, Paper, Shotgun

How To Write PC Game Reviews

By John Walker on November 9th, 2010 at 5:25 pm.

How to use a keyboard.

A question we’re often asked is: How do you get into games journalism? Well, to put that question to bed once and for all, below is the definitive guide by Howcast.com. Every single one of our trade secrets given away. The industry is going to be inundated. Those without moderate gaming knowledge need not apply.

We don’t think it’s a joke. Cheers to Will for the spot.

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141 Comments »

  1. 09/11/2010 at 17:27 Krimson says:

    “The audience is people like you”

    What was that about writing skills?

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:37 Doeke says:

      I don’t think that’s grammatically incorrect.

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:41 Mark Raymond says:

      I think “audience” can be used in the singular or plural sense. I’d welcome an authoritative opinion on that, though, seeing as I only learnt to use grammar and punctuation properly after I graduated from university. :P

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:47 Dolphan says:

      It’s grammatically correct, but stylistically rubbish because it reads like the bad grammar (‘is people’ jars, basically, because it would usually be wrong).

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:59 ScubaMonster says:

      Well “the audience are people like you” sounds strange. Though that could be correct, don’t know.

    • 09/11/2010 at 18:14 mandrill says:

      Try this on for size:
      “The audiance is people like you.
      against:
      “Your audience are people like you.”

      The use of ‘the’ in the first example implies the singular, so ‘is’ is implicitly correct (but yes it does grate,)
      ‘Your’ is more ambiguous but leans towards an implication of the plural, so the use of ‘are’ would be suggested.

      Stylistically there is no winning with that sentence and it doesn’t quite sit right no matter how your put it together. A better way of putting it may be:
      “The people you are writing for are people like you.”
      This neatly sidesteps the whole ‘audience’ question but means the same thing and is stylistically more appealing. (and in the world of the freelancer you get 4 extra words out of it, and words are money in the bank*.)

      *That’ll be $20.55 @ $0.15 per word please ;P

    • 09/11/2010 at 18:23 Corporate Dog says:

      “The audience is made up of people like you.”

      There it is.

    • 09/11/2010 at 18:31 hitnrun says:

      Ahem. Audience is a collective noun, so the singular “Audience Is” would be correct unless the usage was unambiguously plural, e.g. “The audience took their seats.” I wouldn’t call this authoritative, as my English degree is from an American university, which I figure is worth half a donut on this blog, but there you are.

      Some of the confusion might be dialectical: Brits have a number of exceptions to the antecedent rule, for example with sports teams, which are always plural even when the noun is the expressly-singular name of a city or nation. E.g. “Mexico are kicking ass today,” which sounds like a knife on a chalkboard to my American ears.

    • 09/11/2010 at 18:56 Mike says:

      I think the point is that he means “audient”.

    • 09/11/2010 at 20:19 Isaac says:

      Corporate Dog wins the prize.

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:23 pagad says:

      I think there’s a transatlantic divide here: British English treats collective nouns as plural whereas American English doesn’t (I think). So, in British English “audience are” is correct.

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:34 Stephen says:

      Not really, British English treats “audience” as singular the minute it puts “an” in front of it. You don’t get two an audiences.

      I think the transatlantic thing is a red herring. There’s really not a divide – a herd of cows is one herd of cows no matter where you are. What happens is you’ll see people who say “yeah, but there’s two people in that audience and they like the show” so therefore “the audience like the show”. That’s just using the name of the group to talk about the people in the group.

    • 09/11/2010 at 23:01 televizor says:

      THX – The audience ARE listening

    • 10/11/2010 at 01:32 amishmonster says:

      I think pagad is mostly correct – my editing colleagues all note a similar difference. You’ll note similar tendencies when Brits vs. Americans refer to companies – e.g. Blizzard are/Blizzard is. It’s not a hard rule but it generally applies.

    • 14/11/2010 at 17:55 Jahn says:

      Can’t resist jumping into a grammar battle on the blagoblag.

      REGARDING COLLECTIVE/MASS NOUNS: Audience isn’t a mass (collective) noun. You can have one audience, you can have two audiences. Mass nouns refer to things like “pudding” or “money” (SOME pudding vs. A pudding). On that note, neither British nor American English treat mass nouns as either singular or plural, which is (incidentally) what makes them collective nouns. You do not have a single “pudding,” but neither do you have several “puddings.”

