COD Elite Mugs For The Camera

By Lewie Procter on July 15th, 2011 at 3:19 pm.

Any thoughts on a silly abbreviation for COD: Elite?

This trailer is like a metaphor for Call of Duty: Elite, Activision’s new enhanced online premium service package for the CODs. Is it supposed to be funny? You won’t be able to miss the best jokes, because “theLEGENDofKARL” says “Haha, get it?” after them all.

Let’s play “Who can come up with the best alternative to spend £3 a month on”.

I would get a Sherbet Dip-Dab every other day.

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142 Comments »

  1. Post-Internet Syndrome says:

    I’ll get a new game every month, since one of the 30 daily steam deals is bound to be sub-3£.

  2. Nallen says:

    A payment plan for a pony.

    I was actually interested for a moment there.

  3. stahlwerk says:

    (To all us continental folks. that’s 3.42 in euro-dollars.)

  4. fallingmagpie says:

    A packet of Thai Chilli flavour Walkers Sensations, every week.

    • Roaring Panda says:

      A man after my own heart.

    • Jason Moyer says:

      Thai Chili = by far the best chip/crisp flavor ever. Especially if they’re kettle-cooked.

    • Redem says:

      Here here! A better flavoured crisp one could not obtain at any price!

    • DrGonzo says:

      The man who realised they could repackage their stale crisps as ‘Kettle Chips’ must be rolling in it now.

    • Tams80 says:

      Mmmmmm. And to think I can get a discount as well. Two packets a week for me.

  5. Creeping Death says:

    Let’s play “Who can come up with the best alternative to spend £3 a month on”.

    Well if Steam keeps it up, I’ll get a really cool indie RPG each month for that price :P

  6. Drake Sigar says:

    It’s like someone tried to make the bro version of a Monty Python sketch. Americans should be banned from comedy. :/

    • Gar says:

      But… but then we wouldn’t have Chappelle’s Show, Old School, Caddy Shack, The Big Lebowski, SeaLab 2021, etc. etc.

    • Jason Moyer says:

      Yes, all American comedy sucks because of some half-assed CoD marketing video.

      Edit: Gar, you forgot Mr. Show. :(

    • Gar says:

      Holy feces, I’ve never seen Mr. Show and just looked it up… I love David Cross, so I will definitely check it out!

    • Jason Moyer says:

    • Warth0g says:

      Never heard of Mr Show, and having now watched the You Tube clips I know why…

    • tossrStu says:

    • tanith says:

      The big Lebowski was a comedy?
      Oh dear… someone must’ve really messed up something.

    • Rii says:

      Have to agree: Americans are terrible at comedy. The best American comedy I’ve seen is incidental, as in the witty dialogue in Buffy, The West Wing, Glee, etc. American shows that are pitched as comedies are almost universally un-funny.

    • galen says:

      Arrested Development, Party Down and Modern Family are all fantastic. Though I don’t know if they can compete with the “witty dialogue” in Glee…

    • Oak says:

      And on top of that, they’re all a bunch of uncultured pigs.

    • Bret says:

      Adventure Time, Arrested Development (Needed more mentions), Community, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Futurama in its prime, Cheers, Newsradio, 30 Rock, Airplane, Police Squad…
      I can keep going all day.
      On the other hand, if we’re calling Glee witty, well, I always assumed British people had good senses of humor. Sad to see I was wrong.

      (Also, I’m dim. When we were doing all this talk we completely forgot about Valve. I mean, they’re the high water mark for game humor, American company, Chet and Erik are Americans, case closed.)

    • lurkalisk says:

      There’s an incomparably vast sea of comedy in Usland. Anyone that might think that it all just sucks (or vice versa) because of a few examples is clearly not interested in the truth. You can find everything from the most boring trash, to comedic gold.

      Also, if you don’t think The Big Lebowski is funny, you have no soul.

    • Rii says:

      @Bret: I’m Australian. And we suck at all forms of humour bar satire.

      In any case, to settle the matter at hand let us turn to an authority on such matters, the indubitable Mr. Bierce:

      WIT, n.
      The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

      Q.E.D.

    • pipman3000 says:

      I think Mr. Plinkett is from America.

    • ichbinspikeface says:

      @Rii
      ever see the 3 seasons of old ABC micallef p(r)oram(me)? greatest australian comedy i’ve seen…

    • Jake says:

      Another +1 for Arrested Development, but also what about The Simpsons? Sure it’s been poor recently (American shows never know when to quit) but I’d still say it is the best comedy show OF ALL TIME, though Alan Partridge would win if there was more of it.

