The Games Industry On… Poached Eggs

By Alec Meer on November 1st, 2011 at 11:10 am.

The right pan in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world

It’s not all news, opinions and minor complaints about videogames round here, you know. The games industry is bigger, brighter and smarter than the flood of trailers about shooting men to death might suggest, and I feel compelled to reflect that. As a new convert to the fine art of the poached egg (how did I manage to miss it all these years?), I was in need of significant help in perfecting the creation of this versatile, bird protein-based dish. But where could I possibly find it from? I turned to the one place I knew I could trust: the games industry. To use vinegar or not to use vinegar? Cling film or bespoke device? Salt or whirlpool? Shallow or deep-pan? There was much to consider. It seemed monstrously selfish to keep the advice of assorted developers, publishers and journalists to myself, however, so allow me to be your spiritual coach to poaching an egg – Oprah Vinegar-Free, if you will.

Contributing to this most essential of features are good folk from the likes of 2K Marin, Reflections, Ubisoft Montreal, Splash Damage, Positech, Honeyslug and Relentless, plus a raft of indie devs and games journos. Many, many thanks to everyone who sent in their eggstraordinary tips. That’s right, I went there.

Andrew Howat, Associate Producer, Ubisoft Reflections (Driver):

“Not mine, as I’m not an egg eater, but my wife would suggest getting one of these. She swears by it. And never at it.”

_

Ian Roberts, Creative Director, Red Redemption Ltd (Fate of the World):

“Lots of debate among the Fate of the World devs on this one. Klaude (our MD) is of the opinion that vinegar in the water is vital to keep the spheroid membranes from collapsing. Sam, however, has the controversial method of cracking the egg into a cup with a splash of water and nuking it in the microwave… simple but is it really a poached egg? Clearly the carbon footprint of the microwave method is better but what is the cost to deliciousness? Difficult choices and yet both are a compromise – why settle for vinegary eggs or funky texture? Difficult decisions require drastic solutions – I opt for the dangerous “vortex” method where I whip boiling water into a fury and drop the egg into it. It either works beautifully or causes eggy chaos possibly resulting in scolding, swearing and perhaps permanent scarring. No parallels with Fate of the World whatsoever.”

Johnnemann Nordhagen, Programmer, 2K Marin (BioShock 2, XCOM):

“Add a little vinegar to the water – helps the whites hold together. Create a vortex of swirling water; drop the egg in the middle. Oh, and water shouldn’t be bubbling, just very very hot.”

_

Ed Stern, lead writer, Splash Damage (Enemy Territory, Brink):

“Fuck the vinegar. Not literally. Fuck those silicone moulds. No, it’s a figure of speech. Fuck the frying pan. YES, LITERALLY. The eggs need to be room temperature, as should your room, and it should be a kitchen. There are two methods: one cute, one just perfect.

Method 1:
The cute method is to line a ramekin with a very lightly oiled square of clingfilm, crack the egg into it and then twist the clingfilm shut into a bag/pouch/cooking scrotum. Lower your egg-pouch (the one you just made, I mean, not one you may already be biologically furnished with) into simmering water, cook for three minutes and then dip it into iced water. Don’t let the loose handle of the pouch hang down on the pan or it’ll go evil and kill you. Remove after the aforementioned 3 of your Earth “minutes”, and when the bag is cool enough to touch without shrieking like a girl, the egg is ready and it’s perfect, like a little dimsum. Not your classic poached egg shape, but it works.

Method A:
Right, I take it back about the vinegar, for this Perfect method, you’ll need one drop thereof. Sort of half-fill a larger pan than you were going to use with water and bring to an angry, unresolved mother-issues sort of boil. Proper pinch of salt, add it. Break an egg (you can only cook one at a time this way) into a small jug or bowl (but a jug is better) and add one (1) drop of vinegar. Not balsamic, it’ll be rank. Now realise you don’t own a balloon whisk. Make or procure a balloon whisk. Now whisk that water unto a very vortex. Whisk it, no, that’s stirring, I said whisk, WHISK I SAY so there’s a whirlpool, a maelstrom, an inverted waterspout. NOW QUICKLY DROP THE JUG ON THE FLOOR. No, wait, into the water. Damn. I’m sorry. Yeah, so, boiling water, whisk really hard, vortex, and then the very moment you stop whisking gently pour/slide the jug of egg into the vortex-shaft. You’ll need to dunk the jug into the water a bit, so that’s why it’s better than using a bowl (unless it’s tiny, in which case you’ll drop it into the water, knowing you). Now turn the heat right down low and cook for EXACTLY THREE MINUTES. Then drain and serve as soon as you can.

