Rock, Paper, Shotgun

RPS Exclusive Lack Of A Battlefield 3 Review

By John Walker on October 24th, 2011 at 4:36 pm.

Well, it serves them right.

As you’ll have noticed, RPS is yet to have brought you a review of Battlefield 3. This is because, unfortunately, EA seemed to forget to give us a copy in advance of release. So instead, below is a picture of a puppy on a unicorn.

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187 Comments »

  1. 24/10/2011 at 16:39 Spliter says:

    What I gathered from this post is that Battlefield 3 is a modern combat shooter where you fight giant cats, while being allied to puppies riding unicorns.

    Sounds good to me!

  2. 24/10/2011 at 16:39 KlaxonOverdrive says:

    You rated it puppy and unicorn!? How much is EA paying you?

    • 24/10/2011 at 16:44 The Army of None says:

      What a lack of integrity in Games Reviewers these days!

    • 24/10/2011 at 16:46 Ba5 says:

      If I had to guess, I’d say EA is not sure RPS would give it a positive rating, so they’re forgoing giving them a review copy. Not a stretch, considering they were holding a survey to find out who to have their game reviewed by. This just reconfirms that we should wait for actual, real people’s experiences with this game, instead of reviewers who will happily point out all flaws and then slap a 9/10 on it anyway.

    • 24/10/2011 at 16:50 The Army of None says:

      You’re ruining our fun.

    • 24/10/2011 at 16:55 AndrewC says:

      Ba5: Could you explain your logic using other words please, I would be interesting in reading it.

    • 24/10/2011 at 16:55 Ba5 says:

      Sawwy.

      Short version: EA is not sure RPS will give BF3 a good rating, so no copy for RPS.

      Other people are happy to give it a good rating, so they have early reviews.

      Lesson learned: never trust early reviews.

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:03 AndrewC says:

      So, if I get this right, EA sent out questionnaires to reviewers, therefore all reviews are corrupt. Yes?

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:14 Salt says:

      It was recently revealed that EA was deciding which Norwegian games publications they will send a pre-release copy of BF3 to by looking over what the publication and reviewer had to say about past Battlefield and Call of Duty games.

      EA duly apologised, and insisted that Norway was a one-off. The collective internet mind duly didn’t believe them.

      Nothing directly to do with reviewers being “corrupt”. Instead it’s about EA allegedly only allowing publications and journalists to review their products if they’re fairly confident that they’ll either be nice about it, or at least not spend the whole review saying how MW3 is totally going to be better.

      That RPS has not been sent a review copy would mostly fit with this theory, as RPS has at least not been as enthusiastic about linear shooters than other publications. Then again there’s been quite a lot of positive Bad Company 2 coverage around here, and certainly no fanboy-like clamouring for MW3 coverage.

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:22 Raniz says:

      @AndrewC
      I’ve got a few sites I really trust and where I go to for reviews, other sites can post whatever flawed reviews they want to get early review copies, because I’m not reading them.

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:37 AndrewC says:

      Two things:
      1: I’m still getting this leap from EA attempting to control its PR to all reviews being corrupt.
      2: What does this have to do with Unicorns?

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:40 Hoaxfish says:

      because unicorns apparently don’t exist

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:57 Burning Man says:

      @AndrewC

      If EA is attempting to control their PR, and only those sites that are willing to surrender some measure of control to EA are given early review copies, it is reasonable to assume those reviews will be biased positively towards BF3. By stretching it a bit much, you can also say that all those reviewers are corrupt people who would happily feed their grandmothers to the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal in order to get pageviews.

    • 24/10/2011 at 18:01 Dozer says:

      Quite clearly, John Walker has been bribed with a giant cat. Don’t believe me? It’s all in the numbers:

      1) Dexter
      2) Dexter
      C) DEAxtEAr

      I am shocked yet not surprised by this lack of integrity.

    • 24/10/2011 at 20:28 BooleanBob says:

      I think the government made Battlefield 3 on purpose.

    • 24/10/2011 at 20:40 Zeewolf says:

      “If EA is attempting to control their PR, and only those sites that are willing to surrender some measure of control to EA are given early review copies, it is reasonable to assume those reviews will be biased positively towards BF3.”

      Except that the sites that were sent these questions decided not to answer the questions that were inappropriate, and still got their review code.

      I love how people immediately jump to the “reviewers are corrupt”-conclusion. Instead of responding to the questions like good little doggies, these publications started an open discussion about them which obviously blew up in EA’s face. But nooo, let’s forget THAT. Let’s just assume they’re corrupt anyway!

