By Alec Meer on November 21st, 2011 at 3:33 pm.
Brick vs Byte usually concerns the top ten best-selling games on Steam vs the top ten best-selling games at UK retail over the last week, but as both charts are barely changed from last week and frankly that’s no fun whatsoever to read about, we instead contacted our Future Industry Analyst Dr Ian “Ian” McGuess to provide an accurate look at what he’d expect said charts to look like thirty years hence. Here’s what his spreadsheets came up with.
Steam:
1. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare: Battlefield: FIFA: Theme Park 4
Dr Ian notes: by this point, Activision will have bought out EA, but their only use of its properties was as a snarky way to avoid an increasingly ludicrous number appearing at the end of its Call of Duty games’ names. The COD series has continued to be rebooted every few years, with a new subtitle added every time. Fans generally agree it’s all been downhill since Call of Duty: Black Ops: Medal of Honor: Dungeon Keeper 3, however.
2. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Dr Ian notes: with Bethesda finally releasing the first patch for the classic roleplaying game, a mere 30 years after release, it’s shot back into the charts. They still haven’t added a menu option for self-shadowing, however.
3. Anno 2011
Dr Ian notes: Pundits praise the newest anno for its accurate representation of the worldwide financial collapse on November 22, 2011.
4. Half-Life 3
Dr Ian notes: hahahahahahahahahaahahhaaaaaargh.
5. Football Manager 2042
Dr Ian notes: in 2038, Rock, Paper, Shotgun finally stopped making the ‘foot-to-ball’ gag.
6. Uncharted 19: Press A Button
Dr Ian notes: with the collapse of the console industry in 2021, most of those platforms’ major brands came to PC. It was around about Uncharted 14 that the developers admitted their players just wanted to watch explosions while a man said pithy things.
7. System Shock 3
Dr Ian notes: rights to Shock passed back to Irrational in 2040, when Ken Levine and Bobby Kotick had a fist fight over ownership of it on top of Ben Nevis. Levine won, but all that’s left of him is a single staring eye, now embedded in a golden throne.
8. Angry Birds 3: It’s Christmas Time Again, Again
9. Angry Birds 3: Instant 100% Completion DLC
10. Angry Birds 3: Instant 101% Completion DLC
UK retail:
1. The Sims 6
2. The Sims 6: Date Night!!!!!!!111Lol
3. The Sims 6: Pets: Dogs Edition
4. The Sims 6: Pets: Cats Edition
5. The Sims 6: Pets: Dogs Edition: Poodle Pack
6. The Sims 6: Pets: Hamster With Liver Failure Edition
7. The Sims 6: Tesco Adventures!
8. The Sims 6: Ultimate Edition
9. The Sims 6: Ultimate Edition (Complete Edition)
10.The Sims 3: Generations
21/11/2011 at 15:40 Dom_01 says:
I love RPS for “news-items” like these.
21/11/2011 at 15:53 SiHy_ says:
I’m holding out for Uncharted 20: Press Any Button (Or Don’t If You Don’t Want To, It Doesn’t Make Any Difference)
EDIT: Oops, not really meant to be a reply.
21/11/2011 at 15:45 Jumwa says:
I bet that Sims 6: Ultimate Edition (Complete Edition) runs you a pretty future-dollar. Probably have to mortgage off your last remaining kidney for it.
21/11/2011 at 16:31 Eamo says:
They’re not called future-dollars, they are called yen.
21/11/2011 at 16:50 balooba says:
yuan
21/11/2011 at 19:51 Arglebargle says:
Yawn
21/11/2011 at 15:54 sneetch says:
All hail Levine, Emperor of Mankind!
21/11/2011 at 16:01 Inigo says:
This article makes me miss Dr Kitts of N64 Magazine fame.
21/11/2011 at 20:37 trigonometryhappy says:
I just did one of those nostalgic dimple-smiles at this. Thanks.
Ah the good old days of reading PCgamer & N64/NGC magazine.
21/11/2011 at 16:03 apocraphyn says:
Does make you wonder why a Sims 3 expansion pack is still in the top 10 for retail, though.
No doubt there’s still a faction of people out there who claim that “SIMS 3 IS THE BEST SIMS GAME” in 2041.
Quite a large faction, to get into the top 10… The Sims Wars were long and harsh…
21/11/2011 at 16:18 Kandon Arc says:
And characterised by the widespread use of cruel and unusual death traps no doubt.
21/11/2011 at 16:15 Teronfel says:
“the sims 3 genarations” lol
21/11/2011 at 16:21 Kandon Arc says:
This article is ridiculous.
“in 2038, Rock, Paper, Shotgun finally stopped making the ‘foot-to-ball’ gag.”
Other predictions are reasonable but RPS will never stop making the foot-to-ball gag.
21/11/2011 at 18:21 limboing_leper says:
They better not, that’s the only reason I visit the site.
21/11/2011 at 16:54 cptgone says:
2041?
“Earth Simulator” will sell pretty well on Mars. it will help humanity’s economy recover from the bodybags sale bust.
21/11/2011 at 16:59 man-eater chimp says:
Football Manager 2042 will be a classic.
21/11/2011 at 17:23 jezcentral says:
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare: Battlefield: FIFA: The Old Republic: Witcher 3 will be better.
21/11/2011 at 17:32 Gnoupi says:
This article is ridiculous. In 2041, there won’t be any PC games. PC Gaming will be dead since 2012.
21/11/2011 at 19:36 Synesthesia says:
man, the hahahahahahahahahaahahhaaaaaargh bit never gets old.
21/11/2011 at 20:59 Shazbut says:
Is Bobby Kotick’s life all that is standing in the way of System Shock 3?
21/11/2011 at 22:36 Lord Custard Smingleigh says:
Instructions understood.
21/11/2011 at 22:42 Ryn Taylor says:
The Sims 6: Pets: Hamster With Liver Failure Edition was a great game and the Complete Collector’s Edition is worth the price, as it comes with, among other things, a carbon fiber hamster liver replica and the ability to give yourself liver failure was well to really get into the game.
However, you should splurge for the Uber Ultimate Collection if you can afford it as it comes with the medication as well.
22/11/2011 at 00:52 inteuniso says:
2011 doesn’t add up to 9 arglebargle.
that being said, Anno 2016 works just fine.
23/11/2011 at 18:42 Carra says:
I was thinking the same…