By Quintin Smith on May 26th, 2011 at 11:05 pm.
The following was just sent in to the RPS twitter account by a Mr. GibletHead2000:
‘You really need to cover “Japan World Cup“. GOTY? Probably. Japanese, but you’ll figure it out.’
He’s right, you know. On all counts. And that’s all I’m willing to say about it. Don’t worry if you don’t speak a word of Japanese, just go and place your bets in the Japan World Cup.
What.
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I played it. The Witcher 2 was better.
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It’s time to stop beating a dead horse.
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Yes, we need to start beating the sexy pink one.
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Yup. It’s Japanese alright. Tandem horses, Elvis Presley horse hairstyle. check and check.
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So, I think I bet on a horse with a huge blonde quiff and chopper handles. I was second right up till a dominatrix somehow made all the other jockeys strip and stand on their horses, gyrating.
Huh.
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I thought it’s for wii. I was watching it on youtube lol
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I don’t speak or read Japanese. Can someone tell me what I am supposed do with the thing that looks a bit like a snake eating the world? It tries to bite the cursor and when I click on it someone delivers fish to my door.
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this is the best comment i have ever read.
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Don’t worry, it’s all part of the Japan World Cup ARG
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i somehow was able to fumble my way into a race
that was uhh..
that was something
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I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Elephant with horse-head on its trunk? What.
What.
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PLACE BETS NOW…
BANZAI!!!
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Thank you for reminding me of that show
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I have no idea what is going on, but my god I could not stop laughing at the “horses”
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Also, volume 3: http://www.jra-jwc.jp/vol3/
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and, remarkably enough, as well as vols 2 and 3 there’s also volume 1:
http://www.jra-jwc.jp/vol1/
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Seriously, Vol3 had everyone in my office dying of laughter. Go, bet, laugh, die happy. That is all I can say.
Thanks Japan.
Thapan.
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Ninja Sniper is my favorite, though I don’t understand why he often turns into what appears to be a tree stump.
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Ninjas turn into tree stumps all the time. They’re just that sneaky. (No, really. It’s a ninja trope.)
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Well that explains that, but it still doesn’t really help him win does it?
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So the first two races the same thing happened, the horse doing the pirouette won and the third time the panda turned into umm robot playing some tune and beating everyone right at the end. I need to lay down..
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Really? In my race the elephant grabbed his rider with his trunk and starting flinging him around in a whirlwind, sending all the other ‘horses’ flying and winning the race.
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YES THAILAND! I knew I could count on you!
I don’t actually know if I bet on you, but I supported your elephant all the way. Even when he used the jockey and his trunk as a propeller.
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“Elvis Presley horse hairstyle”
Oddly enough that wasn’t the first thought that sprung to my mind. Odd looking beast but a cracking racehorse. Won me 480 potatoes in my first race so I will hear nothing against him. Sadly the graphics gave up on me half way through the race so I had to content myself with listening to his victory in Japanese.
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I have no idea what just happened…
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This was…strange. But fun!
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In volume 3 the dominatrix’s have a very unfortunate riding position. Defiinetely GOTY 2011, expect to see this on the RPS o’ calender at the end of the year.
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WTF did i just play?
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This may be the greatest thing ever.
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What strikes me odd is that pretty much all of us have been able to play the game despite not knowing japanese.
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I’m great at this game. I somehow managed to bet on who’d come first and second (French S&M looking chick, dude on normal horse who turns out to run sideways on two legs) and they did! Netting me like a million points or something.
That panda can shift, though.
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I’m blind drunk and what is this?
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I desperately want to call all of your bluffs, and claim youre all making this stuff up.
But.. it IS japanesse, so you could be serious.
>_<
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Oh my god it’s amazing, my panda is too damn slow though. The men on the tandem horse are dancing on the horse, there’s a man tap dancing on a horse which is also tap dancing. the elephant is going mental. MY PANDA WENT MENTAL AT THE END OF THE RACE AND WON IT FOR ME, YES!
This is the game.
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same scenario for me, god bless you robot panda
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Video of this gem in action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vNRcsNqNi8
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While we’re still in crazy Japanese mode, here’s RPS’s beloved Robot Unicorn Attack combined with Nyan Cat.
http://www.nyanicorn.com/
You’re welcome.