    • 24/10/2011 at 23:54 FRIENDLYUNIT says:

      @Hoaxfish
      LOL! Care to explain that to the puppy sitting right on top of it??!!

    • 25/10/2011 at 02:58 Starky says:

      The real reason is simply…

      RPS don’t give scores – EA (or Acti for that matter) don’t give a fuck about any publication that does not add to the games metacritic score.

  3. 24/10/2011 at 16:40 MiniMatt says:

    Disappointments like this are what cause me to go killing.

    More accurately, isn’t that half a puppy on a unicorn?

  4. 24/10/2011 at 16:40 ts061282 says:

    Manshoot is as manshoot does.

  5. 24/10/2011 at 16:41 Lone Gunman says:

    Well your review will be accurate if you review it under the conditions it will be played by most.

  6. 24/10/2011 at 16:41 Mirqy says:

    Wait a minute, how am I supposed to know whether this puppycorn is worth getting or not based on this so-called ‘wot I think’?

  7. 24/10/2011 at 16:41 Nathan says:

    They should have sent you a 360 version, like they did with Ars.

  8. 24/10/2011 at 16:42 jellydonut says:

    Let me guess – you’ve not been riding EA’s cock sufficiently, nor toeing the party line on Origin.

  9. 24/10/2011 at 16:42 owenj says:

    I have developed the creeping feeling that this is going to be a big disappointment.

    • 25/10/2011 at 09:35 Nallen says:

      I was in Game yesterday thinking exactly the same thing. God, what’s if it is crap.

      Thankfully Batman is freakin awesome.

    • 25/10/2011 at 11:13 Thermal Ions says:

      Well I for one am not in the least disappointed in RPS foregoing reviewing BF3 in order to bring us the under appreciated unipup ™.

      Wouldn’t have bothered reading a BF3 review anyway.

  10. 24/10/2011 at 16:43 The_B says:

    Surprised you went with the puppy on a unicorn score, when this review reads like it should be a rabbit on a pony.

  11. 24/10/2011 at 16:44 Inverselaw says:

    Awwwwwwwwww!!!

  12. 24/10/2011 at 16:44 Nostromo says:

    Gametrailers’ review points to a nice game where it matters (the PC).

  13. 24/10/2011 at 16:44 Raymond Saint says:

    Thank you very much, dear sirs.

  14. 24/10/2011 at 16:44 dandy-pandy says:

    american post did it again

  15. 24/10/2011 at 16:44 Richard Beer says:

    This has been Photoshopped. I can tell because of the pixels.

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:03 Harkkum says:

      It is the un-natural shadows and can you see that static one-pixel light source! My tri-ABCD 4872X card clearly shows these faults whilst running on ballista-form.

    • 24/10/2011 at 18:33 skurmedel says:

      The phong shader is almost lambertian, strange dithering going on with the anti-aliasing and the global illumination leaves a lot to be desired.

  16. 24/10/2011 at 16:45 Dinger says:

    Now is the time for Paradox to issue a kitten-filled press release. I’m just sayin’, more of the gaming internet clicks on photos of kittens than on BF3 reviews. It’s proven.

  17. 24/10/2011 at 16:46 Deathcrow says:

    That’s cool RPS. You don’t need to appeal to the masses and follow the hype. I come to RPS for the interesting articles about stuff I never hear about anywhere else. BF3 is EVERYWHERE…

  18. 24/10/2011 at 16:48 Jannakar says:

    Innocent question: Do you normally get review copies from EA (I would guess yes)? Is it just exclusive review rights to some sites and not others, or are they just picking on RPS?

  19. 24/10/2011 at 16:48 Monkey says:

    That puppy has no in-game voip, therefore cannot tell the unicorn where to go, what a shame

    • 25/10/2011 at 11:23 Thermal Ions says:

      In-game voip was planned, however the community engagement team highlighted that the PC audience would complain that there was no “push to talk” capability, and considering everyone with friends already uses Vent/TS/Mumble they’d get less complainants if they simply cut voip completely.

      * and those without friends would be grateful to be saved from getting abused by foul mouthed 12 year olds.

  20. 24/10/2011 at 16:50 bobbobob says:

    How many times can you whip the unicorn whilst playing as the puppy?

