By John Walker on September 8th, 2011 at 12:52 am.
Would you like a Christian game for free?! No, based on all that have existed so far, me neither. And I’m one of the God-botherers. But that’s the deal being offered by Left Behind Games – the gaming wing of the giant media empire born of the books based on what would appear to be a woeful misinterpretation of Matthew’s Gospel, ignorance of the events of AD 70, and a complete lack of awareness of the fall of Babylon. But we’re not here to argue eschatology – we’re here to further evidence the claims by the Left Behind people that there’s a secular media conspiracy to denounce them despite the brilliance of their games. A brilliance you can discover for yourself if you’ll only “like” them on Facebook. Because, as they explain in the trailer below, these games are THE MOST IMPORTANT games ever produced.
Yes, there’s an edge to my tone. It’s after these extraordinary events in 2009, when they made astonishing accusations, that their abysmal Left Behind game had been reviewed dishonestly by conspiracy. Since I’d written one of those reviews, in PC Gamer, I took this a little personally. I don’t like it when I’m accused of lying, either in my professional or private life. And as a fan of Jeezy Creezy, I find endeavours this poor brutally embarrassing and pretty insulting.
You have to see the accompanying trailer. And you have to understand that this is utterly irony free:
I’d honestly not realised there was a third Left Behind game last year. It’s impressive that they’re selling well enough to justify their continued development, based on just how dreadful a game the first one was. Although these people are so rich they could continue churning them out as a vanity project and barely dent the fuel budget for the private jets I’m pretending they probably have. And so it’s important to note that I don’t know how good that third game is, nor any of the other titles available in the offer. I do note that they’re worth $30, however.
Your free options are:
Left Behind 3: Rise Of The Antichrist
Praise Champion
Keys Of The Kingdom
King Solomon’s Trivia Quiz
Charlie Church Mouse Super Pak
Charlie Church Mouse 3D Bible Adventure 2
And to get them you need follow the instruction:
“Download Your First Christian PC Game FREE When You Like Us On Facebook!”
Which leaves me with a bit of a moral dilemma over whether it’s okay to lie just to get one of their games.
08/09/2011 at 00:57 Eynonz says:
Hmmmmm…. do I have the ability to hit Atheists to death with the Old Testament …… If not then, NO DEAL.
08/09/2011 at 23:21 thetruegentleman says:
Not only do you get to beat Atheists to death, but you get to order super soldiers to shoot-to-kill every rapper in the whole of New York Fuckn’ City because they were preventing you from opening a bank. If that sounds awesome, imagine doing that for dozens of missions with no deviation whatsoever.
09/09/2011 at 22:10 amishmonster says:
Don’t forget guitar-players. They’re kill-on-sight too.
08/09/2011 at 00:58 Lazaruso says:
I read every single book in that series, and to be honest, if those were the people going to heaven, I’d like to just be left behind, thanks.
08/09/2011 at 01:43 Ruffian says:
I second that.
08/09/2011 at 02:57 HexagonalBolts says:
Not to be abrasive, but, why read every book in the series then? In fact, why read what was evidently going to be an awful book in the first place when we have hundreds of years of astonishingly breath-takingly good English literature to choose from?
08/09/2011 at 03:18 gwathdring says:
It happens. I had this silent pact with the universe to finish anything I started reading. I started reading the Wheel Of Time. I didn’t really like the first book, but maybe it would get better. I ended up reading all the way through the ninth book or so and despised each one more than the last. I read plenty of other books both for pleasure and for school at the same time. It’s not as though I abstained from good books for the sake of this bizarre, masochistic obsession. I simply felt I ought to give the book a chance well after it proved to be the opposite of my kind of thing. I was still ok, after this experience. Then I did it again with Wizard’s First Rule. Something about the start of that book made me genuinely feel it was a new and interesting version of the standard-fare swine-heard-becomes-a-hero story. I could have been right, could have been wrong. All I know is somewhere along the line it became more about philosophy I had no interest in and got more samey and preachy simultaneously and I again only got out of the series about 4.5 1000+ page books after I genuinely lost interest. Better than nine, but still …
Maybe it was me being stubborn. Maybe it was me just liking trashy books for the same reason it’s fun to watch trashy action flicks and simply gorging myself to the point of sickness. It was, in addition to one or more of those things, an overabundance of optimism that things would get better and the writer would learn from his or her mistakes. It was a series logical fallacies that proved unhealthy and ultimately broke something in me. This was right around the time when I was having less time to do all the things I wanted and needed to do … and to this day while I love books every bit as much as I used to, reading is often the last of my many recreational habits I get around to. Sure there are other factors … but Robert Jordan was one of them. And it’s just gratifying to blame him for making me w(e)ary of longer books rather than blame myself for inflicting his series upon myself when I clearly wasn’t his intended audience, being someone who wasn’t enjoying myself.
08/09/2011 at 03:28 devlocke says:
I understand completely. I did the same thing with the Mission Earth series by L. Ron Hubbard. I’ve never met anyone else who’s read all ten of those, and that means that I am envious of every person I’ve ever met, in that respect at least.
If I could have found all of the Left Behind books used at local bookstores I probably would have read them all, too. Thankfully, I could only find the first two. Due to a weird religious upbringing, I actually DO find getting infuriated at Christian books entertaining, but still, getting through the first two probably took a decade off of my life expectancy due to the raised blood pressure caused by their manifold failings re: logic and morality.
I’m drunk, if that didn’t make any sense. If it did make the sense I think that it did, I probably deserve some kudos or something.