      “Your audience ARE people like you” is not correct, because “audience” is singular in this case. “Those in your audience are people like you” would be fine, because the subject changes.

      Granted, having “is” next to a plural noun sounds strange. A more fluid way of writing it would be: “Remember that your audience is MADE UP OF people like you.” Or something along those lines.

      Here is the Wikipedia article if you don’t believe me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_noun

    • 19/11/2010 at 23:03 shasha nicholson says:

      that is so dam lame it suck like u suck a mans balls or dick if your a boy i sucks like u suck a girls pussy

  2. 09/11/2010 at 17:28 Jacques says:

    But he’s using an apple keyboard!!

  3. 09/11/2010 at 17:31 Auspex says:

    Wow this PC game reviewing lark seems a pretty easy way to earn some extra green. I’m going to go get myself a personal blog or gaming website right away!

  4. 09/11/2010 at 17:31 Mike says:

    Later, suckers! I’m off to make some green.

  5. 09/11/2010 at 17:31 Starky says:

    Thanks to this guide, I can grow up to be just like Kieron Gillen…

    A washed up alcoholic loner staring at the TV night after night wondering were it all went wrong, eating microwave dinners and wishing for the heady yesteryears of Amiga power.

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:36 Daniel Johnston says:

      Partway there with the spelling at least.

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:41 Starky says:

      So I misses a ‘h’ out in where, that’s a typo not a spelling error. World of difference.

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:42 Starky says:

      Missed… Bleh, I really should become a writer.

      Then again I am using my gaming keyboard which is a bitch to type with.

    • 09/11/2010 at 17:43 Jacques says:

      Starky, typos are a just a natural step in the process of becoming Kieron Gillen.

    • 09/11/2010 at 18:42 DrGonzo says:

      Missed *an* h. Boy I’m anal, but I hate a’s that sound wrong.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:03 John Walker says:

      “a’s”? What’s that apostrophe replacing?

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:28 Velvet Fist, Iron Glove says:

      Using an apostrophe when denoting the plural of a letter is a common practice among writers, although less common today than among previous generations. It may be less prevalent in your locality; please check your local authority’s apostrophe by-laws to determine if such usage is subject to additional taxes in your area.

      This post brought to you by A’s and I’s and U’s and E’s*.

      *(and muscular arms and flexible knees).

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:45 Nick says:

      To stop it looking like you wrote as.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:46 Wulf says:

      I always liked that there were days when Kieron couldn’t spell for shit, though, it was endearing. And half of the time, it actually gave the impression that he just didn’t care too much about the spelling, considering how mutable a thing that language was, and that it could be skipped over because he was saying intelligent things anyway. Often, people who have absolutely perfect spelling/grammar are trying too hard, and probably devoting too much of their mind that pursuing those goals instead of actually having something worthwhile to say.

      I realise the irony here, but I just wanted to say that, because it was one of those things I respected about him. Kieron didn’t need to try hard to have perfect grammar/spelling, because I was often too engrossed in what he’d actually written to notice, my mind didn’t care to be anal about his writing. And in my opinion, it’s better to have something at least a bit interesting to say than it is to have flawless grammar/spelling.

    • 09/11/2010 at 20:03 Gap Gen says:

      “a”s is acceptable. As are things like CCDs or WMDs.

      I mean, WMDs actually aren’t acceptable at all. But you know what I mean.

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:18 DrGonzo says:

      Well now I’m just confused. Am I allowed to say a’s?

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:33 Dozer says:

      I thought a’s is what Ali G used to say.

    • 09/11/2010 at 22:20 Torgen says:

      I agree with Gap Gen. use quotation marks (or whatever passes for such in your browser of choice, in this instance) to denote the plural of a single letter. It’s as easy as your “a”s, “b”s and “c”s.

      Also, there is no “being overly worried” about spelling with today’s modern computational machines, as they have the friendly squiggly red line under suspect words. Your only enemies are the synonym and slang/acronyms.

  6. 09/11/2010 at 17:36 jti says:

    That reminded me of Look Around You. Here’s a taste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBcrTucxiRc

  7. 09/11/2010 at 17:43 Xercies says:

    No i didn’t know that…thank you video.

  8. 09/11/2010 at 17:43 monkeybreadman says:

    They’re saying your job is easy

  9. 09/11/2010 at 17:46 Dean says:

    It was clearly a joke from that bit right at the start where it says you need ‘writing skills’.

