By John Walker on January 25th, 2011 at 4:17 pm.
The year is 2018. The world has been flooded due to man’s irreparable damage. In this bleak future of Grand Mer only one activity can save mankind…
Fishing.
Cue music.
I cannot get over how delighted I am to have discovered the press release for forthcoming free-to-play online game, Grand Mer.
“Fishing is now the single most important activity as the human race fights starvation in an effort to survive.”
It also boasts, “An open world of seas,” which is perhaps the best level design shortcut I’ve ever heard of. But there will be weather that will affect fishie behaviour, and time of day that again changes what’s available to fish.
Even better I love this opening line on the game’s site:
“GRAND MER is the world’s first online Saltwater Fishing game.”
The game describes itself as offering:
- Select from several unique characters, customize them and further develop their fishing skills
- Travel the world by selecting from several exciting maps, ranging from icy cold waters to tropical paradises
- Fish at your leisure, compete individually or in a team (customizing the rules for that match), play a Tour and complete mission objectives or enter a Championship and test your skills against the very best!
- Experience dynamic fishing with shoals of fish reacting to weather, location, time and more
- Customize your gear such as fishing rods, lures and your own custom made boat!
- Keep track of your favorite fish in your own aquarium and earn special rewards for catching specific fish (will you catch the elusive and dangerous great white shark?)
- Shrieking girls in bikinis waggling their arms
I may have added one.
I was thinking to myself while writing this, “Would it be great if my Dreamcast fishing peripheral [unused, bought as a present for my sister that never quite worked out] could be adapted?” Turns out while that’s obviously not going to happen, Grand Mer fishing rod controllers with motion sensors and vibration feedback are planned! Or you can, they say, even control the game with a Grand Mer iPhone app, which sounds flipping ace.
The closed beta is yet to start, but seems like it should be announced soon. It’s from the same publishers who are reinventing Mythos, and as much as I want to laugh, I’m really intrigued to play this.
Now, come on, we have to get this terrifying trailer beyond its current 13 views:
25/01/2011 at 16:23 Kieron Gillen says:
Finally, I can bring my two great loves of masturbating to cartoon characters and fishing together.
KG
25/01/2011 at 16:24 LD says:
do you and mckelvie have a secret stash of unreleased phonogram with tits?
ill buy what ever you have!
25/01/2011 at 16:48 Bhazor says:
Isn’t it already? I mean the main female character of the series is introduced whilst in the middle of some lesbian rutting.
25/01/2011 at 16:50 Moni says:
That’s funny, because I spend my Saturdays watching cartoons and masturbating to big flappy sharks.
25/01/2011 at 17:16 Gotem says:
The girls are already surrounded by seamen without your help
25/01/2011 at 17:59 calavera says:
Finally, I can bring my two great loves of Animal Crossing and and A Boy and His Dog together.
25/01/2011 at 19:17 killmachine says:
thats kind of what i thought when i saw the image on the front page… except the fishing though. :D
– Shrieking girls in bikinis waggling their arms
I may have added one.
not that, didnt you? thats a feature i hope.
26/01/2011 at 11:58 RegisteredUser says:
This is why I <3 Kieron.
Also gives jumping the shark a whole new dimension.
26/01/2011 at 14:27 Stromko says:
Every new MMORPG is advertised primarily through drawings of boobs. A least Grand Mer seems to be intent on delivering on the promise of boobs, no matter how little it makes sense.
25/01/2011 at 16:23 LD says:
people can and will play anything, a fishing mmo, sure why not.
25/01/2011 at 17:20 ShawnClapper says:
I fully agree. Case in point, check out this inexplicable yahoo answers question I found:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100820210147AAtXmRC
Here is the game they were talking about wanting to find more like:
http://www.gamevial.com/playgames.php?game=flylikeabird
Oh and to summarize without having to click the links:
Bird Simulation MMO
25/01/2011 at 19:11 Anton says:
–removed–
[EDIT : oops... i clicked on the wrong reply button.... sorry bout that....]