If you have taken the precaution of having previously procured sourdough bread and toasted it just right, and then applied a poached egg unto it, maybe with some spinach YOU WILL BE KING OF ALL EGGS. If you can make a foaming hollandaise for eggs benedict, you’re lying, or a professional chef in a very well equipped kitchen. Either way, I will give you folding pictures of the queen to make me some every twenty minutes, all day, for the rest of my life.”


Matt Lees, staff writer, Official Xbox Magazine UK:

“Crack egg into teacup. Heat small pan of water until simmering, then ease teacup into water – gently warming the white and teasing the edge of the egg to begin the cooking process. Remove teacup, and use spoon to create pan-vortex. Gently release egg into vortex. Voila.”

_

Ricky Haggett, designer and co-founder, Honeyslug (Hohokum):

“Poaching eggs is the ‘Go’ of cooking: simple to learn but hard to master, with seemingly unlimited variations. I like to do my poaching on a Saturday morning after a run, listening to 6music. I used to like poaching to Adam and Joe, but now it’s Andrew Collins and Josie Long.

The most incontrovertible tip I offer is: ensure the eggs are fresh. I buy mine on Friday evening. In England we now have ‘Happy Eggs’, which have quickly become my preferred brand.

I use a 10 inch pan, and I fill it to 3/4s with boiling water from the kettle, with a dash of vinegar. I bring it back to the boil, then down to a very gentle simmer on a small gas ring, with just a couple of bubbles rising per second: the key is to have the water as still as possible; I don’t go for a swirling vortex – as I’ve achieved at best only limited success with one egg, and it seems impossibly chaotic with more.

So I open the eggs carefully, right on the surface of the water. Even if I burn the tips of my fingers, I want them lowered in gently so the water cradles them for a gentle descent. With unperturbed water, fresh eggs and steady hands, the white shouldn’t spread too much, which should ensure both a pleasing final shape, and that the yolk be protected from overcooking.

No-one can tell you how long to poach eggs for – it depends how you like the yoke. My technique is to put my bread down in the toaster on setting 4 just before putting the eggs in, and lift them out again when the toast pops. This gives me a runny yoke inside, but with some slightly more solid yolk closer to the edges. Practice practice practice!

My serving suggestion is on with toasted sourdough bread, topped with smoked salmon, black pepper and accompanied by fresh coffee and orange juice.”

Cliff Harris, founder, Positech Games (Gratuitous Space Battles):

“You have to have all the right kit. And make sure you have the latest drivers for your eggs.”

_

Caspian Prince, founder, Puppy Games (Revenge of the Titans):

“Pop egg in a small plastic pot with a drop of oil. Place in a small pan of boiling water with the lid on for 4 minutes.”

_

Rich Edwards, Rich Make Game! (Pineapple Smash Crew):

“Nothing fancy to it.. simmer the water till it’s just bubbling, then bring it down a little till the water is more still. crack an egg into a small bowl/cup, then very slowly pour the egg into the water. Now (slowly) bring the water temperature back up till it’s just bubbling again. cook for 1-2 mins (starting from when you put the egg in). Remove carefully and trim any small whispy bits if they have developed. If you’re gonna do another try remove any stray bits of egg from the saucepan with a strainery-ladle.”

_

Ian Hatch, AI programmer, Ubisoft Montreal:

“Pan, vinegar, swirl.”

Jonathan ‘Bidds’ Biddle, design director, Curve Studios (Explodemon):

“Add a capful of vinegar, then stir the pan of boiling water (3-4″ deep) so there’s a whirlpool. Break egg into centre of whirlpool. Water should be simmering, not violently bubbling. Cook for just under 3 mins for that runny yolk joy.”

_

Dan Marshall, founder, Size Five Games (Time Gentlemen, Please!):

“Bottomless ramekin rings are a poached egg’s best friend, keeps it all super tidy. Also, brown sauce.”

_

Pat Garratt, editor, Videogaming247.com:

“Still, gently boiling water and lots of vinegar. The acid sets the egg quickly so you don’t get explodo-egg. A brave man attempts poached eggs with no vinegar, fresh or nay. They use vinegar in every restaurant I’ve ever worked in. They keep them on ice, then reheat them for service.”