    (Present company excepted).

  10. 09/11/2010 at 17:49 Danny says:

    It’s shown me that I’ve been going wrong all these years!

    Jesus, I wish getting paid for it as easy as that.

  11. 09/11/2010 at 17:52 N says:

    keep things hip.

  12. 09/11/2010 at 17:53 Jon says:

    Well, this certainly makes me question the credibility of some of their other instructional videos. I’d been a pretty firm believer in “How to Paint your Pregnant Belly,” but now I’ll have to revisit it with a more critical eye.

  13. 09/11/2010 at 17:53 Wilson says:

    Wow, so that’s where I’ve been going wrong. I just needed to get some writing skills. Prepare to see the internet covered in my game reviews for people like me in the next few days. Then I’ll buy a mansion and a unicorn and live happily ever after.

  14. 09/11/2010 at 17:59 westyfield says:

    John, you have failed to keep things hip.

    Your employment at RPSCorp will now be terminated.

  15. 09/11/2010 at 18:01 jeremypeel says:

    Ha, enjoyed this when it was flagged up on Twitter earlier. I wasn’t entirely sure there was zero spoof involved until I researched Howcast.com.

    I’d write more about the video, but I’ll be careful about giving away the ending before everyone’s seen it.

  16. 09/11/2010 at 18:04 Toby says:

    But of course! it is so simple.

    *Runs off to start Rock Paper Assault Rifle*

  17. 09/11/2010 at 18:10 kutkh says:

    CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS

    RAM: 5
    Excitement: B
    The first computer game was created in 1958 by William Higginbotham, who called it ‘Tennis for Two’.
    8/10

    Please provide payment for my opinion and words.

  18. 09/11/2010 at 18:20 PigmonkeY says:

    You start by not writing your PC game reviews on a mac, ahem.

  19. 09/11/2010 at 18:25 Alaric says:

    As a game reviewer I can certify that this is precisely how everything works. Except they forgot to mention all the hot women, fast cars, tropical islands, and mounds of coke that we enjoy as a part of our luxurious, decadent, and overwhelmingly fun lifestyle.

  20. 09/11/2010 at 18:37 DevilSShadoW says:

    by George, this is the missing piece of my life’s puzzle! I knew reading RPS will eventually lead me towards salvation!

  21. 09/11/2010 at 18:39 Greg Wild says:

    Where’s the bit advising people that writing games reviews is boring as fuck?

    Talking about games is great. Trying to tell people whether or not they should buy them is not.

    • 09/11/2010 at 18:51 Alaric says:

      Silence, you!

      Don’t you dare to dissuade people from applying for these jobs.

      They come in thinking that all they gotta do is play the awesome games they already like, or new games they are excited about. They also hope to interview people like John Carmack and Ray Muzyka. And a few months later, when that little spark inside of them dies … why, that’s a thing of beauty in and of itself. If they stop coming in, it will rob me of an immense evilgasm each time this happens.

    • 10/11/2010 at 03:32 Haplo says:

      That…

      Is one of the most sexily evil things I have ever seen (on this site).

      I don’t know how to respond to that.

  22. 09/11/2010 at 18:48 Andy says:

    Aha, this is where I’ve been going wrong! And it’s all so simple!

  23. 09/11/2010 at 19:02 Armyofnone says:

    OH BOY I’M GONNA BE A GAMS JOAURNALIST

  24. 09/11/2010 at 19:10 MarkN says:

    “Are” is correct for UK English but “is” is used in US English, or that’s my understanding anyway.

    As a Brit I’d say “Arsenal are a football team, Orange Goblin are a rock band, the RAF are a bunch of people with planes, and that herd of cows are in a field”. I believe (although correct me if I’m wrong) an American would say “LA Galaxy is a (hnnngh!) soccer team, Monster Magnet is a rock band, the US Army is a bunch of people with guns, and that herd of buffalo is on the prairie”.

    So yeah, “audience is” is fine for the US English speaking peeps, but grates with us UK types.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:12 MarkN says:

      Reply fail. I are stupid.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:31 Stephen says:

      I don’t think that’s true. The whole “American English is a completely different language to British English” thing is a bit exaggerated. It doesn’t really matter if you think colour is better without a u or not because you can still count.