      I’ll nominate Eastbound & Down, Louie and The Venture Bros. as well.

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      Sorry to burst your bubbles guys but the only remotely funny things to ever come from the UK are Douglas Adams, the people who made The Mighty Boosh (best reason why: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D7wxP923F4 ), and a few choice RPS comments.

  7. Quilty says:

    Well that was embarrassing. And insulting to the target audience, I’d say.

    • Mr_Initials says:

      But we are looking at COD’s target audience. ha see what i did there? haha anyone? anyone? Alright moving on. You know what you can get for the same price as this game that’s better all around and has free things like that? BF3. Although they haven’t promised a pony.

    • Davee says:

      Screw ponies – BF3 has Dinosaurs!

  8. pakoito says:

    “THIS IS THE FREE STUFF YOU GET WHEN YOU PAY”

    Marketing Logic is strong in this one.

  9. Tusque D'Ivoire says:

    Even if you spend 3 bucks/pounds/chocolate bars on TF2 each month, You’ll have more fun than when watching this video and/or paying for Elite.

    It’ll have better graphics, too, despite being at least three years older!

    But I’m definitely going for Stuff like Zeno Clash right now on Steam.

  10. MrCraigL says:

    A game of “See who can throw £3 down a well the fastest” per month

    • mogofogo says:

      You sir, have made me want to go fishing.
      And that hasn’t happened in a long while.

    • Matt says:

      Too bad that looks more like a grouper than a cod…

  11. jp0249107 says:

    I could use that to upgrade my internet connection so I can play BF3 LOL

  12. Joe Duck says:

    A pint of beer, of course!

  13. Coins says:

    Ice cream.

  14. GigerPunk says:

    I would rather drop £3 down the nearest drain than give it to Activision.
    Seriously though, is this real? And official? Wow.
    Just wow.
    Someone saw how Valve do cool funny stuff for their marketing and thought “We’ll have some of that!”, didn’t they?

  15. Vague-rant says:

    Who is the audience for this? Children? That’s the only explanation I can imagine for the marketing.

    But then won’t they have to ask their parents to subscribe? And is the 17+ rating any kind of deterrent?

  16. BreadBitten says:

    That…was embarrassing.

    • Stylosa says:

      I was embarrassed watching that. And we all know That’s the worst kind of embarrassment.

    • Synesthesia says:

      yup. Pretty… pretty… pretty embarassing.

      Were the animators on strike or something? This is an abomination. How much money do these games cost again? Three million koticks?

  17. AbyssUK says:

    I would stack the £3 a month in 1p pieces and in just 67368208.9 years I could climb to THE MOON.

  18. cyrenic says:

    I hope you’re taking notes, Apple.

  19. Unaco says:

    My mother used to tell me, if I haven’t got anything nice to say I should probably hold my tongue.

  20. DiamondDog says:

    I’d donate the £3 pounds a month to RPS in support of their continued mocking of nonsense such as this.

  21. Raziel_aXd says:

    I would probably subscribe if they’d give me a lifetime supply of cherries.

  22. KingJason13 says:

    Yay! Another Corporate scheme to get more nickles and dimes out of my pocket…

  23. Torgen says:

    Well, the mouth breathing, heavy-lidded gape in the title image certainly seems a faithful reproduction of the target demographic… (boggle)

  24. Ultra Superior says:

    Condoms.

  25. ZIGS says:

    Seriously, that video was terrible

  26. Snuffy the Evil says:

    I’m sure I’m supposed to be getting some kind of message from watching that, but I can’t stop focusing on their awful muzzle control.

  27. Njordsk says:

    An extra beer a month indeed.

  28. Big Daddy Dugger says:

    “create and join clans!” That costs money? Online shooters used to do that for free.

    • DrGonzo says:

      I’m confused as to why you need some sort of service to do that. Same goes for the tournaments and stuff.

    • Sassenach says:

      World of Tanks makes you pay for clans. Any organised group play in fact, to join as a group you have to be subscribed. It seems possible that it is the same principle here, although given that WoT is free to play and this isn’t it seems unlikely.

  29. SeanybabeS says:

    300 penny sweets… do they still exist?

    I hope so.

  30. Gunsmith says:

    oh god, why wont this franchise just fucking die already?! WHY?!

    /cries

    • Unaco says:

      Maybe, just maybe, because the last Modern Warfare game made around 1/2 a Billion dollars in the first week of release, in the UK and US alone. Because it sold around 10,000,000 copies in the US. Because it received near Universal critical acclaim. Because its release was more like the opening of a Hollywood movie. Because the last release (CODBLOPS) made $1,000,000,000 within 6 weeks of release, and because it stayed in the top seller slot for 4 months, and is now the best selling game in the USofA EVER. Because the franchise has received numerous awards and plaudits. Because, just now, COD games are the 3rd and 5th most played games on Steam, currently with around 37,000 people playing the multiplayer components.