26/01/2011 at 10:18 thebigJ_A says:
The second link: “…and if you find the hidden portion of chips you can even poo on the traffic wardens below. ”
That must be the best feature in an MMO I’ve ever heard of.
25/01/2011 at 16:23 DeathHamsterDude says:
. . . Jesus.
Jesus.
25/01/2011 at 16:24 DeathHamsterDude says:
Jesus.
25/01/2011 at 16:26 Lambchops says:
Christ? Superstar?
25/01/2011 at 16:26 nuh uh no way says:
What a shame.
25/01/2011 at 16:30 DeathHamsterDude says:
No. Jesus.
Jesus Bond.
25/01/2011 at 16:43 Unaco says:
Yes, if Jesus was around the food shortage crisis could be solved rather quickly after only catching a handful of Fish. And buying some bread.
25/01/2011 at 17:24 JohnnyMaverik says:
Jesus can’t help us now -_-
25/01/2011 at 18:06 Dreamhacker says:
Ave, ave, fish and entertainment!
25/01/2011 at 18:16 Sarlix says:
And they said unto him: Lord, we seeketh suggestive fishing based entertainment.
And he said “let there be Grand Mer”
So it did come to pass, and there was much applauding from speed boats.
25/01/2011 at 16:24 das_fleisch says:
Grand Mer? Seriously? If you say this in French, it sounds exactly the same as Grand Mère, which means grandmother.
They are probably expecting her to play that.
25/01/2011 at 16:31 Jonathan says:
If you say it in French, it is exactly “big sea.”
They’re probably expecting it to play that.
25/01/2011 at 16:42 Mr_Hands says:
Or there’s always Grand Mal, historically, a term used to refer to seizures.
25/01/2011 at 16:50 John Walker says:
I’m glad no one’s mentioned the most obvious one. Which I’ll of course be using if the game is rubbish.
25/01/2011 at 16:51 Choca says:
@Jonathan : “If you say it in French, it is exactly “big sea.””
No it’s not. Big Sea in French is “Grande Mer”, huge difference pronunciation wise.
das_fleisch is actually right, in French, this game’s name sounds like “Grand-Mère” which means grandmother.
Babelfish translators FTL.
25/01/2011 at 17:02 noobnob says:
Dead giveaway, John.
25/01/2011 at 17:04 Jonathan says:
How was I meant to remember “mer” was feminine? Jeez.
25/01/2011 at 17:55 skinlo says:
Grand Merde?
25/01/2011 at 18:10 KindredPhantom says:
@John Walker
You could say the game is a load of old cod.
25/01/2011 at 18:25 cjlr says:
Do recall that merde, c’est féminin aussi. Alors, la forme correct serais grande merde.
As noted “grand mer” means precisely squat in french. But it would be pronounced exactly as “grand-mère” in most accents. Surely that could raise a few puns.
25/01/2011 at 19:04 Freud says:
“I’m glad no one’s mentioned the most obvious one. Which I’ll of course be using if the game is rubbish.”
It bites?
25/01/2011 at 19:14 Anton says:
Grand Meh…
25/01/2011 at 20:57 Oozo says:
“How was I meant to remember “mer” was feminine? Jeez.”
Well, like this, of course! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd_nopTFuZA
25/01/2011 at 16:25 nuh uh no way says:
That is some outfit you’ve got there, lady.
Oh and Guy? What the hell is up with your waist and legs? Are you related to Heavy?
25/01/2011 at 16:25 Lambchops says:
The combination of camera angle and iffy reeling in animation look decidedly dodgy!
25/01/2011 at 16:27 harmen says:
Can we add this to the “wonders of the world” list? No, the other one.
25/01/2011 at 16:28 westyfield says:
I typed out a really good comment but it got eaten by the ‘posting too quickly’ monster. Pretend it’s still here. It was really funny, this is the point where you laugh.
