Gel Proves Slippery: Portal 2 Now In April

By John Walker on November 18th, 2010 at 11:35 pm.

Waiting for the Valve train, late again.

In news that will only surprise Simon Surprisington of Surpriseland, Valve have declared a delay for Portal 2’s release. They’re calling it their “shortest delay in Valve history.” No longer shall we be seeing the game in February next year, but instead, April. April 18th, to be precise, which they won’t be. It’s an extra two months to wait to find out what it’s like to throw gel at the walls, without breaking into your hairdressers at night and causing trouble. Fortunately, their press release announcing this delay is very funny, so the news is more palatable. It’s below.

VALVE ANNOUNCES SHORTEST DELAY IN VALVE HISTORY

Valve today announced that Portal 2 — the sequel to the ground-breaking title that won over 30 game of the year awards, despite missing its original ship date — will now be available the week of April 18th, 2011. This two month slip not only marks the shortest delay in Valve’s proud tradition of delays, it represents the approaching convergence of Valve Time and Real Time. Though this convergence spells doom for humanity, it will not affect the new Portal 2 release date.

For more information, please visit www.thinkwithportals.com

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72 Comments »

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  1. DrazharLn says:

    Do two cameras on two different ‘bots count for the staring eyes tag?

    Discuss.

  2. Christopher M. says:

    Huh. My birthday is the 8th; could be I’ll get meself a pretty Christmas gift…

    • Christopher M. says:

      *gah… “birthday” gift.

    • egg says:

      If Christopher is just the full name for “Christ” (as in, you know, “Jesus Christ”), then I guess you were not that far off.

    • jeremypeel says:

      My birthday was in March, with the original release date.

      It’s still there, in March. Lonelier now. Less purposeful, somehow.

    • President Weasel says:

      Jeebus himself was probably born around April, in 5 BC. You might share a birthday as well as a chunk of name.

  3. Barman1942 says:

    This is why I love Valve. They could have put out the usual canned announcement that most publishers do, but instead they poke some fun at themselves.

    • Corrupt_Tiki says:

      Yay! lets bend over for Valve, and throw hate filled feces at Blizzard!

    • Collic says:

      It;s not our fault Valve generally come across as inherently lovable while blizzard seem to make a habit of PR blunders.

    • Corrupt_Tiki says:

      Hmm yes, but I dislike that the majority? of commentors on this site seem to hate Blizzard just for the sake of hating them, I mean, they do make extremely balanced and polished games, and I could be wrong on this, but (apart from maybe WoW series) most of their games don’t have a day 0 patch?
      Valve is a good company I just dislike seeing people be so bias.

      I must admit, I look at CD Projekt with rose tinted glasses, along with bohemia.

    • Tom says:

      @Corrupt Tiki

      The only other person mentioning Blizzard on this page is doing so in a positive manner, why do you feel the need to jump out and defend them so?

    • Demon Beaver says:

      “I just dislike seeing people be so bias.”

      Someone isn’t reading the Sunday Papers…

      And on the matter, Valve have a track record of great great games… honestly, so do Blizzard. But Blizzard had a few blunders before ( http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2010/07/06/battle-net-forums-to-demand-real-names/ or http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2009/06/29/starcraft-ii-footage-strange-decisions/ ) while Valve have made many friends amongst gamers with their rather amazing ongoing support for TF2… so yes, there is a good reason as to why people like Valve. Even when they make blunders, they try their best to make up for it ( http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2010/07/27/valve-apologise-for-vac-goof/ )

      Now I just need to learn how to create proper links in these comments…

    • panther says:

      Blizzard fan boy alert!

    • skinlo says:

      Blizzard are partially owned by Activision, which is why I hate them on principle.

    • battles_atlas says:

      God I wish everyone on this fucking site would stop raving about how awesome Blizzard are.

      I like Valve. There, I’ve said it. Now you can all crucify me for my heresy.

    • MuscleHorse says:

      I dislike people not adding ‘ed’ on the end of ‘bias’. It is rediculous.