  21. 24/10/2011 at 16:52 Will Tomas says:

    PCG got a copy, but it didn’t work, so they’re in the same boat-

    http://www.pcgamer.com/2011/10/24/battlefield-3-first-impressions/

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:10 jonfitt says:

      The story is told in flashback by a soldier named Blackburn to two government agents, and every time he begins to talk of another mission, you start to play it. It’s hard not to imagine his ridiculous storytelling. “We were in Tehran, dealing with PLR insurgents. And then I shot a man, and then I shot another man, and then one threw a grenade, and I ran away, and then I came back, and I shot six men, and then two spawned behind a wall, and I shot them, and…”.

      Win.

    • 24/10/2011 at 17:46 VelvetFistIronGlove says:

      I automatically read that excerpt in the voice of Vernon from Psychonauts. It seemed apt.

    • 25/10/2011 at 09:10 bill says:

      So it’s not an RPS Exclusive Lack?!?! I feel betrayed. I can’t believe they would lie to us like that, and using a poor, innocent, underage puppy as part of their deviousness just makes it worse.

      Though, now i’ve read that (awesome) not-review, I feel it’s essentially what RPS would have written.

      In these moments when you’re clicking on heads popping up from behind low walls – and that’s most of the game – I found it as tedious and frustrating as that other series.

      Where it differs, and becomes vastly more enjoyable, is when you’re fighting inside a vehicle. There’s a tank section you’ll have seen in trailers, and another where you play co-pilot in a fighter jet. The latter is awkwardly shoved in to the plot, but it’s worth it, and both are vast and exciting.

      Still, it’s not why I play PC games, and it’s not why I play Battlefield games.

  22. 24/10/2011 at 16:52 westyfield says:

    Have you bothered contacting EA/DICE to ask why you haven’t had a review copy? I’d be interested to hear their reasons, even though they’d probably spout some BS about you leaking the code or something.

  23. 24/10/2011 at 16:55 apm says:

    whats the cat doing there?

  24. 24/10/2011 at 16:55 Njordsk says:

    Okay, I thought a unicorn was some kind of hat, Napoleon style.

    My lack of english vocabulary is scary

  25. 24/10/2011 at 16:55 oceanclub says:

    I presume the cat in the first photo is DLC?

    P.

  26. 24/10/2011 at 16:57 mod the world says:

    Who needs a BF3 review anyway, i come here for the cute animal pictures!

  27. 24/10/2011 at 17:00 Cunzy1 1 says:

    A live action dragon and unicorn! It is only Monday. WHATEVER NEXT?

  28. 24/10/2011 at 17:00 Wizardry says:

    I’ll help you experience the game so that you may review it. Just sit back in your chair and relax.

    You see an enemy run onto the screen. You move your mouse to bring the enemy central. You click the left mouse button. The enemy collapses to the floor. Victory is yours.

  29. 24/10/2011 at 17:04 zeroskill says:

    Hey RPS, did you check if you meat the requirements for doing a positive review for Battlefield 3?
    http://www.pcgamer.com/2011/10/19/ea-asks-for-reviewers-gaming-history/

    Also I guess RPS isnt interesting enough for EA because they dont give out 9 out of 10s in exchange for money.

  30. 24/10/2011 at 17:04 acidtestportfolio says:

    battlefield 3 escort mission (with a cat)

    take point as the cat flops its furry ass in the grass in front of the sun

    standing there for four hours at least

    • 24/10/2011 at 19:26 Magnetude says:

      If I’d been drinking tea while reading this it definitely would have come out of my nose

      As it is I just did a dry snort, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much at such a non-sequitur of a comment

  31. 24/10/2011 at 17:05 Burning Man says:

    I recommend clicking the unicorn tag and reading the only other entry with it. You will not sleep well.

  32. 24/10/2011 at 17:08 Donjo says:

    What’s everyone going to do with their new machines when RPS get a hold of this and we realise it’s not up to scratch? I’m going to see how many times I can open Half Life 2 before it goes haywire.

  33. 24/10/2011 at 17:16 Walsh says:

    I wonder if the tank gunner noticed the levitating cat next to him. He’s probably not looking at it in the hopes it will go away.

  34. 24/10/2011 at 17:19 chaywa says:

    I can’t believe how unfairly balanced this game is, I mean a unicorn has both speed, stamina and a solid attack rating without perks or unlocks. Combined with the puppy (an Andrex Puppy at that!) to increase the cuteness rating, it ultimately breaks the game.

    How are my eagle and Buzz Lightyear combo ever going to fairly compete against that!

    /fanrage

  35. 24/10/2011 at 17:20 Durkan says:

    I heard the Labrador puppy’s only available on pre order.

