Imagine That: Duke Nukem Delayed. Again

By Alec Meer on March 24th, 2011 at 11:38 am.

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

One more delay for the road, huh? Yes, Duke Nukem Forever will not make its promised release date of May 3. Old habits die hard, clearly.

So when, if ever, will this near-mythical manshooter be released instead? I’ll let Randy ‘not Pitchfork’ Pitchford explain all…

So there’s that. June 14 in the US, June 10 everywhere else. *Apparently*. That is a fine way to announce it, at least. Well done, Mr Duval Magic.

Delays, delays, again with the delays. Plus ce change. What happened this time, do we think? Standard delays, last-minute polishing, or perhaps a decision to tweak the notorious arse-slapping multiplayer thing in response to the web-wide “what the hell are you doing?” response? I am merely speculating wildly, and have no factual basis for it whatsoever.

June it is, then. It’s never straightforward for this game, is it?

, .

105 Comments »

  1. bit_crusherrr says:

    Ha ha, oh wow.

    Now what will I do while I wait for Brink!

    • torchedEARTH says:

      Um, play Brink maybe as it comes out before this pile of shit?

    • killmachine says:

      play some crysis 2 maybe?

    • bit_crusherrr says:

      @killmachine I really didn’t like Crysis 2, I was really excited about new life being breathed into power struggle only to be disappointed when the multiplayer is 6v6 and PS aint in it :(

  2. deanbmmv says:

    Could be a marketing stunt to keep up with the tradition.

    • AndrewC says:

      That’s the sort of coke-addled marketing decision I can get behind.

    • Haplo says:

      This.

    • tempest says:

      Yup, I agree. I would even go further and hypothesize that Gearbox & 2K planned to do this all along. After all, Gearbox aren’t famous for release delays… Aliens: Colonial Marines being more like sidetracked than delayed.

      Given that most people have no idea about the fact that Duke Nukem Forever changed developers, it would sound like a reasonable real delay and the short, one month, time interval will act as a hype amplification device because that would signal that the game is really close to completion, not just the vaporware suggested by “It’s going to be ready when it’s ready” type of answers.

      As for the release date… I wholly agree with John Walker’s initiative but that doesn’t prevent me from saying “what goes around, comes around:P” to all those who see no problem with different release dates in different counties, mainly because they live in the country where the games are released first. I don’t have any plausible hypotheses about why 2K did that, but I would be really like to know.

    • Kadayi says:

      I wouldn’t be surprised and I think a last hurrah with delays in no bad thing.

    • Nick says:

      I would have announced the delay on April 1st.

      Actually, I would have released the game on April 1st.

    • tempest says:

      @Kadayi: Yeah, I too find it slightly nostalgic:). After it gets released, we’ll all fondly remember the time when Duke Nukem Forever was like Schoedringer’s cat… both in and out of development. We’ll be old and shouting at these new consoles and social network games to get off our lawn. The first great one fell when Prey was released in 2006, after being in and out of development since in 1995. Now, the other shoe is going to drop with Duke Nukem Forever being released in 2011 after being in and out of development since 1997. It’s the end of an era. We’ll be entering the Post Duke Nukem Forever Release (PDNFR) age:).

  3. Brumisator says:

    I laughed out loud when I read this headline.

    I’m still laughing, actaully.

    Also, international BEFORE the US? that’s so win.

    • Tori says:

      No, that is not a “win”. No more unfair release dates, we’re all equal! No Oceans!

    • Brumisator says:

      Please forgive my self-centred comment. (no sarcasm)

    • Potentaint says:

      “Actaully” is hard as fuck to say.

    • Milky1985 says:

      Maybe if someone updates the slashdot post (full of peopel saying “so its only 3 days later for you, boo hoo” with this 4 day gap that is worse for the US the readers there will want to sign up.

      Now the shoes on the other foot!

