Rock, Paper, Shotgun

You don’t visit, you don’t write, you don’t even sodding call for two years, Maxwell, and then without warning you send us a photo of you in the dark, looking all mucky and miserable, and another picture of some squinty bloke with a gun? We can’t even see your face, Max, and you look as though you’re about to shoot your own feet. Charming. Thanks, Max. Thanks ever so, yeah?

“He’s coming,” Rockstar say. Really? I thought it was just the way he was standing.

In theory, this is still due on PC – it was at least originally announced for it. Rockstar seem to have given up on this platform lately, but let’s keep the faith for Fat Max anyway. You can see the other pic below.
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We all react differently the first time we learn there’s a game called Cargasm. Jim’s reaction last August was to demand that Twitter come up with other ‘gasm names. Mine was to go into denial until there was video evidence. There is now video evidence.

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Just saw this over at PC Gamer- Blizzard has announced that the 4.1 patch for World of Warcraft will, in addition to updating the Zul’Gurub and Zul’Aman instanced dungeons for level 85 players, be giving players some encouragement to hurry up, put on some big boy pants and join a guild already, because there’ll be extra experience points and gold to be had. Details after the jump.
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FEAR 3, they say, is going to have a story. Let me guess: annoyed girl makes spooky things happen to a man? Well, you can see just how right I am by watching the new story trailer below. I’ll watch it now…

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Oh, there’s a story to these BF3 videos? OK, then! I just like watching stuff explode.
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The second trailer for Telltale’s Jurassic Park game has come stomping and snorting onto the internet (you can see the first here), and it features a lot of Telltale types confirming that they’re dropping their traditional point’n'click formula like a hot stone for something more action-heavy. A guy totally gets skewered by a horned dinosaur in the trailer below! Top stuff. Triceratops, specifically.

Telltale also talk about the new, never-before-seen dinosaur they’re bringing to Jurassic Park for the first time. What could it be, do you think? I was hoping for the Protarchaeopteryx but was disappointed.
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Back in the late 90s, EA rereleased Ultima IV as freeware. Sort of. If you didn’t download it from an officially authorised host, you’re still technically committing piracy – even though the game is indeed freely available. It’s a long story, documented exhaustively here, but the sudden upshot of it is that EA are cracking down on sites that have been hosting it for bloomin’ ages. Unfortunately, this has also affected a number of ambitious and long-standing fan mods and remakes.

Why? And why now?
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Rift’s updates have begun, and with 1.1 comes the “dynamic event” River Of Souls, which is some kind of invasion by “the plane of death”, aka the undead faction. There’s a video to illustate the goings on (below) it’s all a bit dramatic, with giants, and an skeletal dragon, and some woman talking about weak flesh. Exciting stuff.

Not sure about that voice acting, though. Hmm. Anyone playing Rift? Come on, hands up.
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Last week, very little happened on the mod scene, aside from all those School Shooter shenanigans. This week, every mod in the world has received an update. No, seriously. Count them. Read on in order to do so, and to take a look at the most interesting happenings on the mod scene over the past seven days.
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Ah, this reminds me of how we excitedly documented each and every Team Fortress 2 patch a couple of years ago. There’s a point only a few games attain, when the level of interest and enthusiasm is so high that even a hint of additional features is enough to make a headline. In Minecraft’s case, it’s still very much an evolving game, with almost no-one (and quite possibly actually no-one) really sure what its final form will be.

What we do know is that it will at least includes wolves, movable respawn points, a stats and achievements system and the delightful promise of proper modding support. Also, merchandise.
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Aha! Here is a splendid bit of news to end the/my day with: Hoard, the game in which you play a dragon attempting to gather treasure for his, uh, hoard, has a demo out. Here it is. It looks like a right old knees up, with up to four players competing as to burn villages, kidnaps princesses, and otherwise do fantasy cliché to the kingdom they find themselves in.

Cheers to everyone who pointed this out.