Spotlight On Biscuit – Homefront Multiplayer

By Quintin Smith on March 28th, 2011 at 3:47 pm.

Bourbon is an anagram of Boob Urn, just fyi

Another week, another Spotlight On Biscuit, wherein we direct you to one of prodigious gaming commenter Total Biscuit’s videos for the week, and also discuss a biscuit. This week, it’s Homefront Multiplayer and the humble Bourbon biscuit.

I wouldn’t say I’m starting to regret this idea just yet, but I have realised that there are more weeks in the year than biscuits that I could name. Hm.

Unlike wine gums, so named because they were originally made with wine (fact!), the Bourbon biscuit is not named after an alcoholic beverage. It’s actually named after the House of Bourbon, a former French Royal lineage. Which isn’t to say you couldn’t enjoy a Bourbon biscuit with a glass of nourbon, but I think you’d be better off making yourself a coffee, adding a shot of bourbon to that, and then having that with a Bourbon biscuit.

Of course, who could be disappointed – or, indeed, surprised – that the Bourbon biscuit is named after a royal family? The dark, rich flavour of the Bourbon could only bear a noble heritage.

Anyway, here’s Total Biscuit taking a look at Homefront’s multiplayer. Our John’s already decided that the single player was nob, so could the multiplayer save it? Erm. No, basically.

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105 Comments »

  1. President Weasel says:

    I am no fan of the bourbon biscuit.

    • Urael says:

      They’re even more bland than the custard cream. They taste of nothing bar the vaguest hint of chocolate – like they might have been in the same factory as some but at the other end of the building – and broken dreams.

      Oh for a biscuit that actually tastes of Bourbon. My teeth would fall out within the year.

    • SanguineAngel says:

      I am disgusted by you two. The Bourbon is a fine example of biscuity goodness. And my favourite which is a scientific fact and irrefutable proof of it’s greatness.

    • Ian says:

      Heathens.

    • Temple to Tei says:

      I think we know where Urael is coming from: ‘even more bland than the custard cream’ is an obvious troll fisher-of-men.

      Though he does redeem with the bourbon basically just being good friends with another biscuit that knows some chocolate. The bourbon has to be approached from a non-expectation of chocolate angle to not-not-satisfy and then it is quite filling and important in the biscuit hierarchy.

    • Urael says:

      Troll?? Moi??

      I TROLL NOT! I am offended, sir!

      Bourbons are horrible. So there! Bourbons and Custard Creams are what they made during the war when resources were scare but when they became not scare the biscuit people forgot to go back and sort these two relics out. That’s my story and I defy anyone to argue with it without referencing the Internet.

      Also, this is awesome: http://bit.ly/3794am

    • Alethron says:

      Bourbon – the biscuit of champions

    • westyfield says:

      Bourbons are ok, but they are nothing compared to the majesty of the ginger biscuit.
      Bow before its herby throne!

    • Temple to Tei says:

      @Urael And now I am most confused in my challenge to you.
      For ‘When the wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt, and with ignominy reproach’ and yet…. and yet you show me to the promised land/website. Not only a scientifically review of a bourbon, but iconified searches and well mannered replies raises it to the stratosphere.
      Why it has the MILK CLUB featured as biscuit of the week on its front page! With a good history of the foreign influence on the once mighty Jacob’s Club and the loss of the milk variety.

      Honestly this weekly TB thread needs to include this link every week, Quintin your work is done for you: http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/

    • jon_hill987 says:

      The best biscuit of all time is the dark chocolate (not milk) covered HobNob.

    • bill says:

      You should be careful of criticising biscuits. It’s not until they are gone that you realise what you have.

      Japan has some amazing food, but it was one of the happiest days of my life when I found a shop selling custard creams, ginger biscuits, bourbons and digestives. The four pillars of the biscuit world. It was basically the only thing i missed about the UK.

  2. Vague-rant says:

    Personally, I’m looking forward to the noble custard cream.

    Oh and more of Total Biscuits videos.

    • frenz0rz says:

      Aah the humble custard cream; wise pharaoh of biscuits, sitting atop the biscuit pyramid and passing judgment on all the lesser biscuits.

      In other news, I prefer biscuits to candyfloss.

    • Starky says:

      The custard cream is a false god, the one high biscuit is the Hobnob!
      King of all lesser biscuits.
      Bother to the mighty digestive, and son to the elder god and former ruler of biscuits the Rich Tea.

      But soon will see the rise of the shortcake, casting off it’s stigma at being half cake and half biscuit – and with his Jaffa allies cast down all gods in a mighty war to end all wars!

