This Is The Most Adorable Portal 2 Advert

By Quintin Smith on February 14th, 2011 at 10:16 am.

The love is a lie.

EDIT: So, er, the video says that Portal 2 is now available for pre-order. Except it isn’t. Hmm.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Ah yes, that one special day each year when we can unleash our love in the direction of other human beings like an intangible sledgehammer made of words and spit. You know, as opposed to all the other days of the year, when saying that you love somebody is illegal and punishable by a six months in prison. To celebrate, Valve has released a Valentine’s-themed promotional video for Portal 2. Watch it right after the jump.

FACT: No, I can’t bring myself to quote it and spoil any of the jokes. Enjoy!


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  1. Quxxy says:

    Hooray! I think I’ll go pre-order it right now!

    Right, ok, then.


    Dear Valve,

    Screw you.

    Hugs, An Australian Gamer

  2. juandemarco says:

    No preorder on Steam? WTF?

    • MadTinkerer says:

      For some reason they’re only offering pre-orders through retail for now. Probably because Steam is a little too successful at the moment, and Valve want their retail partners to be happy so they’ll stock the console version.

      Plus there’s some kind of dealie with the optional special controller they’re working on, which is one of the few things Steam can’t do very well (how exactly are you going to download a hardware peripheral?). So In addition to Portal 2 itself, the console version of Episode 3 and other future Valve games, there’s extra reason to want to keep the retail chains happy right now.

    • drewski says:

      I want my complex three dimensional matter printer, and I want it now.

    • Ezhar says:

      Retail? Isn’t that like, with boxes in shelves? Where you need a DVD drive? They still MAKE that stuff for new games!?

    • disperse says:


      Did you say 3d printer? (

  3. feffrey says:

    They also took away the launch date…..

    Something is decidedly amiss at Valve….

  4. jarvoll says:

    Amazing video!

    Quxxy, don’t worry, there’s no way it won’t be available to pre-order on Steam in plenty of time before release.

  5. JohnnyMaverik says:

    Hooray! I think I’ll go pre-order it right now!

    *looks on steam*

    Nope, apparently I won’t

    Eh… Valve -_- Still, awesome trailer/advert/announcement/thing

  6. Phinor says:

    The emphasis on the video seems to be that the pre-order is available, yet it is not. I’m not sure what to think of this.

  7. mda says:

    Geez guys the game isn’t even out yet, chell out… (see what I did there? a-ma-zing.)

    Can’t wait for Portal 2 :D

    Also this advert reminds me of HARD SURFACE for some reason… maybe the diamond was a hard surface.

  8. Andy says:

    The pre-order is a Game only offer by the looks of things.

  9. Tori says:

    I may be a fanboy, but a Valve release is always a big deal for me. I’ll play Portal before the day before release, make sure I have no plans on that day, prepare my girlfriend etc.

  10. coldvvvave says:

    Dear Gaben.

    Where is Half-Life 3?

  11. Man Raised by Puffins says:

    EDIT: So, er, the video says that Portal 2 is now available for pre-order. Except it isn’t. Hmm.

    Follow their link, ye big silly.

  12. somini says:

    Portal 2 is available for pre-order in the EA Store… Why??

    EDIT:After all I can’t see it, but I’m not in the UK…

  13. JohnnyMaverik says:

    Hold your horses people, it’s just been pointed out to me that Valve don’t work Sundays, and seeing as it’s still early doors in America we should see it going up for pre-order on Steam later today… should… logically, although this is Valve we’re talking about so nothing is certain….

  14. Qjuad says:

    That is a cure advert

  15. noclip says:

    A new high (low?) for Valve Time. “Available now for preorder” = ???

  16. RagingLion says:

    “Women love diamonds for their wide range of industrial applications” :) ……love it

  17. FiveO says:

    Considering that every other ‘fact’ was a joke, the lack of pre-orders fits in perfectly.

  18. My2CENTS says:

    Valve works in Pacific time, so in a sense right now they aren’t even awake to start the pre-order.

  19. matty_gibbon says:

    Awesome! You know, I have Portal, but have not yet played it to completion. I have no idea why this is. I’ll have to get on that.

    Also, what does it say about me that in the still image that heads this post, I assumed that the bits jutting out of people were not waving arms, but were in fact shotguns slung over the shoulder?

  20. godgoo says:

    At first I thought the couple kissing was a guy with a mutated head and his wang on the table

  21. Foosnark says:

    Waiting for the TF2 hat tie-in.

  22. Magrippinho says:

    Is it wrong that this video makes me think of Theme Hospital?

    • Hoaxfish says:

      I wouldn’t say no to a blend of Aperture Science + SCIENCE + Evil Genius style “sim” game

    • AdamT says:

      To create an evil / insane computer point of view game of Portal, a sim-type game would be spot on.

      I’m all for multi-genre, unified play-space games. GAME DEVELOPERS, MAKE IT SO!


  23. Chucrute says:

    Is it wrong that this video makes me think of Kama Sutra?
    Imagine the possibilities.

  24. Hoaxfish says:

    that steady repetitive squeaking noise as the scene fades out…

    portal-related intimacy

  25. faelnor says:

    So uh. Steam preorders work now.

  26. Shadram says:

    Seems you can preorder on Steam now. Or at least, you can here in NZ. It’s US $45, which isn’t too bad. Better than the $90 they’re asking for it at retail over here, anyway…

    • mbourgon says:

      Wait, $45? Part of the charm of the original was its brevity (or, alternatively, to-the-point gameplay) and its price ($20). Yeah, I’ll probably still buy it, but was hoping for less.

  27. Tobev says:

    UK price is good – £27
    EU price is horrible – €45!

    • choconutjoe says:

      Normally valve are quite good at getting the Euro-prices right on the their own games. Not in this case, it would seem!

  28. LionsPhil says:

    Dear Aperture Science Sentry Gun,

    1500 Megawatt Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Buttons are red,
    Material Emancipation Grids are blue,
    Cake is sweet,
    And I see you!

    Totally Not A Military Android

  29. TheGroovyMule says:

    Portal 2 is now available for preorder on Steam…

    You may now commence throwing wads of cash at Valve!

  30. Longrat says:

    Why yes, valve, I would like to give you my money!

  31. Navagon says:

    Well at least they can get their cute and amusing adverts out on time.

  32. phuzz says:

    I have been planning buying a copy of Portal 2 for a couple of friends of mine.
    He plays endless manshoots on the 360, while she plays flash puzzle games.
    I think portal will finally be the game that gets her into being able to play an FPS, and him into sharing his console toy.
    I think they’ll have a lovely time yes?
    A lovely, lovely time :)

  33. Armante says:

    Yay preorder now available (in NZ at least – GMT plus12 hrs) Not bad at US$45, which is only NZ$60. I don’t normally pre-order, but it’s practically a steal, and I may let Valve have my money. They nicely gave me Portal for free a while back, so that seems fair?

  34. patricij says:

    34 EUR’s pre-order deal for me…not that bad, not that bad

  35. Sleepymatt says:

    Finally, scientific evidence of what one handed clapping actually sounds like. Thank you Valve :)

  36. Araxiel says:

    “The only thing you manged to break so far…is my heart”

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