    • Corrupt_Tiki says:

      The main reason I am stating it, is that on the last Blizzard announcement, The final class in Diablo 3 which got revealed? There were heaps of people throwing hate at them -_-*, I do like Blizzard’s games (for the most part, can’t say WoW tickled my fancy), and I like Valve games as well, only game I spent more of my childhood in than Diablo, was Counter-Strike 1.6 (Didn’t play HL untill HL2 came out O.o)

      Only sting I have about valve, is steam, as it seems I forget I even have to use it, until my internet plays up or as I am now, stuck on shitty internets with the download speed of a handicapped turtle.

      I wonder if they will release portal 2 in a bundle with ep 3?, bah, dream on =/

    • Premium User Badge

      Tiktaalik says:

      “I just dislike seeing people be so bias.”

      In future I shall interpret this as a statement of prejudice against people with two bottoms.

    • herpa says:

      I fucking hate the Warcraft games – WoW included – so Blizzard can go suck fat hairy man balls.

  4. Loopy says:

    This suits me nicely, I can now request it as a birthday present instead. :P

  5. Daniel Rivas says:

    April? That’s at least a decade from now, right?

    What? It’s almost December?

    *sigh*

  6. Premium User Badge

    Devenger says:

    Obligatory Valve Time conversion table link (now very extensive): http://developer.valvesoftware.com/wiki/Valve_Time

    • Rich says:

      “Coincident with the Rapture”
      Oh I hope not. How are we supposed to play Ep3 if the world ends?

  7. LudwigTheurer says:

    Tag by Digipen is quite interesting too, I remember hearing that some of the people on portal’s team are from there or something. Not sure thought.

    It has the physical paint thing (and it’s free.)

    • Wedge says:

      There’s that and the paint mechanic being used in Portal 2 is also from a Digipen team, that presumably was brought on board to work on the sequel.

    • KillahMate says:

      Yes. In fact, that’s the team they brought on.

  8. DJ Phantoon says:

    No!

    Whyyyyy!?

    • Out Reach says:

      Valve Time.

      google it.

    • bob_d says:

      Because, unlike many developers, they can release a game when it’s done, rather than when the contract with the publisher demands it, ready or not. So this is actually a good thing.

    • Xocrates says:

      Although I kind of wonder why they have not taken a page out of Blizzard’s book and start announcing release dates just a couple months before they’re due.

    • DRoseDARs says:

      Until they tease us otherwise, I’m just going to fantasize that this means they have to push it back so they can finish HL2Ep3 and release it before P2. The delusion dulls the ache in my heart for both games.

    • Gabe Kotick says:

      Implementation of an item store?
      __________________________________________
      The Gabe Kotick Pack

      Different color portal gun (pack): $5
      Different color portals (pack): $5
      Different sized/shaped portals (pack): $10
      Different color outfits for Chell (pack): $10
      Different voices for GLaDOS (pack): $10
      Different color turrets (pack): $10
      Different color gels (pack): $10

      Individual Price: $60
      Package Price: $48
      ____________________________
      Cost to you: $48
      You save: $12

      Pre-order The Gabe Kotick Pack and play as your favorite TF2 class in Portal 2 in both single player and co-op.

    • Matt says:

      Sorry Mr. Internet Commenter, they already have different color gels and the colors actually signify differences in behavior.

    • Gabe Kotick says:

      @Matt, the gels that they’ve announced will probably be the same color as the ones already announced. The ones included in The Gabe Kotick Pack let you select a color of your choice for each gel. It’s pretty good value for money at only $10. I’ll be getting the entire pack so I can play as my favorite TF2 class.

    • Man Raised By Puffins says:

      Hahahaha, my sides!

      ಠ_ಠ

  9. rocketman71 says:

    They probably think the game still doesn’t have enough hats.

  10. Vanderdecken says:

    http://developer.valvesoftware.com/wiki/Valve_Time

    ‘Nuff said. I particularly enjoy the most recent example, the release of The Sacrifice DLC for L4D/2: “about a month” after the “March” (actually late April) release date of The Passing = October 5, 2010.

  11. pakoito says:

    http://developer.valvesoftware.com/wiki/Valve_Time_Tracker

    This one is even funnier.

    Episode 3 “Christmas of 2007″

    ROFLCOPTER

    • Premium User Badge

      Thermal Ions says:

      Well with the pending convergence of Valve Time and Real Time, who knows what will happen to the timeline – Christmas 2007 may still be right.

