Rock, Paper, Shotgun

LionsPhil says:

It really is. For a brief moment, when duke went “lookin’ goood” at all the logos as it started up, I thought it might just have a little smidge of charm and fun in it, and might not be too shabby.

And then it basically confirmed that Alec’s review was spot on. I mean this is the ramble I had on IRC afterward:

Welp, I agree entirely with Alec Meer’s review of DNF. Also Duke apparently spent all the time between games on his arse eating donuts. After a second or two of sprint he’s puffing and wheezing like as asmatic in a burning building. As well as, y’know, the whole cripplingly slow movement thing and the going from being an actual tough guy to falling over if people say bad words at him enough unless he has a moment to sit and suck his thumb behind a rock.

And the whole first half of the demo, including a lengthy intro movie, is basically HEY HEY DO YOU REMEMBER THIS HEY HEY IT’S A THING FROM DUKE3D HEY WASN’T THAT GOOD HEY LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME PLEEEEASE. Only whereas the final boss fight in DN3D was fun, the same fight in DNF is horrendously tedious. I mean they even took out the pickups. In DN3D that arena fight had a reason to do something other than just fire at the boss and strafe.

Although that strafing was more fun than all the rest of the fighting:

I mean, christ, I had to take cover in the demo. Not sticky cover at least. But from shrunken enemies, since unlike Duke3D, DNF believes that their tiny tiny guns are still every bit as effective, and DNF’s Duke is such is complete pussy that a few bullets to his face make the screen go red. Whereas in DN3D you main way to avoid getting shot is to never stop running everywhere at motorway speeds. (And that’s WITHOUT steroids.)

And the gunship miniboss makes the cycloid look fun, because it’s a cover peek fire cover pick up ammo cover peek fire repeat until asleep exercise, straight from the worst of the modern day shooter. This game is bad. It is just plan unfun. Unreal 2 was a better FPS than this.

report