By John Walker on November 14th, 2010 at 12:43 am.
Look, I want you to try to stay as calm as possible, but here it is: there’s a sequel to Miami Shark. It’s out now. It’s called Sydney Shark. It’s like Miami Shark – the fantastic shark attack frenzy that won my heart (after eating it, mid-air) last year – BUT LIKE THREE TIMES AS GOOD.
This is a game that ends slightly early if you, as a shark, kill hundreds of thousands of people with a nuclear bomb.
I want high scores posted below, and I want them announced with hyperbole.
And when I posted about the first in this all-time classic series of gaming legends, I presented evidence that sharks can indeed leave the water with a clip from Megashark Vs. Giant Octopus, slightly before it became the most famous thing on the internet. This time, because Shark Attack 3: Megalodon was too obvious, I present documentary footage from a film called SharkMan:
Thanks to Dartt and the RPS Steam Chat-o-Room for the tip.
didn’t this come out a while ago?
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In what possible way could that matter?
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Yeah, it looks fun as hell, but if it wasn’t released in the last 2 hours 41 minutes and 12 seconds, no chance in hell you’ll see me playing it.
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Oh go on then.
3208991
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Because everyone knows games journalism is a race, one that Kotaku and vg247 are winning. They will eventually be forced to create their own news using cardboard and cellotape to continue upping the pace. QUICK! GAMES ARE HAPPENING, THEY WILL NOT WAIT FOR YOU!
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Everybody knows that content on the internet goes sweaty and hard after half an hour. Just like cheddar left on the work surface.
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I achieved a MAGNIFICENT 2330492! None shall ever surpass this heavenly milestone!
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3900959 – number of fair ladies who fainted after seeing what I’ve done. My first and only and thus highest score.
I also know for a fact from an anonymous source (not the RPS Louse) that on his first try Walker scored merely a sickly 2632378 points.
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I bet it WAS that RPS Louse.
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What a Shame.
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RPS? Why is the title as big as the content?
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Because
SHARK
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Oh. My God. Have they fixed the title length limit?
Get ready people, the future is today. Prepare for UNLIMITED PUNNING.
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I nuked the planet!
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Then what did I nuke?
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4010613- bow, RPS mortals, for I am your sharkly deity. Bow, or I shall eat you slowly.
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Aaah Mausland, they make some amazing flash games. Aggressive Alpine Skiing is one of the best ever! The sun in that game is awesome.
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Oh and that theme song!!
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Agreed, I must’ve spent countless of my high-school hours on that game.
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I loved Mausland at secondary school…and not just because of franks adventure
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379, er, something something something. My score was so mind-bogglingly awesome it caused my PC to spontaneously combust before I could read beyond the first three digits.
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4488251!
What do I win?
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7609119
Now, beat that!
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I’m more surprised that anything can survive in the waters of Sydney harbour long enough to get a score that high.
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Anything besides THAT SHARK, anyways.
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I earned 3648536 points. A trifling sum, one might say… unless you knew that I reached this score WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE SCREEN!
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3525741
I think there’s a piece of boat stuck in my JAWS.
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My shark keeps getting stuck on the borders of play as if he’s secretly turned Sticky Keys back on when I wasn’t looking. Either this game is barely functional or I missed the crucial “Don’t Suck” key command. The Universe needs to make this work better next time.
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3740499
Ehh, not too bad.
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2576488. What a brilliant game! Any game that lets you recreate that iconic moment from (well known documentary film) Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus is a winner in my book.
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Just last week I was reminded out of the blue of Miami Shark and played a bit more of it, it’s literally the only flash game I can think of that I’ve really enjoyed, which may say more about me than I’m comfortable with. I’m glad to see it’s got an even-more-ridiculous sequel.
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3709337 little dead computer people points
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It’s been a while since a game has made me laugh hysterically while playing it.
I hate a UFO, some horses, a Military jet, and a nuke.
My score was around 3.8M
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Score first try: 3256051 and a silver medal. Obviously Miami Shark served as practice.
Loved the nuclear ending.
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3344436 but I missed the nuke. :( Time to try again…
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Meh. This plays on irony; the whole ‘EAT DICK LOOK AT MUSCLES HOW AWESOME’ mentality is tired, it’s old, it shadows mediocre, fast-paced gameplay. As far removed as you think irony takes you from being stupid, and that’s the word, sheer, utter stupidity, it doesn’t change the fact that, essentially, the entirety of the game is still based in stupid, the moronic and there’s only just a little bit of a mask to covering it.
It’s a great marketing tool but it’s a mediocre game from any real critical perspective.
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You must be really fun at parties.
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I see your tired cynicism and raise you a shark blowing up Sydney by catching a Soviet nuclear ICBM. Really, when something is that wonderfully stupid you have to smile.
Also, I really don’t know what you’re talking about, but I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Also also SHARK!
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Irony is dead.
We got so damn ironic we stopped recognizing irony and now we just properly appreciate Sharks.
Also: TOP THREE, WORLDWIDE!