08/09/2011 at 03:48 Werthead says:
I also read all ten books of the MISSION EARTH series, though in my case I had the excuse I was writing a school essay on long-running SF series. It is quite literally the worst thing ever written, and would not have been published if it hadn’t been a vanity project with sales boosted by the Church of Scientology.
08/09/2011 at 03:55 Skabooga says:
@gwathdring
You got 4.5 books into the Wizard’s First Rule series? I thought my slogging through the first was an accomplishment (last time I ever take book advice from strangers). My hat’s off to you.
08/09/2011 at 10:30 Psychopomp says:
My dad has read all ten books of Mission Earth. He also likes Battlefield: Earth unironically, movie and book.
He’s not even scientologist. He just has terrible taste.
08/09/2011 at 10:32 mike2R says:
The brain is an odd thing… it seems capable of totally blocking out terrible experiences. Then suddenly one day, you read someone saying that they must be the only person who read all of L. Ron Hubbard’s Mission Earth series, and it starts gibbering like a mad uncle in the attic.
By GOD those books are bad.
08/09/2011 at 11:21 ArcaneSaint says:
…. I rather liked the Wheel of Time and the Rules of Magic series….
EDIT: apparently, in English that series is actually called Sword of Truth. My mistake.
08/09/2011 at 13:34 Ergates_Antius says:
I’ve read all the Mission Earth books too. I was young.
08/09/2011 at 16:46 ajsheppard says:
@devlock – you just did. We should start a club.
08/09/2011 at 17:37 devlocke says:
@ajsheppard: Or a support group, at least. :)
08/09/2011 at 19:09 AureateFlux says:
RE: taking book advice from strangers. I actually had this go right, just a couple years ago. I was at the fantasy section teetering back and forth over whether to buy The Name of the Wind or not. The fellow next to me told me that it was great and that he’d been waiting anxiously for the sequel since he read it.
So I bought it, and it turned out to be one of the best things that’s happened to fantasy in the last 10 years.
08/09/2011 at 21:28 Skabooga says:
Well, it looks like I’m going to have to break my advice and take your advice.
08/09/2011 at 23:46 LokisDawn says:
Gawd, “The Name Of the Wind” And it’s sequel(s) are so good, they made me write Gawd instead of God, just because, seriously. I read both books available in about three days. In english. And I’m not a native english speaker.
08/09/2011 at 00:58 Vinraith says:
And I’m one of the God-botherers.
Don’t sell yourself short, John, that term’s for people so insecure/zealous in their own faith that they’re compelled to shove it forcefully down my throat.
08/09/2011 at 01:02 John Walker says:
I LOVE the term God-botherer! I’ve been ‘botherer’ everywhere on the internet for a decade.
08/09/2011 at 01:04 Vinraith says:
As you wish.
08/09/2011 at 01:06 TillEulenspiegel says:
shove it forcefully down my throat.
And we wouldn’t want that.
08/09/2011 at 01:12 ReV_VAdAUL says:
I dunno if it is a British thing but I’ve always seen God Botherer as a fairly jocular term for religious believers and not a serious insult.
Also I point my finger at my monitor and say: if any one of you people play one of these very low quality games instead of wading into your Steam backlog you will be a sinner in my eyes.
08/09/2011 at 01:21 Vinraith says:
Yeah, it’s probably one of those terms that connotes differently on different sides of the Atlantic, or more generally from place to place. My point was simply that John is by no means the bad/obnoxious kind of “Christian,” and certainly has little to nothing in common with the “Christians” that make the games.
08/09/2011 at 03:15 Zetetic says:
On a relatively minor point, isn’t the Christian (amongst others) expected to be ‘zealous’ about one’s faith? I’m sure Acts is full of ‘zeal’ (or rather stuff derived with ‘ζεω’ and therefore largely cognate with ‘zeal’).
08/09/2011 at 03:31 Hidden_7 says:
There are sects I am sure where that is the expected good action. Lots of pushy Christian-types are being that way because they honestly believe that you are in trouble and want to help you. It doesn’t make them any less annoying to a non-believer, however.
08/09/2011 at 03:51 TsunamiWombat says:
Actually I have a vague recollection of learning about scriptures specifically warning AGAINST overzealousness in Summer Sunday School.
God almighty lets not get into how self contradictory and insane the bible is though.. I’m a Christian Henothiest ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henotheism ) currently attending a baptist college (it was the closest and cheapest) and taking ‘survey’ classes of the old and new testaments are required for all majors. Currently in Old Testament, it is driving me batshit.
Today my Professor (who is a Doctorate) told us that before the flood, Noah didn’t know what rain was. -Because there was no rain before the global flood-.
Yeah.
08/09/2011 at 05:20 snv says:
Ohh thats practically asking for this jewel: http://totalobscurity.com/?p=3339
08/09/2011 at 05:40 HeavyMetalThunder says:
@TsunamiWombat
that belief that there is a god and all religeons have a different interpretation of what is essentially the same thing is the place I was at just before I became an atheist. Won’t be long now….
08/09/2011 at 07:11 TsunamiWombat says:
I doubt i’ll become an athiest, maybe an Agnostic but I believe spirituality is an important part of civilization.
Note I said spirituality, not religeon. A Religeon is a ridgid system of beliefs that people feel entitled to be cockmongers and murderers over. Spirituality, well thats just an idea that maybe theres something bigger than you and you shouldn’t be a cockmonger or a murderer.
