Trigger-Happy Holidays From Bulletstorm

By Quintin Smith on December 21st, 2010 at 12:50 pm.

I’ve just realised that Bulletstorm‘s above killer robot wheel might in fact have merely detached from an even bigger killer robot truck. Wouldn’t that be amazing? People Can Fly, feel free to drop me a job offer. I expect at least £5,000 per year plus unlimited access to the coffee machine. Also, I want the job title of Ludographer. You see, Ludo is ancient Greek for “play”, and “grapher” is ancient Greek for somebody who works with 3D graphics engines. Look, I’m even posting your funny little Happy Holidays video. I quite like it. It reminds me of Serious Sam.

Man, I have a happy memory of losing an entire sweltering summer night to Serious Sam. Which is about as gay-sounding a sentence as I’ve ever written.

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42 Comments »

  1. Feet says:

    Somehow I doubt that’s the gayest sentence you’ve ever written.

    • Quintin Smith says:

      You’ve got to imagine you’re reading it with no idea what or who Serious Sam is.

    • Bornemannen says:

      Quintin is on a gay streak today. The comment about squirting your lads in bases all over the world is a strong contender for gayest sentence ever. EVER.

    • AndrewC says:

      They’d probably think you’d discussed Chomsky all night, a name like Serious Sam.

    • Quintin Smith says:

      I hate to state the obvious, but surely me squirting my lads deep into the enemy’s unprotected base is a sexual rather than homosexual sentence.

    • Bornemannen says:

      Homosexuality is in the eye of the beholder…..
      I think everyone agrees with me that an enemy base is something very masculine. ;)

    • mod the world says:

      Can this thread please be deleted to not further alienate the few normal people left here.

    • noom says:

      Would this be a appropriate time to declare my heterosexual mancrush on Quinns?

      It’s like, he just gets me, y’know?

    • Wulf says:

      I hate it when people cite normalcy. Sure, it’s something our ancestors did aeons ago to huddle together, to easily separate friend, from enemy, from prey, but that’s because in a hunter-prey existence like that you need to think in small thoughts, tiny thoughts, because you need to devote more of those precious mental resources to being wary and surviving.

      The problem is though is that normalcy is entirely subjective, and it changes from person to person, so what happens when you analyse normalcy is that everyone has their own line. What is an abomination to someone might’ve always seemed entirely usual to someone else, and from there normalcy just unravels. And all normalcy boils down to at the end of the day is this: Let’s all pretend we’re not interesting. The problem there is that we can’t actually do that.

      Believe it or not, everyone you’ll ever talk to, ever, is at least a little bit interesting. The thing is is that some people don’t hide that they’re interesting quite so much. And I have less of a problem with someone saying something subjectively controversial providing that they’re not faking that it’s not an interesting thing to say, whatever it is they’re saying.

      Even worse is that normalcy invites binary thinking; like us vs them, patriots vs foreigners, and similar rot. The problem is is that, again, this is all subjective. And because it’s subjective, it actually becomes entirely meaningless when you apply it to a group. Because us for one person isn’t us for another, and worse, ‘us’ can imply billions of variables within that one whitewashed sentiment.

      So no, let’s not embrace normalcy. Let’s all be batshit insane, because we really don’t need to pretend we’re all not any more. And the pretense that anything is normal in today’s world, or even that normal can exist, is somewhat preposterous.

      Normal people are a myth. You don’t exist, mod the world! You’re a proxy for a real person that does. I might like to get to know that person.

    • SanguineAngel says:

      Haha I do like Wulf’s posts.

      Although there was not enough guild wars 2 reference for my tastes.

      Also I do agree with what he says, however tangenital.

    • PeopleLikeFrank says:

      Kinsey Continuum. Deal with it.

    • westyfield says:

      “And I have less of a problem with someone saying something subjectively controversial providing that they’re not faking that it’s not an interesting thing to say, whatever it is they’re saying.”

      This sentence, it hurts my head.

    • Rich says:

      Never, mod the world. You must join us.

    • Berzee says:

      @Wulf — just so. =) There is no such thing as an Ordinary Human Being, or as The Common Man. Each person is entirely a unique handicrafted character!

      But do I understand you to go a step further and say that there is really nothing common in all of humanity? Because if we really shared *nothing*…it wouldn’t be very exciting to find out all our differences.

      Although some men have one eye, may we not call two eyes “normal”? I guess the problem comes in when “normal” implies “more acceptable” — I almost said when it implies “superior”, but of course two eyes are better than one at fulfilling their intended purpose. We just…well, we don’t want to ostracize the one-eyed people for being different. But we also don’t want to say “Some people have two eyes, some people have one! It’s all subjective!” — because that’s silly.

