The Duty Calls: Bulletstorm Has A Mock

By Alec Meer on February 2nd, 2011 at 4:59 pm.

UPDATE: full walkthrough video below. War never changes. War has changed.

I’m still downloading this, but I’ll point you at it while we all work out what it is. The origin: a tweet from EA reading “Stay Frosty @Bulletstorm fans. Download a FREE version of the most epically epic FPS ever: Duty Calls.” The destination: TheDutyCalls.com, a 765Mb download, a whole lot of cheeky references to Call Of Duty, and the below video.

BUT WHAT IS IT? I’ll tell you if this bloody download ever finishes. 765Mb? This is surely more than a cheap pun…

I see what they did there.

CliffyB has chimed in too, claiming “Wow. I’m blown away. This game will redefine military shooters for years to come.” Those jokers.

Get it here. See if you can work out what it is before I do.

Edit: And here’s the full walkthrough. Made me giggle, it did.

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127 Comments »

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  1. westyfield says:

    War of Conflict: Guns Ahoy!

    • Premium User Badge

      Man Raised by Puffins says:

      Bullets of Duty: Dick Ops

    • Arsewisely says:

      Men of Guns: !!Warbang!!

    • RegisteredUser says:

      Bullets of Dick: Black Oops

      Crawl of Doodie: Metal No More

      Always bet on Dookie: Green Days or: the broccoli’s reckoning

      Modern Haircare: Curled at war (this is my favorite despite not being supposed to laugh at your own jokes)
      What an epic game that would make! Whole new target group, right there. GG would no longer mean good game, but gay game.

  2. CMaster says:

    If we’re getting this instead of a bulletstorm demo – fair enough?

  3. DrazharLn says:

    4% downloaded! Exciting.

  4. applecup says:

    Is the site not loading for anyone else?

  5. Ubiquitous says:

    Come onnnn download! I need to see how epicly the “war has changed”. I still want my Bulletstorm demo though.

  6. Grinterloper says:

    Curses, I’m forced to use a mac at work so I can’t enjoy this distraction.

  7. SOAD says:

    Hard Disk Space: 8 GB

    !

  8. Zorganist says:

    10% downloaded…

    I want to blow up the secret base and stuff!

    • Torgen says:

      I Want Founding Fighters!

      Seems Ben Franklin would be the one with the electric special attack, though.

    • Ricc says:

      Oh man, I remember that! What a great episode. :)

    • Saiko Kila says:

      And Alexander Hamilton tended to lose his fights…

  9. CMaster says:

    Done.
    Hint – DownThemAll speeded it up a lot for me.

    • CMaster says:

      Fucking hell that was terrible.
      I know it’s only a joke, but no options at all, resulting in it being weirdly stretched on my 22″ widescreen, with really odd, smeary looking graphics.
      Also, while meant to be taking the piss out of CoD and so on, it honestly sseeed like it was taking the piss out of bulletstorm too with its EXTREAM ANNOUNCER MAN.

      Also really, really short.

    • SirKicksalot says:

      Most of that applies to Medal of HonoUr too.

    • patricij says:

      nah…I enjoyed Medal of Honor (no U, yes, I’m a language anarchist!) quite a bit….hell, I’m even replaying it atm

  10. Njordsk says:

    They should have used their free time adding a jump key, or who knows, get rid of GFWL instead of doing that.

    Or make a PC demo. Oh, how dare I ?!

  11. SirKicksalot says:

    That was pretty funny, especially the ending.

  12. Premium User Badge

    El_MUERkO says:

    Having played Duty Calls I can say with honesty ‘I would rather have had a demo’.

  13. johntheemo says:

    Is the site actually down or did this never exist? Because if this is a joke, nice job. I totally bought it. Although I guess it is possible that they just got slammed with traffic.

  14. steamingnewell says:

    So this is some 1 level game parodying call of duty?

  15. Tomm says:

    So this isn’t the demo? Disappointed.

  16. Demiath says:

    This is the part of Bulletstorm which I find most appealing; the sheer ideological challenge it poses to the sickening Call of Duty hegemony (I’d add Halo but Bungie’s violent primary colors won’t let me). I’m so tired of how Actiwardarch-whatever is breastfeeding male adolescents with dead-serious machismo crap thinly veiled as a “shooter”. Doom was a shooter – Call of Duty is a way of life and a prism through which to view the world (existence is harsh, (geo-)politics is pure deceit, only the strong and abundantly mustached prevail etc.), which is also what makes it so profoundly evil. Hopefully, Bulletstorm and similar titles will bring “game” back into the FPS genre by daring to be sophisticated enough to go for a juvenile and refreshingly contrived style.