    • Highstorm says:

      I really doubt many Americans (myself included) are all, “ha ha sucks for you” about European release dates coming later. I’m sure most of us gamers have a variety of international friends from all over the place, and who doesn’t want to be able to play (or discuss) a new game with friends on the same release day? So while I can fully understand anyone feeling vindication with the situation being flipped for once, this really shouldn’t be an “us vs. them” kind of deal. No oceans indeed, just gamers and games (and well, time zones).

      The reason for these silly date differences is all about shipment dates to brick and mortar stores right? Somehow all the main U.S. chains get their shipments in on tuesdays and I guess the Europeans get theirs on fridays? What a bother. I quit going to Gamestop when they continually harassed me about not pre-ordering when I’d go in to buy a game (not to mention the ever-shrinking PC shelf).

      How is it the industry can be so beholden to these places in this day of rapidly increasing digital distribution? And if a sale is a sale, what should a publisher care if it’s sold in a retail shop, or through Steam? I’ve heard the argument made that the brick and mortars leverage shelf space to keep these deals in place. That they won’t stock the publisher’s games resulting in less “mom off the street” sales. But you can’t tell me Gamestop isn’t going to carry the next Modern Duty: Call of Gray game.

      Anyway, this American supports No Oceans, even if I currently get (most) games first.

  4. Tom OBedlam says:

    Hahahahahaha

  5. KingKrapp says:

  6. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Um. Yeah.. not that funny. And what’s a few months when the hardcore fans (supposedly there are a few) have been waiting for how many years again? :P

  7. JonasKyratzes says:

    I think it’s rather funny, myself.

  8. heretic says:

    I hope they don’t cut the arse slapping, no buy if so!

  9. Sentzy says:

    Didn’t see that one coming!

  10. Valvarexart says:

    Should we be surprised?

  11. DanPryce says:

    Doesn’t surprise me in the least. It’s annoying, but not surprising.

  12. Navagon says:

    I think I know what caused this. The team behind it are suffering from a psychological block brought on by the fact that actually completing the game has become incomprehensible to them.

  13. noclip says:

    Good marketing.

  14. Yanko says:

    I didn’t know if I should get pissed off, or if I should laugh hysterically. So it kinda balanced itself out and I just watched it with a smirk. But props for them sending the news that that way!

  15. xfxian says:

    Relax guys, they probably just changed to another engine…

    • patricij says:

      back to Quake II, then?*

      ————
      *I know, I know…it’s been never supposed to be on this engine, it was only a prototype for the E3 Show…but it’s better than “back to Unreal engine 2 generations ago”

  16. Nathan says:

    I wish they’d waited a week and announced it on April 1. Possibly the only thing that could have made it even more hilarious.

  17. frags says:

    Duke Never Comes Early? really Gearbox?

    • Centy says:

      Fits with the overall infantile theme of the game doesn’t it.

    • Urael says:

      Mm, yes, I see what they did there. But I’m not sure that banging away for ten years is doing any favours either. That’s how boredom sets in and everyone goes off and does something more interesting instead.

    • TillEulenspiegel says:

      EA’s marketing campaign for Dragon Age cleverly disguised the fact that it was actually a decent game, not a sex simulator for adolescent boys. With DNF, well…I’m way too old to care. Doesn’t that kind of immature obsession typically disappear after you lose your virginity?

      DNF was more fun when it was perpetual vaporware, the carnival sideshow attraction.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      No, because Star Wars nerds that liked the prequels… because… surely…

      oh my god

      You’re right.

    • Big Murray says:

      “EA’s marketing campaign for Dragon Age cleverly disguised the fact that it was actually a decent game, not a sex simulator for adolescent boys.”

      EA had a marketing campaign for Dragon Age?

    • Saiko Kila says:

      Not sure about actual marketing campaign, but EA certainly had a marketing budget for Dragon Age. It is said to be over 60% of total costs of the game.

    • negativedge says:

      why I never! me and my stuffy suit are going home! the outrage!