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As an Australian I can assure you that this is an authentic representation of everyday life. Australia doesn’t know the meaning of irony.
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@Arathain
Soviet? I only got a quick look but I’d have sworn that was a Chinese flag.
Anyway, let us all feel very, very sorry for poor wogzi, who had to have his sense of humor amputated after a horrible accident earlier this year.
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You want to know why I’m cynical? It’s because whenever I present an idea that is even remotely contrary, the immediate response is a public lynching that focuses more on personal attacks than whatever point I may have had.
To that I say “penis penis penis penis penis <3" and I'm off.
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@wogzi
You tried to make a serious point about machismo by accusing a game mocking machismo of supporting machismo. So yes, for failing to grasp the unbelievably overt silliness of tone in this game, and being a prick about it, you get a flogging.
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Its not the contrary opinion, it is the manner in which it is presented.
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@wogzi
I want you to be a really good troll.
Otherwise, the reason people focus on “personal attacks” against you in this particular case is because your entire argument/point was completely reliant on your ‘irony-mentality is tired and old and stupid’ perspective. This is a personal perspective in that it strictly relies on your conditioned mind – the only way to attack your points is to attack you.
Throw in your own personal attack on the reader by using the statement, “As far removed as you think irony takes you from being stupid”, and it makes complete sense that people focus on personal attacks rather than attacking your points (which are personal anyways).
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When you mock machismo, you are, in a sense, perpetuating machismo. It’s not like I’m coming from a nutty side issue stance here. DFW has a lot to say about irony and I’m fond of this particular passage from “E UNIBAS PLURAM”:
‘So then how have irony, irreverence, and rebellion come to be not liberating but enfeebling in the culture today’s avant-garde tries to write about? One clue’s to be found in the fact that irony is still around, bigger than ever after 30 long years as the dominant mode of hip expression. It’s not a rhetorical mode that wears well. As Hyde (whom I pretty obviously like) puts it, ‘Irony has only emergency use. Carried over time, it is the voice of the trapped who have come to enjoy their cage.’ This is because irony, entertaining as it is, serves an almost exclusively negative function”‘
It’s the same here. My argument isn’t that this game is overtly masculine; if that’s what you’ve read, then you misunderstood completely. It’s that it is subversively so; that thin veneer of irony, of ‘silliness’ as you say, is just gilded machismo. It’s still perpetuating the same ideals that it mocks because, ultimately, it offers nothing else as a replacement.
As for me being a troll, hell nah bro. A personal attack is a criticism of me not having a sense of humor; it is not attempted social commentary. Just because you think it could possibly apply to you doesn’t mean that it’s a personal attack. Me calling you an irrational pigsucker for conflating these two things is a personal attack but only in speech act of calling you an ‘irrational pigsucker’. Capsichzke?
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When you mock machismo, you are perpetuating machismo. It’s not like I’m coming from some nutty, left-field here. DFW has a lot to say about irony and I’m fond of this particular passage from “E UNIBAS PLURAM”:
‘So then how have irony, irreverence, and rebellion come to be not liberating but enfeebling in the culture today’s avant-garde tries to write about? One clue’s to be found in the fact that irony is still around, bigger than ever after 30 long years as the dominant mode of hip expression. It’s not a rhetorical mode that wears well. As Hyde (whom I pretty obviously like) puts it, ‘Irony has only emergency use. Carried over time, it is the voice of the trapped who have come to enjoy their cage.”
It’s the same here. My argument isn’t that this game is overtly masculine; if that’s what you’ve read, then you misunderstood completely. It’s that it is subversively so; that thin veneer of irony, of ‘silliness’ as you say, is just gilded machismo. It’s still perpetuating the same ideals that it mocks because, ultimately, it offers nothing else as a replacement. The structures of machismo that it ‘sillies’ against only exist because it alludes to their existence; if this game had not focused on satirizing machismo and had instead been a Canabalt-esque game with a few more layers of gameplay elements, then whatever polemic the satire sets up would not have existed. Hell, we wouldn’t even be beanplating the issue of ‘machismo’ in the first place.
As for me being a troll, hell nah bro. A personal attack is a criticism of me not having a sense of humor; it is not attempted social commentary. Just because you think it could possibly apply to you doesn’t mean that it’s a personal attack. Me calling you an irrational pigsucker for conflating these two things is a personal attack but only in speech act of calling you an ‘irrational pigsucker’. Capsichzke?
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I want you to be a really good troll.
I’m 100% sure of it now, actually. No-one could write what he just wrote in response to [i]this[/i] game and be serious.
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Vinraith, you’re an arbiter of bad taste and you’re proud of it. I’m happy for you but god do you make me want to cry myself to sleep at night.
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I agree with your argument.
However, I still fail to understand why the existence of subversive machismo is tired or old or why fast-paced gameplay is mediocre (or how machismo shadows only mediocre, fast-pace gameplay, whichever you meant).
I can comprehend the argument for how overused irony can cause enfeebling in our culture by reading the passage you provided, but my mind cannot draw a similar argument over for machismo.