    • Xercies says:

      I wonder if the Anzac is big enough to be a big god or its just a cult God, if its a cult god then i wear my robes with honour because I love that biscuit…especially when its all soft and gooey. Basically its the only biscuit that gets BETTER the longer you leave it out in the air.

  3. Jhoosier says:

    You could expand it to include the American definition of biscuit. That would get you another 3, 4 weeks, tops.

    • Berzee says:

      Flaky, Bob Evans, and Miscellaneous.

    • bob_d says:

      Buttermilk, cream, and… hmm, well, I suppose you could go by flavor for several months worth.
      Plus there are more than enough varieties of what we Yanks call (after the Dutch) “cookies” to make up several years worth of weeks.

    • Berzee says:

      True. What confuses me most is…are these brand names, or are these types of biscuits? If they are brand names, are there any off-brand competitors?

      I’ve no idea if these biscuit discussions are similar to people talking about Chocolate Chip Cookies versus Oatmeal Raising Cookies, or more like people comparing Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies to Keebler Chocolate Chunk Chocolate Chip Cookies.

    • Some_Guy says:

      biscuts from foreing counteries would add more time, aslo apole for ultimate biscut would work

    • MikoSquiz says:

      Google Image Search may be your friend here, Berzee. :)

    • Berzee says:

      But YOU are steadfastly refusing to be my friend!

      Also, Google image search tells me nothing, because the biscuits do indeed look entirely uniform, yet the nice cup of tea and a sit down website suggests multiple brands of bourbon biscuit. I am confused by your inscrutable customs.

  4. TheApologist says:

    The bourbon is the finest of the biscuits. Satisfying to eat, to dunk, and even to say its name – it is, unarguably, the noblest of its sweet, crumbly kin.

  5. Spork says:

    Mmm bourbon, too good for this. Homefront goes better with pink wafers.

    You’ll have to save the custard cream for something really special.

  6. Giant, fussy whingebag says:

    The wikipedia biscuit category says it has 95 pages total. Some of these are things you do with biscuits (e.g. dunking – although why one would ruin a perfectly good biscuit and a perfectly good cup of tea at the same time I will never understand), however, and one of the pages is dog biscuit. Still, accounting for such things, there’s probably more than 52 different biscuits listed there.

    Problem solved!

    • TheApologist says:

      Dunking is a completely valid way to live my life. If you are ruining cups of tea, you just aren’t doing it right.

    • Giant, fussy whingebag says:

      You’re welcome to it. Indeed it is valid. I just don’t understand it.

      It ruins the tea for me, by the way, because the sweetness of the biscuit in my mouth then makes the tea seem more bitter, ruining my carefully balanced tea:milk:sugar ratio.

      Also… wet biscuit?

    • Colonel J says:

      Or, indeed Soggy Biscuit

      Perhaps that could be the RPS award for worst DRM.

    • Berzee says:

      Well, obviously you shouldn’t be ruining cups of tea because you should be dunking in a tall frosty glass of milk.

    • Berzee says:

      Also when I was four years old I thought it was great to dunk shortbread cookies into my bathwater.

    • Giant, fussy whingebag says:

      See, now dunking in milk definitely makes a lot more sense to me. Nothing is ruined, except through carelessness if you over-dunk. Still, I prefer to have a cup of tea and then some nice tasty biscuits after…

    • tomeoftom says:

      Childhood favourite: biting off both ends of a Tim-Tam, then placing one end in milk and then sucking the milk up through the biscuit in order to saturate it from the inside out. Ridiculously tasty. Also, why have Tim-Tams not been mentioned yet? Do Britons not get them? ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Tam ) If so, you folks are in so much agony that you are as yet unaware of.

    • Oak says:

      Also when I was four years old I thought it was great to dunk shortbread cookies into my bathwater.

      Dude, there’s some stuff you just don’t say.

    • Bhazor says:

      Reply to Tomeoftom
      I prefer the demonstration by Natalie Imbruglia. Yum.

      Also the biscuits are nice as well.

      In Britain we have a very similar biscuit/chocolate bar called a Penguin.

    • stahlwerk says:

      Milk + Prinzenrolle were responsible for my pre-pubescent chubbiness. But it was totally worth it.

    • Temple to Tei says:

      I’m with Oak, Berzee just… no.