  18. Mister_Inveigler says:

    At least they made an effort to get a laugh out of us.
    Hopefully it’s a good delay in the end…

  19. Flappybat says:

    It sounded from previews like it could have used a bigger delay for more polish.

  20. Icarus says:

    Give me a few moments to prepare a proper expression of shock.

  21. dethtoll says:

    AAAAAAAARRRRGUERPEUOPWAWAWAWA

  22. Unaco says:

    That’s it, I’ve had enough. This is the straw that has finally broken the Camel’s back! 14 years after placing my pre-order, 14 years of patient waiting while they went through different game engines and different design paths and different studios and different drug addictions, 14 years of joy whenever a release date was given, a few screenshots thrown out to us and news that the game would maintain x or y or z, followed by the crushing disappointment whenever the release date slipped and the words “another year” or “another 18 months” were mentioned. 14 years of that.

    And now this. This is too much, even for me. My pre-order is now cancelled, and I’m finally giving up on this game… I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore! I’m going to buy BulletStorm.

    Duke is dead to me.

  23. cjlr says:

    Fucking called it.

  24. el_Chi says:

    Of all games likely to get whored out all over Torrentzville, DNF has got to be the biggest tart in town.
    To counter this, they stick a four-day release gap on it, just for funsies.

    Shine on you crazy diamonds.

  25. cg says:

    I am Laughing Out Loud after reading this story on The Internet.

  26. mbp says:

    I am tempted to vote stunt but a 1 day delay would have been enough of a marketing stunt.

    Is it getting close enough now that we can indulge in a bit of Duke nostalgia?

    Duke 3D had:

    The best weapons ever in an FPS: The freeze ray and the shrinker were obviously epic but even the humble pistol was ten times more powerful than pistols in other games and what about Duke’s boot?

    The rudest monsters ever in a video game: A mob who fires missiles out of its ass. It’s not clear whether it is front bottom or rear bottom but does it really matter?

    The most disgusting monsters ever in a video game: I still have nightmares about those slime things.

    • Multidirectional says:

      Yes, the collection of weapons is indeed awesome as is the “mighty foot” (I’m hearing DNF won’t have it anymore, for whatever stupid reason). And it’s also the fact that you can carry a whole bunch of these weapons at the same time needing to quickly switch between them when it’s appropriate. That alone makes me almost sure DN3D will remain superior to DNF and I’ll come back right to it after finishing this sequel. The thing that it will also be adjusted for gamepads pretty much ensures a much slower gameplay. In short – I won’t feel nearly as manly playing DNF as I feel playing DN3D.

    • Sigma Draconis says:

      At least one of those little Protozoid Slimer bastards manages to shock me any time I decide to make a run of Duke Nukem 3D. It’s barely a threat compared to other enemies by the time you encounter it (PZ does little damage when it attacks you and is easily dispatched), it’s when I suddenly see its mouth creep up to the center of the screen that makes me jump.

    • DJ Phantoon says:

      The boot? Honestly, I’ve never played Duke Nukem 3D. I played most of the ones before it (they were hard.)

      Does this mean Bulletstorm is the successor because it has a boot?

  27. Out Reach says:

    I somehow can’t see the international release being before the US… When it says June 10th does it mean 2012?

  28. Tei says:

    Obligatory “Better not rush this one” comment.

  29. Lobotomist says:

    L O L

  30. Narretz says:

    Surprise release on the 1st of April incoming. That would be the best, but they couldn’t keep it a secret anyway, and it would be horrible from a sales position.

  31. Marshall Stele says:

    Hey Valve! You can STILL sneak in Episode 3 before DNF if you try hard enough!

    • MadTinkerer says:

      Aw, you ninja’d me to the joke I was going to make. :)

    • phuzz says:

      shhhh, there’s still half a chance that DNF will be out before Portal 2 (if P” gets massively delayed, this is Valve we’re talking about). And still good odds it’ll be out before Black Mesa…

  32. Multidirectional says:

    So who thinks this will lead to bankruptcy of Gearbox followed by DNF receiving a “studio killer” achievement? The legend of Duke will live on FOREVER, reminding us that he is just too fucking Alpha for these chickenshit studios to handle.

