By Jim Rossignol on June 22nd, 2011 at 9:43 am.
Well, the demo at least, which is now on Steam. Duke Nukem Forever, in case you’ve not heard of it, is the sequel to popular 1996-shooter, Duke Nukem 3D. The sequel was originally developed by 3D Realms, and then, later by another like-minded Dallas-based studio, Gearbox Software. The game charts the adventures of Duke Nukem (who is not actually a duke, as far as my research is able to determine) as he attempts to fight space-aliens, pig-men, and to rescue sexy ladies from certain unpleasantness. The demo is a sampler of Duke’s comedy-action delights, previously only available to people who previously pre-ordered the game, maybe, or bought Borderlands or something. I dunno. Whatever.
Good morning, by the way, Internet.
22/06/2011 at 09:46 limbclock says:
You need to be a Gold member on Xbox Live if you wanna access the DNF demo today.
Is it just me, or does that seem a bit mean?
22/06/2011 at 09:48 Psychopomp says:
Xbox live keeps demos gold exclusive for two weeks for some asinine reason.
22/06/2011 at 09:51 El_MUERkO says:
i believe when combined with socks it makes money
22/06/2011 at 10:03 jon_hill987 says:
Phase 1: Keep demos Gold exclusive.
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Profit.
22/06/2011 at 10:14 MD says:
Phase 2: socks
22/06/2011 at 10:15 Doug says:
What is this “XBox Live” you talk about?
22/06/2011 at 16:47 msarge says:
You also need Xbox Live Gold to play any form of multiplayer! What the heck? What kind of world do we live in?
22/06/2011 at 19:27 Pointless Puppies says:
It’s part of Microsoft’s incredibly contrived effort to give artificial value to a service that exists only to charge for peer-to-peer multiplayer.
22/06/2011 at 09:48 a.nye.123 says:
This post does a good job of reflecting the intense apathy which this game inspires.
22/06/2011 at 10:07 jon_hill987 says:
You cared enough to post though…
22/06/2011 at 10:37 Nim says:
This post will contain a suggestion that an anonymous internet-person desperately feels the need to distance himself from the game as if the game had greatly offended and his sensibilities were hurt or he can not be seen playing such depravities.
Either that or he has the most curious need to speak his mind on every matter possible which is an ability that can be quite annoying to the rest at times.
22/06/2011 at 12:32 LionsPhil says:
Or, in this case, maybe he’s just complementing Jim on a well-chosen tone.
22/06/2011 at 12:59 a.nye.123 says:
Correct, Lionsphil, that was the intended angle. I can see the ambiguity, though.
22/06/2011 at 09:50 El_MUERkO says:
Morning!
22/06/2011 at 10:12 Corrupt_Tiki says:
Evening!
22/06/2011 at 10:26 The Sentinel says:
Blimey – short day, wasn’t it?!
22/06/2011 at 09:53 poop says:
i would have morbib curiosity downloaded this like a week ago when it came out, now i really dont give a shit
22/06/2011 at 09:55 Ricc says:
I’m still in the “kinda have to see it for myself”-camp, and the demo is perfect for that.
22/06/2011 at 10:08 Aemony says:
Go within with low expectations, and you might come out with extraordinary sensations.
22/06/2011 at 10:27 The Sentinel says:
That’s what she said.
22/06/2011 at 12:08 Teddy Leach says:
The Sentinel is on fire today.
22/06/2011 at 12:25 LionsPhil says:
It really is. For a brief moment, when duke went “lookin’ goood” at all the logos as it started up, I thought it might just have a little smidge of charm and fun in it, and might not be too shabby.
And then it basically confirmed that Alec’s review was spot on. I mean this is the ramble I had on IRC afterward:
Although that strafing was more fun than all the rest of the fighting:
And the gunship miniboss makes the cycloid look fun, because it’s a cover peek fire cover pick up ammo cover peek fire repeat until asleep exercise, straight from the worst of the modern day shooter. This game is bad. It is just plan unfun. Unreal 2 was a better FPS than this.
22/06/2011 at 09:58 Miked says:
Good morning Jim, good morning everyone!
22/06/2011 at 10:00 tomeoftom says:
Good morning Miked!
22/06/2011 at 10:06 jRides says:
Morning Jim, Miked, tomeoftom!
22/06/2011 at 10:10 jon_hill987 says:
Morning Jim, Miked, tomeoftom and jRides!
22/06/2011 at 10:39 faelnor says:
How are you gentlemen !!
22/06/2011 at 12:47 Rinox says:
My pastis-fueled hangover says hi!
22/06/2011 at 13:16 Chaz says:
For a few seconds there my brain was thinking of a “pasties” fueled hangover. I had a brief image of you sitting down last night tucking into a big plate of pasties and then hitting the Rennies this morning.