    • Unaco says:

      @Tomeoftom

      According to the (always reliable) Wikipedia page for the Penguin biscuit… “The Tim Tam produced by Arnott’s in Australia was based on the Penguin”

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penguin_(biscuit)

      In fact, there’s even a reference for that claim… http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/04/17/1050172707606.html

    • TheApologist says:

      a) dunking in milk would mean drinking milk without tea. Beyond one’s infancy, milk is a liquid whose sole purpose is to enhance tea.
      b) I suggest you start trying to see the slight sweetening of the tea as a benefit. You get all the benefits of sugar in your tea without actually adding sugar! Think of it as calorific efficiency.
      c) By dunking the biscuit, it becomes a wonderfully complex textural sensation – it’s hot and cool, soft and crunchy, moist and dry all at the same time.
      Bliss.

    • Berzee says:

      Re: the slight sweetening of the tea. I believe the complaint was not that the biscuit sweetens the tea, but that eating the biscuit at the same time as the tea makes the tea seem too bitter by comparison.

    • TheApologist says:

      Hmmm…you’re right. The solution is clearly to dunk more biscuits thus further sweetening the tea.

      Persistence is so lacking in the young and the non-dunking.

    • Berzee says:

      That’s very true. I have even gone so far as to fill a small mug with 1 part milk, 2 parts oreos (so about 6 oreos with milk poured over them) and then just stir it until it’s slushy. THAT is when you know you have dunked enough.

    • jon_hill987 says:

      Wait, people put sugar in tea?

      *shudders*

    • MikoSquiz says:

      The “Biscuits” category doesn’t even include the Bastogne, which is clearly the god emperor incarnate of all things it is possible to enjoy with a hot drink. What, is it considered a “cookie” instead or something?

    • Starky says:

      You must be foreign.

      The only correct way to drink (blended English breakfast) tea is with milk and sugar. Brewed so strong you can stand the spoon up in it.

      Leave the “mild infusion” or herbal bollocks to you heathens and savages.

      Or, if you’re a posh southern ponce* you can drink earl grey.

      (*a phrase which describes one of my heroes – Stephen fry, a description I’m sure he’d agree with, hehe.)

    • TheApologist says:

      @Berzee

      That sounds filthy. I love it.

  7. DanPryce says:

    You can always broaden your definition of biscuit. I won’t get angry if you start resorting to Mr. Kiplings slices.

  8. Stupoider says:

    Christ, there’s no escaping this, is there? It’s like everyone I know watches his videos, but I don’t particularly fancy them and he has an awkward voice. Much like Jeremy Clarkson.

  9. Orija says:

    Not cynical enough for me.

  10. The Promised Landt says:

    Wollt ihr den totalen Biscuit?

  11. diebroken says:

    Definitely no Jammy Dodgers here…

    • 4026 says:

      Yup, okay, that wins it. No need to continue the biscuit posts now. I’m surprised it’s taken this long for this pun to turn up, to be honest.

      You could say it… takes the biscuit.

      Nah, it’s not working, is it? Sorry everyone.

    • DanPryce says:

      No worries. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles, dude.

    • Starky says:

      God could you guys be any more crummy, such a bunch of hobnobs.

  12. Navagon says:

    I take it the McVitie’s Chocolate Digestive will be reserved for the game deemed Game of the Year?

    • Zakski says:

      Surely you mean Mcvities Chocolate Hobnob

    • Aninhumer says:

      Dark Chocolate Hobnob

    • Navagon says:

      Chocolate Caramel Digestive!

    • Temple to Tei says:

      That is practically a chocolate bar and has long since stopped being a biscuit.
      (why is the biscuit thread the one I feel I most have to comment on and correct people’s misconceptions)

    • Daniel Rivas says:

      Chocolate Hobnob? You should be ashamed of yourself.

      Deviant.

    • Stompywitch says:

      The chocolate caramel digestive is practically a twix.

      Got some shortbread chocolate chip cookies downstairs though, and they’re not the best thing in the world, but I’m certainly going to break some out later on!

  13. Chris D says:

    If you’re looking for an entry level chocolate flavour biscuit the bourbon is the way to go. Biscuits that try to do something that looks like actual chocolate on a budget are inevitably disappointing affairs.

    By eschewing the glossy finish the bourbon is able to focus on delivering a very satisfying and tactile experience. It’s not going to be able to compete in the big leagues but it’s not really attempting to.

    This is not one of your “Pay £1.50 for 6 biscuits, cunningly laid out to make it look like there are more of them than there actually are” biscuits. No, this is one of your “Get practically an entire meal’s worth out of whatever change you could find down the back of the sofa” biscuits.

    Other biscuits trade off their looks and will let you down. The bourbon wears it’s “best value” packaging with pride and quietly delivers every time. Long live the humble Bourbon!

  14. Nimic says:

    Total Biscuit is NOT Yahtzee, nor does he try to be. I love Yahtzee, but TB does more than him. For one, he commentates Starcraft 2, been at a few big events.