_

Michael Brough, smestorp (Vertex Dispenser):

“I like to poach them in oil with parsley and pepper.”

_

Ben Parfitt, editor, MCVUK.com:

“Don’t be afraid to spoon boiling water onto the top of the poaching egg to ensure an even cook.”

Kerry Turner, Littleloud (The Curfew, Sweat Shop):

“I use the old cling film trick.”

_

Kieron Gillen, father of the New Games Journalism:

“I’d suggest lightly olive oil-ing the cling film before adding the egg.”

_

Ian Hardingham, designer/programmer, Mode 7 Games (Frozen Synapse):

“My wife poaches my eggs using this weird plastic device which looks a bit like a flower.”

Tom Hatfield, PC Gamer:

“No matter how well you poach it, no-one will ever accept that it’s as well poached as the eggs they enjoyed when they were a child.”

_

Joe Martin, games editor, Bit-Tech/Custom PC:

“Ducks eggs work way better than chicken eggs.”

_

Lizi Attwood, programmer, Relentless Software (Buzz!):

“Use a crap load of white wine vinegar, basically.”

Thanks, games industry! Truly, you have made the world a better place this day.

__________________

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147 Comments »

  1. Inigo says:

    I see the cocaine’s started to kick in.

  2. bear912 says:

    I’ve been waiting for this article.

  3. Ian says:

    What an EGGSellent article.

    • MiniMatt says:

      I’m no eggspurt on such matters but I agree. Hard boiled journalism at it’s finest.

    • Cyberpope says:

      a cracking good read

    • Gandhi says:

      @Cyberpope – Couldn’t eggree more

    • Baboonanza says:

      These puns are rotten!

    • Lambchops says:

      @ Babaoonanza

      Your brain must be scrambled, they are actually EGGregious.

    • Dr. Evanzan says:

      I’m disappointed.
      I thought this was a PC site, but this article was clearly aimed at the Egg Box crowd!

    • bear912 says:

      I think you all are ova reacting.

    • sneetch says:

      The quality of journalism on this site is a yolk! It used to be great, focusing on cutting egg indy gaming but now they just use it to shellfishly promote their own eggendas!

    • Ondrej says:

      I’ve got an evil plan hatching, soon you will be eggsterminated!

      Also, have a look-see at the bottom of this page: 3508 scotch eggs consumed today…

    • julianbenson says:

      let’s shell-ve these awful yolks

    • JackShandy says:

      Stop egging Alec on, guys, you’re just inflating his eggo.

    • Fleps says:

      I can see that you have gone ovary and above in pursuit of eggcellence

    • Gandhi says:

      That’s all yolks!!!

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      I shell not participate in this pun thread.

    • Ultra Superior says:

      I begg your pardon, white not?

    • golden_worm says:

      We should compile these puns into some kind of Albumen.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Because puns are just too over-easy. Why beat yourself up and scramble to make them? You just have to whisk out a few words. Well, blow that for a game of soldiers. Now i really should get back to work before I get fried.

    • Durkonkell says:

      Personally, I thought the article panned out quite well.

    • Eddy9000 says:

      The bad puns aren’t ova yet!

    • Tams80 says:

      Well the commentators really are coming out of their shells today!

    • Cooper says:

      A lot of the suggestions aren’t fully developed, they’re only embryonic.

    • iucounu says:

      I think it’s good that commenters are giving their creativity free range.

    • Raiyan 1.0 says:

      Pun threads always make me eggstatic! People who hate puns should be eggested from RPS.

    • westyfield says:

      This should be a presentation at the Eureggamer Eggspo.

    • Coccyx says:

      I am so tempted to come in with a combo breaker, but I’m not sure whether to use a mug or the blade of a knife.

    • matty_gibbon says:

      These comments made me l’oeuf

    • vecordae says:

      Ei find myself too intimidated to join in the punnery. The hegglers in the crowd always throw me oeuf.

    • BeamSplashX says:

      The Pun Eggspress shows up again, but y’know what? Omelet this one go.

    • The Tupper says:

      I quail at the thought of eggstracting more from this thread.

    • bagga says:

      Then you’re just a chicken, period.

    • The Tupper says:

      Chalazae that you have won this thread and I hereby cock a doodle to you?

      Here goes:

      8====>

    • Bob says:

      You guys crack me up.

      I’m hopeless at poaching eggs so this article may actually help.