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Now we need Robot Ponycorn Nyan Attack though.
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Hah.. nice.
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Bastard Americans and their rocket propelled horse anuses. :(
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I bet all of my money on “Pee Pee Doughnut” and he came in second to last only in front of the fake horse made of a barrel and two dudes in brown body suits.
What.
The.
Damn that Pee Pee Doughnut.
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why does France where high heals while riding?
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Why do the americans do a russian dance?
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Really, you don’t need any words after “Why?”
Because. WHY!?
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I…I mean…I didn’t even know who I was supposed to be cheering for. There was a horse made from an oil drum & then the double jockey horse turned into a rocket whilst its riders Russian danced on its back…and the elephant was…wow. Just…..wow.
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I think the guy on the panda I bet on got shot – errant poacher?! The little pony then jumped from ‘horse’ to ‘horse’ to win (including doing the can-can with the 2 guys on the horse).
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My God that was amazing. The Panda turned mechanical in my race and just beat the elephant/horse with rotating rider. What the hell was the sexy French horse up to? Genius. I’m ‘avin another go.
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How do you like them apples, Cassie?
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http://www.jra-jwc.jp/vol2/wp/1280×1024/f843a2c7c551e47729abb0323fbd9c2946204eb9.jpg
I believe I’ve just won the internet.jp. I’m going home now.
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Right-click, “Set As Desktop Background”.
How did you find that pic? Any other resolutions available?
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Oh yeah. Fumbled through picking the Panda to win, Frenchy to place. Panda rockets in the stretch, Frenchy edges out Hind Legs Head Jockey for a photo finish second. 36 to 1 payout. Loved it and will never ever play it again. Because how could I go anywhere but down?
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My day has just been made.
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I learned the Japanese word for fanfare is fanfare.
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Thank you so much for that Quinns. Had a bit of a shitty day, and to come home and be able to laugh like that was wonderful.
My thought process while playing:
This is a long loading time.
Okay, all in Japanese, but I can fumble my way through the menus somehow.
One of the horses is American. Feeling patriotic, I’ll scroll through until I get to that one.
Japanese, French, Japanese … wait, does that horse have a buffont hairstyle …
What the — American horse is an elongated tandem horse?
Australian pony got a giggle, elephant a chuckle.
Race starts. My Americans start doing that Russian dance on the horse’s back. This is getting better every second.
A horse starts running on its hind legs, forelegs swinging back and forth in the most ludicrous manner possible. I’m genuinely laughing now.
Elvis horse is basically a motorcycle, elephant is going crazy, oh my god that horse is doing pirouettes, go go crazy Russian Americans, no no I’m losing but I can’t stop laughing …
HOLY SHIT American horse has a rocket up its ass and zooms to the front and I’m doubled up roaring with uncontrollable laughter.
I won! This game won! RPS won! It’s a beautiful day!
Thank you again for that.
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I was really sad when my Elvis Presley horse dropped out of the race and seconds later both horse and rider returned in a pink race car and proceded to win the race.
Surprise, wonder, excitement, drama, glory.
GOTY 2011.
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I’ve been reading RPS for over 4 years, and I’ve just registered to say ‘thank you’. Because if THIS weren’t enough to make me register, I honestly don’t know what would – or could – be. Edit: Sadly, Elvis chopper-horse dashed my hopes.
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Tandem horse…, actually I won’t ruin the rest, but this game is just utter epic.
EDIT: I was losing and then and then… my mind just can’t take this!
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I bet on the Australian hobbit mounted on a pony. I was beginning to think that was a bad move until it jumped from ‘horse’ to ‘horse’ and bounced right into first! Huzzah!
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I’m really not sure we have a sufficiently strong grasp of the long term genetic effects of exposure to nuclear weapons…
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If that’s what this is, I say BRING ON ARMAGEDDON!
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What are you talking about? The game is RIGHT THERE.
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nuclear bombs are hilarious guys! i want everyone to stop doing this right now.
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I mean, it’s obviously just one of those “bet on a horse, game chooses random horse to win and then does some animation to go with it” type games, but the production values, and the joyful whimsy that has gone into the character design (or the great many man hours of hard work to simulate same; either way I laughed like muttley a good few times) make it a lovely, pleasing thing.