08/09/2011 at 08:43 Harlander says:
I knew someone else who shared your hypothesis that some wooly defintion of spirituality is a necessary condition for morality; that you can’t “not be a murderer” unless you “believe in something bigger than yourself”.
It’s twaddle, frankly.
08/09/2011 at 09:05 Fiyenyaa says:
@TsunamiWombat: all that requires is a healthy respect for society and/or civilisation. There is no logical path from atheism to murder that doesn’t include other factors.
08/09/2011 at 09:09 Jockie says:
@TsunamiWombat, – being athiest/agnostic doesn’t preclude you from being a spiritual person really, we’re all just particles, man (read in a hippy voice).
08/09/2011 at 10:46 Jumwa says:
As Carl Sagan once said; spiritual is derived from a word meaning “air”, and air is very much a real substance. Hence yeah, spirituality needn’t be a religious or supernatural term. Perhaps it could just mean to you trying to think beyond what is plainly obvious before you.
Nothing says an atheist can’t engage in wonder at the infinite complexity of a universe that we could never fully grasp.
08/09/2011 at 11:43 pepper says:
Read this somewhere: “God made me a atheist, who are you to doubt him?”.
Anyway, I think religious people are perfectly fine, I always went to school with a religious angle. I dont think it ever hurt me, even though im not religious. Heck, I never met anyone there that tried to shove religion down my throat.
What I cant wrap my head around is the absolute concept of a god religion tries to paint. If there is something as a god then it surely wont be something our feeble minds can grasp.
08/09/2011 at 13:40 Ergates_Antius says:
As a Britisher, I’ve also always seen God-botherer as a “fairly jocular term for religious believers and not a serious insult.” as do the small number of people I’ve just surveyed.
08/09/2011 at 16:23 kalidanthepalidan says:
@TsunamiWombat
I think my old testament professor would have laughed your professor out of the room. That’s just batshit crazy.
08/09/2011 at 20:40 frymaster says:
I’ve always interpreted the phrase as “someone who bothers God” (presumably by praying at him while he’s in the bath, or similar)
08/09/2011 at 23:51 Vinraith says:
@frymaster
I like your version, I do believe I’ll stick with that.
08/09/2011 at 01:00 RevStu says:
I, on the other hand, don’t care about Jesus. But I do fancy his sister:
http://www.gotceleb.com/wp-content/uploads/pics/joanna-krupa/angel-for-animals-peta-ad-uhq/joanna-krupa-angel-for-animals-peta-ad-uhq-01.jpg
08/09/2011 at 01:05 Eynonz says:
“I, on the other hand, don’t care about Jesus. But I do fancy his sister:”
HHHHHHNNNNNNGGGGGG
08/09/2011 at 02:28 Renzatic says:
Wow. Sex really does sell! One glimpse of her, and I’m willing to give up eating dog for the rest of my life! :D
08/09/2011 at 03:00 Chizu says:
Why is she standing on that small dogs head :/
08/09/2011 at 03:02 Unaco says:
Standing on a Dog’s Head? That’s animal cruelty if you ask me. Someone should tell PETA.
08/09/2011 at 08:02 MD says:
She’s not even spreading the load, she has all her weight on one little dog.
08/09/2011 at 09:51 Teddy Leach says:
Good god.
08/09/2011 at 19:23 Hematite says:
I definitely need to go to Germany.
08/09/2011 at 19:50 Navagon says:
Holy fucking shit. Tasty puppies! Wanna eat some right now!
09/09/2011 at 10:47 The Colonel says:
Sssprreeeaaaad… theeee…. loooooaaaaaaaaaadddd
08/09/2011 at 01:02 evilbobthebob says:
“Which leaves me with a bit of a moral dilemma over whether it’s okay to lie just to get one of their games.”
Just think John: What would Jesus do?
08/09/2011 at 01:11 Ridiculous Human says:
Surely playing the game would count as a form of penance anyway?
08/09/2011 at 01:11 Shuck says:
Frankly, Jesus would smite those (game developer) fuckers like they were an out-of-season fig tree.
08/09/2011 at 01:19 ReV_VAdAUL says:
Penance is a Catholic concept. The people who make these games are extremely Protestant and almost certainly believe that Catholics aren’t Christians.
edit: That sounds smug. I just meant to point out how insane Fundamentalist Protestants can be.
08/09/2011 at 01:50 Lazaruso says:
It’s weird how many non-Christians there are that know more about Christianity than the Christians I know. :/
08/09/2011 at 03:28 Wulf says:
The more you know, the less easy it is to believe? Either that or organised religion needs updated ideas that actually don’t crumble to dust when examined by even the most dull of analytical minds.
That’s often why the intelligent people in organised religion tend to have a ‘fuck that’ attitude regarding the literature (which they know everything about, anyway) and believe whatever the heck they want to believe, and more power to them.
08/09/2011 at 17:56 Saiko Kila says:
I stopped being believer after reading the Bible (more than once) and CCC. As far as I know most Catholics have never read and comprehend any of these in full. The parts read at the mass are like 1% of the Bible, and repeat every three years (for sunday masses) or two years (for all other). Smart popes of the past (Gregory VII, Gregory IX, Pius XI etc.) actually tried to prevent people from reading the Bible, which wasn’t that hard then. One of the reason was that the Bible can be interpreted in many different ways, which could undermine “the teachings” and other things.