  4. MiniMatt says:

    This is awesome. This blows away the “What’s your favourite cheese?” comedy interview question by a mile.

    This is a whole different league :o)

  5. Matt says:

    Am I less of a person for never having poached an egg nor eaten one cooked in such a manner?

    • iucounu says:

      Yep. Sorry, but there it is.

      A poached egg makes an excellent salad dressing, too.

    • Ian says:

      Never poached an egg myself, but I have eaten them. If not in a long time. Perhaps this weekend I shall make the effort and try poaching one.

    • Lambchops says:

      Nope, eggs aren’t nice. Yup I went there.

    • Avish says:

      I never heard you could poach an egg!
      But I will try this over the weekend.

      Thank you Alec!

    • Network Crayon says:

      Eggs are Yukky.

    • Berzee says:

      I say that you are exactly the same amount of man either way, but a TOTALLY DIFFERENT KIND OF MAN before and after.

      I think poached eggs are weird, and would probably think that even if they didn’t give me impolite illnesses.

    • Lone Gunman says:

      Scrambled egg is the best.

  6. DigitalRaven says:

    Use a lot of white wine vinegar—three or four tablespoons—and get the water boiling, real lots of bubbles going. The brownian motion of the bubbles shapes the egg, the vinegar cures the white, holding it all together. You should have more than enough water to cover the egg. Crack the freshest egg you can buy into a cup or a jug or something, and gently pour it in to the water, and reduce to a fast simmer. Two minutes and thirty seconds later, remove with a slotted spoon. Serve, on top of ham and toast, with a sprinkle of paprika.

  7. iucounu says:

    The cling film method is idiot-proof; you can hardly go wrong. The thing about poached eggs is that the shape is quite dependent on the freshness of the eggs – the older they are, the more the white tends to spread out, and you get Egg Shoggoths. (Sheggeths? Hmm.)

    • fearian says:

      Yup yup, Cling film all the way. THANKS B3TA!

    • Adynod says:

      Ha! I’m not the only one to liken mis-poached eggs to Lovecraft. :)

    • ComradePenguin says:

      My poaching needs are very specific. I like an a poached egg with a veggie burger in a muffin. A Veg McMuffin if you will so I need both sides of the egg fairly flat. The problem with the cling film method is there are too many curves and I find my egg sliding disappointingly into my lap as I bite into it. So far the best results have come from a deep frying pan with special poaching insert but even that gives me curves. Any suggestions on how to make my eggs cylindrical. They have to do it for Gala pies.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      No you fool! Dont call something idiot-proof! It is like a beacon that summons idiots! Ah, here’s our first customer:
      “you didn’t tell me I couldn’t use petrol in my poaching recipe and now I’ve gone blind!”

    • marach says:

      @ComradePenguin Take a deep frying pan and bring water to simmering, drop an oiled chefs ring into the center, break egg into ring, wait normal amount of time, lift both the egg and ring out onto kitchen paper and then slowly slide off the ring

      end result is a round flat on one side poached egg perfect for muffins

    • RichMakeGame says:

      I must be an idiot :/ When I tried the clingfilm method the egg stuck to the clingfilm when I tried to remove it and it all got torn apart. I didn’t oil it though, maybe I’ll give that a go

    • Kieron Gillen says:

      You should have listened to me. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LISTEN TO ME.

      KG

  8. Moni says:

    I might follow Ed Stern’s advice and boil my scrotum.

  9. Will Tomas says:

    Truly, this is why I love RPS. <3

  10. Maxheadroom says:

    Much as I would to claim credit for this alas all I can do is relink it:

    http://www.b3ta.com/features/howtopoachanegg/

    Since trying The ‘Clingfilm’ method I’ve never looked back!

    • marach says:

      he uses eggs at the stage where they are only good for cake baking and complains when they won’t poach properly?

  11. ran93r says:

    Trust Ed to add Cooking Scrotum to my vocabulary.

  12. hmrf says:

    Just make a sous vide egg instead.

    • hmrf says:

      No, seriously: If you’ve ever had a sous vide egg you won’t ever want a poached or – heaven forbid – a just cooked egg again, ever.

    • Baboonanza says:

      That’s all well and good but it takes A FUCKING HOUR!

      I want to cook my eggs in the time it takes to toast the bread and make the coffee so that I can take them to my wife to keep her happy while I play on the PC!

