Grand Mer: A Reel Good Time (Dies)

By John Walker on January 25th, 2011 at 4:17 pm.

He definitely thinks of her as lure.

The year is 2018. The world has been flooded due to man’s irreparable damage. In this bleak future of Grand Mer only one activity can save mankind…

Fishing.

Cue music.

I cannot get over how delighted I am to have discovered the press release for forthcoming free-to-play online game, Grand Mer.

“Fishing is now the single most important activity as the human race fights starvation in an effort to survive.”

It also boasts, “An open world of seas,” which is perhaps the best level design shortcut I’ve ever heard of. But there will be weather that will affect fishie behaviour, and time of day that again changes what’s available to fish.

Even better I love this opening line on the game’s site:

“GRAND MER is the world’s first online Saltwater Fishing game.”

The game describes itself as offering:

- Select from several unique characters, customize them and further develop their fishing skills
– Travel the world by selecting from several exciting maps, ranging from icy cold waters to tropical paradises
– Fish at your leisure, compete individually or in a team (customizing the rules for that match), play a Tour and complete mission objectives or enter a Championship and test your skills against the very best!
– Experience dynamic fishing with shoals of fish reacting to weather, location, time and more
– Customize your gear such as fishing rods, lures and your own custom made boat!
– Keep track of your favorite fish in your own aquarium and earn special rewards for catching specific fish (will you catch the elusive and dangerous great white shark?)
– Shrieking girls in bikinis waggling their arms

I may have added one.

I was thinking to myself while writing this, “Would it be great if my Dreamcast fishing peripheral [unused, bought as a present for my sister that never quite worked out] could be adapted?” Turns out while that’s obviously not going to happen, Grand Mer fishing rod controllers with motion sensors and vibration feedback are planned! Or you can, they say, even control the game with a Grand Mer iPhone app, which sounds flipping ace.

The closed beta is yet to start, but seems like it should be announced soon. It’s from the same publishers who are reinventing Mythos, and as much as I want to laugh, I’m really intrigued to play this.

Now, come on, we have to get this terrifying trailer beyond its current 13 views:

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141 Comments »

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  1. Kieron Gillen says:

    Finally, I can bring my two great loves of masturbating to cartoon characters and fishing together.

    KG

    • LD says:

      do you and mckelvie have a secret stash of unreleased phonogram with tits?

      ill buy what ever you have!

    • Bhazor says:

      Isn’t it already? I mean the main female character of the series is introduced whilst in the middle of some lesbian rutting.

    • Moni says:

      That’s funny, because I spend my Saturdays watching cartoons and masturbating to big flappy sharks.

    • Gotem says:

      The girls are already surrounded by seamen without your help

    • calavera says:

      Finally, I can bring my two great loves of Animal Crossing and and A Boy and His Dog together.

    • killmachine says:

      thats kind of what i thought when i saw the image on the front page… except the fishing though. :D

      – Shrieking girls in bikinis waggling their arms

      I may have added one.

      not that, didnt you? thats a feature i hope.

    • RegisteredUser says:

      This is why I <3 Kieron.

      Also gives jumping the shark a whole new dimension.

    • Stromko says:

      Every new MMORPG is advertised primarily through drawings of boobs. A least Grand Mer seems to be intent on delivering on the promise of boobs, no matter how little it makes sense.

  2. LD says:

    people can and will play anything, a fishing mmo, sure why not.

  3. DeathHamsterDude says:

    . . . Jesus.

    Jesus.

    • DeathHamsterDude says:

      Jesus.

    • Premium User Badge

      Lambchops says:

      Christ? Superstar?

    • nuh uh no way says:

      What a shame.

    • DeathHamsterDude says:

      No. Jesus.

      Jesus Bond.

    • Unaco says:

      Yes, if Jesus was around the food shortage crisis could be solved rather quickly after only catching a handful of Fish. And buying some bread.

    • JohnnyMaverik says:

      Jesus can’t help us now -_-

    • Dreamhacker says:

      Ave, ave, fish and entertainment!

    • Sarlix says:

      And they said unto him: Lord, we seeketh suggestive fishing based entertainment.

      And he said “let there be Grand Mer”

      So it did come to pass, and there was much applauding from speed boats.

  4. Premium User Badge

    das_fleisch says:

    Grand Mer? Seriously? If you say this in French, it sounds exactly the same as Grand Mère, which means grandmother.

    They are probably expecting her to play that.

    • Jonathan says:

      If you say it in French, it is exactly “big sea.”

      They’re probably expecting it to play that.

    • Mr_Hands says:

      Or there’s always Grand Mal, historically, a term used to refer to seizures.

    • John Walker says:

      I’m glad no one’s mentioned the most obvious one. Which I’ll of course be using if the game is rubbish.

    • Choca says:

      @Jonathan : “If you say it in French, it is exactly “big sea.””

