Magicka Infomercial Is Excellently Half-Arsed

By Quintin Smith on January 28th, 2011 at 1:35 pm.

That looks weirdly similar to the interior of Castle Shotgun, actually.

Magicka! It’s out. It’s smart. It’s broke. The entireity of Arrowhead studios and anybody else Paradox can muster are, allegedly, working on patches around the clock. So where did this infomercial-style video come from? Surely the developers aren’t fannying around with dry ice and cardboard orcs while gamers worldwide are struggling to play their game. Surely not. Thankfully, Paradox have released this video with a statement.

Paradox, they say:

As Arrowhead Studios continues to work around the clock to provide updates to Magicka, Paradox Interactive has premiered the “if Magicka was sold via infomercial — this is what it would look like” trailer. But with this one, nobody will have to stay up late watching public access television to catch it, it can be viewed online right here.

No development team members were involved in the making of this video as they’re stuck in their cave working on patches to fix the current online issues, adding content and implementing player requests like keyboard mapping and more. For those having trouble with the online co-op, the multi-player is running smoothly over LAN and local co-op.

Now, sit back and enjoy. 1:19 is totally the best bit. No way these are the devs. Only a professional actor could work a piece of cardboard like that.

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77 Comments »

  1. Ricc says:

    No devs or source code were hurt in the making of this movie.

  2. DrazharLn says:

    Well, this is bizarre.

  3. WMain00 says:

    Paradox can have all my money.

  4. airtekh says:

    Their sense of humour pervades the entire game as well. I’m finding it really funny.

  5. Gonefornow says:

    Well, that is great.
    Too bad the demo didn’t work on my rig (laptop).

  6. patricij says:

    And they could’ve added to the vid – it’s a bit broken now…do you have what it takes to endure all the bugs?!!!!

    • MadTinkerer says:

      Man, I’m just itching to play this, but I am holding off on buying it until the bugs are fixed, on principle. Hopefully by March, though…

  7. Kieron Gillen says:

    I think RPS should dress up like Magicka wizards. Like, all the time.

    KG

  8. My2CENTS says:

    I wonder why they even released it so soon? They could’ve taken 2-3 weeks to properly seal the deal and avoid this embarrassment.

    • patricij says:

      welll…I think they simply ran out of money, so they couldn’t hire a proper QA team. I, for one, am not gonna be a betatester paying for his own copy…oh no

    • Premium User Badge

      Kelron says:

      It’s been patched three times already and seems to be working pretty well to me.

    • Dominic White says:

      I bought it on day 2. Only bug I’ve encountered so far was managing to get my character stuck after mashing pretty much every button simultaneously. Fortunately a friend helped me out of this mess by killing me, stealing my staff, and reviving me.

  9. nash93 says:

    This is brilliant.

  10. Jonathan says:

    Why does this just make me think of Moonstone with wizards?

    • patricij says:

      The bright primary colours…

    • Jonathan says:

      It was rhetorical, and don’t forget the ultraviolence. ;)

    • patricij says:

      I guessed as much…take my post more like a statement of a hypnotized person (*eyes wide open*)

  11. Pijama says:

    Excellently half-assed should be the game’s description, hehe

  12. Kits says:

    I don’t see why they didn’t at least set one of the other wizards on fire.

    • Premium User Badge

      Daiv says:

      @Kits: Yeah, it’s like a law of nature. Whenever you get more than one wizard in the same location, at least one of them will be on fire.

      Edit: And the plural form of “wizard” is “explosion”.

    • Xocrates says:

      @Daiv: Correction, the plural of “wizard” is “explosions“. “explosion” is just a synonym of “wizard”

    • kyynis says:

      I thought he meant collective noun. Explosion of wizards sounds about right.

  13. Mister_Inveigler says:

    I am in my happy place, and this trailer is playing on a big screen.
    :)

  14. Premium User Badge

    BathroomCitizen says:

    Who do you think would win in a deathmatch, Magicka mages or GoG monks?

    • Fwiffo says:

      Can the GoG monks shoot fake snow out of their sleeves? I think not.

    • Chunga says:

      I think the GoG monks would win, based on their cunning and knowledge of arcane magic such as WinXP BSOD and other nefarious combos.

  15. Fumarole says:

    I have the wrong job :(

  16. Basilicus says:

    The ‘mercial’s almost enough to make me buy the game, but I think I’ll wait to nab it when it inevitably goes on Steam sale for 75% off. Anyone want to bet the over/under? I say Summer sale, not before.

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      Cheapskate.

    • Premium User Badge

      BathroomCitizen says:

      Bad Malawi Frontier Guard, bad!

      …the game’s already pretty cheap, though… ;)

    • jackflash says:

      Wow, waiting for 75% off a brilliant game that’s only $10 to begin with. Do you also make girls pay for you on a first date?

    • Quintin Smith says:

      As I make sure to tell the ladies, I am free-to-play.

    • Quintin Smith says:

      (But offer a piece of downloadable content, with emphasis on “down low”, “able” and “content”.)

