Saints Row 3 Loses Last Vestiges Of Sanity

By Alec Meer on July 13th, 2011 at 4:08 pm.

MY EYEEEEEEEEEEEES

I’ve got to admire Saint’s Row: The Third’s sheer determination to entirely depart the shores of normality, but at some point it’s just going to start frightening people. They’ll back away slowly, hands in the air, trying in too-calm voices with tell-tale quavers to say “Hey guy, hey. Hey. Why don’t we all just take a deep breath and think about this, huh? It’s alright. No-one’s going to hurt you. We’re all friends here, huh? Why don’t you just put that musket down and take the live scorpion off your head? It’s going to be okay. No wait Oh God…”

This trailer for the game’s retail DLC Professor Genki’s Hyper Ordinary Pre-Order Pack makes me think it’s not going to be okay. It makes me think it’s dangerous

One of these days, we’re going to walk into a room and see Saints Row: The Third in the corner, on its knees, its hands covered in blood. And it’ll look at us with an expression that says ‘I don’t even remember doing this, or why.’

Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Saints Row. You think if you include absolutely everything in the world, then every single member of the human race will want to buy you, right? I know what you’re up to.

And you frighten me.

, .

96 Comments »

Sponsored links by Taboola
  1. bit_crusherrr says:

    Day 1 purrchase.

    • Dana says:

      -125 days Preorder

    • Gonefornow says:

      +720 days Bargain Bucket

    • nafe says:

      +720 day bargain bucket? I’m betting it’ll be <£10 within the first year. Huzzah for PC! :D

    • TariqOne says:

      I love these guys. SR2 + friend = months of fun. This looks to be every bit as much, and more. Day one.

    • meemtt says:

      ★ good web

      === w w w . j o r d a n f o r w o r l d . c o m ===

      exquisite watches shirts,bags,hat and the decorations.We have good reputation, fashion products,

      favourable price.—★FREE SHIPPING

  2. Danny says:

    I think I’m having a seizure.

  3. Nallen says:

    What in God’s name?

    • Meatloaf says:

      God’s got nothing to do with this, son.

    • Navagon says:

      I think that this actually constitutes video evidence that there is no God. Or at least not a sober one.

  4. jellydonut says:

    Please let me pre-order on Steam.

  5. John Walker says:

    Best. Thing. Ever.

  6. mwoody says:

    I love the series, I love the trailer… I still hate hate HATE preorder and retailer-specific bonuses.

    • Squeeby says:

      It’s even more annoying that they have made the man cannon pre-order only, after showing it in a preview of the game and getting everyone all excited about it.

    • FakeAssName says:

      the pre-order pack is just a compilation of the game’s first three DLC items (the cannon truck, octopus launcher, and and cat suit) in one. even if you don’t pre-order you will still be able to get them later on as DLC.

    • Squeeby says:

      I shouldn’t have to buy them, especially not after they made it seem like they would be in the release version.

    • FakeAssName says:

      *shrug* not that I like DLC in any shape or form but if the games looks that appealing to you and you want those items free: pre-order.

      I’m guessing that the truck and gun actually can be used without the DLC in specific missions, but you don’t get to keep them afterwords … same for that cool ass spaceship fighter plane thing.

    • mwoody says:

      I loved Saints Row 2 dearly, but the port had serious issues. We have every reason to wait for reviews before buying this game – or, at the very least, deciding whether to get it on console or PC. Preorders encourage uninformed buying decisions.

    • Premium User Badge

      Tom De Roeck says:

      Even though there is no port this time? direct to pc?

  7. CyberBrent says:

    Well this game looks fucked.

  8. CaspianRoach says:

    You actually used Saints Row and ‘sanity’ in one sentence. Wow.

    • Dozer says:

      Was that the sentence that said “Saints Row has abandoned all sanity”?

  9. Mashakosha says:

    See, usually the Internet would have desensitised me to this, but… what the ever-living shit was that?
    I want it.