      I don’t think anyone, no matter where they live, would say that you should say “Arsenal are £200 million in debt” instead of “Arsenal is £200 million in debt”. It’s confusing because there’s more than one person that works for the football club called Arsenal but, and I’m sure all gunners fans will agree with me here, there’s only one Arsenal. Therefore – Arsenal is a football team. Celtic and Arsenal are two football teams.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:41 Alaric says:

      What Stephen said, because the verb to be is applied to a noun, which can be either plural or singular. A sports team is a singular noun. A band is a singular noun. An audience is a singular noun. We can test it by making sure that each of those have a plural version. If there is a team and there are teams, then Arsenal is a team.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:56 golden_worm says:

      Yes they is.

    • 09/11/2010 at 20:01 MarkN says:

      As a Brit and an Arsenal fan for over 30 years I promise I’d always say “Arsenal are”, never “Arsenal is”.

      Arsenal haven’t been in financial trouble, but Portsmouth have. Here’s an article about it by the BBC:

      http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/p/portsmouth/8453406.stm

      “The Premier League said on Thursday it would continue to work with Portsmouth, who are £60m in debt overall”

      Feel free to browse the BBC sports news (or other UK sources) for more examples – I’d bet good money you’ll only find “are” used for teams.

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:05 Stephen says:

      As someone who can use Google, Arsenal does owe £200 and a bit million. That’s just fact. I’m not saying your team’s in trouble. I’m literally quoting the FT. What’s your problem with Portsmouth? That was uncalled for.

      The very first paragraph in that story says:

      “Portsmouth chief executive Peter Storrie says the club are “working hard” to convince the Premier League that they are financially stable.”

      Does that not sound weird to you? The reporter made a mistake, he’s wrong too.

      “Portsmouth chief executive Peter Storrie says the club is “working hard” to convince the Premier League that it is financially stable.”

      Stop speaking for my entire country. As a Brit (I can say that too) I would say a team is. That’s because a team is a “collective noun”. Lots of people are working hard to make sure that Portsmouth is stable. There’s only one Portsmouth even though there are lots of people.

    • 09/11/2010 at 22:19 MarkN says:

      I never intended to speak for the country, and mostly never did. I was speaking for myself and my understanding of the situation. Only in one case did I assume that other Brits thought using “is” would grate. Hardly a major offence.

      Anyhow, here’s a link to the British Council website:

      http://www.britishcouncil.org/learnenglish-central-grammar-collective-nouns.htm

      It explains a few differences between when “is” and “are” should be used with collective nouns – and they’re both valid at different times in UK English. The crux for me being:

      “In British usage, however, collective nouns are more often treated as plurals:

      The government have not announced a new policy.
      The team are playing in the test matches next week. ”

      That’ll do for me. Feel free to choose your own path though.

    • 10/11/2010 at 08:32 Dawngreeter says:

      I am plural and so can you.

    • 10/11/2010 at 11:09 MacBeth says:

      @Stephen

      There is only one Arsenal, they are a great team.

      The club isn’t in trouble with debt, and are going to play Wolves away tonight…

      Clearly one can switch between singular and plural, but personally I find the ‘is’ usage grating if it follows the team name, (“Chelsea are top of the league”, while a painful fact, is ‘better’ than “Chelsea is top of the league”) and if asked, I would have said it is by far the more common usage in the UK…

  25. 09/11/2010 at 19:11 dogsolitude_uk says:

    Great, I was hoping this would be actually factually useful! I work for a news/media company, and may have the opportunity to submit a few reviews from time to time, but I wanted to make sure I was ‘doin it rite’ before submitting anything :(

    Thing is, I know there’s a hell of a lot more to it than just bashing out some words, I just need to know what that ‘more’ consists of. There’s a whole edifice of critical theory around film, music, literature and art, but precious little about games.

    Come to think of it, now would be a pretty good time for an enterprising games journalist to start formulating their own critical theory of games, thus forging their own cultural paradigm. Or something.

  26. 09/11/2010 at 19:11 Navagon says:

    Even if they do insist on using a haircut PC, the least they could have done is replace that button slab thing with an actual keyboard.

    • 09/11/2010 at 19:49 Thants says:

      Have you tried it? The button slab thing actually works pretty well.

    • 09/11/2010 at 20:30 Navagon says:

      Not owning a Mac, I’ve been spared that experience.

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:17 Stephen says:

      Well that makes everything you say about it a bit irrelevant then, doesn’t it?