Also, all I meant by ‘personal attack’ was a statement which offends the person it was directed against. A person reading your original post could presumably be offended by your use of the term “you”.
Nick said it better than me: “Its not the contrary opinion, it is the manner in which it is presented.”
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One might stand a better chance of finding people willing to engage in cogent postmodern intellectual debate if one didn’t put onself across as such a pompous pseud.
Trolling inflicted by literate supercilliousness is as much trolling as that inflicted by teh ghey lulz.
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@protorp
Exactly. This is simple to the point where I can’t believe I was initially taken in by it, but I’ve always been a bit of a sucker for this kind of troll. You have someone claiming they wish to engage in an intellectual debate about the philosophical merits of this game. OK, your first indicator that you’re dealing with a troll is that they even started that discussion about this game, but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re… esoteric and don’t realize the degree to which that alone undermines their seriousness and hence perceived sincerity of their argument. You have the tone of the initial post, pompous and insulting, not the tone of someone interested in a discussion but rather in a loud, angry flame war. Then you have the faux shock at receiving exactly the response the initial post was designed to illicit. Then you have the faux-intellectual screed, to prove how serious they are, and that no, really, they are sincerely interested in a discussion if people would just stop yelling at them (like they wanted). It’s a damn good act, very well executed. We even get the “I’m so misunderstood and you’re all terribly mean and disappointing” bit at the bottom. Really, 9/10, well done sir, you almost made me forget we were actually discussing a game about a shark pulling nuclear missiles out of the sky.
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Jeezus guys, it’s a shark attacking Sydney, STFU and play the damn game. SHARKS!
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Im with Tomm, also how many facets does Cannabalt have really?
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Wogzi:
Glad to see your Arts degree is being put to good use…
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Wogzi’s well-written comment and intriguing argument inspired me to start reading David Foster Wallace, so this has been greatly beneficial for me. Thank you wogzi!
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As fun as the previous one, but other than some more airplanes/ufo’s and the shark wheel… what has changed? I didn’t notice anything different =/
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Cruise ships, orcas, opera house.
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Flying horse box, Wheel of Shark, combos
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3495493. Not too bad considering I’m typically rubbbish at this type of thing.
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3494004
Plus nuclear explosions, dead aliens and an angry giant koala in a helicopter.
All in all a good day!
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4538063. At first, I was playing with my nose and ears alone. But I reached 2000000 within the first few seconds, so I switched to moulding my small intestine around the keyboard and play using peristalsis.
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Horse combo FTW!
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HORSE COMBO made me laugh. A LOT.
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3,408,306. Fun little bit of madness.
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Bah, I let the shark remain latched onto the nuke to see if I’d get some sort of special ending, such as the shark flying with the nuke towards the horizon, going to its next destination, ready to cause more havoc.
Well, I was disappointed, but it was fun in the end! 4,1 million score.
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3 526 681
Sharkastic!
A few games of games like this and I can buy me a new wireless keyboard….
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4 254 961
on a second try….I feel so asharksome!
C’mon, baby, shark with me!
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4,700,971.
I am so shark, I eat other sharks and poop out better sharks.
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3.4 MILLLLIIIOOOONNNNN!!!!
Brilliant. The Steve Irwin bonus / crocodile jet bonus – I haven’t laughed so much in ages…
Thanks John!
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A measly 3,205,698, but hilarious. Ta!
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This is so awesome. Plugging live kangaroos from the sky, I achieved 3,839,243 points. Sweet.
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A satisfactory 3,602,121, with every aircraft pulled down. Missed a few horses/parachutists, though.
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3 638 304 digital computer points.
I can now uninstall Steam, delete all my freeware games, and shut the computer down, in peace with the knowledge that the awesomest computer game of all time has been created, I have played it, and can now move on with my life. Maybe take up Taxidermy. Or squash.
I think I first realized this when I pulled down with my shark jaws a helicopter from which burst a terrified koala, babbling until it crashed into the water and exploded, as they do. I was secure in my assessment by the time I, a shark, crashed a commercial jet airliner. When the flying saucer finally appeared I merely laughed (instead of giggling like before) – there was no need for it. I was already convinced.
(I still destroyed it, of course.)
I give this game a hug out of ten.
(edit:) HOLY SHIT WE GOT CLICK TO EDIT WE GOT CLICK TO EDIT
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There’s even achievements in flashgames these days??? though i kinda think that this is probably the best home for them
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I couldnt stop laughing with this, I never knew being a shark could be so much fun.
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So over the top concept that it is geniunely a hilarious fun experience.
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Fist go, 3,624,699.
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3468653 – With a nuke
That was the single greatest experience of my life.
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4.13 million, with the nuke :) Got a little bored so decided to end it.
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Finally broke 4 million, pre nuke.
Good times.
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Is Jeffrey Combs in the game as well? He really should be; he embiggens everything he touches.
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I think you can see my house in this game.
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It Had me at “KOALA GUARD”
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2160915
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MAN!
I’ve always wanted to watch that movie, SharkMans replacable teeth glance at me always every time I visit the video rental place.
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