09/09/2011 at 10:48 The Colonel says:
Jesus would be using Google+
08/09/2011 at 01:07 T4u3rs says:
OMG –> http://youtu.be/1YDDzcJJ0nk
08/09/2011 at 01:11 Vagrant says:
That video is historically accurate. The white man is saved from the racially diverse gang of thugs by the power of God!
08/09/2011 at 01:17 Shuck says:
The whole thing just isn’t complete without that nice dose of racism.
08/09/2011 at 01:18 Malawi Frontier Guard says:
Halfway through the game it will be revealed that the white guy was the Antichrist all along.
08/09/2011 at 01:23 ReV_VAdAUL says:
From the description:
Like buying this game! boom boom!
08/09/2011 at 01:40 Merus says:
It’s nice to see a gang recruiting based on affirmative action.
Also a highlight: the description explaining the concept of a trailer and a morality system.
08/09/2011 at 01:54 JonathanStrange says:
Did one of those guys just pull out nunchucks? Really, is that even a thing, people getting mugged by racially diverse nunchuck wielding gangs? That’s amazing!
08/09/2011 at 04:06 Skabooga says:
I watched the video based solely on this promise of a nunchuck-wielding gangster. I was not disappointed.
08/09/2011 at 07:50 Vexing Vision says:
Brilliant. I love the disclaimer of that youtube video.
08/09/2011 at 07:55 zbeeblebrox says:
I liked the part where they were defeated by a guitar. If the game actually allowed you to kill gang members using a magic Jesus Guitar, I’d actually consider playing it.
08/09/2011 at 07:55 Keymonk says:
I find it amazing that the last part of the trailer you see is the guy playing the guitar – then you see ‘Rise of the Antichrist’. Alright.
08/09/2011 at 07:56 lowprices says:
This leaves me conflicted. On the one hand, I wish to join a gang that encourages casual nunchuck use. On the other, I can’t help but long for a guitar that brings down divine justice even when you play something as weedy and boring as Christian Rock on it.
Decisions, decisions…
08/09/2011 at 11:18 GameOverMan says:
They should have used this guy as the nunchuck-wielding gangster: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsEZ2lpM0Yw
08/09/2011 at 11:27 MadTinkerer says:
“The white man is saved from the racially diverse gang of thugs by the power of God!”
To give them the benefit of the doubt, I think the casting was made more with the idea that he should be a bit geeky/weak looking, but not too much. And to try to avoid racism they went with a diverse cast if you look at the scene as a whole. But the end result is… well… yeah… Big “oops” there guys.
08/09/2011 at 11:44 ArcaneSaint says:
Alright, I just flagged this video for racism, just a heads-up. I mean, a gang of every race except for Caucasians attacks one white male. Who is then saved by god from the “non-whites”? Come on, that’s just inspiring white Christians to hate on other races.
Edit: By the way, they disabled comments and rating, so they must have known people would see what they tried to do. We cannot let this propaganda of racism and single-religion-superiority go unpunished!
08/09/2011 at 11:55 Nallen says:
Nunchucks. Amazing. He has excellent technique as well.
08/09/2011 at 14:46 sneetch says:
I loved when they pulled their weapons; knife, knuckledusters, rolled-up-newspaper, chain, nunchuks – wait, what? Rewind!? Ah, some kind of pipe thing. Not a newspaper. Damn, would have been priceless if it was.
BTW one of the ne’er-do-wells is white before we go too far down the this is racism path. Just FYI.
08/09/2011 at 14:48 Urthman says:
John! You buried the lead. This trailer for Left Behind 3 is AMAZING and really belongs in the main body of the article.
I’m surprised Christian groups aren’t denouncing this as promoting blasphemous Harry-Potter-style sorcery what with him replacing the gospel with a magic guitar.
(And of course the sound supposedly coming out of his guitar is utterly unrelated to where his fingers are on the fretboard. It’s MAGIC!)
Notice that if this trailer was too violent and disturbing for you, they have a version with the nunchucks and other “weapons” (scare quotes theirs) omitted:
Left Behind 3: Rise of the Antichrist (“Weapons” Omitted for G-Rated Audience)
http://youtu.be/boACEwbuo_4
08/09/2011 at 15:13 kutkh says:
I absolutely love the implication when he backs off that the Orbital Faith Laser doesn’t work if you’re standing under a bridge. God needs line of sight, yo.
09/09/2011 at 10:59 The Colonel says:
“it is one of the only video games ever produced to show gamers the consequences of poor decisions.”
They clearly haven’t played Invisible War. WOOOOWIIEEE!!!
08/09/2011 at 01:07 SquareWheel says:
Due to my reluctance to “like” anything, I will wait for the download links to surface.
I intend to play these games ironically. I sure hope I get to play as Jesus.
08/09/2011 at 01:39 Aninhumer says:
I am now imagining a platform puzzle game involving the ability to walk on water, turn water into wine, and multiply bread and fish.
08/09/2011 at 03:44 Wulf says:
QTE-based miracles?
08/09/2011 at 01:10 Vagrant says:
“LIFE CHANGING GAMES FOR KIDS”
Oh no! How is this mind-altering game not all over Fox News! They’re corrupting our kids!
08/09/2011 at 08:37 Captchist says:
“Game with an agenda”
“It’s asking our kids to make decisions!”
“Lets just let kids be kids.”
“At least war games aren’t boring”
– Fox News
“Oh forcing religous beliefs in heaven/hell and the bible down our kids throats using a boring ass game? That stuff is all fine.”