    • Soon says:

      And it’s a shame about all the bugs.

      (Quinns)

    • Lilliput King says:

      Not on “load”?

      Urgh. I have repulsed even myself

    • Jeremy says:

      Shameful, King… shameful.

    • Oddtwang of Dork says:

      I hope you also invite them to “manage your right digits”…

    • RegisteredUser says:

      Making you the prize and having women pay for YOU is actually a valid approach.

      Other than that, I am waiting for the 5 EUR sweet spot for purchase.

  17. Cooper says:

    It’s spelled Arsed.

    • po says:

      A-R-S-E = mines (or an A-R-S-E shield). Of course with keybinding being added we can be more expressive with our spell ‘names’.

    • Cooper says:

      Thankyou.

      The original title conjured the image of what Damien Hirst would do if he got his hands on a Donkey and enough Formaldehyde. This will be with me for a while.

  18. Azazel says:

    I put on my robe and wizard hat.

  19. Tacroy says:

    I must be the only person in the world who has yet to encounter a Magicka bug. It might be because I’m such a misanthrope, though – I haven’t even tried muliplayer yet.

    Believe me, in my alternate universe, Magicka is the Game of the Year for all years..

    • D says:

      > “I haven’t even tried muliplayer yet.” <
      That said, it’s pretty fixed already. Better than yesterday.

  20. Dakia says:

    I know some out there have been having issues, but I havn’t encountered a single one. I’m absolutely loving this game at the moment.

  21. Zogtee says:

    If this was a new video from GOG, there would be torches and pitchforks all around.

  22. Chunga says:

    I guess that the devil himself freezes stuck on his throne before this game is available somewhere else than the digital steam-pile.

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      Is this just an empty phrase? Do you walk around like that all day?

      “I guess that the devil himself freezes stuck on his throne before I get some coffee around here.”

    • Chunga says:

      No, it was a comment, albeit in retrospect, it was all over the top. Note to self: “Think first, write later. Edit a lot.” Apologies. Mea Culpa.

      And no, I don’t walk around like that – who do you think I am? Bruce Willis on a grumpy morning before coffee? :)

      It bothered me a smidge that there seemed to be only one way to buy and use this – via Steam, that was all. Correct me if I am mistaken in this.

    • RegisteredUser says:

      I believe we have been promised another non-steam version as well, which will arrive at a later point in time. Steam however does a decent job of connecting you with your friends to do MP gaming I must admit. This after years of initial hate and rejection by me, before I realized it meant dozens of games eventually for 5 EUR a piece or less.

    • Chunga says:

      Thanks, that sounds good! I see the point of getting the easy MP abilities and cheap games. I am just a bit wary of getting “locked into” stuff, be it gmail, appstores or Steam.

  23. Mephistoau says:

    Best. Ad. Ever.

  24. The Magic says:

    This inspired me to reinstall and see if it works…

    well will you look at that! We have improvement. I mean I’m still not able to start the game but at least it says “Magicka has stopped working” rather than just nothing happen at all.

    So I’m happy.

  25. JuJuCam says:

    I’m actually surprised more games haven’t taken this approach to advertising.

  26. terry says:

    Now they need to do the sorrowful monks routine.

  27. Sorbicol says:

    Broke or not, I very tempted to get it just on the basis of that alone!

  28. Coltaine says:

    Best.Advert.Ever

  29. omicron1 says:

    By the way, Direct2Drive has a 20% off all games sale going on right now… and it unlocks on Steam.

  30. Captain Hijinx says:

    I want one of those Robes.

  31. spelvin spugg says:

    The game itself is excellently half-assed.

    I really, really like the core mechanic of the game. There are a number of things about it, also, that annoy the living FUCK out of me.

    Well worth $10 though. In fact I wouldn’t be that disappointed if I’d paid 50 for it, even in the state it’s currently in.

    One thing that annoys me that I never saw mentioned anywhere is the unskippable cutscenes in many boss battles. This is very annoying and amounts to punishment of the player especially considering how hard the game is– you’ll be dying a lot.

    Something I would very much like to see, Paradox guys, is a Quest Mode, similar to Nox Quest.

    This would sort of require a more fleshed-out items system.

    Ideally, it would implement a procedural dungeon system similar to Diablo, Nethack, or Torchlight. Nox Quest was great fun but was ultimately short-lived because of the canned dungeons.

    All in all it’s an amazingly great game, and one that made me laugh very hard several times is very rare indeed. Guys, I want to see you expand on this system and add more game modes.

    ESPECIALLY A SANDBOXY PROCEDURAL DUNGEON SYSTEM, which I feel is the greatest downfall of this title.

  32. DOLBYdigital says:

    Haven’t had any issues and would suggest picking this up since its cheap, very fun and very different. Haven’t played something like this in a while. I want to stay up all night and play since I’m starting to get the hang of a good spell strategy but must go to work tomorrow….

    The main thing I would like to see is mod support so we can keep getting more and more content from the community (imagine the crazy spell systems, arenas and dungeons that would get made)