  33. drewski says:

    THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS

  34. Bats says:

    Hahahahaa. Best joke ever. Delayed a bit longer than I’d have liked, but I was pitching for this idea anyway. How could they *not* do this? After all this time, so much tradition? The delay is part of the Duke mythos.

  35. The Pink Ninja says:

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • Scythe says:

      Wow, impressive! You actually broke wordpress.

      Also, this is clearly the beginning of the decline of Gearbox. DNF is a studio killer.

    • gwathdring says:

      I’m impressed.

  36. MistaJah says:

    Alt-text made me laugh out loud. But hey, Duke Nukem Forever is delayed only 1,7% more, not bad.

  37. jon_hill987 says:

    And to think I was going to post this story on my blog on 1st of April…

  38. MadTinkerer says:

    Technically, this (better-be-FINAL) delay is shorter than the two-month Portal 2 delay, without which I could be playing Portal 2 RIGHT NOW.

    But anyway, yeah. I laughed. It would have been even funnier if what’s-his-name-the-voice-of-Duke changed the sign.

  39. Blackseraph says:

    Why is this not allowed to die?

    Is there actually people who are waiting this game?

  40. kyrieee says:

    Who cares? Was anyone gonna buy it anyway?

  41. Walsh says:

    That video is the way to do it, made me laugh.

  42. mollemannen says:

    they probably did this so that they can have a beta for multiplayer. not to work on the game more.

  43. El_MUERkO says:

    Randy is looking slimmer than when I saw him last, he should get Gabe from Valve on his diet!

  44. Juiceman says:

    I’m not surprised or that interested, honestly. The game looks mediocre at best. The only thing that will make this game sell is nostalgia.

    • skyturnedred says:

      Nostalgia is like a drug to PC gamers, so should be fine.

    • JohnnyMaverik says:

      This is true, the BF:BC2 SP campaign upset me so much I’m now limiting myself to old school point and clicks for the next few months. It’s like a detox with puzzles… bad puzzles most of the time but puzzles all the same.

  45. Grape Flavor says:

    OH NOES OH MY GOD

    4 DAYS GAP SO UNFAIR I CANT TAKE IT INTERNET HAS NO OCEANS RAAAAAAAGE

    THIS IS AN OUTRAGE GRRRR

    THIS IS WHY PEOPLE PIRATE DAMMIT THIS IS WHY
    I FEEL JUSTIFIED PIRATING NOW ITS GEARBOX OWN FAULT

    • bleeters says:

      I’m content to accept staggered release dates when someone gives me a convincingly sensible reason why, in an era of unprecidented globalisation, they still exist and I should not find this infuriating.

      Whether or not you view it as justification to pirate things is up to you. I personally don’t, but it’s hardly going to dissuade people.

    • Malibu Stacey says:

      I would check the batteries in your sarcasm detector bleeters if I were you.

    • Wulf says:

      It only took one late game for you to snap? We must be made of sterner stuff! We’ve been putting up with that for years.

      *gives Grape Flavour consolatory pats.*

      *notes that his sarcasm detector is working perfectly, too.*

  46. limbclock says:

    What? International people are getting the game BEFORE the Americans :O

    What is this devil magic.

  47. Dawngreeter says:

    This is a good announcement. Well done people, that’s how you stay true to the source material.

  48. Daiv says:

    Duke is in bed, and he’s cuddled up to his shotgun in a rather too intimate way. Are YOU going to wake him up to get him out of bed for release day?

    I thought not.

  49. Teddy Leach says:

    Oh. I wanted the release date to be the first of April. Then it could have been revealed to be an elaborate April Fool’s joke.

  50. brulleks says:

    They should have done a ‘We’re Sorry’ ad along the lines of Southpark’s BP ones. But without Pitchford naked, of course.