      But you’re right, clearly. The franchise should die, and all of those people who thoroughly enjoy playing these games should… what? You have any suggestions?

    • thebigJ_A says:

      tl;dr version: human beings are fucking stupid

    • arccos says:

      Yeah… I don’t really get the “OMG! How can someone enjoy a game I don’t like!?” attitude. Clearly enough people enjoy it to make a successful series.

      Its ridiculous some fools seem to think playing one game makes you a beautiful person while playing another makes you worse than a dog’s fart. The “my game can beat up your game” hostility is getting really, really old.

    • Dawngreeter says:

      And now you know why Transformers is a really really good movie franchise.

    • Respectable Chap says:

      And why Hitler was such a great leader. (Godwin’s law)

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      People don’t play modern warfare because it’s good; they play it because most people who own gaming consoles play games based on what they see advertised, hell that’s why so many people own a 360 because microsoft spend 3x as much on marketing as sony regardless of the fact that the ps3′s hardware specs make the xbox look like a retarded kid playing dodgeball (even if the ps3 is the fat kid playing dodgeball compared to the pc). Blizzard spends half their wow budget on security so their servers dont get hacked (ping hacking isn’t real hacking, it’s client side) and the other half of their budget on advertising and customer “support” (banning people who complain on the forums), they spend a few hundred bucks to have some kid with an associate’s degree design a dungeon over the course of 2 hours once every 6 months and call it a patch and somehow all the while convince people that it’s worth 6×15 eurodollarfrancpounds through hyping and advertising. The problem with making a game a publicly owned company is that the shareholders are people who dont know/could care less what a game is they just want what has been shown to be profitable in the past, in this case modern warfare wasnt profitable because of the game’s quality but the advertising put into it and you could do that to nearly any game and make it just as successful as long as it appeals to the teen-young thirties dominantly male console market (brown and gray spacemen with big guns isnt the only thing that works but it was the first proven to return a profit so it’s doomed to repeat until the consumers quit eating it up) which pretty much just means avoid things that make them feel sexually insecure like hello kitty and you’ve struck gold. STOP IT WITH THE SHOOTERS GOOD GOD I NEED SOME REAL GAMES TO PIRATE ALREADY ACTIVISION!

      You don’t see nvidia or ati buying ad time on tv but if they did pc gaming would turn out alot more popular than you might think. Why do people buy shamwows? Because they saw it on the tv, not because they desired something like it beforehand and definitely not because they feel shamwow is the best shamwow at shamwowing available.

    • The Colonel says:

      Sadly this is very true :(

  31. sinister agent says:

    Oh come on, that wasn’t that bad. If it wasn’t for a CoD game, half of you sneering types would be all over it.

    In the spirit of the X games, I would use the £3 to buy 10 pencils, which I would later sell for £3.20. I would then buy a further 10 pencils, and sell them for another £3.20, leaving me with £3.40, which I could use to buy 11 pencils. I would do so for £3.30, and sell all 11 for £3.52.

    Then on the way to a pencil shop, a man would kick me in the shin, causing a nasty cut that would force me to buy a bandage in order to get anywhere. The bandage would cost £9. I would get annoyed at the prospect of spending weeks selling and buying pencils just to pay for the damage caused while selling and buying pencils, and would instead choose to start running around kicking people and trying to take their wallets. Unfortunately it would turn out that I have no kicking shoes and the cheapest pair available cost £300.

    Defeated, I would give up on the whole idea, and spend the £3 on ale instead.

    • AmateurScience says:

      This accurately sums up any and all experiences I’ve had with X. I thought I was the only one.

    • subedii says:

      Oh come on, that wasn’t that bad. If it wasn’t for a CoD game, half of you sneering types would be all over it.

      No it was pretty bad. I can’t really defend it, it’s bad. I really cant defend it when it’s official marketing for a paid game service that should be much higher quality than this. I’ve seen plenty of machinima do a much better job of looking professional. Honestly it was even worse than the first one

      If this was for some other game my opinion would still be largely the same. If it was for Team Fortress 2 or Portal 2, my opinion of it would probably be substantially worse and I’d happily say that Valve had sunk down a freaking pit.

      If they’re not even going to consider basic lip-sync, then for starters they would’ve been far better off with an overall narrator instead of focussing on “virtual actors” with constant gormless looks on their faces.

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      For a second there i thought you were making a statement about minimum wage.