What a find. Good work, finder of thing.
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I lost it when they started Russian dancing.
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I think I won because my horse finished the race by doing a moving-360 rotation.
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Man, I haven’t laughed this hard for a while. And having played about 12 races I STILL HAVEN’T WON A PENNY!
Also WHAT THE HELL WHAT EVEN IS THIS MY BRAIN OW etc.
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I won my first race, a nose ahead of Elvis-horse in his pink convertible. Aussie Aussie Aussie!
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I pressed some random buttons and doubled my money! Good stuff :D
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Far too late at night for me to be forcing my brain to work now but if people want I can do some translating for you all tomorrow morning.
From the sounds of things, some of the descriptions of these horses are absolutely hilarious.
I’ll get to it once I’ve had some sleep. Guess this technically constitutes revision for my exam next week.. ^^;
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I sort of would like you to, but then part of the charm is not understanding it (from a language perspective, don’t even go on to the rest). I’m also not sure it would translate well (the humour that is).
Ah, what the hell! Please, pretty please translate it!
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I bet on America and won.
Glorious victory!
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Well the dominatrix got naked and I won.
Pretty standard Thursday.
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I was worried when my rider fell from his horse, fortunately both he and the horse then got into a strange pink car and easily won.
Edit: Also there are 3 versions of the race:
http://www.jra-jwc.jp/vol1/
http://www.jra-jwc.jp/vol2/
http://www.jra-jwc.jp/vol3/
The third one is the most ridiculous.
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Thankyou Quinns, and Mr. GibletHead2000. This was wonderful.
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You’re welcome! ;-)
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Wrong thread, but whoever designed Magicka’s single player campaign should be beaten to death and then burned to a crisp. GAAAAAAAAAA
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I tried, and failed, to figure out what to do. Seems my powers of deductive reasoning have failed me, and left to simply bypass the language barrier, I was left wanting.
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Judging by the comments, I need to play this!
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Always bet on the “human” horse!!!!!!!
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….
….
… I–
… Nevermind.
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I was winning until the bloody elephant started using its jockey as a mallet and slammed all the other riders off the track.
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the french girl won, and everyone took off their clothes.. what the..
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This is what happens when you live on an island too long.
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I am confused and scared.
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fucking mental. I had a flutter on the australian donkey, probably wasn’t the smartest punt
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Why is Japan so good at coming up with such bizarre stuff? How come the “out there” stuff we come up with over here is always somehow so much less crazy than Japanese stuff?
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I…
Wha…
Who…
WHAT IS GOING ON
GO LITTLE PANDA DUDE GO.
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This comments thread is so funny.
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I realized that this game’s humor is just like Mad Magazine in the 1950′s (before the Comics Code came around), which just goes to show that Western humor used to have it, but then we banned it, and Japan took the ball and ran with it.
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In the third one, I just lost a race when the ‘yankee’ rider’s supercharger fell off, so he got into one of those huge highly decorated japanese trucks, whose trailer opened up, and there was a singer, and karaoke started, and continued after he won the race, over video of birds and wildlife.
This actually happened.
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Even just reading the comments are making me giggle out loud… :D Game loading – bring it friday.
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Ahh but that horse doesn’t come with chromed exhaust pipes and bad engrish though
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Volume 3, each way on Trojan horse and Bhutan Yeti…
Bunch of 5 down the final few furlongs, Tandem horse blasts off, Elvis get’s his turbo on, Ninja Sniper turns into a parachute, Yeti has both arms whirling, putting in a great burst, Trojan horse going as fast as it’s wheels can…
Yeti puts in a great spurt, takes Elvis on the outside. Chances of some cash! Shame about the trojan..
Then…
Trojans explodes, it’s outer casing flying apart to reveal….. an Elephant! It grabs it’s rider, puts the windmill on, batters Elvis into next week and races over the line with the Yeti just crossing before the tandem rocket crashes down… It’s a winner!!!!
1000 pts bet wins…. 455,600 pts!!!!! I’m rich!!!
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WHAT? My American stretchy horse beat the British fellow on the giraffe, but we both somehow “lost” to the normal horse that started pirouetting down the stretch! I received no points! Is the stretchy horse considered cheating? Is there something untoward about the giraffe? Someone who understands horse racing needs to clear this up for me, immediately!