    • hmrf says:

      Wives are totally overrated!

      Oh, another great thing to do: Take a poached egg, roll it in some almond flour and some spices (or something alike) and then fry it. That is fairly awesome as well.

    • Mechanicus_ says:

      “sous-vide cooking must be performed under carefully controlled conditions to avoid botulism poisoning”

      No thanks?

    • hmrf says:

      It’s actually rather simple. If you have a brain in your head, read the basics about the time/temp/bacteria-dead correlations and apply that knowledge not much can go wrong. Especially not with an egg.

  13. Jaffo says:

    This is the most useful article ever published on here; I’m all over that cling film lark when I next do some!

  14. AbsoluteDestiny says:

    Heh. I wrote “scolding” instead of “scalding”. Well, I’m sure there would be that too.

  15. RogB says:

    whats the original idea of the vinegar? seems odd..

    • DigitalRaven says:

      Acid sets the egg-white on contact, “cooking” the outside as soon as the egg hits the liquid, thus helping the egg keep its shape.

      It’s cooking with science.

    • Berzee says:

      “cooking with science” DEAR SIR,
      PERHAPS YOU HAVE HEARD OF THERMODYNAMICS
      LOVE AND REGARDS, BERZEE

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      Aperture Science has invented the Aperture Science Avian Ovum Structural Enhancement Process. With this technique Aperture Science Personnel have successfully reduced the number of egg-related deaths under lab conditions by almost half. Simply by adding an acetic acid preparation to the exterior of the ovum during the patented Aperture Science Avian Ovum Structural Enhancement Process it gains structural integrity, allowing the ovum to retain its characteristic shape throughout cooking.

      Aperture Science does not accept liability for death, damage, or insanity incurred during this process. Remember: Cooking is science, and science is fun.

  16. Adynod says:

    This is brilliant. Coincidentally I tried poaching an egg for the first time a few weeks ago and knew nothing of vinegar or swirling. It turned out like a bright white Lovecraftian nightmare.

    I’ll try again, armed with the eggy knowledge of the game industry.

  17. dr.glyndwr says:

    I spent a long time making terrible poached eggs before I figured out how to reliably make good ones, so I feel qualified to say there’s a lot of iffy advice up there. For example, those silicon egg cup things are rubbish. Vinegar makes them taste funny. Swirling means you can only cook one at once, and who wants to eat just one poached egg?

    Egg rings are the answer, and a big, wide, shallow pan with a lid.

    1. Crack eggs into small bowls or mugs or something.
    2. Bring water to the boil in the pan with the rings in there already.
    3. Turn the heat off and wait a few seconds for the boiling to subside.
    4. Pour the eggs into each egg ring, very gently — ideally with the lip of the bowl or mug under the water.
    5. Immediately put the lid on. Time three minutes if your eggs were at room temperature, plus thirty seconds if they were in the fridge.
    6. Remove the egg rings, then scoop the eggs out with a slotted or mesh spoon.

    The water not being boiling means the eggs will hold their shape well, because the bubbles won’t disturb them. The egg rings can also be used when frying eggs for an Egg McMuffin effect.

    The serving suggestion with smoked salmon is great advice (although I prefer creamy scrambled eggs), and I’d like to put in a mention for the superior brunch that is Eggs Benedict (as long as you’re up for making fresh Hollandaise). A less common idea that I really like is to serve them on top of toasted crumpets. The yolk runs down and soaks into the holes on the crumpets, mixing with the melted butter you hopefully smothered them in first.

    And now I’m hungry and it’s an hour to lunch. Damn you, RPS.

    • Josh W says:

      Yes! Small cups submerged in a pan!

      I had another way to that which was really stupid, so I don’t do it any more:

      Fill three cups with boiling water, then put the water back in the kettle, then crack eggs into the cups. Then put the cups upside down in a pan and poor the kettle water on top. The hot water will rush in, lifting the cups off.

      This is basically the same thing you are doing with way more operations.

  18. AmateurScience says:

    There can be no salt! It interrupts the protein – protein bonding process that makes the albumen not go all stringy (technical term).

    On the other hand, make sure to give it a good pinch (of salt – pinching the egg is just mean) once it’s served or the baby jebus will cry (unless you are on a low sodium diet ofc).

    • dr.glyndwr says:

      Yes, this. And for the same reason, salt goes in scrambled eggs at the end of cooking, not at the start (as I was taught as a kid, and as many people seem to believe).