  32. BerZerK says:

    **** that ****.

  33. 0p8 says:

    i was just about to play a bit of CoD……..but after watching this, i feel like racking up a line of keyboard crud and snorting it.

  34. thebigJ_A says:

    The real metaphor is the voice actor, while acting all macho, is ever so slightly effeminate sounding. Which I find hilarious, given the rampant homophobia blared through my headset when I tried to play cod on my xboxtoy.

  35. vodkarn says:

    I had all these specific points and witticisms and whatnot but I think I’ll sum it up with this:

    Their mouths don’t even move when they talk. And… well it looks like an unreal 2 game. But seriously, their mouths don’t move.

  36. Outright Villainy says:

    Shoelaces.

    I really need a new pair already.

  37. SpoiledToast says:

    Wow guys this video sure was bad, huh? Also Call of Duty (more like call of ass haha) is a bad game. I would rather do something else than play CoD.

    I feel like I’m getting better at this CoD hating thing. How did i do?

    • Burning Man says:

      Not bad. I would never have singled you out in a sea of trolls.

    • Unaco says:

      I agree, not bad. You might want to add some insinuation about the parentage of COD players being only half human perhaps. Maybe make some grand statement about COD destroying gaming, causing cancer, or being responsible for Global Warming. Make some judgements on the upcoming game, despite it not being released yet.

      Also, finish it up with some fanboy-ism, about how such-and-such a game will obviously be better, with only spurious justification or no justification at all.

    • Daiv says:

      Try typing with a four foot pole and don’t use backspace like this:

      FFFFFFFFFF RAGE WTTF IS THIS I DONT EVEN
      CoC Mopre LIKE! RRR EA makes me so MAD I COuLD PUNCH A HORCE`”!!!!”!!`!

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      Considering that the last 50 Call of Duties were the same game packaged with a new number stickered onto the front is it really so unfair that people assume the upcoming title won’t be any different? If I saw Dynasty warriors episode 352 i wouldn’t expect it to be any better than the last 351 games and for good reason.
      Oh yeah and I remember when it was cool to say Cock of Doodie, but that originated from Halo fanboys so it might be a little out of place.

  38. Brumisator says:

    Well it seems even the general youtube public is full of bile for this video and its very concept.
    mostly thumbs down and angry comments about evil corporations stealing their money. Even most of the “hardcore” CoD players are saying this is a terrible idea.

    Maybe activision will learn that you have to put some effort into matters if you want people to toss free money at you.
    Oh who am I kidding, they’ll get truckloads of cash from fools. Damn them.

    • sinister agent says:

      Or maybe Activision will, like any rational human being (or entity comprised of the same), realise that youtube comments are the absolute nadir of human cogitation.

      Edit: Sorry, reading that back, it was needlessly sarcastic of me. You’re obviously entitled to be unhappy about this move, and you may well be right that even CoD core audience is quite unhappy about it.

    • Daiv says:

      @Sinister Agent:

      YouTube comments are truly bad, but you have clearly never been to freeperville… It’s like the comments on YouTube, but powered by politics and Fox News.

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      The truckloads of cash include the trucks, theirs to keep.

  39. Burning Man says:

    I don’t believe it. I truly absolutely thought that was a joke vid mocking the whole thing. It’s a real fucking trailer.

    *blinks feverishly*

  40. Squeeby says:

    Some of the FREE STUFF you get when you sign up? Er.. What?

    • Unaco says:

      Yeah… When you, you know, sign up FOR FREE, they give you some FREE STUFF. Then, if you sign up for the PREMIUM SERVICE, they give you some more stuff.

  41. ADVERSiTY says:

    Agree with others they could have atleast put some effort in and made the mouths move. They probably went from idea to publish in less than a day.

    I find human psyche more interesting than the video. Anything that’s widely popular has to be hated, because to like it would mean you’re not unique and just another part of the herd. We all know you can’t be a part of anything popular or clique-esque on the internet. But in doing so you’re just joining in with the popular idea of hating popular ideas. You may as well hate your life either way!