    EDIT: It’s also the most insane thing I’ve seen since the Radox Hook advert. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSiYa3vE9-8

    • Teddy Leach says:

      Funnily enough, that’s what I thought of when I watched this.

    • Delusibeta says:

      It’s supposed to be a parody of Japanese zaniness, but the shot missed the Japanese landmass and is currently sinking somewhere off the coast of Hawaii.

      Whether that’s necessarily a bad thing is another question entirely.

    • Tams80 says:

      I’m surprised that advert even made it onto TV.

  10. Premium User Badge

    Man Raised by Puffins says:

    TIGHT.

  11. Alex Bakke says:

    Volition must be having the time of their fucking lives.

  12. Premium User Badge

    AndrewC says:

    MARVELLOUS!

    I predict abject failure.

  13. Tei says:

    * comment imploded *

  14. Everyone says:

    That’s … amazing. I’ve never wanted to play a Saints Row game before as they looked far too pedestrian and boring, but I now want this more than anything. Except Ellie Goulding of course.

    • ShineDog says:

      Pedestrian? Nah, SR is what would have happened if Rockstar had continued down the wacky path of San Andreas’ weirder moments. It took untill SR2 for them to really figure this out (SR1 wasn’t really silly enough and wasn’t particularly great) but in SR2 they realised an important thing about these games, People want to be an arsehole, so they made the PC a completely sadistic wisecracking piece of shit, and made pretty much every mission about causing utter devastation.

      For example, GTA4s first mission involves driving your cousin to your house. SR2s first mission involves escaping from a prison, in which you will destroy no less than 5 helicopters and 20 boats with a rocket launcher, and likely kill around 100 cops.

      A race side mission in GTA involves cars going round a street. A race side mission in SR2 involves the player driving an explosive nuclear quadbike, exploding everything he touches in a desperate attempt to gain enough bonus time to, well, make more stuff explode.

      I like GTA, don’t get me wrong, but SR2 is up with Just Cause 2 in the Ridiculous Shit Is Happening category, but with decent writing and a much denser play area making it, in my eyes, far more fun.

    • Zogtee says:

      Dude, there is nothing pedestrian about Saint’s Row. NOTHING. :D

    • malkav11 says:

      That’s not true. There are pedestrians, at least until you run them over and or light them on fire.

  15. DarkByke says:

    so many… bright… colors! :)

    • YourMessageHere says:

      Yeeees. Needs more brownish greyish khaki type hues.

  16. sinister agent says:

    I … wha..? Th… I….

  17. Kaira- says:

    Can I have some of those drugs they use, please?

  18. ShineDog says:

    For context, Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax is a gameshow in SR3 in the style of the running man, only with more epilepsy. I think the preorder stuff lets you use this outside of the show, everyone gets to play the show, but I have no idea whether the show is main or sidequest.

  19. Teddy Leach says:

    I want this so much.

  20. PleasingFungus says:

    It took me a while to realize that Professor Genki was the cat.

    (In my defense: most cats are not professors.)

  21. Marijn says:

    “Super Ethical Reality Climax”?? That’s fantastic.

  22. Icarus says:

    I’m 27 and what is this

  23. fallingmagpie says:

    Looks fantastic.

  24. Urthman says:

    I’m still hoping they go far enough with the “You’re like a rock star and the crowds love you” thing to have people doing a weak little cheer for you as you crunch them under the tires of your vehicle.

    When you fire pedestrians out of the Manapult, they need to be shrieking, “Protagonist’s Name! Ohmygod, you’re so aweso—[SPLAT!]”

    • sinister agent says:

      Agreed. Hearing someone painfully croak out a fading, doppler-effect complete “yayyy!” as they sail over the bonnet of your car would likely cripple me.

      Also bonus points on the manapult if they have an “I regret nothiiiiiing!”

  25. Moni says:

    Eh, looks like an average day at the office.

    (well, someone has to be cynical about the trailer here)

  26. Premium User Badge

    Darkelp says:

    I want this game based on the two dancing moves shown at 0.40 alone, the rest is a bonus.