25/01/2011 at 16:28 CMaster says:
I like how seemingly every character, male of female gets a bikini girl to cheer them on (while fishing!)
Also the horrible, horrible sounds and the flashing up of the logo every few minutes in case you forgot.
25/01/2011 at 16:36 DeathHamsterDude says:
Omgiod!
Is that cowboy raping that shark? Look at it’s poor, shocked expression.
25/01/2011 at 16:46 Zaphid says:
That’s Saxton Hale! O.o
25/01/2011 at 16:51 DeathHamsterDude says:
Wow! It is. And here he is with the shark again. It seems after he raped it he made it his bitch.
http://tf2wiki.net/wiki/File:Saxtonisgoddamnedmanly.png
25/01/2011 at 17:42 Hoaxfish says:
It looks like he really put his foot in it now
25/01/2011 at 22:26 Carra says:
Saxton Hale were my thoughts exactly.
Lawsuit filing in 1 2 3…
25/01/2011 at 16:29 Linfosoma says:
It seems that in 2018 humans will adapt to have no hip bones.
26/01/2011 at 13:37 bill says:
japanese men already have no hip bones.
so i assume this is japanese. that and the bikinis.
25/01/2011 at 16:29 NetsukeMonkey says:
What the…why didn’t anyone ever tell me fishing was like this. The costumes…the glamour…the beautiful spectators! Now I understand why my girlfriend’s dad is always so keen to go fishing.
25/01/2011 at 16:34 Pijama says:
Uh…
Ahem…
Err…
What the fuck?
25/01/2011 at 16:38 Man Raised by Puffins says:
It’s a rare trailer that actually attains some gravitas when over-dubbed with the Hawaii Five-O theme.
25/01/2011 at 16:45 Jimmeh says:
Worryingly, that actually made me want to drown the inhabitants, under a terrifying tsunami based extinction event, considerably less than the original.
25/01/2011 at 17:09 phlebas says:
Gravitas, you say?
25/01/2011 at 18:39 skurmedel says:
hmmm…
25/01/2011 at 19:30 Tei says:
With Eminem
With WoW
25/01/2011 at 22:01 yhancik says:
I suppose this one will only make sense to some French speakers
25/01/2011 at 23:38 destx says:
I can’t believe how well this syncs up.
25/01/2011 at 16:38 mcnostril says:
What is it with game titles and poorly translated french?
It’s like… a trend… or something.
25/01/2011 at 16:39 Ian says:
52 views!
25/01/2011 at 16:39 fearian says:
This is the most laid back post apocalyptic world I have ever seen! …And I want to see more!
A sudden ice age has encased civilization in glaciers! Humanity must fight to survive… by SKIING whilst bikini clad girls whoop to soft Jazz.
Scorching deserts make up 90% of the earth’s surface after a meteorite drastically alters the planets orbit. Humanity is forced to huddle around oasis’ and SMOKE SHISHA in Bedouin tents whilst bikini clad girls cheer to Arabian lounge music.
Nuclear winter has driven humanity underground. Post-government, societies are banded together in tribes and power is decided by one thing: COMPETITIVE POOL whilst bikini clad girls yell to ambient electronica.
25/01/2011 at 16:44 evilbobthebob says:
I have to agree. Would like to see these ideas in Fallout 4.
25/01/2011 at 16:52 Kieron Gillen says:
Oh God. Waterworld done RIGHT.
KG
25/01/2011 at 17:40 Hoaxfish says:
Wait… you thought Waterworld wasn’t done right? But, but, but!
25/01/2011 at 18:22 fearian says:
Kevin Costner plays the wandering DJ, MC Mariner, who comes to an Atoll to play a classic Hip-Hop night and trade big fish. The Pop loving atollers, fearful of his mad beats, challenge him to a deadly fish off when a group of whalers gatecrash the competition, and proclaim themselves fishing champions of the sea!