08/09/2011 at 01:10 Shuck says:
They’ve been trying to give their games away for a while now. The last effort was aimed at “investors” and involved the game being wrapped up with some sort of malware if I remember correctly. Is that still the case? I’ve always been tempted by the sheer perversity of the Left Behind series, but I’ve not wanted to support them in any way.
08/09/2011 at 01:15 Unaco says:
Haven’t we already had Chainworld? Didn’t that show Religion + Games don’t work?
Anyway, I’m boycotting these ’til they’re on Steam.
08/09/2011 at 01:17 Drake Sigar says:
Pass. But I would pay thousands in Welsh money for a copy of Super Noah’s Ark 3D.
08/09/2011 at 02:47 HeavyMetalThunder says:
That was one of the few games I was allowed to play as a child. Probabaly why I grew up to be an athiest. Still have urges to feed cantaloupe or melon to goats every now and again though….
08/09/2011 at 01:18 John P says:
Not surprising though. Supposedly the book series has sold a crazy number of copies, so I’m sure there’s an audience for the game regardless of quality. The weird thing is this whole franchise is all but invisible to people who aren’t involved with Christian communities that promote them. I was really surprised when I discovered how extensive this franchise is.
08/09/2011 at 01:37 siegarettes says:
I personally am on my way…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in3O6SsHqd4&t=0m20s
to kill Jesus…
08/09/2011 at 01:38 Anthile says:
So… it’s a Darksiders sequel?
08/09/2011 at 01:48 sinister agent says:
Games about a wandering hero who goes around saving the lives of complete strangers and refusing a reward, subverting a corrupt government, and ultimately being sold out by the obviously treacherous traitor, only to come back from the dead to save the world?
What nonsense!
08/09/2011 at 06:02 Olivaw says:
It’ll never sell, do you hear me?! NOW GET BACK TO WORK ON CHARLIE CHURCHMOUSE 3D
08/09/2011 at 08:49 Harlander says:
I prefer Roy Harper’s take on the non-esteemed Mr. Iscariot; the betrayal was arranged beforehand at Jesus’ urging in order to trigger the start of Jehova’s complicated procedure to sacrifice himself to himself to create a loophole in a law he created.
08/09/2011 at 10:16 mejoff says:
Yeah, I always saw JC’s “One of you will betray me” as more of an instruction than a prediction, and Iscariot was the only one with the brains to get it and the guts to sacrifice himself and the boss.
08/09/2011 at 18:36 sinister agent says:
That sounds an awful lot like a DLC mission to me.
08/09/2011 at 01:48 Cerebulon says:
I’m not so sure, there has been one free quality (Christian) video game (for kids) around for years, an accurate portrayal of the life and times of Jesus Christ, the incredible You Testament:
http://www.mdickie.com/prev_youtestament.htm
http://lparchive.org/The-You-Testament/
I’m not sure these will be able to outdo such a masterpiece of software.
08/09/2011 at 12:45 Angry Engy says:
“In addition to the biblical costumes, another visual innovation for this game is that the characters now have REAL moving eyes!”
08/09/2011 at 01:50 lijenstina says:
Raptor Jesus vs Zombie Dan Brown : Da Vinci implode
Life of an Televangelist – Sheep herding and sex Simulator
Apocalypse Eventually – Left all behinds
Road to Hell through Belgium and beige
GlaDOS reads the Bible and tortures sinners
Sin: Episode 2 Main villainess has even bigger… Bible verses
Burn in Hell Infidel: How to make new friends ( for ages 5 – 12)
08/09/2011 at 01:53 Persus-9 says:
Based on this gameplay video I’m guessing they haven’t improved the quality of the franchise that much over the first one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0e3dy5mcgfg
Taking into account what has been achieved compared to what the hardware is capable of could this be the ugliest game in history?
08/09/2011 at 01:57 Timthos says:
“Rise of the Antichrist” sounds pretty awesome, if you ask me.
08/09/2011 at 02:09 DRoseDARs says:
Not even for free.
I read the Left Behind series and enjoyed it for the schlock it is; I can imagine how dreadful games based on those books would be.
08/09/2011 at 02:29 Valdyr says:
You only imagine American evangelical parasites have private jets, John? You’ve never had to see them on TV with their ill-fitting suits, blinding white grins, and endless pleas for still more “love offerings” from their mostly elderly and somewhat confused audiences? Oh, to be so innocent.
08/09/2011 at 08:47 John Walker says:
I think you missed the point of that sentence.
08/09/2011 at 02:41 gamingnerd says:
Free Christian games? Hmm… don’t know if lots of people are going to download this but from the video it does look promising.
08/09/2011 at 02:56 LinHongJun says:
nice~
08/09/2011 at 03:01 HexagonalBolts says:
‘Charlie Church Mouse 3D Bible Adventure 2′ – what person retaining even a grain of sanity would ever call anything this?
08/09/2011 at 03:39 Torgen says:
The people who bankrolled Charlie Church Mouse 3D Bible Adventure 1.
08/09/2011 at 08:00 Keymonk says:
A very good point!
08/09/2011 at 03:10 timespike says:
I read about a half-dozen books into Left Behind and couldn’t stand it anymore. And in retrospect, my tolerance for legalistic, fear-mongering, doctrinally-indefensible schlock profiteering was too HIGH. I will not be touching this abominable claptrap with a ten-foot pole.
08/09/2011 at 03:13 Owain_Glyndwr says:
I think good Christian gaming (or should it be good games with Christian themes? ) is possible- you’d just need to start with people like Flannery O’Connor or G.K Chesterton as your inspiration, rather than LaHaye or Jenkins.