    If you want it after the games release it’s a DLC.
    You know … Down Loaded Canine

    Also Amazon is doing the SpayedCat Kit as a bonus.

    I’ll get my coat.

  36. 24/10/2011 at 17:21 JoWoo says:

    This is the best review I have ever not read.

  38. 24/10/2011 at 17:30 Ergates_Antius says:

    NOOOOoooooooooo…. Don’t shoot the lovely kitty!!!

  39. 24/10/2011 at 17:35 tbs says:

    Will there be Scrolls involved in this game as well?

  40. 24/10/2011 at 17:44 Inglourious Badger says:

    I don’t understand why don’t just ASSUME what it’s going to be like, taking into account any relevant levels of hype (more equals better), and just write a review based on that?

    • 24/10/2011 at 18:07 Inglourious Badger says:

      And I like how I’ve just excitedly done the rounds of my favourite gaming sites to find a trusted review and none of them have one yet! Not even Eurogamer who have their own Battlefield 3 microsite! I think you’re not the only ones, RPS. Not to worry

    • 24/10/2011 at 18:23 Lazaruso says:

      “Exclusive lack” my ass! How dare RPS claim they’re the only reviewers EA hasn’t bought! Especially after all those times they spit on commenters who suggested the very same thing!

  41. 24/10/2011 at 17:52 Electricfox says:

    Blitzkrieg – When you only stop for kittens…and puppies on unicorns

  42. 24/10/2011 at 18:04 Branthog says:

    At least you’re in good company. Hell, even GiantBomb apparently didn’t get a copy.

  43. 24/10/2011 at 18:05 Mikhail Popov says:

    Ben Kuchera of Ars Technica tweeted “EA and DICE are just trolling me at this stage. My BF3 package came in… with the console version.”

    Interesting…

  44. 24/10/2011 at 18:07 NaturalDre says:

    This is just a guess, but they might not have sent one ’cause you guys don’t give out review scores.

  45. 24/10/2011 at 18:08 Sunjammer says:

    Storytelling in retrospect is ridiculous for games. Even when it does work, such as in Sands of Time, it’s a hackneyed solution where the narrator has to go back and retell his story again because ‘that’s not what happened’ whenever the player dies.

    • 24/10/2011 at 19:33 Magnetude says:

      “I fought some sand monsters, then spent ten minutes looking around the room for hidden items. Then I fell off a ledge and died. Goodnight.”

    • 25/10/2011 at 08:09 John Brindle says:

      It works perfectly if the narrating character is very old.

      “Grandad, you’ve told this part four times before.”
      “Sho what?! I DIED four timesh before I got pasht it!”

  46. 24/10/2011 at 18:27 rocketman71 says:

    Definitely MUCH better than Battlefield 3!

  47. 24/10/2011 at 19:01 Freud says:

    That’s what you get for using derogatory terms such as “man shooter”.

  48. 24/10/2011 at 19:03 caddyB says:

    Relevant footage of ordering Battlefield 3 online:
    http://youtu.be/65LGFxRh-yk

  49. 24/10/2011 at 19:43 Tams80 says:

    You actually had me believing there were cats in BF3 for a moment then. ¬.¬

    They didn’t send you a copy, despite the background advertisement advertising they’re game? Bastards. (*Does know that it probably wasn’t deliberate*)

  50. 24/10/2011 at 20:20 Bobtree says:

    You can log in to the BF3 battlelog right now, setup your profile, install the plugin (for squad voice and game launching), and hit the forums. Some are already unlocking the single player via VPN, but I won’t bother with it.

    Unfortunately there’s no way to have multiple soldiers on your profile or change display name, though your Origin ID can be changed if you haven’t used the desired nickname with a previous EA game. Bit of a snafu there, lots of forum posts about this. Likewise with veteran status from old games. Com-rose is in but apparently a work in progress. Negative mouse acceleration is also new … sigh.

    Nvidia 285.62 drivers are out today for the BF3 release.

  51. 24/10/2011 at 21:05 pilouuuu says:

    Why the picture of The Sims 3 Pets? Cats are great and they can get fleas as you see in the pic, but the best feature are horses! At last something new in an expansion pack. Overall this is a much better version than The Sims 2 Pets. And yes, the special creature is an unicorn!

    And what does Battlefield 3 have to do with anything?

  53. 24/10/2011 at 22:07 strangeed says:

    I don’t think I actually want the review now. The comments are brilliant. A very enjoyable read, good effort folks!

  54. 24/10/2011 at 22:27 Ginga121 says:

    BEST REVIEW EVAAAAAR!

