This Is The Most Adorable Portal 2 Advert

By Quintin Smith on February 14th, 2011 at 10:16 am.

The love is a lie.

EDIT: So, er, the video says that Portal 2 is now available for pre-order. Except it isn’t. Hmm.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Ah yes, that one special day each year when we can unleash our love in the direction of other human beings like an intangible sledgehammer made of words and spit. You know, as opposed to all the other days of the year, when saying that you love somebody is illegal and punishable by a six months in prison. To celebrate, Valve has released a Valentine’s-themed promotional video for Portal 2. Watch it right after the jump.

FACT: No, I can’t bring myself to quote it and spoil any of the jokes. Enjoy!

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71 Comments »

  1. Quxxy says:

    Hooray! I think I’ll go pre-order it right now!

    Right, ok, then.

    Ahem

    Dear Valve,

    Screw you.

    Hugs, An Australian Gamer

    • ColdSpiral says:

      @Quxxy
      Same boat landmass here.
      I’m holding out for that mythical Razer Hydra / Portal 2 bundle that none of the retailers in town have even heard of, let alone are willing to sell me.

    • simonh says:

      I’m assuming that as usual in Sweden it will be about £10 cheaper in retail than Steam anyway.

    • Saiko Kila says:

      Screw them, but with love. That’s the way.

  2. juandemarco says:

    No preorder on Steam? WTF?

    • MadTinkerer says:

      For some reason they’re only offering pre-orders through retail for now. Probably because Steam is a little too successful at the moment, and Valve want their retail partners to be happy so they’ll stock the console version.

      Plus there’s some kind of dealie with the optional special controller they’re working on, which is one of the few things Steam can’t do very well (how exactly are you going to download a hardware peripheral?). So In addition to Portal 2 itself, the console version of Episode 3 and other future Valve games, there’s extra reason to want to keep the retail chains happy right now.

    • Premium User Badge

      drewski says:

      I want my complex three dimensional matter printer, and I want it now.

    • Ezhar says:

      Retail? Isn’t that like, with boxes in shelves? Where you need a DVD drive? They still MAKE that stuff for new games!?

    • disperse says:

      @drewski

      Did you say 3d printer? (http://www.makerbot.com/)

  3. feffrey says:

    They also took away the launch date…..

    Something is decidedly amiss at Valve….

    • ColdSpiral says:

      Hold on, everyone!
      We’re switching to Valve time in 3… 2… 1…

    • Premium User Badge

      stahlwerk says:

      This clearly is the Valentine’s Day trailer that was supposed to come out 2010.

    • Premium User Badge

      Thermal Ions says:

      Or the Valentine’s Day trailer for 2012.

  4. jarvoll says:

    Amazing video!

    Quxxy, don’t worry, there’s no way it won’t be available to pre-order on Steam in plenty of time before release.

    • adonf says:

      I sure hope so. I’d hate to be unable to buy it because Steam have sold all their stocks.

  5. JohnnyMaverik says:

    Hooray! I think I’ll go pre-order it right now!

    *looks on steam*

    Nope, apparently I won’t

    Eh… Valve -_- Still, awesome trailer/advert/announcement/thing

  6. Premium User Badge

    Phinor says:

    The emphasis on the video seems to be that the pre-order is available, yet it is not. I’m not sure what to think of this.

  7. mda says:

    Geez guys the game isn’t even out yet, chell out… (see what I did there? a-ma-zing.)

    Can’t wait for Portal 2 :D

    Also this advert reminds me of HARD SURFACE for some reason… maybe the diamond was a hard surface.

  8. Premium User Badge

    Andy says:

    The pre-order is a Game only offer by the looks of things.

    http://thinkwithportals.com/preorders.php

  9. Tori says:

    I may be a fanboy, but a Valve release is always a big deal for me. I’ll play Portal before the day before release, make sure I have no plans on that day, prepare my girlfriend etc.

  10. coldvvvave says:

    Dear Gaben.

    Where is Half-Life 3?

    • StranaMente says:

      *Mandatory joke about Gabe weight and the absence of the game – time to let more sadness sink in*

    • DeathHamsterDude says:

      *Mandatory joke about Gabester pissing himself, placing random objects on and around his body, and taking a ‘nap’*

  11. Premium User Badge

    Man Raised by Puffins says:

    EDIT: So, er, the video says that Portal 2 is now available for pre-order. Except it isn’t. Hmm.

    Follow their link, ye big silly.

  12. somini says:

    Portal 2 is available for pre-order in the EA Store… Why??
    http://eastore.ea.com/store/eaemea/pt_PT/DisplayHomePage/ThemeID.850300/ccRef.en_GB

    EDIT:After all I can’t see it, but I’m not in the UK…

  13. JohnnyMaverik says:

    Hold your horses people, it’s just been pointed out to me that Valve don’t work Sundays, and seeing as it’s still early doors in America we should see it going up for pre-order on Steam later today… should… logically, although this is Valve we’re talking about so nothing is certain….