    • 09/11/2010 at 21:29 Ted says:

      I’ve tried it.
      felt like a toy keyboard.
      that brand of computer doesn’t have much in the way of games, so using it in the visuals is counter-intuitive.

      and hey, them forgetting the little step of PLAYING THE GAME isn’t acutally a misstep, because this is writing for IGN, just the title got a little too long!

    • 09/11/2010 at 23:26 Navagon says:

      Everything I said about it? That it’s not an actual keyboard? Which it clearly isn’t? That’s now irrelevant now, is it? Well now. my whole perspective on things has been radically altered, hasn’t it just.

    • 10/11/2010 at 14:48 Hmm-Hmm. says:

      Actually, I find that these mac keyboards are very enjoyable to use. Although I must say those keyboards without numerical pads are silly.

  27. 09/11/2010 at 19:27 mbp says:

    Um…What about

    Step 1: Play the game

  28. 09/11/2010 at 19:45 Clovis says:

    Tom goes to the mayor?

  29. 09/11/2010 at 20:09 FernandoDante says:

    “Http/1.1 Service Unavailable”

    That’s not a funny joke. Not at all.

  30. 09/11/2010 at 20:10 geldonyetich says:

    This video on how to write PC Game Reviews is completely wrong. You’re actually supposed to grade according to how much money the development house sent you.

  31. 09/11/2010 at 20:17 The Walker says:

    Oh man! I want to be paid for my opinion and words!

  32. 09/11/2010 at 20:30 Drug Crazed Dropkick says:

    Yay! I’ve been doing it properly!

  33. 09/11/2010 at 20:32 mpk says:

    It’s interesting that that video is so amazingly banal that most people are picking up on a bit of dodgy grammar rather than the batshit mentality of it all.

    That said, I’m now canvassing for websites who will share their advertising revenues. Now that I’ve sat through that gruelling training video I’m sure I can be making the green. Although you don’t get many £1 notes these days…

  34. 09/11/2010 at 20:47 Andy says:

    My favourite part was “125 MB graphics card”.

    Madness!

  35. 09/11/2010 at 20:56 The Hammer says:

    Two things.

    1) Our Mac keyslabs at uni are exactly like the one in the video. Spooky.

    2) What a nice man providing the voiceover.

  36. 09/11/2010 at 21:42 Inglourious Badger says:

    Dear Rockpapershotgun,

    I have just watched this video and wish to submit my reviews to you for posting for a share in your advertising revenues. I understand you will pay me for my opinions and words. I notice your current reviews do not meet the standards expected by this teaching video, so can only assume you will be happy to share 90% of your revenues with me (by my calculations, £2.39 per month?).

    Please e-mail me for my bank account details and I shall send my first review. (It is a review of Freecell).

    Very thanks,

    Inglourious Badger

  37. 09/11/2010 at 22:12 Sir Derpicus says:

    …(what does knowing about some radar station in 1958 have to do with writing PC game reviews?)

  38. 09/11/2010 at 22:52 HeavyStorm says:

    If I knew it was that easy…

  39. 09/11/2010 at 22:55 Birky says:

    Damn, so close but I lack anything which could be construed as an opinion.

    (Plus this is clearly a tutorial for New Games Journalism as it doesn’t instruct you to rate the game out of 10)

  40. 09/11/2010 at 23:57 UW says:

    This is exactly the formula I use for my gaming reviews.

    I suppose you’ve all heard of my site.

    …No? I wonder why…

  41. 10/11/2010 at 00:56 GoodPatton says:

    Jazz hands also required.

  42. 10/11/2010 at 07:25 Jack says:

    It’s so simple! Be back soon, gents, I’m just off to make a billion dollars.

  43. 10/11/2010 at 08:17 Tony M says:

    Next time I want them to teach me how to be an astronaut. I hope I don’t have to read a book for that too.

    Tony

  44. 10/11/2010 at 18:31 terry says:

    Wait, I need a Mac? What?

  45. 10/11/2010 at 21:00 Richard Pippy says:

    This video seems 5 years too late. It describes how to write the reviews I read in 2005 and 2006 but stopped reading because they are too long and uninteresting. The only thing this video promotes is mediocre writing.

  46. 11/11/2010 at 08:05 x25killa says:

    I do not understand this. All I heard was a nice man talking with lots of flashing images.

  47. 13/11/2010 at 17:41 basil says:

    Of course it’s not a joke. It seems to describe the process 99% of game “journalists” use to write their crap.

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