…wait I think saw this synopsis on some manga website.
25/01/2011 at 18:26 ezekiel2517 says:
I am still laughing as I type this.
25/01/2011 at 19:13 Jonas.w says:
Apparently only surfers survive the great flooding. There is a logic of sorts to that, I suppose.
25/01/2011 at 16:41 limbclock says:
Thank god i won’t be able to play this on my mac.
25/01/2011 at 16:46 prolixpostoffice says:
I can’t wait until this world invents commercialized fishing…
25/01/2011 at 17:08 dadioflex says:
Looks like it’s concentrating on the world’s oldest profession.
25/01/2011 at 16:52 kulik says:
Do we get harpoons?
25/01/2011 at 23:17 ceriphim says:
Haven’t heard. But I do believe the peripheral you are supposed to use is a drop of LSD.
25/01/2011 at 16:52 DarkFenix says:
What. The. Fuck.
I honestly feel watching that trailer has considerably degraded my life.
25/01/2011 at 16:55 outoffeelinsobad says:
The anatomy on the man in the banner pic maek mah hed asplode.
25/01/2011 at 16:56 egg says:
Good lord, look at the length of that guy’s neck! Holy cow!
25/01/2011 at 16:59 Oak says:
The second picture is killing me. I am dying. I will be dead soon.
25/01/2011 at 17:00 noobnob says:
The only reel acceptable form of reel good time.
25/01/2011 at 18:26 PleasingFungus says:
RADICAL.
25/01/2011 at 17:01 Teddy Leach says:
:O
25/01/2011 at 17:02 thesundaybest says:
It’s good to know that at the end of times we’ll all be hanging out on our speedboats, fishing for dolphins and sharks. Puts my mind at ease about all this global warming.
25/01/2011 at 17:04 Chunga says:
Oh man. That music. *facepalm*
If we are going to hell in a fisher-wanker paradise, let’s make it real fast, huh?
25/01/2011 at 17:06 noom says:
That looks fucking magical.
25/01/2011 at 17:07 liqourish says:
I’m going to try this.
I believe there is potential here for something amazing.
25/01/2011 at 17:11 Hunam says:
Well consider my tackle slapped.
25/01/2011 at 17:14 terry says:
You had me up until “fishing”.
25/01/2011 at 17:15 SneakyB says:
Gotta love the music though. Very post apo
Also, as a French I hope they’ll keep the same title in France. Unless they translate it into something along the lines of “Grosse mère” = “Fat mother”
.
25/01/2011 at 17:19 The Magic says:
A lot of people seem to be attacking this for being so openly ridiculous… but you know what, I’m interested. It’s got that Albatross18 vibe to it, and if the fishing is simple yet compelling, I’ll be playing this for a long time.
25/01/2011 at 17:19 Ricc says:
That Russian seaport is a giant matryoshka doll… Hook me up! (no pun intended)
25/01/2011 at 17:48 phuzz says:
“(no pun intended)”
This is RPS, if you didn’t intend a pun then you’re doing it wrong.
Now go away and don’t come back until you can manage at least 5 puns in one sentence.
25/01/2011 at 21:37 stahlwerk says:
First I thought this looked a bit fishy, and that they tried to lure me in with promises of buxom gills, but when I saw(fish) that Matryoshka doll(phin) I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
Carp.
26/01/2011 at 01:31 Nidokoenig says:
Nidokoenig stopped scrolling, interrupted by carp.
25/01/2011 at 17:21 Calabi says:
Well at least they are targeting a niche.
I cant see how this could be bad, at all.
25/01/2011 at 17:26 Zwebbie says:
While I won’t exactly be running to the stores for a fishing game, I think this game is thematically more appealing than most other games out there. I’ve had my share of gritty fantasy dungeons and corroded sci-fi hallways, and more games should have happy music, beaches, and sharks. Not enough games are cheerful.