    • bob_d says:

      Also, as far as Steam is concerned, 10am (Pacific time) is the beginning of the day, so…

  14. Qjuad says:

    That is a cure advert

  15. noclip says:

    A new high (low?) for Valve Time. “Available now for preorder” = ???

  16. RagingLion says:

    “Women love diamonds for their wide range of industrial applications” :) ……love it

  17. FiveO says:

    Considering that every other ‘fact’ was a joke, the lack of pre-orders fits in perfectly.

  18. My2CENTS says:

    Valve works in Pacific time, so in a sense right now they aren’t even awake to start the pre-order.

  19. matty_gibbon says:

    Awesome! You know, I have Portal, but have not yet played it to completion. I have no idea why this is. I’ll have to get on that.

    Also, what does it say about me that in the still image that heads this post, I assumed that the bits jutting out of people were not waving arms, but were in fact shotguns slung over the shoulder?

  20. godgoo says:

    At first I thought the couple kissing was a guy with a mutated head and his wang on the table

  21. Premium User Badge

    Foosnark says:

    Waiting for the TF2 hat tie-in.

  22. Magrippinho says:

    Is it wrong that this video makes me think of Theme Hospital?

    • Hoaxfish says:

      I wouldn’t say no to a blend of Aperture Science + SCIENCE + Evil Genius style “sim” game

    • AdamT says:

      To create an evil / insane computer point of view game of Portal, a sim-type game would be spot on.

      I’m all for multi-genre, unified play-space games. GAME DEVELOPERS, MAKE IT SO!

      Seriously!

  23. Chucrute says:

    Is it wrong that this video makes me think of Kama Sutra?
    Imagine the possibilities.

    • The Army of None says:

      Nope, t’was briefly entertained in my mind as well.

  24. Hoaxfish says:

    that steady repetitive squeaking noise as the scene fades out…

    portal-related intimacy

  25. faelnor says:

    So uh. Steam preorders work now.

  26. Shadram says:

    Seems you can preorder on Steam now. Or at least, you can here in NZ. It’s US $45, which isn’t too bad. Better than the $90 they’re asking for it at retail over here, anyway…

    • mbourgon says:

      Wait, $45? Part of the charm of the original was its brevity (or, alternatively, to-the-point gameplay) and its price ($20). Yeah, I’ll probably still buy it, but was hoping for less.

  27. Premium User Badge

    Tobev says:

    UK price is good – £27
    EU price is horrible – €45!

    • choconutjoe says:

      Normally valve are quite good at getting the Euro-prices right on the their own games. Not in this case, it would seem!

  28. LionsPhil says:

    Dear Aperture Science Sentry Gun,

    1500 Megawatt Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Buttons are red,
    Material Emancipation Grids are blue,
    Cake is sweet,
    And I see you!

    Love,
    Totally Not A Military Android

  29. TheGroovyMule says:

    Portal 2 is now available for preorder on Steam…

    You may now commence throwing wads of cash at Valve!

  30. Longrat says:

    Why yes, valve, I would like to give you my money!

  31. Navagon says:

    Well at least they can get their cute and amusing adverts out on time.

  32. Premium User Badge

    phuzz says:

    I have been planning buying a copy of Portal 2 for a couple of friends of mine.
    He plays endless manshoots on the 360, while she plays flash puzzle games.
    I think portal will finally be the game that gets her into being able to play an FPS, and him into sharing his console toy.
    I think they’ll have a lovely time yes?
    A lovely, lovely time :)

    • TheGroovyMule says:

      You think?

      Didn’t you know?

      100% of couples who participate in cooperative portal testing are still deeply in love

      It’s fact!

    • Bret says:

      Sounds much safer than giant diamonds.

  33. Armante says:

    Yay preorder now available (in NZ at least – GMT plus12 hrs) Not bad at US$45, which is only NZ$60. I don’t normally pre-order, but it’s practically a steal, and I may let Valve have my money. They nicely gave me Portal for free a while back, so that seems fair?

  34. patricij says:

    34 EUR’s pre-order deal for me…not that bad, not that bad

    • Premium User Badge

      Tobev says:

      Good – they fixed the price :)

    • Wahngrok says:

      It’s € 45 if you pre-order “worldwide” via steam: http://store.steampowered.com/app/620/
      Strange that germany is not on the list of “participating” countries but then again if you look at the “low” price for the french pre-orders (€ 55 cheap) then I’ll pass anyway.

  35. Sleepymatt says:

    Finally, scientific evidence of what one handed clapping actually sounds like. Thank you Valve :)

  36. Araxiel says:

    “The only thing you manged to break so far…is my heart”