08/09/2011 at 03:37 JackShandy says:
Sure, just look at Bible Fight!
http://games.adultswim.com/bible-fight-action-online-game.html
08/09/2011 at 03:18 Ezhar says:
God no.
08/09/2011 at 03:38 cluongo says:
The day I play a christian video game is the day the world ends. I seriously much rather play Superman 64 the rest of my life than own every game in this christian catologue.
08/09/2011 at 09:20 Sheng-ji says:
Hehe, this reminds me, I was playing Project Gotham (2 I believe) and a really cool song started playing – I tracked it down and bought the album – couldn’t be more Christian if it tried, though not from the mention Jesus as much as possible school of Christian music. When I ordered the album off the tiny little publishing company, they sent me a free CD of a couple of tracks from every artist they had – all Christian – I ended up buying most of the albums they sell, it’s great music!!!
Still not religious though.
08/09/2011 at 14:55 Alder says:
“Hehe, this reminds me, I was playing Project Gotham (2 I believe) and a really cool song started playing”
What a song? Me a big fan of christian rock music
08/09/2011 at 17:49 Sheng-ji says:
It was an artist called Pigeon John, the song was Identity Crisis – I should warn you though it’s not Christian Rock, but Rap!
08/09/2011 at 03:41 Berzee says:
“Would you like a Christian game for free?! No, based on all that have existed so far, me neither.”
it’s sad because it’s true
08/09/2011 at 03:43 DevilSShadoW says:
why…
I don’t eve-
no.
This is what being religious entails? Wow… I knew being agnostic saves me a whole lot of pain but still, this is just terrible.
08/09/2011 at 07:10 The Innocent says:
Clarification: This is not what being religious entails. This is what being those religious entails.
08/09/2011 at 09:13 Fiyenyaa says:
EDIT: Whoops.
08/09/2011 at 03:55 Shiny says:
I agree with RPS that using games as a pretext to bash Fox News, fundamentalist Christians, or whatever odd factions of our political opposition we can find is a great use of this blog. Please include more quasi-political posts in the guise of game commentary so that I can enjoy more canned criticisms of people we find intolerable.
Just don’t criticize those anti-gay, anti-progress, anti-tolerance, anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-science Muslims. They might come chop off our heads or bomb our trains and thus must have their culture held in respect.
.
08/09/2011 at 04:47 Dervish says:
anti-gay, anti-progress, anti-tolerance, anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-science Muslims
Find us some game advertisements that match this “odd faction” and I’m sure there will be plenty of criticism.
08/09/2011 at 07:49 sinister agent says:
Just curious, but have you ever heard of history? It’s quite good, I can highly recommend it.
08/09/2011 at 08:51 John Walker says:
Sigh.
Nowhere in your comment do you say that you think rape is bad. I CANNOT BELIEVE that you support rape. What’s your problem? You think rape is a GOOD thing?
08/09/2011 at 09:14 Fiyenyaa says:
It’s political correctness gone mad, I tell you! It’s gone mad, bad, sad, and to hell in a handcar(t)!
08/09/2011 at 09:25 Sheng-ji says:
anti-gay, anti-progress, anti-tolerance, anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-science Muslims
Do you take all your knowledge of culture from shock TV? Or would that be the Daily Mail? Eastenders?
08/09/2011 at 09:45 Okami says:
The problem here is that this game has been made by anti-gay, anti-progress, anti-tolerance, anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-science christians. Ant the totally insane video about liberal agenda in boring games aired on anti-gay, anti-progress, anti-tolerance, anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-science FOX news and not Al Jazeera.
I’m pretty sure that RPS woul also report on whacky gaming related stuff done by muslim fundamentalists if it crops up.
08/09/2011 at 10:06 DeathHamsterDude says:
Why am I spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam? It makes me cry! I would make a joke pretending to be a spambot, but I’m scared that will make RPS-bot kill me.
08/09/2011 at 10:11 zarod says:
I see where he’s coming though from as British liberals love criticizing christian’s (as there are no repercussions) but will never go after muslims out of a misplaced sense of political correctness and fear.
As a liberal it’s depressing to see Muslims get a free pass on all sorts of horrible behavior because “it’s their culture” even though liberal’s and muslim’s have directly opposing views on a very wide range of things.
To find the real crazy stuff like the games in this article though you have would have to speak arabic, you wont find that type of content in english at least not usually. Also many arab countries are obviously hyper sensitive about Islam and wont let any game that features the religion to made or sold. The Iranians do make some stuff now and then though.
08/09/2011 at 10:24 Abundant_Suede says:
Let me see here… railing against intolerance by making sweeping generalizations about another religion, and implying that they are all violent criminals.
Well played sir!
08/09/2011 at 11:27 Nick says:
“anti-science Muslims”
I lold.
08/09/2011 at 11:37 oceanclub says:
“To find the real crazy stuff like the games in this article though you have would have to speak arabic,”
…and the fact that liberals have not gone to the trouble of learning Arabic so they can find Muslim stuff to rant about shows their TRUE BIAS.
No honestly, if you have any similar hilarious games from a Muslim point of view, please post them on the forum; I for one would be interested. But there are many reason why US Xtian fundamentalism is mocked more; since most of us are from a Christian background, we’re more familar with the tenets; being from the US, it’s in English and therefore more widely understood and also widely propogated both by fundies themselves and US non-fundies.
P.