(Not on the PC, at least…)
25/01/2011 at 17:42 Ricc says:
That’s because it’s a casual MMO. Those usually don’t get a lot of coverage on RPS, but there are a ton out there.
25/01/2011 at 17:27 Bassism says:
I can’t wait until the day I can cruise around on my speedboat fishing for big ass sharks while a beautiful bikini-clad girl cheers me on.
Well, as long as there is still beer. No beer, no deal.
25/01/2011 at 20:00 Lilliput King says:
You don’t get beer. You get an absurdly long neck and no pelvis.
It’s not a good deal, as far as I can see.
25/01/2011 at 17:31 Vadermath says:
Hm. Tits and fishing. I might actually play this.
25/01/2011 at 17:32 Sarlix says:
The fish kissing makes me uncomfortable.
25/01/2011 at 17:44 Hoaxfish says:
Kinda reminds me of the hovercraft in Beyond Good and Evil… a very very loose association
25/01/2011 at 18:13 patricij says:
my hovercraft is full of eels!
25/01/2011 at 17:45 bascule42 says:
My name? It’s JR Hartley. (I know I said last for the last AAA fishing title – but hey, it’s a classic)
25/01/2011 at 17:48 silverhammermba says:
It is truly a bleak future that we face.
25/01/2011 at 17:57 PoLLeNSKi says:
Animated girls in bikinis and fishing….well whatever floats your boat
25/01/2011 at 17:59 zak canard says:
Customise your lures eh? I’d like to use this tried and tested one:
Hey fish! I’m gonna recommend that you guys come up here in the boat. We’ve got a, uh, a keg! Of worms! And, uh…phytoplankton!
25/01/2011 at 18:00 Wolfox says:
There are two letters missing in the end of the title, you know.
And is it just me, or is the guy in the logo literally jumping the shark?
That’s it. MMO’s have jumped the shark. Literally.
25/01/2011 at 18:06 Firkragg says:
In the grim dark future, Humanity has apparently been enslaved by a Skynet like entity, forcing humans to fish for them or be terminated! How else can you explain the boats steering themselves in that trailer?
25/01/2011 at 18:24 JFS says:
I’m sorry I have to correct you, but it’s “In the grim darkness of the near future, there is only fish”.
25/01/2011 at 18:12 shinygerbil says:
Several!
25/01/2011 at 18:14 Moonracer says:
I can only hope that one of the items you pay for as an extra feature is the companion NPC who stands behind you and cheers while you fish. You “Buy” some chick or dude, buy them clothing, dress them up, then they follow you around cheering your every action and boosting your skills or something. Would be brilliant marketing.
25/01/2011 at 18:16 patricij says:
Sugoii ^_^
25/01/2011 at 18:18 Yargh says:
I am mildly disappointed, having first read the game title as ‘Grand Meer Fishing’ I then visualised competing trophy rooms with Alec shaped fishies in various poses.
25/01/2011 at 18:25 Thants says:
“Would it be great if my Dreamcast fishing peripheral [unused, bought as a present for my sister that never quite worked out] could be adapted?”
Judging by the graphics this may actually be a Dreamcast game.
25/01/2011 at 18:33 skurmedel says:
The last scene reminds me of highway gang in Mad Max 2.
25/01/2011 at 18:36 Zogtee says:
I predict hardcore fishing guilds, fishing raids, and fishing dungeons.
25/01/2011 at 18:36 faelnor says:
I want my reel private and psychedelic.
25/01/2011 at 18:43 frags says:
Game of the year!
25/01/2011 at 18:45 Meatloaf says:
The game’s about the end of the world. And fishing. And it’s portrayed as a party where everyone fishes all the time and is apparently on ecstasy. Perfect.
However, I want to see a game that takes the fishpocalypse very seriously.