    • steamingnewell says:

      Yeah, bring back the old FPS games like Doom, Blood, Redneck Rampage and such!

    • Ricc says:

      I see where you are coming from, but in my mind Bulletstorm is just replacing one flavour of Broism with another. Both of those franchises were very clearly made to appeal to a certain 18-25 male audience. EA are just going at it from a different angle.

      The marketing material for this game is just the worst. It’s like they are insulting the people they want to self-identify with this brand.

      edit: I like the new editing functionality, RPS! :)

    • pipman3000 says:

      but what would we do without our games about gun-penised americans/brits going to third world countries and russia for some violent reason so they can spray bullets from their gun-dicks while cut scenes everyone skips talk aboput how the cia is evil (well duh) and commies ultra-nationalists are bad and evilio bin notsaddamhussein shoots your face and america invades iraqistan and russians kill an airport and this game really wishes it was a movie.

    • johntheemo says:

      I think blanketing “the FPS genre” into one type of game might be oversimplifying the matter. I’d like to see less ‘realistic grit’ FPSes, for sure, but I don’t want them all to be Bulletstorm, either. Let us not forget the Half-Lifes and the Deus Exes.

      However, pedantry aside, what makes you think that CoD being a prism through which to view the world makes it profoundly evil? Do you think it’s influencing people’s opinions on the subjects you listed?

    • Kryopsis says:

      There is a very interesting opinion piece on Gamasutra: http://www.gamasutra.com/view/news/32593/Opinion_Video_Game_Ethics_And_The_Coming_Bulletstorm.php
      I agree with a lot of these points. Judging by the material released so far, Bulletstorm is more bad taste than genuine attempts at humour. While Redneck Rampage and Shadow Warrior were silly, tongue-in-cheek games, Bulletstorm seems to feature vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity. It seems to be nothing but an infantile corridor shooter with zero charm and less substance. Where Duke Nukem has the deliberately cheesy feel of Sam Raimi and John Carpenter B-rated films, Bulletstorm tries to sell us, with a straight, face the same old video game stereotypes.

    • johntheemo says:

      That’s true. There is certainly a point where self-referential and self-deprecating humor stops being funny because it’s obvious the person making the jokes isn’t learning anything from them.

    • fuggles says:

      Didn’t work for serious sam, didn’t work for painkiller, didn’t work for unreal. Bulletstorm isn’t a challenge to anything and I really doubt that it will turn around the mainstream who enjoy the cod experience. Just have to accept that Cod designers aren’t making games they are making pub conversations.

    • elyscape says:

      I kinda see Bulletstorm as a Gears of War game that didn’t take itself seriously.

    • Dervish says:

      So what Demiath is saying is that he’s an asshole who can only enjoy trash if he convinces himself that it’s “ironic.”

    • Kryopsis says:

      Oh, hey fuggles.
      The thing is, Serious Sam and Painkiller were small games from unknown studios that didn’t take themselves seriously in any way. Bulletstorm is getting all the hype and advertising budget of a major release, proudly bearing the Epic name (which purchased the developers of Painkiller).

    • Dances to Podcasts says:

      Straightfaced is the new ironic.

    • gwathdring says:

      I really don’t think the words “ideological challenge” are quite appropriate here. Even if they were appropriate to the main facet of this … issue/discussion/topic/thing, you’re comparing a franchise that takes itself takes itself seriously and strives for realism in sometimes humorously incongruous ways to a game that is built around the achievement mindset and madcap violence but that seems so determined not to take itself seriously that it also takes itself too seriously. They look like wildly different games and have different secondary mechanics (the primary one is the same, these being FPS games), but built out of the same sector of the same industry aiming at the same demographic. In a lot of ways, the line up quite well. I don’t see a massive upset in the way games, let alone shooters are designed let alone thought about as ideology implies. Achievements meet context sensitivity to provide arcade-y point scoringness with mad and supposedly creative violence. It’s a mechanical difference. The industry isn’t shocked and awed by it’s ambition, edgy novelty, or intellectual risk taking.