22/06/2011 at 10:06 Hmm-Hmm. says:
The internet says hi.
Oh, and I do, as well.
22/06/2011 at 10:07 lurkalisk says:
Hmm, hopefully the demo shall spur sufficient sales to warrant a proper sequel. Though I can’t imagine sales have too much to do with it. If it’s possible, it’s probably going to happen.
22/06/2011 at 10:15 Pop says:
Morning!
22/06/2011 at 10:16 Risingson says:
Now that’s funny. Make the demo unavailable to most of us to make us lose interest on the game. It’s a great strategy, given the very short attention span a game has nowadays. A great strategy which joins with a graceful sinergy to the others made to sink Duke Nukem Forever, their developers and their publishers in the muddiest hole of them all.
22/06/2011 at 10:23 Makariel says:
Good morning.
What is this aristocrat of global thermonuclear destruction you speak of?
22/06/2011 at 10:24 GreatUncleBaal says:
I’m wondering if this is the first time in my gaming life where seeing a preview of a demo has put me off downloading the demo itself, let alone looking at the game. It’s slightly bizarre.
22/06/2011 at 10:31 coldvvvave says:
oops, ment to post this on forum
22/06/2011 at 11:00 Holybasil says:
I will not PUNish myself by playing this.
22/06/2011 at 11:11 Kakrafoon says:
I couldn’t resist. I just tried it, and it is awful. Deinstall.
22/06/2011 at 12:29 LionsPhil says:
Don’t forget to crowbar out “Dual Core Optimizer”, too, unless you’re one of the three people who still have an AMD processor. It’s under the usual Add/Remove Programs.
Thanks bunches for installing that in all cases, Steam. Like you did for Moonbase Alpha. (Which was more fun than DNF, come to think of it. Hoses hoses hoses.)
22/06/2011 at 13:04 Kakrafoon says:
Thanks, man. I wasn’t in the room when Steam started its usual routine of installing DX9 and various assorted stuff, so I would have missed that.
22/06/2011 at 11:51 adonf says:
It also came to my attention that the popular musician called “Prince” is actually a commoner. Can you believe the presumptuousness of these people?
22/06/2011 at 11:59 c-Row says:
Well spotted, good Sir. You should concentrate your future research on the band “Queen” now, I suppose.
22/06/2011 at 12:08 adonf says:
Oh but I have. It is not actually a band, it is Her Majesty singing and playing all instruments. She’s very much into rock music, did you not know?
22/06/2011 at 12:25 jon_hill987 says:
I don’t think Lady Gaga is a peer either…
29/06/2011 at 12:05 The Colonel says:
Lady Gaga isn’t a peer? I was just on my way to get down the end of it and start a concert party!
22/06/2011 at 12:10 Chaz says:
Well I had low expectations before I downloaded the demo, and it was even worse than I was expecting. If the demo is any reflection of the full game then it must be dreadful. Couldn’t hold a candle to Duke 3D. Is this really all they have to show for 12 years work!
22/06/2011 at 12:30 LionsPhil says:
I believe the problem is that since Georgy-Porgy kept making them throw everything out and start over, it’s more like two years’ rushwork on a project that’s been in “burn” for ten so nobody has any creative energy left.
22/06/2011 at 14:26 magnus says:
For the last time, it’s just like Deus Ex : Invisible War – in a year or two you’ll be saying it wasn’t that bad after all! Even so the DNF in my head was always going to be better, bastards! Why couldn’t Gearbox read my mind!
22/06/2011 at 15:20 Chaz says:
“in a year or two you’ll be saying it wasn’t that bad after all!”
No, no we won’t. DNF will be the new Daikatana.
22/06/2011 at 15:48 Robin says:
Steam won’t actually let me download the demo. Ho-hum.
22/06/2011 at 17:57 hydra9 says:
Steam let me download it, but then I got a black screen with a little hourglass sitting there. Eventually, it crashed. For the best?
22/06/2011 at 19:31 Pointless Puppies says:
So I guess Steam now has a feature to prevent people from subjecting themselves to horrendous games.
Must have missed that in the update list. <_<
22/06/2011 at 16:33 RegisteredUser says:
There is a brief moment of goodness when you get to play airhockey in the game.
Then you’re forced to continue playing boring shit in a pseudo-hentai setting rapefest of a formerly awesome franchise.
Steering clear of DNF if you have any kind of fond memories of the duke is likely not a bad idea.
22/06/2011 at 16:42 Lagwolf says:
Ayup, the demo is just as lame as Total Biscuit made it out to be. I am so glad I didn’t pre-order this steaming pile. Will pick it up with its a $10 in a few months time.