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      That has little to nothing to do with this at all and most psychologists are smug unaware fatheads who treat their blind intuition as fact(it’s my planned profession and I’ve met way more of them than I’d like to). People hating corridor shooters is nothing to do with being individual; it’s because most of these games are wildy popular due to the amount spent on advertising them regardless of their subpar quality and them being obvious cashgrabs whereas in some peoples’ ideal world games would be invested in due to their quality or artistic merits rather than how much the idea has been proven to print money, but of course in actuality most people who are investing in these publicly owned companies don’t care what the end product is as long as they see profits. The absolute best way to make money from something isn’t to make it a quality product but to spend as much on advertising it to middle class peoples with disposable income as humanly possible (they’re just LOOKING for random crap to spend money on, the reason middle class don’t become upper class is because they consume rather than invest in production themselves). After all they can’t buy it if they don’t know it exists. The whole reason capitalism isn’t working out the way it’s supposed to is because such a small percentage of society become shareholders in public companies mostly due to lower and middle classes being misinformed and/or just not caring enough to participate (as with less than half of the population voting in democracies), the way capitalism is INTENDED to work is everybody participates as a shareholder (and preferably helps in the physical production) for some product that they actually wouldn’t mind buying for themselves and in the end the products are useful and of higher quality. What actually happens is people who absolutely hate Mcdonalds end up as the employees, the shareholders are in no way related to the employees and have most likely never eaten there more than once in their lives and could care less if customers are fed sawdust and tongues so long as it turns profits on their investments. Nobody buys it because it’s good, they buy it because it’s there due to it being what’s advertised and if the shareholders actually cared for the product the burgers would be higher quality and not taste like cardboard, lips, and hooves. Most people are thrown into economies and governments without ever realizing they’re a part of it but it’s not like somebody comes to your door and hands you a guidebook when you reach the age of consent. If you read that whole book I just wrote leave a comment so I can laugh at you BWUAHAHAHAHA!

    • Malawi Frontier Guard says:

      Paragraphs dude.

    • The Colonel says:

      Tell me more: samuel.garrett@gmail.com

  42. Basilicus says:

    I love me some Call of Duty. Not much interest in the multiplayer, but I find the singleplayer joyously outlandish and polished to a shine, and worth picking up in sales. The franchise isn’t what it once was, but it’s still well-made.

    This trailer, though? This trailer is the single worst game trailer I have seen in a very long time. And it’s not even THAT offensive. It’s moderately offensive to start, but made all the more offensive by thinking offensiveness is funny enough to stand on its own. You can be as offensive as you want so long as you BACK IT UP WITH SOMETHING WORTH MY TIME.

    I mean, Rooster Teeth can’t cost that much to hire, right?

    • Big Daddy Dugger says:

      I played a pirated copy of blops a way back and I was on the second level where 20 Vietnamese guys with machine guns infinitely spawn and your “teammate” kill everything for you NPC’s stay back until you run through said infinitely respawning whackamoles to plant some charges to blow up some random crap. I tried this like 10 times, killing them was impossible because anytime you’d headshot one guy he’d reappear literally 3 seconds later and anytime I’d tried to run through them or run from cover to cover they’d tear me up like a blender once i reached the goal because it was like 2 meters from where all the immortal Vietnamese were standing which was odd because up until this point I hadn’t been hit by a bullet once, and I’m not bragging about that it just seemed nearly impossible to get hit unless you were standing at the end of an enemies gun barrel. At that point I’d decided these games were only getting worse and I’m not even gonna pirate them because the time to download is too high of a price for crap.
      Oh yeah and “Hold down left click for 30 seconds straight to drive through super epic action scene! Hey mom look at all this cool stuff I’m doing NO HANDS!” lawlburgers

  43. Zogtee says:

    Seriously, that was not an official video, was it? It just… can’t be. It looked so cheap and amateurish, I was sure it was a spoof someone threw together for YouTube.

    Better use for the money? Pretty much anything, really. I’ll buy a game on Steam or give it to a beggar on the street.

  44. Pundabaya says:

    Actually, £3 a month isn’t bad, when you think about it. If you enjoy a bit of the old CoD multiplayer, you’re probably going to buy the extra maps. At £10 a pop per mapsplat. There’s already been 3 mapsplats for CoDBLOPS. That’s £30 quid. There may possibly be a fourth mapsplat. If they release 4 mapsplats for MW3, you’ll be up on the deal.

    .

  45. Sudogamer says:

    Does nobody else find it (unintentionally) funny that this created in Nuketown? The single shittest Team Deathmatch map in existence. .

    Also, it serves to highlight just how terrible the graphics are in Black Ops, zero lighting, flat textures and angles everywhere. It does not look like a 2011 game!

  46. DarkDobe says:

    Am I the only one thinking Elite is pretty much Halo Waypoint… but not free? That and Halo Reach already features most of this stats-tracking, custom games and tournaments already… Real prizes I guess not! Nor ponies, sadly.

  47. Grey Ganado says:

    I’m not quite sure if that video was supposed to convince me that CoD Elite is good or that it’s bad.

  48. Jake says:

    Hmm, I’ll invest my £3. Either that or buy Lego.