    • -Spooky- says:

      @steamingnewell

      Try Painkiller and such ..

    • RegisteredUser says:

      You, just like so many people who mention Doom in the same breath as BS, amaze me.

      “Hopefully, Bulletstorm and similar titles will bring “game” back into the FPS genre by daring to be sophisticated enough to go for a juvenile and refreshingly contrived style.”

      They take out unlimited gun slots, publically state in a Q&A that there was no necessity to do so on the PC(implying to me that they were merely lazy and trying to save costs..though then they went and made this, so clearly the real reason was to piss off the PC community and Painkiller fans and to crap all over any shooter lover), and you compare that crippleware with the genre’s big bang, DOOM?

      The game that CELEBRATED, not hated on choice of guns, ammo, flexibility and multipathing.
      Even as a corridorish shooter, DOOM is still the polar opposite of the modern day uber-linearity(as every level STILL had an amazing variety of even within only 2D suddenly becoming so much more as a level – stuff suddenly opening, sliding up or down, changing-, something which has barely ever been done again the next 20 years) and the very embodiment of “kill as YOU like” as opposed to “you get two guns, console gamers are too dumb for more, now sod off”.

      Seriously, how can you, how could you. DOOM. Bullshitstorm. No. Friggin. Way.

      Yes, we do need to stop the prevalent trend of dumbing down and overlinearizing, of making only one kind of thing and only using one tone etc pp. But we also within that trend need to stop that “one gun, one choice, one route, one control scheme” etc crippling. Gaming should be about flexible approach, choice, freedom and enjoyment. And a shooter is about shooting. Not about NOT shooting 80% of the available guns.

  17. steamingnewell says:

    Im not buying Bulletstorm. It’s the same macho bs like CoD with a different coloring angle. It’s “me too” marketing.

    • pipman3000 says:

      yeah but atleast it looks like it’s trying to be a game instead of a series of cut scenes with occasional shooty bits.

  18. Centy says:

    The irony here is that these people have been making the same fucking spacemarine with overactive testosterone stores for about the same length of time. Frankly they can all bugger off and take their console nonsense with them.

    • johntheemo says:

      Yeah, I guess it is sort of like the pot telling the kettle it’s a vessel for liquids.

    • SirKicksalot says:

      Pretty sure this is People Can Fly’s first space marine (well, space pirate actually) game! And it’s self-aware of its bro-gaming roots.

    • RegisteredUser says:

      What amazes me personally is that there could be no more than DOOM for a “marine in space” game, yet I could play a near infinity of WH40k based/related games.

      Maybe it’s just a matter of making actually COOL machismo/testosteron-y fun shooty shooty bang bang.
      I.e. taking it so far over the top that it’s almost cheesily emberassing again, and then some.
      And as I said: voila, WH40k.

  19. Premium User Badge

    Earl-Grey says:

    Why make a parody of modern day warfare man-shoots?
    I thought Call of Duty already had that covered.

  20. Alez says:

    Haha awesome. That was the best demo i’ve seen in my life. Loved how the guy says “boring” every time you shoot.

    I guess this game is like Just Cause 2 vs GTA 4. One is batshit insane while the other tries a more realistic approach. I’m glad i can enjoy both kinds.

  21. fearian says:

    It’s on youtube already! save yourself the download – it’s only 4 mins long.

    • Spacewalk says:

      Christ, that was terrible. Instead, spend the four minutes hunting down a copy of Chex Quest.

  22. Premium User Badge

    Gabbo says:

    EA and Epic must have bought the market research that Shawn Elliot and Robert Ashley conducted on an ages old episode of GFWRadio in which they sold the virtues of this very game (albeit as a feces references) to people on the street.

  23. ArtyFishal says:

    Long Live Bulletstorm! I sincerely hope this game is a great success.

  24. airtekh says:

    For me, EA’s Bulletstorm trying to take the piss out of Call of Duty is the height of irony.

  25. FernandoMontelbon says:

    Save yourself the 800 megs. Pretty funny but, 800 megs for 4 minutes.. damn, do you know how much low def amateur pornography that is?

    Anyway link to video of the level for those interested.