  19. SF Legend says:

    Boil water.

    Place bread into toaster.

    Crack eggs into water.

    Push down toaster.

    Turn off hob once whites appear cooked.

    Serve once bread is toasted.

    Perfect

  20. bsplines says:

    And this is why I read RPS. Thank you.
    On a side note, I now know what’s on for breakfast tomorrow.

  21. princec says:

    Balls! Now I want poached eggs on toast for lunch. You’re fucking my diet up! I’ve got 6 months to lose a stone before I get married and you are NOT HELPING!

    Cas :)

  22. sonofsanta says:

    The climgfilm method is marvellous. However, a true kitchen geek owns a stupid shaped pan for every occasion, and egg poachers are pretty wonderful – like a frying pan that sits on top of the saucepan of bioling water, with 4 little drop in dishes. no mess, no fuss, no cock ups – jsut 4 perfect poached eggs everytime. And cupboards full of stuff that’s useless 98% of the time.

    Example

  23. gausswerks says:

    one of the very most entertaining and surprisingly informative RPS posts. Come the weekend I yearn for eggs benedict and have been keen to make my own–just the thing, then.

  24. Gap Gen says:

    Usually I just stare at the bubbling pan saying “DON’T BURN, MOTHERFUCKER, DON’T BURN.” Although I’m never sure whether free ranged or melee eggs are the best.

    • Lord Custard Smingleigh says:

      I hear toast soldiers have a snare, so free ranged is the way to go.

  25. Danorz says:

    alec meer eat the eggs

  26. Chris D says:

    I am still confused as to the role of the mysterious vortex. Should it be violent enough that the eggs orbit the centre of the pan like a miniature solar system? Or is it a matter of finesse? Do you have to aim it so that the white if the egg is covered in water but the yolk remains dry? Does it just make the egg feel happier, and a happier egg is a tasty egg? Or is it just that working in the games industry gives you a low attention span and it’s just something to do to pass the time while waiting for the egg to cook?

    While this article was excellent in many ways I feel it does not do enough to cater to those not already members of the hard core egg poaching community.

    • Danorz says:

      the vortex is to hold the egg stable in the middle of the pan, you want it to be the sun of the eggy solar system, not a planet

    • Chris D says:

      It all makes sense now. Thank you, good sir.

  27. Richard Beer says:

    I’d never heard of Honeyslug before, but thanks to Ricky Haggett’s clearly superior expertise in the area of egg-poaching, I will be buying every one of his future products. And trying his poaching method this coming Saturday morning.

    P.S. the cling film method makes the egg taste of plastic.

    • Tams80 says:

      His method does seem far superior. Plus the games look great.

    • James G says:

      Definitely the most middle class of the poached eggs. (Says the person not sophisticated enough to have even a bog standard poached egg)

  28. Tams80 says:

    The first time I tried to poach some eggs I didn’t use any water. Needless to say, it didn’t end well for either the poaching pan or myself.

  29. magnus says:

    Congratulations on quite probably the most random article I have ever seen. :O

    • Chris D says:

      No, it’s entirely logical. A very high proportion of the leading lights in the games industry have a previous background in catering. It’s a classic case of poacher turned gamekeeper.

      Some might think that those in the music industry might be a better choice on this topic, but while they show initial promise they can lack consistency. They tend to struggle with the difficult second albumen.

    • 4026 says:

      Thread winner. And it’s not even in the pun thread.

    • Danorz says:

      “poacher turned gamekeeper” ok everyone can stop now, it’s over. this right here. nobody can beat this.

    • Caspian says:

      Chris D, I salute you for your beautiful oeuvre…

    • iucounu says:

      Chris D – flawless victory.

      Hivemind – that should be the title of this post now. ‘Poachers turned Gamekeepers’. Perfection.

  30. Kefren says:

    Please can you feature scrambled tofu and leek (optional tomato) on toast in a future article? I think some game devs will have definite views e.g. with regards to volumes of soy sauce and whether to use mustard or not.

    • Caspian says:

      Tofu scramble with carrots and a little sesame oil is also rather splendid. You need the firm tofu though, not the silken stuff or it ends up as a type of shoggothian/carotene mayonaisse, which nobody is brave enough to eat…

    • Kefren says:

      Yes, must be firm tofu, and not the frozen variant (which works best for absorbing flavour into chewy tasty chunks).