08/09/2011 at 11:50 Berzee says:
Alternatively, and I know this is a controversial notion, but Christianity may sometimes get criticized more on account of being more true. =)
In THIS case though, it’s not Christianity being criticized so much as the long and awe-inspiring parade of Ridiculous Games Targeting Christians.
08/09/2011 at 11:56 oceanclub says:
“but Christianity may sometimes get criticized more on account of being more true.”
That assertion makes no logical sense. I mean, take something that the vast majority of people think is true: for example, the Earth is a sphere. This does not get criticised much these days.
P.
08/09/2011 at 12:07 Nick says:
“I see where he’s coming though from as British liberals love criticizing christian’s (as there are no repercussions) but will never go after muslims out of a misplaced sense of political correctness and fear.”
What? You seem to have missed/be deliberately ignoring the criticism of the treatment of women and, indeed, the general criticism of Iran for example. But hey, ignoring stuff so that your (so called) point actually makes any sense at all seems to be the order of the day here.
08/09/2011 at 13:56 Berzee says:
[edit: oops]
09/09/2011 at 11:19 The Colonel says:
Video games are boring social commentary. Much better is exploring the thorny issue of British liberal multiculturalism through the medium of interpretive dance:
http://www.dv8.co.uk/projects/canwetalkaboutthis
It’s actually good!
09/09/2011 at 11:31 Grape says:
Alternatively, and I know this is a controversial notion, but Christianity may sometimes get criticized more on account of being more true.
—
Thanks. That has got to be the single biggest piece of utter fucking inflammatory bullshit I’ve heard all week.
08/09/2011 at 04:10 Olivaw says:
Sorry I don’t value free games as much as quality games.
Now if this were a character-action game where you played as Jesus fighting the forces of the Antichrist, that would be pretty awesome.
Like Dante’s Inferno! But, you know, good.
08/09/2011 at 04:43 Cryotek says:
aHHASHTK34QJTGAKdjgKADJDKFB lZUTAERGH
and that’s all i have to say about that.
08/09/2011 at 04:48 Shodex says:
Damn, I came here expecting Halo.
08/09/2011 at 12:56 dog says:
i lol’d :)
08/09/2011 at 04:50 Prolepsis says:
Hooray for having a good hermeneutic! Your exegesis is strong, my exegetical friend.
If the games are anything like the books, the first half of a level will actually be the entirety of the last level. Having read the first four books, I cannot remember how many times I skimmed through the majority of a chapter because the writers were busy spending half of it reiterating the events of the last chapter. If memory serves correct, some entire chapters were nothing but reminders of what happened in the previous chapters. Which is great for those who pick the book up once every few months, but horribly painful for those who tend to do “straight reads.”
08/09/2011 at 05:30 Torgen says:
or it’s a frightening insight into their average reader’s ability to comprehend and retain information.
08/09/2011 at 06:25 Prolepsis says:
…or what they assume their average reader’s ability is.
Maybe just the loading screens recap the last few levels? Or, maybe half of the second game is the entire first game!
08/09/2011 at 07:53 Vexing Vision says:
Quality Inspired Christian Games?
Dear sirs, your definition of quality differs from mine quite significantly.
08/09/2011 at 19:35 Hematite says:
This isn’t quality, it’s tripe.
But it was inspired by quality.
08/09/2011 at 08:16 Gap Gen says:
I always wanted to write a Let Behind joke where America is settled by Arabs and Chinese after the majority of the population vanishes, and the Statue of Liberty is changed to wear a hijab or something. Just to annoy people, you understand.
08/09/2011 at 08:26 Casimir's Blake says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulGXKULw_pk
Charlie Brooker, how did you unearth this particularly excruciating nugget? Tells me all I need to know. This “game” can stay the hell away from my PCs…
08/09/2011 at 08:47 Corrupt_Tiki says:
Impression from trailer, words travelling very fast at screen sell things!
08/09/2011 at 08:50 Harlander says:
Anyone here read Fred Clark aka Slacktivist’s ongoing review of the Left Behind series?
That’s some quality writing.
08/09/2011 at 17:11 Cryo says:
Yes. Yes it is.
08/09/2011 at 08:52 Tei says:
I think religious games have a place. You can make people think with games. Ethics games, or games with moral conundrums. Is not easy, but mostly is not easy because is unexplored territory. So is also a really nice thing to do.
But if what pass for a “religious game” is a game where you are a saint, and you kill demons. Well.. we already have space marines. No need to have “christian games” for that.
So, my opinion is that religious games should be games about ethics.
08/09/2011 at 09:27 Sheng-ji says:
I don’t think you could call Space marines saintly
08/09/2011 at 16:55 sagamov says:
and I don’t think you are familiar with the wh:40k lore… or maybe you are VERY familiar with it
08/09/2011 at 17:03 Buzko says:
@sheng-ji
Heretic, the sanctity of the Angels of Death is not to be questioned. You shall burn for your irreverence.
08/09/2011 at 08:54 dawnmane says:
Do these people have any idea how self-contradictory a title like “Praise Champion” is?
08/09/2011 at 09:01 Uglycat says:
And I was looking forward to a discussion on the immanentization of the eschaton :(
08/09/2011 at 09:09 bear912 says:
Wait, did a whole bunch of comments disappear? I feel like there were more here before. And some of them were quite entertaining. Especially those about Old Testament: The Game…
Edit: Hah! I just realized that I was apparently looking at a different RPS article, that I got linked to from this article. So I probably bumped an ancient post in my ignorance.