    EDIT: never mind.. beaten to the punch. Damn I thought I was gonna have it uploaded first… beaten by nearly an hour. balls…

    • RegisteredUser says:

      At the normal average xvid bitrates, that would amount to around 1.5-2 hours of porn.
      If you are implying that low-def amateur porn equals the terrifyingly horrible FLV stuff you would find with bitrates around 400-600 kbit, then more around the 3-4 hour mark.

      Other than that, a lot of modern day amateurs now do very decent full SD 640×480 or even semi-HD 720p uploads and therefore use more the 2-4fold bitrate and accordingly would end up near 20-40 minutes for 800MB. Though I do admit that would be the opposite of your low-def.
      So more the 1-4 hour range.
      Then again who would WANT low-def?

    • Teddy Leach says:

      That was the best essay on porn that I’ve ever seen.

  26. Basilicus says:

    If Bulletstorm is all shooting men in ways that makes words pop up, I will skip.

    If Bulletstorm includes any sort of compelling story, I will consider.

    In a world in which I don’t buy Monday Night Combat because I already spend too much time playing TF2, Day of Defeat, and Shattered Horizon, and still have BFBC2 waiting on the shelf (not to mention the occasional Warband bout), I don’t see the point of procuring myself a multiplayer game simply because it allows me to shoot men in the butt. Those former three games perfect the manshoot with spot-on mechanics, cool communities, real teamwork, some of the best level design in history, and unique-but-polished gameplay styles. If I feel like twitch shooting, I’ll boot up UT2004 again.

    Bulletstorm will be an overhyped disaster with the most aggravating online community in recent history if it doesn’t ship with some compelling single-player reason to buy it. I’ve yet to see Cliffy B tout the design, modeling, or levels in any way, and what they’ve shown of them looks underwhelming. So far it’s all been digital sick and jets of butt fire. That’s not enough reason to make me buy the game.

  27. MrBRAD! says:

    The feature list includes:

    1. Duty Vision™ slows down the action so you can unload a storm of bullets
    2. Immersive dialogue from the front lines
    3. Cold, calculated realism
    4. Killing animations motion captured from real actors
    5. True-life reloading system allows for mistakes in putting the cartridge in the gun
    6. Iconic sound effects
    7. Thwart an enemy threat that could topple the country and possibly the world
    8. Significant and historically accurate props

    First letters: D.I.C….

    I think I might get this game. Just for that.

    • Mattressi says:

      This entire post makes me very sad.

    • MrBRAD! says:

      They have secretly put that word on unsuspecting news sites all over the internet. That is glorious!

    • RegisteredUser says:

      Now they just need to make a sequal which spells out PEARL NECKLACE.

  28. Lord_Mordja says:

    That video was worth it for the ending.

  29. Vivian says:

    It’s a bit Scary Movie TBH. I don’t think Valve have much to worry about in the funny department.

  30. bjohndooh says:

    What a waste of 700 megabytes.
    It’s funny for about 30 seconds.
    Would rather have had a Bulletstorm demo…

  31. terry says:

    I lol’d (because I didn’t download it).

  32. trjp says:

    Ironically, I came to this straight from trying the Bulletstorm demo that console owners have had for a week now – so the funny side isn’t really working for me right now.

    800Mb for a 4min 1 act joke is a bit of a pisstake in itself – and I’m 100% dead certain a PC demo would have been less effort on their behalf…

  33. sebmojo says:

    Bullets of Fight: Gun Mens!

  34. dethtoll says:

    I’ve been a Call of Duty fan back when there were only two of them and this is still funny and completely true. Shame it had to come from such a puerile source as Bulletstorm.

  35. kyrieee says:

    When I try to launch it I just get a black screen

  36. Jim Rossignol says:

    Very good. That’s the best ad for a game ever. I call it “the anti-demo”.

  37. Tei says:

    Why we don’t have that here? I want to rank up another sargent important person every time I post something.

  38. Nighthood says:

    It wasn’t very funny, the gameplay was dreadful, it was way too short, and way to big a download.

    As a joke it had potential, but it was VERY underwhelming.

    • skinlo says:

      You fail.

    • Premium User Badge

      Stellar Duck says:

      Wait. Are you talking about Modern Warfare 2 or CODBLOPS?
      Both fits the description.

    • 7rigger says:

      “It wasn’t very funny, the gameplay was dreadful, it was way too short, and way to big a download.”

      Now wouldn’t it be a kicker if that was part of the parody? (apart from the funny bit, because it’s meant to be)

      MIND=BLOWN

  39. SirKicksalot says:

    I love it how the ranks look like a penis that keeps getting bigger.