      No it’s not. Big Sea in French is “Grande Mer”, huge difference pronunciation wise.

      das_fleisch is actually right, in French, this game’s name sounds like “Grand-Mère” which means grandmother.

      Babelfish translators FTL.

    • noobnob says:

      Dead giveaway, John.

    • Jonathan says:

      How was I meant to remember “mer” was feminine? Jeez.

    • skinlo says:

      Grand Merde?

    • Premium User Badge

      KindredPhantom says:

      @John Walker

      You could say the game is a load of old cod.

    • cjlr says:

      Do recall that merde, c’est féminin aussi. Alors, la forme correct serais grande merde.

      As noted “grand mer” means precisely squat in french. But it would be pronounced exactly as “grand-mère” in most accents. Surely that could raise a few puns.

    • Freud says:

      “I’m glad no one’s mentioned the most obvious one. Which I’ll of course be using if the game is rubbish.”

      It bites?

    • Anton says:

      Grand Meh…

    • Premium User Badge

      Oozo says:

      “How was I meant to remember “mer” was feminine? Jeez.”

      Well, like this, of course! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd_nopTFuZA

  5. nuh uh no way says:

    That is some outfit you’ve got there, lady.

    Oh and Guy? What the hell is up with your waist and legs? Are you related to Heavy?

  6. Premium User Badge

    Lambchops says:

    The combination of camera angle and iffy reeling in animation look decidedly dodgy!

  7. harmen says:

    Can we add this to the “wonders of the world” list? No, the other one.

  8. westyfield says:

    I typed out a really good comment but it got eaten by the ‘posting too quickly’ monster. Pretend it’s still here. It was really funny, this is the point where you laugh.

  9. CMaster says:

    I like how seemingly every character, male of female gets a bikini girl to cheer them on (while fishing!)
    Also the horrible, horrible sounds and the flashing up of the logo every few minutes in case you forgot.

  10. Linfosoma says:

    It seems that in 2018 humans will adapt to have no hip bones.

    • bill says:

      japanese men already have no hip bones.

      so i assume this is japanese. that and the bikinis.

  11. NetsukeMonkey says:

    What the…why didn’t anyone ever tell me fishing was like this. The costumes…the glamour…the beautiful spectators! Now I understand why my girlfriend’s dad is always so keen to go fishing.

  12. Pijama says:

    Uh…

    Ahem…

    Err…

    What the fuck?

  13. Premium User Badge

    Man Raised by Puffins says:

    It’s a rare trailer that actually attains some gravitas when over-dubbed with the Hawaii Five-O theme.

  14. Premium User Badge

    mcnostril says:

    What is it with game titles and poorly translated french?

    It’s like… a trend… or something.

  15. Ian says:

    52 views!

  16. fearian says:

    This is the most laid back post apocalyptic world I have ever seen! …And I want to see more!

    A sudden ice age has encased civilization in glaciers! Humanity must fight to survive… by SKIING whilst bikini clad girls whoop to soft Jazz.

    Scorching deserts make up 90% of the earth’s surface after a meteorite drastically alters the planets orbit. Humanity is forced to huddle around oasis’ and SMOKE SHISHA in Bedouin tents whilst bikini clad girls cheer to Arabian lounge music.

    Nuclear winter has driven humanity underground. Post-government, societies are banded together in tribes and power is decided by one thing: COMPETITIVE POOL whilst bikini clad girls yell to ambient electronica.

    • evilbobthebob says:

      I have to agree. Would like to see these ideas in Fallout 4.

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      Oh God. Waterworld done RIGHT.

      KG

    • Hoaxfish says:

      Wait… you thought Waterworld wasn’t done right? But, but, but!

    • fearian says:

      Kevin Costner plays the wandering DJ, MC Mariner, who comes to an Atoll to play a classic Hip-Hop night and trade big fish. The Pop loving atollers, fearful of his mad beats, challenge him to a deadly fish off when a group of whalers gatecrash the competition, and proclaim themselves fishing champions of the sea!

      …wait I think saw this synopsis on some manga website.

    • ezekiel2517 says:

      I am still laughing as I type this.

    • Jonas.w says:

      Apparently only surfers survive the great flooding. There is a logic of sorts to that, I suppose.

  17. limbclock says:

    Thank god i won’t be able to play this on my mac.

  18. prolixpostoffice says:

    I can’t wait until this world invents commercialized fishing…

    • dadioflex says:

      Looks like it’s concentrating on the world’s oldest profession.

  19. kulik says:

    Do we get harpoons?

    • ceriphim says:

      Haven’t heard. But I do believe the peripheral you are supposed to use is a drop of LSD.

  20. DarkFenix says:

    What. The. Fuck.

    I honestly feel watching that trailer has considerably degraded my life.