    • Berzee says:

      @westyfield: about the sentence that hurts your head

      “And I have less of a problem with someone saying something subjectively controversial providing that they’re not faking that it’s not an interesting thing to say, whatever it is they’re saying.”

      ::transform::

      “Don’t pretend your opinions are just facts. You aren’t as boring as you think you are, and your ‘normal’ beliefs are actually fascinating.”

      something like that, I think.

    • Rich says:

      Speaking as someone with only one functioning eye, I agree with Berzee’s statement. I would resent being considered “less acceptable”, but I acknowledge that I am disadvantaged.
      That being said, it’s difficult to see how someone’s sexuality can be a disadvantage*. Even when it comes to breeding, there are plenty of unwanted children out there who could be raised by same sex couples. It may not mean the passing on of their genes, but it does mean we can have one more well raised person**, rather than some resentful orphan.

      *Not that I believe you were implying such a thing.
      **Of course there are those who disagree. I kindly suggest they take such opinions and stick them.

    • mod the world says:

      GUYS, with normal people i wasn’t refering to sexual orientation. I was more thinking that people should stop writing posts while drunk. Jesus…

    • Berzee says:

      Yeah, the original reference to normal people was Mod the World saying we should delete this thread because “normal people” would be alienated by the zany banter.

    • stahlwerk says:

      Isn’t having like 1.9998 eyes the norm? I never heard of any one person having more than two to counterbalance those with one or none.

      :-) ;-) |-)

    • Berzee says:

      If Wulf misunderstood what was implied to be abnormal, then it would make more sense why he wrote so much. But he’s Wulf, so I assume he wrote all of that about people who don’t like zany banter :)

    • mod the world says:

      Are you saying Wulf isn’t normal?

    • Arathain says:

      I think, if you accept there is such a thing as a normal person (which I don’t, but let’s pretend I do), then Wulf is not it. It’s for the best, really.

    • Fumarole says:

      Isn’t having like 1.9998 eyes the norm?

      Indeed – almost everyone on the planet has a greater-than-average number of eyes. That says everything about statistics right there.

    • Lightbulb says:

      mod the world says:
      December 21, 2010 at 7:29 pm

      Are you saying Wulf isn’t normal?

      I think wulf is saying wulf isn’t normal.

  2. SF Legend says:

    “AAARGH RAAGHR AAARGGH”
    “SHUT UP”

    as opposed to
    “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”
    “AAAAAH YOURSELF”

  3. Richard Beer says:

    I, for one, think more games should feature people being twanged into trees.

  4. Dominic White says:

    Apparently, Bulletstorm starts when the hero, drunk at the wheel of a spaceship, sees a larger, much fancier ship piloted by a guy he hates, so he rams it. This is an incredibly bad idea, as not only does he do no damage, but crashes on a planet filled with crazies and mutant monsters.

    I, for one, want to play The Space Adventures of Angry Drunk Idiotman In Space.

  5. SirKicksalot says:

    Are the bad guys voiced by the Heavy?

  6. vodka and cookies says:

    I miss these little things like this in gaming doesn’t seem to happen that often anymore, anyone remember those Christmas specials From Sensible Software with Cannon Fodder or Sensi Soccer.

  7. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Well, so much for the video. All that’s left is banter. And no, guys, we’ve had better banter.

  8. Pew says:

    Alternative video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WScI4ArQ_I should stay working.

  9. Dreamhacker says:

    Ludo as in “play” is in Latin, not Greek…

    (Somewhere, far away, a Latin teacher is crying)

  10. OJ287 says:

    If these are the same people who made PAINKILLER then I shall be purchasing this BS.

    • RegisteredUser says:

      They are the same people that made Painkiller, which was awesome, and then turned around and betrayed the PC community from whence they came and turned Bulletstorm into a mass of gayness by restricting weapon slots to TWO.
      I guess freedom of choice and fun might otherwise overwhelm the feeble console gamer’s brain, for whom this game is now handtailored to in order to maek moar munnies I guess.

      Quite a steep fall from a near DOOM-tribute like awesomness (PK had armor+health that you can STILL PICK UP and doesn’t autoregenerate? ZOMG, how can I play this???), if you ask me.

      Oh, and I am supposed to report:
      WordPress 3.0.3 is available! Please notify the site administrator.

  11. silverhammermba says:

    Didn’t they have a video where they showed where the giant wheel thing came from? It’s part of a big mining rig that explodes as you try to escape on a train.

  12. Chizu says:

    This video has been removed by the user.

    :(

  13. JohnnyMaverik says:

    That was… actually pretty damn awesome O.o

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