  31. Colthor says:

    The message I’m taking from this article is that eggs should be fried.

    • Joe Duck says:

      Hear, hear.
      Heat some good olive oil, separate the white from the yolk, pour the white when the olive oil is hot and let it fry. If the egg is fresh, it’ll get slightly golden and bubbly on the edges of the white. After like 30 secs, carefully place the yolk with a spoon in the center of the fried egg white. With the same spoon, take some olive oil from the edges and pour it on top of the yolk so that it “glues” to the white. After 15-30 more seconds, just take it off the pan, add salt and if you are a barbarian from north of the Pyrinees, black pepper.
      Eat straight away with a loaf of white french bread on the side and DIP THE BREAD.
      You are welcome.

    • Dozer says:

      Frying with olive oil? That’s against Natural Law I think. And also Normal Law and Alternate Law and Direct Law.

  32. airtekh says:

    I’ve never poached an egg in my life.

    It’s scrambled or bust in my kitchen!

  33. Sinomatic says:

    I feel the power of the poach pod is being seriously undervalued here. Had mine for well over a year and would never go back to the swirly, vinegar mess of yesteryear. As long as you don’t mind the obviously artificially-shaped egg they produce, I’d thoroughly recommend them. Every so slightly grease pods, bring water to boil then turn the heat right down, put pods in, cover pan with lid (important) and a few minutes later they’re done.

    God I’m hungry now.

    • Danorz says:

      i thought it was established in the main article that putting your pods in boiling water was a bad idea

  34. cloudkiller says:

    It is funny, but I’ll never read a game article that long. However, when it comes to poached eggs I haven’t found my limit yet… and I don’t even like poached eggs.

  35. blind_boy_grunt says:

    i don’t get poached eggs, but well i’m a libertarian so off you go.
    Still the clingfilm method confuses me, what is the difference between that and using the shell it comes with?

    • Berzee says:

      Probably primarily that it’s hard to crack a poached egg without destroying it. I wouldn’t know personally — by the time I found out about poached eggs, I’d developed a terrible digestional reaction to all kinds of eggy foods in general.

    • Dozer says:

      I realise that carelessly-handled poached eggs can do massive damage paper, but surely even libertarians have a kitchen somewhere they can cook without damaging any books.

  36. Unaco says:

    I don’t think I’d want to eat SplashDamage eggs… Undercooked, riddled with Salmonella.

    Ed Stern probably uses human eggs or something.

    2K Marin ship their eggs with the yolk included in the shell, but you have to pay extra to activate it.

    UBISOFTs eggs have to maintain a constant connection to the pan of water, otherwise they revert back to their uncooked state.

    I just use one of these when I poach eggs… which isn’t that often. I prefer scrambled, cooked in a the pan, just right.

    • Srethron says:

      The best way to cook most game industry eggs is with Valve-branded Steam.

  37. Nallen says:

    The best thing about poached eggs is that they seem harder to make than they actually are, providing a great way to impress the lady/man friend with breakfast in bed.

  38. Berzee says:

    I never knew what journalism was until this moment.

  39. lurkalisk says:

    Is it just me or do most people seem to be woefully inept when it comes to egg poaching? It’s a marvelously simple process. No real tools are needed.

  40. Berzee says:

    Sneaking into the king’s forest, stealing his eggs! It’s the gallows for you, peasant.

  41. Acosta says:

    Eggs are overrated. And how much did you get paid by the eggs producers for this shameless promotion? You don’t fool anyone!

  42. Joe Duck says:

    RPS, I love you.

  43. Vexing Vision says:

    What’s with all the console-love recently?

    Stop your eggsbox-promotions right away and come back to Poached Computers!

  44. Screamer says:

    And here I thought poaching only had to do with rhinos.

  45. buzzmong says:

    Screw poached. Scrambled is where it’s at.

  46. Synesthesia says:

    i have never eaten a poached egg! How could i not know this things existed? You weird brits and your weird ye olde culinary habits. I shall become a millionaire by copyrighting their use in argentina. And then i will pay a development team to stop you from making your past calls telephone, thus erasing last weeks post from existence. Now i have to figure out why.

  47. Davie says:

    My goodness, I had no idea there was such an art to poaching! I always assumed poached eggs just were, specifically just were fried eggs with the white on funny and a watery taste. Thank you for enlightening me, RPS. The Important News Site, indeed.

  48. Dreamhacker says:

    You sure are greggarious today!