  21. outoffeelinsobad says:

    The anatomy on the man in the banner pic maek mah hed asplode.

  22. egg says:

    Good lord, look at the length of that guy’s neck! Holy cow!

  23. Oak says:

    The second picture is killing me. I am dying. I will be dead soon.

  24. Premium User Badge

    thesundaybest says:

    It’s good to know that at the end of times we’ll all be hanging out on our speedboats, fishing for dolphins and sharks. Puts my mind at ease about all this global warming.

  25. Chunga says:

    Oh man. That music. *facepalm*

    If we are going to hell in a fisher-wanker paradise, let’s make it real fast, huh?

  26. noom says:

    That looks fucking magical.

  27. liqourish says:

    I’m going to try this.
    I believe there is potential here for something amazing.

  28. Hunam says:

    Well consider my tackle slapped.

  29. terry says:

    You had me up until “fishing”.

  30. SneakyB says:

    Gotta love the music though. Very post apo

    Also, as a French I hope they’ll keep the same title in France. Unless they translate it into something along the lines of “Grosse mère” = “Fat mother”
    .

  31. The Magic says:

    A lot of people seem to be attacking this for being so openly ridiculous… but you know what, I’m interested. It’s got that Albatross18 vibe to it, and if the fishing is simple yet compelling, I’ll be playing this for a long time.

  32. Ricc says:

    That Russian seaport is a giant matryoshka doll… Hook me up! (no pun intended)

    • Premium User Badge

      phuzz says:

      “(no pun intended)”
      This is RPS, if you didn’t intend a pun then you’re doing it wrong.
      Now go away and don’t come back until you can manage at least 5 puns in one sentence.

    • Premium User Badge

      stahlwerk says:

      First I thought this looked a bit fishy, and that they tried to lure me in with promises of buxom gills, but when I saw(fish) that Matryoshka doll(phin) I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

      Carp.

    • Nidokoenig says:

      Nidokoenig stopped scrolling, interrupted by carp.

  33. Calabi says:

    Well at least they are targeting a niche.

    I cant see how this could be bad, at all.

  34. Zwebbie says:

    While I won’t exactly be running to the stores for a fishing game, I think this game is thematically more appealing than most other games out there. I’ve had my share of gritty fantasy dungeons and corroded sci-fi hallways, and more games should have happy music, beaches, and sharks. Not enough games are cheerful.
    (Not on the PC, at least…)

    • Ricc says:

      That’s because it’s a casual MMO. Those usually don’t get a lot of coverage on RPS, but there are a ton out there.

  35. Bassism says:

    I can’t wait until the day I can cruise around on my speedboat fishing for big ass sharks while a beautiful bikini-clad girl cheers me on.

    Well, as long as there is still beer. No beer, no deal.

    • Lilliput King says:

      You don’t get beer. You get an absurdly long neck and no pelvis.

      It’s not a good deal, as far as I can see.

  36. Vadermath says:

    Hm. Tits and fishing. I might actually play this.

  37. Sarlix says:

    The fish kissing makes me uncomfortable.

  38. Hoaxfish says:

    Kinda reminds me of the hovercraft in Beyond Good and Evil… a very very loose association

  39. bascule42 says:

    My name? It’s JR Hartley. (I know I said last for the last AAA fishing title – but hey, it’s a classic)

  40. silverhammermba says:

    It is truly a bleak future that we face.

  41. PoLLeNSKi says:

    Animated girls in bikinis and fishing….well whatever floats your boat

  42. Premium User Badge

    zak canard says:

    Customise your lures eh? I’d like to use this tried and tested one:

    Hey fish! I’m gonna recommend that you guys come up here in the boat. We’ve got a, uh, a keg! Of worms! And, uh…phytoplankton!

  43. Wolfox says:

    There are two letters missing in the end of the title, you know.

    And is it just me, or is the guy in the logo literally jumping the shark?

    That’s it. MMO’s have jumped the shark. Literally.

  44. Firkragg says:

    In the grim dark future, Humanity has apparently been enslaved by a Skynet like entity, forcing humans to fish for them or be terminated! How else can you explain the boats steering themselves in that trailer?

    • JFS says:

      I’m sorry I have to correct you, but it’s “In the grim darkness of the near future, there is only fish”.

  45. Premium User Badge

    shinygerbil says:

    Several!

  46. Moonracer says:

    I can only hope that one of the items you pay for as an extra feature is the companion NPC who stands behind you and cheers while you fish. You “Buy” some chick or dude, buy them clothing, dress them up, then they follow you around cheering your every action and boosting your skills or something. Would be brilliant marketing.

  47. patricij says:

    Sugoii ^_^

  48. Yargh says:

    I am mildly disappointed, having first read the game title as ‘Grand Meer Fishing’ I then visualised competing trophy rooms with Alec shaped fishies in various poses.