25/01/2011 at 18:57 OJ287 says:
Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water…
http://tubedubber.com/#VXYJ6APms1c:-j1weJ8kpCI:0:100:0:0:true
25/01/2011 at 19:24 Vague-rant says:
To be fair, I really do suspect that if there were to be some sort of apocalypse skills like agriculture and farming would probably be more useful than the ability to kill monsters/aliens/mutants. I put it to you RPS readers that this game is so realistic, that our mortal minds cannot comprehend it.
25/01/2011 at 19:47 po says:
Looking at that screenshot and reading the first sentence, I was more expecting the said activity to be motorboating.
25/01/2011 at 19:50 sassy says:
I seem to be the only one who thinks this could be interesting. I have played some fun fishing games (and I hate fishing) so an mmo version could be just my thing.
Then again I don’t like any mmo, with the exception of another sports (I hate sports too) one called “fantasy tennis”. Still it would be better as an normal single player sports rpg like the gameboy Mario Tennis games, I loved Mario Tennis.
25/01/2011 at 19:50 Leafcutter says:
How does PVP work?
25/01/2011 at 20:12 Muhu says:
They sure look like they are fighting… I’m sorry, fishing for survival.
I can imagine the punchline, they are going to get:
In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only fishing.
I guess i played too much dow recently.
25/01/2011 at 20:23 speedwaystar says:
the best bit is the nuclear explosion at the end which annihilates the entire freakish fishing flotilla in a burst of ionising radiation.
25/01/2011 at 21:03 The_B says:
RELEASE THE FISH PUNS.
Come on, I expect waves of em, for the love of cod.
25/01/2011 at 21:20 Vague-rant says:
Plaice puns here
25/01/2011 at 21:43 stahlwerk says:
Dam, I already blew my all my roe on perch one, so I’m really at the end of the line, here. You can tank me later.
25/01/2011 at 21:56 terry says:
It’s not like RPS to flounder at these, I agree. It’s usually like a shining lamprey in the darkness.
26/01/2011 at 13:44 Vague-rant says:
Bait a minute I’ve got another one.
…No, no I don’t.
26/01/2011 at 21:39 DrazharLn says:
Were you looking for anything pacific?
25/01/2011 at 21:58 Zogtee says:
In the grim future, there is only fish.
25/01/2011 at 22:51 laddyman says:
TITS AND FISHING, WITH SLIGHTLY LESS DISAPPOINTED ENDINGS? SIGN ME UP, BRO!
26/01/2011 at 01:15 DigitalSignalX says:
After the bitter disappointment of Hello Kitty Online’s masturbatory potential, this should do quite nicely.
26/01/2011 at 03:52 WJonathan says:
somethingsomething POLE somethingsomething CRANK somethingsomething WIDEMOUTH
26/01/2011 at 09:12 Angryinternetman says:
Where do they get the gas to run those boats? So unrealistic.
26/01/2011 at 10:32 godgoo says:
whale rabies…who knew?
26/01/2011 at 11:24 Sunjammer says:
This is so awesome looking. I’ll definitely give it a spin, if anything just to see what the hell it really is
26/01/2011 at 14:26 Navagon says:
Okay, just what the fuck is going on with the anatomy in that header image?
26/01/2011 at 14:54 LimeWarrior says:
Holy crap. They took the most boring thing from WoW and made an entire game about JUST THAT. (Yes, I played mage and leveled fishing to 300 for the turtle poly. No, it was not worth it.)
26/01/2011 at 16:39 heretic says:
i only click cos of the laydee
26/01/2011 at 19:01 Reddin says:
This actually looks like it could be interesting, but I know it won’t be.
Also, the music in the trailer made me smile, but I’m a sucker for that type of thing
27/01/2011 at 07:56 Christian Dannie Storgaard says:
After reading the YouTube video’s title wrong I’m both relieved and slightly saddened that it’s not “Grand Mer: Extreme Fisting”, as I’m sure Mr. Gillen is as well.
28/01/2011 at 18:18 mmrik says:
How does Kevin Costner fit into all this?