  12. somnolentsurfer says:

    Shortest delay in Valve history? Is that including the point when it was supposed to be out this month?

  13. Daniel says:

    Okay, who saw this coming? Was it everyone?

    I think it was everyone.

  14. Simon Surprisington of Surpriseland says:

    What?! No!!! How… how can this be? I am shocked, for one! This is the greatest travesty in Surpriseland history! Nothing in Surpriseland could have prepared me for this!

    *runs off in sobs*

  15. Brumisator says:

    TF2 still takes the cake (OMGLOLPORTALPUN). I still remember that “coming soon: TF2″ menu item in Half-Life in 1998.

  16. Eversor says:

    So Portal 2 will be the shortest delay, but really, we all knew it will never compete with Valve’s longest delay!

  17. Vinraith says:

    Either way I’ll doubtless buy it in the 2011 Xmas sale, so it doesn’t really matter when in spring they release it.

    • FrowningEyes says:

      That’s great Vinraith. I have some games I going to wait for a sale on, just give me a second and I’ll tell everyone all about it.

    • Rich says:

      Ooo snippy.
      If this is released in some big turquoise box with Ep3 it’ll be a day one purchase for me. If it’s on its own… I don’t know, it depends if I’m deeply into another game.

  18. Corrupt_Tiki says:

    Ed Hardy Bikini? 23$? NO WAY!!! O.O

  19. Jack says:

    I’ll be the first in line for a Tank Woman. $17 is a steal.

  20. Tenorek says:

    I wish Valve would just stop announcing games until the day before they are released. I am certain this strategy would have no negative effect on their sales, and could, in fact, very probably boost their sales

    • Ted says:

      maybe that’s what they’re doing with episode 3.

      I still don’t like how they made a game cliffhang the ending, and then go off and RETCON a little game which was nice BECAUSE IT WAS SMALL AND CLOSED, for the sake of a sequel.

      no way I’m buying this game.

    • skinlo says:

      No point cutting off your nose to spite your face, if its a good game, get it!

    • Rich says:

      I prefer to know it’s on the horizon. No news in not good news.

  21. KillahMate says:

    Let me tell you Jack, you get what you paid for.

  22. nabeel says:

    *sob* As if this wasn’t already such a painful wait.

  23. Lilliput King says:

    puma slipper woman would kick tank woman’s arse.

  24. pimorte says:

    I hope the game is more challenging this time around.
    I barely needed to think until the last couple of challenges.

  25. Joe Duck says:

    I think that what they mean by “real time and valve time convergence” is that using portals to move westwards between timezones, they can get back one hour. So, if they put the entire Valve team in a loop through such portal, they may still make it on time to the EP3 release!
    Although Gabe won’t fit, of course…

  26. Dave says:

    Does anyone else find Valve’s humour at tad grating?

    They _have_ got better with their release date accuracy, but only by comparison to a few years ago when they were just plain unprofessional. I don’t mind Valve making a joke out of it, but they blatantly rest on their laurels and I find the constant joking slightly inappropriate. Just because they know we’ll patiently wait for their games regardless how long they take, doesn’t mean that telling us one thing and doing another is a-ok.

    Making great games and being all fuzzy-warm and cutesy and friendly has to be matched with honesty if they dick us around and theres a time and a place for jokes. Valve Time vs Real Time is one such joke that I find increasingly annoying when its Valve who crack it themselves!

    • Dominic White says:

      Would you rather they behave like every other publisher? A cold, dispassionate corporate entity that avoids such questions with statements like ‘We are not currently allowed to comment on that situation’?

    • wrath says:

      Wait, are you implying that Valve intentionally delay for the lols? or that you know other companies that give more information than Valve when there is a delay instead of simply stating “no comment” and being done with it?

      I actually like it. We’re not being fucked around too much, honestly just don’t fall into the trap of having too much faith in a given release date and you’ll be fine. Account for Valve time always.

      I tend to attempt to not think too much about an unreleased Valve game, or rather I try keep the idea of playing the game out of my head.

  27. ken says:

    Two extra months?! nooooooooooooo

  28. Fergus says:

    GOD DAMN YOU VALVE!

    My birthday was in February …

  29. Masterofdisaster747 says:

    hey valve i got vac banned for no reason can i be un vac banned only 13 and dont know how to hack!