  27. Was Neurotic says:

    I’m 38 and I haven’t got a clue, but I knows I wants some.

  28. GallonOfAlan says:

    This is looking increasingly like GTA with the fun put back into it.

  29. godgoo says:

    This game looks like it’s from THE FUTURE AND THE PAST!

  30. Premium User Badge

    TheApologist says:

    Done. I’ll be having this.

  31. Premium User Badge

    shoptroll says:

    EA should take notes. This is a lot better offer than anything they’ve done lately.

    Seriously though, I haven’t been this interested in a GTA style game since Vice City. Want.

  32. JFS says:

    what is this I don’t even

    I think that was in order.

  33. Lu-Tze says:

    The Platinum version comes with an autotuning headset. This game is bananas.

  34. Forceflow says:

    Let’s just hope it’s more optimized than the horrible, horrible port Saints Row 2 was. Really, people complaining about GTA IV being infected with consolitis, I urge you to try Saints Row 2. Weep ‘em.

    • Brumisator says:

      Have no fear, Volition promised not to farm out the PC port, unlike their previous games.

    • Dominic White says:

      Word is that the Red Faction Armageddon port (done in-house by Volition for once) was great, and ran like a dream on even a halfway decent PC. If they keep that up, SR3 should be golden on PC.

  35. Ralphomon says:

    I am becoming increasingly psyched about Saints Row 3. It looks old-school bananas.

  36. bluebogle says:

    I may just have to pre-order this. SR has completely overtaken my interest in GTA.

  37. Smannesman says:

    I’ve always loved the Saints Row series and I love Japanese insanity, must buy for me.

  38. Premium User Badge

    Al__S says:

    Hmm, no Pre-Order on steam yet- may have to (SHOCK!) pre-order an actual, boxed, game. Haven’t done that in actual years.

  39. magnus says:

    Well I’m sold.

  40. mondomau says:

    Oh, well done. Sold.
    Not even for the pack itself, but because that’s sheer comedy gold and they deserve a reward….

  41. Squirrelfanatic says:

    Sadly, the game probably won’t be half as good as that trailer suggests. Cute pussy though.

  42. Eukatheude says:

    Awesome! Still, i’m afraid the game won’t be half as fun.

  43. Premium User Badge

    Skystrider says:

    Wot?

    That is all.

    Dangerous indeed.

  44. kasztelan says:

    A proper sequel to Duke Nukem at last.

  45. mkultra says:

    I was doing fine. But then I lost my shit when the cat clotheslines a pedestrian at 0:48.

    That and the constant crotch camera flashes.

  46. Stochastic says:

    “May Contain Content Inappropriate For Children” should be revised to “May Contain Content Inappropriate for People Who Retain a Grip on Reality/Have Not Watched Japanese Game Shows.”

  47. YourMessageHere says:

    I don’t get the positivity for this. It’s yet another mucking about device in a game that’s apparently based entirely on mucking about; precisely the kind of thing that pissed me off most about GTA. Moreover, it’s the sort of faux-Japanese ‘ooo aren’t they all so zany and weird’ thing that, editing out the rant I’d like to post, fucks me right off. After all the combined influence of years of internet humour, is this sort of thing still so amazing to people that its appearance in a mainstream game merits this level of mock confusion?

    • Bodminzer says:

      Tell us how you like to relax and have fun, YMH.

    • ShineDog says:

      People like to muck about, hell, lots of people (not really me) had a big problem with GTA4 because it had very little muck about potential. Saints Row is an enormous treasure trove of side quests and minigames, almost all of which are cleverly designed and enormous fun. (Well, in 2 anyway.)

      There is tons to do and loads of rewards for doing it, what’s not to love?

  48. Stevostin says:

    Ok, I may want to preorder that one.

  49. poop says:

    bit of enter the void in that trailer, nice

  50. luckystriker says:

    First game I’ll ever pre-order I think. If you haven’t already check out the gameplay trailer with developer commentary at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX2Gn5d5kMc