  15. Moni says:

    Blimey, a sandwich biscuit again? The humble solo biscuit is under-represented by RPS.

    • Jhoosier says:

      Really? I’m pretty sure it comes in non-sandwich varieties. At least, I’m pretty sure I’ve come across some that are singles. Maybe I don’t buy enough biscuits in Europe.

    • Temple to Tei says:

      The bourbon cannot be a single biscuit.
      Two vaguely chocolate coloured biscuits with a vaguely chocolate tasting cream in the middle.
      Yet still nice.

  16. Unaco says:

    “the humble Bourbon biscuit”… “It’s actually named after the House of Bourbon, a former French Royal lineage.” The Bourbon (or Borbon) line still reigns in Spain.

    Yeah… I’m going to disagree with the characterisation of ‘humble’ applied to the Bourbon biscuit. Each one is made of multiple parts, sandwiched together with fondant, and possibly even sprinkled lightly with sugar. That’s not humble… that’s actually quite complex and decadent. The Rich Tea, the Digestive, the Hob-Nob, the plain Highland Shortbread… these biscuits are humble. But not the Bourbon Cream.

  17. Starky says:

    To be fair, TB has been “doing a Yahtzee” for about 4-5 years before Yahtzee even existed.

  18. Kirioth says:

    By “Yahtzee type 1 minute wonders” do you actually mean “English guys reviewing games over the course of half an hour or so”?

    Because if not, you must be commenting on the wrong article.

  19. Jhoosier says:

    The first time didn’t work, so you came back for another bite at trolling. Says something about your attention-seeking, doesn’t it?

  20. TotalBiscuit says:

    You seem really upset about videos on the internet

  21. Fwiffo says:

    You could’ve looked the fella up before you said that. Total Biscuit has been going a multitude of good things for game players for a very long time. In fact I’d say that Yahtzee is the inferior of the two.

  22. Fwiffo says:

    I hate to be the culture traitor but I’m only really partial to Oreos these days. Don’t be offended though I’m only really a biscuit dabbler. I’m a crisp man.

    • Temple to Tei says:

      Then your opinion does not count and hopefully a mod can edit away your comment.
      Was there a game mentioned in this post? I don’t remember.

  23. KikiJiki says:

    He does appear rather mad brethren

  24. tomeoftom says:

    I eagerly await the Milk Arrowroot. Oh, yes, the game. Derivative, in a saturated market!

    • Temple to Tei says:

      Ok, now I want one of them as well (by one I mean as much of a pack as I would eat before thinking ‘I should stop eating these’).

      All I have are M&S Rocky Road bites and well they are a bit light.

      Hmm, stayed late at work last Friday to read the DA:O thread.
      Staying late today to read the biscuit one.

  25. ReV_VAdAUL says:

    I’m having the same problem with these videos I have with other quick looks and such. If the person doing the v/o likes the game, as was the case last week with Section 8 Prejudice I get bored. However this week with TB not liking the game quite as much and having constructive criticism and stuff I found it much more interesting.

    So I guess my enjoyment is directly inverse to the video maker’s enjoyment. I’m a monster :(

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      It takes great skill to critique a good game, as your ability to judge is often overshadowed by your enjoyment, and greater insight comes only in retrospect.

      Truly bad games can be panned in five minutes, and often entertainingly so.

      (Another reason might be that watching someone playing a good game only makes you want to play it more, so the video itself quickly loses its draw)

    • ReV_VAdAUL says:

      That makes a lot of sense. Thankyou for pointing that out.

    • Thants says:

      There’s a reason the MST3K guys didn’t talk over good movies (Well, besides licensing fees).

  26. Aninhumer says:

    @Starky
    Yahtzee also existed long before he started doing Zero Punctuation.

  27. Stylosa says:

    Lol, just lol.

    I don’t even know what to say in response to this. TB produces high quality video content day in day out. I know how long it takes to produce even 15 minuets worth of footage with my limited YouTube experience on the unit lost channel. You have to factor in all kinds of encode and upload times, it takes hours. Not to mention all the time failed YouTube uploads suck away, bastards!

    Yahtzee knocks out a few clips a month, there’s no comparison at all.

  28. Malawi Frontier Guard says:

    Please, show a bit more effort in your trolling.

    Start by writing three paragraphs about a subject of your choice, then add your sentence at the very end.

  29. stahlwerk says:

    Wow, inverted reply fail.

    Reposting…

    Also your post is bad. And wrong.

  30. stahlwerk says:

    I wouldn’t say I’m starting to regret this idea just yet, but I have realised that there are more weeks in the year than biscuits that I could name. Hm. Hey Quinns, Wikipedia got you covered (in dark, tasty chocolate):
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Biscuits_(British_style) has 95 biscuits, that’s almost two years worth of baked goodness.