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Go go Pipi Donuts! Make your father and mother (Pipi Mayonnaise and Good Ketchup) proud!
I have no idea what this says about what the Japanese think of Australia, honestly.
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Right, some translation from vol2 which was originally posted. Not as interesting as I first thought, but this was kinda fun to do. First few are the almost serious ones so I didn’t quite get all the info out.
1. Ginshari boy- “The strongest horse in the world who made Japan proud by winning the first Japan world cup.” Something about the strong always prevailing. Rider is Matsuo Kamasari, some legend or other.. “the real thing”
2.Pink pheremone- “Returning sexily this year too, France’s greatest mare.??. Enchanting stallions and the audience once more. Rider is Sonia’s sister Clementine Zora, even more attractive than her sister. ”
3. Chokusen Bancho- “Dyed blonde for reasons of vanity and in top form. Handlebars offer great control.. Rider former motorcycle gang leader Sorekawa Kimeji.”
4.Hollywood Dreamer- “The dark horse from American competes this year too. An majestically long two-rider type. Run by cutting-edge celebrities who are aiming at the world. The riders are twins, the chikin brothers, who are in a relationship with twin cheerleaders.”
5. Konkon- “The masterpiece of 4000 years of China. A precious Chinese-type with black rings around his eyes. Nobody complains because he is cute. Rider is self-proclaimed 100 year old Li Laochu, hobby is making gyouza.”
6.Pipi Donuts- “The smallest horse in the world, a …thoroughbread. Rider is the most feared child, Carukinn junior. A three year old demon. Main occupation is a pirate. Dressed wearing the skull and crossbones.”
7. Janpo Nanpura- “A large bodied thoroughbred from southeast asia, a heavyweight type. Runs with great sense of stability but his neck is insecure. Rider is Kenyan Muwai Sankon. Has a unique riding style.”
8. Haripoteneji 2.0- “An improved version fixing the weaknesses from before which made it very fragile. Popular on the net but not expected to win. Rider tezukuri tsukitarou would like this to be the time that he” ..does something.
tldr. this game is straight-facedly mental.
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I guess the double jockey horse has a competitive advantage. The front jockey steers the horse, the rear dumps used oil on the track.
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USA WINS by … uh… elongating their tandem-horse and farting all the way to the finishing-line!
Also, elephant-trunk-telescoping its rider across the finishing line to win = PRICELESS!
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Randumb. Not amused. Didn’t anyone else feel this way?
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No.
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What gets me is how much effort has been put into the thing. It seems like production values are pretty good, many variations on the races have been modelled, and the bandwidth charges must be pretty high what with all the streamed video. And there doesn’t appear to be any adverts on it or anything…
Thank you, you crazy Japanese philanthropists.
Unless it’s all some weird viral that we’re not getting due to the language barrier. Anyone here speak Japanese?
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According to Eurogamer: It’s a promo site for WIN5 accumulator betting system on real life horse racing, promoted by the JRA.
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I was fuckin Robbed… Damn you Sasquatch!
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That was just… ambiguous…
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That was awesome. I was greatly amused.
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Nothing in this game is as weird-looking as John McCririck though.
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In Volume 3 I bet on the Russian Ninja to win and the Australian Walrus to place, midway through the race the Walrus went crazy and crushed the ninja as he prepared to use a blow dart on another racer. Australia went on to belly flop on every rider till it reached the finish line and kept going till a puff of smoke revealed that it was the Ninja all along. Despite picking the winner and who it would pretend to be, I won no money, just pure satisfaction. Thank you Japan video game and horse racing industries, thank you
I have one complaint, and that is that the game goes through the same start each time, which admittedly made me very surprised that the outcomes were different in the second two races, but after number 3, it gets annoying.
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Crikey- in Vol 3, just had a race that the ladies on the stretch horse won. They stripped to their underwear, the camera cut back to the other riders, who were absent barring the dwarf on the walrus, then back to the stretch horse- where the blokes had joined the ladies. Everyone was now naked. The blokes were alternately covering their modesty with a fan and a hat, whilst one lady was doing the same to the other who was standing in front with her arms hiding her breasts. The midget joined in on the front of his Walrus.
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I have no idea of what just happened except that it was awesome.
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