  40. Ricc says:

    There should be more parody games in general. Probably not as part of an ad campaign, though. Parody-mods?

  41. Premium User Badge

    Lambchops says:

    Nice to see Santa gave Epic a “My first satire” playset from the Early Learning Centre.

  42. frozenbyte says:

    Black Ops had Zork. How will Bulletstorm top that?

  43. DestinedCruz says:

    I thought it was hilarious.

    I am also glad I can enjoy games without being a pretentious arse about them.

    • 7rigger says:

      I agree this was very funny, and there is a lot of hate for it on this thread…

      BUT WE NEVER USE THE P-WORD!

    • Gonefornow says:

      You’ll have to admit it spreads its “parodic matter” a tad too heavy handedly.

      And afterall is this really necessary? The best mock up of the recent shooter trend started by ModernWarface is ModernWarfare2.

    • skinlo says:

      Totally necessary judging by some of the reactions in this thread.

  44. Icarus says:

    Very funny, Epic. Very funny.

    Still no excuse for not putting out a demo.

    • mbourgon says:

      +1

    • godgoo says:

      At first I thought, it was sort of humorous, then I moved on to ‘rather a pc demo’, then shortly after that I realised that thanks to their ad campaign I now have no desire to even play a free demo of this game, let alone the full product.

  45. Mr_Day says:

    I thought the highlighting of the different clichés that other fps games use and pointing out how rubbish they are was very funny, I agree that it is a pretty good ad for a game.

    However, I have played the Bulletstorm demo on the PS3, where the following clichés are present:

    Linear level progression, so tightly choreographed it could almost be on rails.
    When I lashed an enemy, the game slowed down to make him easier to hit.
    When I took damage, the edges of the screen were covered in blood.
    A mounted turret, the handling of which signalled a group of enemies to spawn
    NPC allies completely invulnerable to environmental damage, running straight through electrical cables which hurt the player.
    NPC allies are completely useless in each fight.

    I am not trying to be a dick here. The fact that I may come off as one* has been noted. But the demo features things which the Duty Calls ad-utainment implied were shit. So what does that say of Bulletstorm?

    * Don’t be so foul.

    • Mr_Day says:

      “But Bulletstorm is about having fun shooting peoples, whereas modern war games are soul crushing snoozey things. You are a big silly, me.”

      “Oh yeah, me? Aren’t modern war shooters also about having fun shooting people?”

      “But they put story in the way, and ruin the experience of shooting the mans. In the ballses.”

      “I had no idea having a point to fight was so rubbish, me. Didn’t you enjoy stories, once?”

      “Oh come now, me. You said yourself, you hate it when a game yanks the controls out of your hands to show you a cutscene.”

      “True enough. But getting rid of story and development in exchange for a never ending parade of cannon fodder to score points from? Haven’t we moved on from Space Invaders?”

      “Oh. OH. You dick, me. You dick.”

    • skinlo says:

      Theres another cliché where you can kill people. I hate that one.

      You are obviously the type of person who hates films like Iron Man and general fun things.

    • Mr_Day says:

      I also generalise like a bitch. You should see me go.

      Point wasn’t that the game wasn’t fun, but that it mocked clichés and tropes, and then used them in the demo. The argument was just a bit of fun. WHICH I HATE. FUN BAD.

    • Nick says:

      not sure how you got that he hates fun from a lighthearted, self depricating post..

  46. Premium User Badge

    Flimgoblin says:

    The ending was funny, but there’s a definite kitchenware colour discussion going on there.

  47. Mattressi says:

    So, was this just CliffyB trying to be ‘in’ with the PC crowd? Release a parody of CoD (which many PC gamers detest nowadays, so I can see the reasoning behind it) and we’ll accept them as great PC developers? Unfortunately, there’s still the issue of no demo. Plus CliffyB is a knob. Plus Bulletstorm looks like absolute childish crap.

  48. skinlo says:

    Damn, I usually am slightly elitist when it comes to PC games, they are obviously better than console ones, but some of the pretentious crap coming out of some of the people in here is ridiculous.

    • Nick says:

      “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.”

  49. Kryopsis says:

    For the record, The Duty Calls is also available on consoles so I don’t see why some people thought it was released to make up for the lack of a PC demo.