  55. 24/10/2011 at 22:39 alundra says:

    Something is up, it was the same for Bethesda and Rage. I don’t quite get it, ever after all those pre-reviews on the beta experience, must be that RPS does not carry the official EA seal of approval.

    Now I like this site even more.

  56. 24/10/2011 at 23:23 Shakermaker says:

    When you have pre-loaded on Origin you can play, both online and offline. Simple instructions can be found here:
    http://forums.overclockers.co.uk/showpost.php?p=20387641&postcount=28851
    EA condones it and has stated it isn’t illegal, but it is still for your own risk. I figure the worst that can happen is that they take away the stats I accrue between now and Thursday.

  57. 24/10/2011 at 23:33 Spider Jerusalem says:

    singleplayer so far is mindblowingly dull.

  58. 25/10/2011 at 00:23 Toxanite says:

    i knew there was a reason i came to this site

    …i mean besides the use of the word wot

  59. 25/10/2011 at 00:51 Bweahns says:

    From what I understand RPS don’t charge developers/publishers for game reviews therefore you don’t get a pre-release review copy. All the highly commercial game sites charge for reviews with an associated guarantee of an 8/10 even if the review reads like a 5/10.

    I’d take it as a big compliment. Eurogamer haven’t even reviewed RO2 yet. Not that I’m a great fan of that game, one of the biggest let downs I’ve experienced with a game actually.

    • 25/10/2011 at 08:36 Jim Rossignol says:

      “From what I understand RPS don’t charge developers/publishers for game reviews therefore you don’t get a pre-release review copy. All the highly commercial game sites charge for reviews with an associated guarantee of an 8/10 even if the review reads like a 5/10.”

      ???

    • 25/10/2011 at 11:51 Ergates_Antius says:

      That sounds like a pretty hefty, not to say libelous, accusation. Do you have any proof?

  60. 25/10/2011 at 07:54 Ondrej says:

    I love how this nonexistent BF3 review has more comments than most articles here… Gotta love RPS :)

  61. 25/10/2011 at 08:06 John Brindle says:

    I’ve always thought it one of gaming’s great scandals that Operation Flashpoint only got Holly on a Tractor. Don’t let it happen again, RPS.

  62. 25/10/2011 at 08:30 Joe Duck says:

    An awesome review (and probably the only accurate one you’ll find), a long string of thoughtful and informative comments by a community of serious minded people AND the invention of the text based FPS!
    Yes, this can only be RPS

  63. 25/10/2011 at 09:03 bill says:

    But is it an Indian Unicorn or an African Unicorn?

    • 25/10/2011 at 18:15 El_Emmental says:

      It’s a fictional Unicorn (I know equestrianism realism fans will cringe at such incromprehensible game design error, but “the game needs to sell”, casualization is getting everywhere !) => it has the mane of the Indian unicorn and the nasal shape of the African unicorn.

      I just hope they’ll get the gait system right this time, the canter was closer to a slow gallop than to a real canter – I almost asked for a refund for that, but the Puppy Dance bonus stage was really worth it !

    • 26/10/2011 at 07:51 Dances to Podcasts says:

      *Dances to puppies*

  64. 25/10/2011 at 11:26 drdss says:

    Why doesn’t RPS have a generic manshoot review to trot out at times like this? Let’s face it, the developers have been trotting out the same old same old for years, why shouldn’t the reviewers get in on the act?

  65. 25/10/2011 at 11:51 Davee says:

    Best review I’ve seen in a while!

  66. 25/10/2011 at 11:52 Falfa says:

    What a lovely exclusive picture. Also quite “shocked” RPS is not getting advance-copys but after recent news my only conclusion is that you are untouchables that EA playing safe. But I have high and positive expectation towards this game and I’m very confident that RPS is going to give positive feedback for BF3. Therefore underlining the fact that RPS is (for me) sort of vanguard of gaming site/blog it’s bloody shame EA did not send a copy.

  67. 06/04/2012 at 04:55 gayylalgli says:

    Seriously Rush was really crowded in BC2 and in the beta with 32 players already. Sure the maps were smaller but if there is still a situation that the entire game is concentrated around one MCOM it’ll become a total mayhem. 32 players defending and 32 players attacking ONE spot. Well Battlelog is up and I see servers with people playing…can’t try it out since I’m at work. Odd, it even pulls NA servers with people in them.
    Also, it seems that Karkand will be a separate game entirely, just like the BC2 Vietnam expansion was. It has a separate filter and everything.seo service

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