    Edit: what the hell? How did I ignore that very same link up there ^^^^

    Apologies, Giant Fussy Whingebag, I’m not back to my usual form yet, had an exhausting weekend and all that.

  31. Daniel Rivas says:

    Where is Total Biscuit from? His accent intrigues me, perhaps because I am nob at placing accents.

  32. Joshua says:

    I love it how biscuits are waaay more interesting then Homefront MP :D

    • Dominic White says:

      Pretty much. It looks like the soulless, broken hate-baby of Bad Company 2 & Modern Warfare 2, and as such renders itself completely uninteresting.

    • Stylosa says:

      Such a fantastically poetic description of my thoughts Dom! Get out my head you mind thief.

  33. Bhazor says:

    In summary
    Biscuits > Games

  34. Mr Wonderstuff says:

    Recently discovered Total Buscuit…and he’s a decent chap. Must be hard commenting on a game whilst playing it. I’ve subscribed to his youtube stuff.

    • stahlwerk says:

      I’m pretty sure he records his voice over the video and goes off a script. Or, as speaketh the pro: He dubbes it inne poste.

  35. spindaden says:

    So that this excellent feature that combines 2 of my greatest passions may run and run, may I suggest you do your homework Quinns:

    Recommended reading for any student of biscuitry:
    http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/

    Particularly their archive here

  36. Starky says:

    @Aninhumer

    No not really, he existed as Ben Crowshaw pre Zero Punctuation, but he hadn’t really taken on the handle Yahtzee in any significant public medium or usage.
    He’d made a few games with a character using that name, but he’d certainly not taken on the persona we all know and love or hate.

    @Stylosa
    I’d hardly call what Yahtzee does as “knocking out a few clips per month” – what he does is incredibly hard, that he does it so well is why it looks easy and why so many people try to clone him and fail awfully.

    First it is very, very hard to be consistently funny, it takes a great deal of talent at writing to manage it – like it or not, it’s hard as hell to be intelligent and vulgar at the same time.

    It’s the difference between A bit of Fry and Laurie, and Roy Chubby Brown.

    I’d wager for each vid he makes he writes a dozen or so drafts at his script.

    He also animates them, which despite who deceptively simple it looks, even in a style like he uses is quite difficult and time consuming.

  37. DigitalSignalX says:

    *with rotund buttocks planted firmly on American soil, watching this tea, milk, biscuit and/or cookie fetish with slack jawed wonder*

    Oh I do love me some Cynical Brit, especially the latest Crysis Single Player vid – which does indeed compensate for the poor multiplayer.

  38. amishmonster says:

    I was saying boob urns!

    /hansmoleman

  39. ChampionHyena says:

    Oh, just make TB a part of the Hive Mind. You know you want to.

  40. Oak says:

    Guess how many lemon chalet cremes I ate today for a chance to win some signed MS Paint artwork inspired by my self-loathing.

    • pilot13 says:

      None. Your self-loathing manifested itself in an eating disorder.

  41. Baines says:

    To talk about the video instead of a biscuit…

    Did anyone else find fault in the complaint of snipers? Yes, snipers can be annoying, particularly when you get a group that camp for killstreak rewards instead of trying to achieve a game’s objective…

    On the idea that snipers don’t contribute to taking objectives, a good sniper should be contributing by denying the other team from taking objectives. If the commenter wants to single out snipers as the great evil, then why doesn’t he have a problem with attack choppers or drones? Choppers aren’t going to take an objective on their own either, but he doesn’t mind using them.

    He keeps talking about how the game works best if your side works as a team. But when he is sniped while trying to knife another sniper, he complains about one sniper covering another. That seemed like an example of decent teamwork to me.

    He repeatedly mentions having multiple load-outs to handle different stages of a battle, but uses the same assault rifle style of play on a low cover map as he used on a high cover map, and then complains about how snipers dominate that map. Why not practice some teamwork by switching to a sniper and eliminating the other team’s snipers? This becomes more silly when he seemingly devotes himself to hunting snipers with his assault rifle.

    And honestly, for someone who seems to hate the idea of snipers, he spends a decent amount of time using his assault rifle like a sniper rifle, trying to pick enemies off at long range (and with a silenced gun, no less). The main difference between him and the snipers is that he has to fire more bullets to get a kill and he’s using ironsights instead of a scope. (He even wanders off near the end of the first map battle to start sniping people.)

    Ultimately even if the snipers are overpowered, it comes off as a guy who on principle just doesn’t want sniper rifles in his assault rifle game.