08/09/2011 at 10:58 mejoff says:
No man, you were right. Those comments were taken up in the Rapture…
08/09/2011 at 09:24 Mitchk says:
The game itself may be a load of codswallop, but Left Behind 3: Rise Of The Antichrist is a pretty amazing name…
08/09/2011 at 09:54 magnus says:
The tune was fine until that last flurry of notes and that just completely put me off the deal.
08/09/2011 at 10:06 T. J. McCormak - Parent says:
How dare you mock the efforts of these upstanding Christians and fellow crusaders against the Liberal conspiracy to erase Jesus from the public conciousness to be replaced by the worship of trees and plants? This is a fine example of what games can do, none of this boring polar bear rescue, more of this wonderful deconstruction of the lies of evolution. If little Timmy is going to be taught something by games then, gosh darn it, this is what it should be. I’m heading to Facebook now to strike a blow against those Godless heathens.
T. J. McCormak (parent)
08/09/2011 at 10:33 Lazaruso says:
Liked.
08/09/2011 at 10:23 Text_Fish says:
Charlie Church Mouse 3D Bible Adventure 2 makes me want to commit tenuously connected acts of physical violence against my fellow man.
08/09/2011 at 10:27 Hoaxfish says:
Isn’t everything life changing? I mean, a new toy is “life changing” when you’re 5.
08/09/2011 at 10:44 Rush Ton says:
Some how I don’t see fox news running an piece on how these games are indoctcinating their sweet precious children using fear tactics.
08/09/2011 at 10:47 oceanclub says:
“It’s impressive that they’re selling well enough to justify their continued development”
One only has to watch – slackjawed – last night’s GOP debate – to realise there’s a giant capitive market for this kind of Dominionist nonsense who’ll lap up anything as long as it confirms their own prejudices.
P.
08/09/2011 at 10:50 Colthor says:
“But we’re not here to argue eschatology”
That’s good, I’ve just eaten.
08/09/2011 at 10:52 jon_hill987 says:
Sadly I can’t find a youtube clip of this but…
http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Billy_Graham%27s_Bible_Blaster
08/09/2011 at 11:03 trigger_rant says:
As a European, this is just absolutely unbelievable stuff. I have never, in my live, seen anything like this. I dont think it would be possible to show something this obviously racist on TV here in Europe. At least not where im from.
08/09/2011 at 11:19 johnpeat says:
America is clearly an Empire on the wane – what I find most amusing is that as it crumbles it will divide into a collection of secured compounds controlled by the (formerly) wealthy and a wasteland almost entirely consisting of people who rant-on about their own Sky Wizard…
It will make Fallout look like a des-res for sure :)
08/09/2011 at 11:29 GameOverMan says:
The only Christian game worth playing: http://www.molleindustria.org/runjesusrun/run_jesus_run.html
08/09/2011 at 11:36 Carra says:
“Can you imagine” makes me think of Imagine: “and no religion too…’”.
08/09/2011 at 12:28 The Sombrero Kid says:
I made a game about Jesus in uni for the Playstation, called pacifism 9, it was a side scrolling shooter where you played Jesus and had to shoot Jewish priests and Roman soldiers with the holy spirit, making them friendly, it was a commentary on the state of the games industries fixation with murder obv.
08/09/2011 at 12:53 digitalsoap says:
All I could think about whilst reading that article was this:
http://www.happyplace.com/3695/unintentionally-sexual-church-signs
08/09/2011 at 13:00 somnolentsurfer says:
There’s clearly a liberal conspiracy against Left Behind Games. Why else would anyone have given John an RTS to review?
08/09/2011 at 13:44 Dominic White says:
Christian games don’t have to be a painful experience. Check out this amazing, beautifully produced video Let’s Play:
http://lparchive.org/Sunday-School/
Some of the weirdest, most psychedelic religious games, given the once-over by the inimitable Doc Future, and his video-editing and radio-voice talents. The Bible Zoo Race videos are my favourites, mainly because they’re completely and utterly barmy.
Edit: Oh yeah, make sure you watch the videos themselves on the Archive.org mirror – MUCH higher quality than other places.
http://www.archive.org/details/LP_Sunday_School
08/09/2011 at 13:49 Eclipse says:
Do you believe that there’s people that actually bought and played one of those games? I just cannot think about it, it’s so damn sad : (
08/09/2011 at 14:23 deadly.by.design says:
I’m what most here would likely consider a wacky Christian, being that I actually read my Bible, study it, make it a priority, am involved at my church, etc… and these games look terrible. The video was super crap, too.
08/09/2011 at 14:55 Christian O. says:
If you get left behind three times, chances are you don’t care about the rise of the Anti-Christ.
08/09/2011 at 15:19 Alder says:
As christian and game designer i`m crying bloody tears right now
09/09/2011 at 11:41 The Colonel says:
Stigmata?
08/09/2011 at 18:02 Dominic White says:
I found some gameplay footage of Left Behind 3 on Youtube.
Apparently, the chosen of Jesus gain victory points by having US Marines gun down unarmed rappers in the street.
08/09/2011 at 20:59 Rath says:
Gentlemen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12kcpP-8jfM&ob=av2e
Or, in lovely 8-bit style if you prefer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdvAw6ZWLvE
09/09/2011 at 00:34 Lazaruso says:
That’s pretty much the best site ever.
“Sunday’s Message: ‘Jesus said, “Bring me that ass.” ‘ “
11/09/2011 at 17:26 Cim says:
Any media that “preaches” something usually turns out to be garbage. This is no exception.